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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

I never ever thought I'd be posting in this section

65 replies

POASthreadstarter · 22/06/2021 15:13

I'm pro choice of course, but I always said I could never do it myself. That is no judgement on anyone else

But here I am. I have 3 DC and just found out I'm pregnant because of one stupid evening a few days before I was due on.

I would keep the baby and I would be the first to say 'your body, your choice' but its really not as simple as that. DH has said he will support me no matter what. He would like a 4th but when I pushed him he said he doesn't have the energy for another, we have too much going on already and the obvious problems such as only having 3 bedrooms and so keeping it wouldn't be his choice.

Our car is big enough though. We could afford it but obviously it's still a big expense that we could do without.

I know none of you can tell me what to do but I wanted to write it down.

OP posts:
ZAK3 · 01/08/2021 00:17

@POASthreadstarterI commented earlier on in the thread! I was in the exact same situation apart from I did go through with the termination , been the hardest 18 months of my life & today maybe had a huge argument that might really be the start of divorce , I have just finished 65 sessions of counselling , so basically im proof that even if you did have the abortion you would probably never be the same as a couple again! I really do feel for you these men are absoloute pricks! Not a care in the world when they are getting a shag funnily enough !!! sending hugs

saffronfreezing · 01/08/2021 00:28

It sounds like your DH would prefer not to have the baby in a perfect world. That's not really the same as wanting a termination. I wouldn't feel particularly swayed by him in this situation as your feelings are far more important.

The only thing I would say is that's a big age gap between your second and third. It might be easier to have two younger and two older.

Suzi888 · 01/08/2021 00:31

“I don't want one but is it fair to bring a child into the world that DH doesn't want but would have to support?

You didn't create that bundle of cells intentionally by yourself. It took two and now it's happened you see it as a baby.

Yes it's your body and your choice but that doesn't make it also your fault.

'Fair" doesn't really come into it. It sounds like it would not be what your DH would have chosen in theory, but it's not in theory anymore so it's a different set of choices now.”
Agree with this. Take some time, it’s ultimately your decision.

Mymapuddlington · 01/08/2021 00:43

Hi, I’ve had a termination.
I thought I’d rather regret a termination than regret a child and if I’m under 8 weeks I’ll get it done.
That was 11 years ago and I regret it every day. A baby would have been difficult but it would have been loved.
Definitely pro-choice but really think about it.

A bunk bed in each room isn’t that big a deal, lots of children share. You say dh originally said he wanted a 4th but doesn’t have the energy, I’m assuming though that you do the lions share and since your youngest is so young what difference would it really make?

Mymapuddlington · 01/08/2021 00:44

“I don't want one but is it fair to bring a child into the world that DH doesn't want but would have to support?

Is it fair to terminate a baby you might want? What would that do to you mentally and emotionally? And in turn how would that effect the children and your relationship with him, would you end up resenting him?

Guineapigbridge · 01/08/2021 04:44

ShockShockShock at your DH's behaviour! This is half his fault, he didn't get the vasectomy he said he would!! If you are on close terms with his mum, could you have a cry to her?

Guineapigbridge · 01/08/2021 04:45

If his stress is financial stress, talk to your bank. They might offer a mortgage holiday or similar.

LimeRedBanana · 01/08/2021 04:59

@POASthreadstarter

He was supposed to be getting a vasectomy from 2019 but never got round to it.
What a surprise. 🙄 x a million.
Rosiiiiie · 01/08/2021 06:01

Sorry your husband is being such a d*ck OP. Hope you have family/friend support ❤️

Original poster
POASthreadstarter · 18/08/2021 10:44

I'm nearly 14 weeks now. I've had my first scan and feel so lucky to be having another. The kids have been told and are super excited. They've been making lists of names ect. They've been really looking after me by making my breakfast in the mornings because they know how sick I've been. They have been tidying up the living room, hoovering ect I'm so lucky to have such amazing kids.

Thats where the positives end. DH has now told me he's very depressed, has been for a while but the baby has really brought it all out. He would like a few days in the house by himself to destress aparently. Now I'm going to sound awful but I'm really struggling to have much sympathy. He won't go to the doctors or get any help, and when I had pnd, I had zero sympathy from him.i had to just get on with it. I found help myself and I'm now a different person. I never once took out my depression on the kids even though I was struggling to cope. He is awful to the kids and just doesn't want them around. They aren't allowed to make noise or run about or play without him getting annoyed and shouting at them. He literally has zero patience. The kids are constantly making comments to me about 'daddy being in a mood again'. Dd even asked me why DH was annoyed with me a few weeks ago.

About a week or 2 ago, I asked DH to leave because I couldn't taje it anymore. I don't want tk walk on egg shells anymore. He basically refused and said he would try harder. Which lasted about a week. Now things are worse than ever.

OP posts:
Guineapigbridge · 18/08/2021 17:09

So give him a weeks break on the condition that he's seen a doctor first and has a plan for his mental health.
You need his head straight before the baby comes.
If a week is what he needs, so be it.

ChiaraRimini · 18/08/2021 20:45

So sorry OP. For what it's worth if your DP
was going to flake out on you like this, he probably would have done at some point despite the pregnancy

Original poster
POASthreadstarter · 18/08/2021 20:51

I don't have anywhere to go though. And I think it might just be an excuse anyway.

Firstly he said he needed time to himself so I suggested he went to stay with one of his many family members who live close to us. He said he didn't want anyone to know. Fair enough, so I said what about a hotel, but he said he wanted to be in his own house. So I suggested I go and stay in a hotel but he says it's a waste of money. I can't win. Every solution I come up with he has a reason why it's not a good idea.

He has come home on a weirdly good mood tonight.

OP posts:
Marty13 · 06/09/2021 01:19

Hey OP. Sounds like your husband is showing his true colours. Asking YOU to leave with the kids !! Angry If he wants alone time he can leave or suck it up.

I'd ask him to leave tbh, considering everything you said about him. And ask for a divorce.

Best of luck !

AngelDelightUk · 07/09/2021 04:10

How’s it all going OP?

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