Just found out I’m 18 weeks pregnant, OH demanding an abortion.

[Leavingforgood1]

We have 3 dcs, I was on the mini pill (which I took religiously). Anyway I just took a test last week not thinking much of it and it came up positive. After having next to no period since our daughter was born in March 2020 I didn’t find the lack of period out of the ordinary. I booked a private scan to see how far along I was (expecting to be quite early) and to my shock I am 18 weeks pregnant. Strong heartbeat etc. The midwife said as I have an anterior placenta that’s the reason I haven’t felt movements etc. The minute we got home I threw up ( I think it was the shock of it). Anyway OH is demanding an abortion now, and saying we have until 24 weeks to do so! I am very much against late term abortions. He’s adamant and is saying he’ll leave if I keep it. My heads scrambled and I just want to curl up in a ball!

Bless you ..such an awful situation. Realistically you will be 20 weeks if you go ahead with abortion. I couldn’t do it but it is your choice...not his ! 💐

He has no concept of partnership or support, you had sex with him in a trusting relationship and unfortunately biology has overruled your contraception wishes. Whatever your decision will be I don't know how you could ever trust him or have sex with him again.

@Lovelydiscusfish

You poor thing - what a situation! But listen, your body, your choice. He gets to “demand” Jack shit.

What was your relationship like before this - is being so unsympathetic out of character for him? I’m just wondering if he is maybe in a bit of shock. (Not saying this defends his actions at all - but might he snap out of it?)

I think it's highly likely both OP and her OH will be in considerable shock right now and certainly not acting in their usual manner.

As a pp put I bet he has no idea what he's asking. Probably thinks you take a pill and it's over. He needs to understand what he's asking of you.

Then once you're sure he understands, if he still wants you to do it, and is trying to push you, he's a horrible man.

He needs to understand exactly what he's proposing for you here. You are very far along for abortion where there are no medical concerns. You don't want to do it so don't. I don't know how you could come back from it anyway. Choose your children over him.

After I’ve read what an abortion at 20 weeks entails, I definitely can not and will not have one. After having 3 babies previously that I absolutely love with my all heart and whom I fell In love with the second I saw them I can’t even fathom killing my own child.

How awful. I"m pro-choice as well but it's a difficult decision at 18 weeks.

I think the fact we have 3 dcs already and are engaged, obviously live together etc makes me resent him even more!

After I’ve read what an abortion at 20 weeks entails, I definitely can not and will not have one. After having 3 babies previously that I absolutely love with my all heart and whom I fell In love with the second I saw them I can’t even fathom killing my own child.

Has he had a look as well?

I’m totally pro choice but it’s your choice no one else’s. Get him to read what it actually involves and see if he still wants you to go ahead with it.

I couldn't do it at 18 weeks. By the time you have an abortion you'll be half way through your pregnancy. I'd think it will be a traumatic experience for you and I'd hate/resent dh for making me do it if it were me so we would probably end up splitting up anyway. There may be a chance of him coming round to the idea but be prepared to do it alone

@BunnyRuddington

After I’ve read what an abortion at 20 weeks entails, I definitely can not and will not have one. After having 3 babies previously that I absolutely love with my all heart and whom I fell In love with the second I saw them I can’t even fathom killing my own child.

Has he had a look as well?

I have shown him yes and explained that it will be killing a fully formed baby with a gender etc. He’s just adamant on this.

Oh OP I agree with you - I know couldn’t do it as the baby has no medical issues and is very close to being able to survive outside the womb. I can’t imagine what a shock it’s been for you both. He can’t demand anything. I really think you need to kind of spend time absorbing it and then decide what’s the right thing for you long term. I get the feeling you know you’ll have the baby.

It’s really unfair and horrible of him to demand an abortion but a huge shock for you both.

This is distressing OP but he needs to know babies have survived at less than 24 weeks. Just because it's legal doesn't make it the same as 8 weeks. I'm pro choice but he can't expect this of you.

Op he's still in shock as are you and he's acting completely disgustingly but maybe when the shock has worn off he might actually be able to think clearly. I'm so sorry for you op

@Doyoumind

This is distressing OP but he needs to know babies have survived at less than 24 weeks. Just because it's legal doesn't make it the same as 8 weeks. I'm pro choice but he can't expect this of you.

I too am pro choice, but at this late stage I think it’s a horrible horrible procedure x

Op you need to point him in the direction of the door

Congrats on your pregnancy

I am extremely lucky to have very supportive family and friends. My mother is absolutely disgusted in him and she can’t believe he’s acting this way.

It is really concerning that he could ask this of you and refuse to engage with your concerns. I’m sorry OP, he seems to not be who you thought he was.

How old are your other children?

Is he usually a bastard? He doesnt get to tell you to have an abortion that you dont want and he isnt going to have to go through having a baby (that in a few weeks time could realistically survive if born) aborted from his body. Presumably you're "pro choice" OP and you've made your choice so "D"H can put his big boy pants on because if he could take them off to make the baby he needs to look after the child hes helped make. He might just be in shock but if he is it still is a serious red flag that he thought it was ok to ask you to do this. Look after yourself OP. You want your baby and you didnt make it yourself. Do you have family and friends around? Itll be really hard with three children and a baby on the way but your "D"H is like another child having a tantrum and if he isnt going to look after his wife its him I'd be kicking to the curb not the baby and he can see how he likes having four children by himself on his contact time, you poor thing OP what a prince you've got there, look after yourself and your children until he picks his toys up.

Unfortunately he’s acting so curel

Sounds like you'll hate him if you abort for him so either way the relationship is in trouble. Having an abortion will not save the relationship and it sounds like it would leave you traumatised. Do what is best for you not him. If he was so adamant about no more kids he could have had the snip. His choice.

I have pointed out to him that I had done my bit by taking contraception and he should’ve been responsible for his own.