Just found out I’m 18 weeks pregnant, OH demanding an abortion.

[Leavingforgood1]

We have 3 dcs, I was on the mini pill (which I took religiously). Anyway I just took a test last week not thinking much of it and it came up positive. After having next to no period since our daughter was born in March 2020 I didn’t find the lack of period out of the ordinary. I booked a private scan to see how far along I was (expecting to be quite early) and to my shock I am 18 weeks pregnant. Strong heartbeat etc. The midwife said as I have an anterior placenta that’s the reason I haven’t felt movements etc. The minute we got home I threw up ( I think it was the shock of it). Anyway OH is demanding an abortion now, and saying we have until 24 weeks to do so! I am very much against late term abortions. He’s adamant and is saying he’ll leave if I keep it. My heads scrambled and I just want to curl up in a ball!

If you want to keep the baby, then keep it. Don’t let him pressure you into an abortion you don’t want.

Oh lord, what a shock. Hopefully that’s causing your husband to react so strongly.

I’m absolutely pro-choice but I’m not sure I could have a late term termination unless it was for medical reasons. Does he realise how distressing it could be for you, if it’s not truly what you want?

Don’t let him railroad you in to this if it’s not what you want.

Please don't let him force you into a termination, 18 weeks is quite far along and would be very traumatic to give birth at this stage. I'm not anti abortion, I went through one recently at 6 weeks. In your situation I'd tell him to leave and concentrate on bringing a sibling into the world for your DC.

I'm assuming you've only found it very recently, so the first thing to do is to allow time for both of you to calm down and get over the shock before you try to talk about this. How is your OH usually?

How would a 4th child fit in with your current set up? Do you have the room, the capacity? How would it affect your current children?

If you keep the baby, he'll leave.

If you end the pregnancy when you don't want to you'll end up resenting him and eventually he'll leave.

In either scenario, he's gone.

If you want the baby, keep the baby. He gets absolute say in the matter and he's shown himself up to be an utter tool by trying to pressure you into it against your wishes.

Just breathe. This is 100% your decision. The mini pill (and indeed no contraception) totally effective. I'm sure your DH knows this.

In knowing this he still dtd with you and as such took the risk you may end up pregnant. But it's your body. 18 weeks would be a late abortion, and it might be traumatic for you. Men don't seem to process this side of things. Also the resentment you may feel if you have an abortion "for" your DH.
Give him some time I'm sure it's a huge shock to him.

*found out!

Oh my dear. What a shock for you. First take a deep breath. Don't rush into anything. Think about you and what you want going forward. If it came to it....would you be prepared to go it alone?

My heart goes out to you. I have 3 and my husband would die if I said I was PG. But 18 weeks is a long way through a PG. I know what I would do....but that doesn't help you.

I’m absolutely pro-choice but I’m not sure I could have a late term termination unless it was for medical reasons. Does he realise how distressing it could be for you, if it’s not truly what you want?

Agree with this 100%.

Your choice, no buts. All sex by the unsterilised carries a risk of pregnancy, no contraception is 100%. Your 'partner' should have realised this. A tantrum does not change that.

Two separate decisions - do you want another child? Do you want to stay in this relationship?

I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

It must be your choice. He seems to think that if you have an abortion then everything will magically go back to how it was before, but that will never be the case. Really sorry you’re in this position OP,

What a massive shock!

He can’t “demand” anything.

I’m 100% pro choice, I personally would struggle to have an abortion that late on though.

Please don’t let him pressure you

I definitely didn’t want another baby but 18 weeks is too far along for me to justify, if I was under 10 weeks I would probably have an abortion. But I’m not and I’m so shocked he’s being quite cold and heartless towards the situation!

I think for some men it's just a word. Abortion at this point is basically labouring and birthing - I couldn't do at 18 weeks either. I'm sorry you're in this position.

Realistically 18 weeks now, it will be another week or two to make a decision and book, so you are looking at a termination at 19-20 weeks. I don't think I could do that.

So sorry you aren't getting the support from your dh you need. Do you have someone in rl to support you?

Maybe suggest he go and reads up on later term abortion. He probably thinks you take a pill and it's like a heavy period. He may have no idea of what he is asking.

I think your relationship is over either which way, so the only question here is whether you are having the baby or not. And, as you seem to be saying that you cannot have an abortion then I think you are.

Congratulations on your baby

Sorry you are going through this. I personally couldn't go through with an abortion at that stage. You definitely can't have an abortion unless it's 100% what YOU want. You will hate him forever otherwise. I would be keeping the baby and never having sex with him ever again.

As you're not married, what's your financial situation like?
Who owns your home etc?

I'm sorry for the situation your in . I'm proabortion but not in this scenario, this baby is 40 days off being able to survive outside the womb! It's a baby with a gender that in normal circumstances you would feel kick only for the location of the uterus. I know this is so overwhelming op but what do YOU want?

Oh bless you what a shock. I’m pro choice but agree with you that at this stage I couldn’t do it (you’d be giving birth and you’ll likely be 20 weeks). Plus you’re youngest is only one, I know that’s going to make it hard but in many respects it makes it easier, eg it’s not like you’re going back into that stage etc

@FoxyTheFox

If you keep the baby, he'll leave.

If you end the pregnancy when you don't want to you'll end up resenting him and eventually he'll leave.

In either scenario, he's gone.

If you want the baby, keep the baby. He gets absolute say in the matter and he's shown himself up to be an utter tool by trying to pressure you into it against your wishes.

Came here to say this.

Good luck OP

Good point from another PP about getting your husband to read up on what involves

Abortion at 18 weeks would be highly traumatic. Does he realise the full extent of what it would involve? I can't believe he is being so unsupportive. Hopefully it is just shock and he will come to his senses. If not, ltb.

You poor thing - what a situation! But listen, your body, your choice. He gets to “demand” Jack shit.

What was your relationship like before this - is being so unsympathetic out of character for him? I’m just wondering if he is maybe in a bit of shock. (Not saying this defends his actions at all - but might he snap out of it?)