Just found out I’m 18 weeks pregnant, OH demanding an abortion.

[Leavingforgood1]

We have 3 dcs, I was on the mini pill (which I took religiously). Anyway I just took a test last week not thinking much of it and it came up positive. After having next to no period since our daughter was born in March 2020 I didn’t find the lack of period out of the ordinary. I booked a private scan to see how far along I was (expecting to be quite early) and to my shock I am 18 weeks pregnant. Strong heartbeat etc. The midwife said as I have an anterior placenta that’s the reason I haven’t felt movements etc. The minute we got home I threw up ( I think it was the shock of it). Anyway OH is demanding an abortion now, and saying we have until 24 weeks to do so! I am very much against late term abortions. He’s adamant and is saying he’ll leave if I keep it. My heads scrambled and I just want to curl up in a ball!

He's being a dick. Hopefully the shock will wear off and he'll make serious and grovelling apologies for being so heartless towards you.

In the meantime, prioritise yourself. Don't spend any time cooking, cleaning, organising or anything else for him. He doesn't get to behave like this and have you do normal "wife work". I'd also make sure he's spending 50% of his time with your kids, so he realises he's not going to just walk off and be free of burdens. What does he think will happen: he'll spend every other weekend with his three kids and never see his fourth? He's not thinking straight. No harm in realigning his view on reality.

Unfortunately now that he’s shown you this side of him there is no going back. Even if he changes his mind you’ll remember this forever.

Think you’ve got some pretty big decisions to make

Oh op. What a shock. I can't believe your dh is being so heartless. I have nothing to add apart from to give you all the strength to carry on x

@Leavingforgood1

I have pointed out to him that I had done my bit by taking contraception and he should’ve been responsible for his own.

Exactly this. You couldn't have done more. It's his own fault, if anybody's.

Oh OP, I also am completely pro choice, but couldn't do it at 18 weeks unless for a medical reason. I think as pp's have said, he's behaving terribly.

If you keep the baby, he might go, if he forces you into a termination then that'll likely be the end of the relationship too. Let him go if he wants to, but please don't be forced into a termination against your wishes

Your DP is being completely unreasonable. He had sex with you, therefore he accepts the risk that a baby might be the result.

My DH and I agreed that once we were living together/married that I would not have an abortion other than for medical reasons.

I’m afraid that you might have to go it alone from now on, but I think that would be preferable to being forced into an abortion you don’t want. Thank goodness you have a supportive family.

He is being so unreasonable blaming you for this situation. All of The Blame is yours?!

Id tell him that you would prefer he showed decency, but if he wants to leave and have the children every weeken, he can do that.

He thinks he has the option to skip off! Well nobody has figured out a way to stop men doing that yet but ask him how he sees the division of childcare if he does leave

Your body, your choice.

I’m absolutely pro life but I couldn’t do this. Your husband clearly doesn’t understand the physical implications for you and I think maybe he needs the reality made clear. I’m so sorry you’re going through this @Leavingforgood1

I have shown him yes and explained that it will be killing a fully formed baby with a gender etc. He’s just adamant on this

If he knows what you'd have to go through and still wants you to go through with it, I think I'd be asking him to pack his bag.

People often say odd things when they are in shock but to continue insisting you have an abortion when he knows what's involved, well let's just say I could not live with a man who thought like that. I am absolutely pro-choice but it's your choice not his.

I have a lot of support from family and friends. I am leaving it up to him now. He can either get on board now or leave.

OP.... I'm so sorry to hear this but glad you have support in real life from others. Hopefully it's just the shock and he will come around. I pressume he has booked himself in for the snip as so adamantly against another child... Much less of a procedure to what he is asking of you..

Good for you OP

I think that's a good attitude to have op. I hope he comes round and treats you with more respect and compassion in future

Good d3cision OP

I have a lot of support from family and friends. I am leaving it up to him now. He can either get on board now or leave. well done for deciding what you want and not being bullied.

Agree with Happy. If he's do adamant that he didn't want another he should have had the snip already.

Hi op hope your feeling a bit better today x

How are you getting on OP? xx