Surgical abortion

[blackkat97]

Hi I was wondering who has had a surgical termination?

How long was the recovery process?
How long after did you wait to have sex?
Have you had trouble conceiving since?
Did it have a bad effect on hr mental health?? Thank you

@Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou @ChickaboomZoom @glassshoes

I don't have anyone I can talk to in real life , my friends and family all know I'm pregnant and they're all so happy so i can't tell them I'm considering termination.

In a way I am happy to as I've always wanted to be a mum, I've always wanted a son but not in this situation.

They're possiblle 2 dads of different ethnicities, none of them want to know even if he is theirs. I am capable of being a single mum specially with all the support I have but I just hate this whole situation I have got myself into.

I'm scared if I get rid of him I'll regret it and my mental health will go bad again, I'm scared I wouldn't be able to conceive again after but I'm also scared that no one will ever love me and my son and I'll be alone forever

@blackkat97 I had an abortion when I was 19. This was 4 years ago. Just giving my honest opinion, it was the worst thing I ever went through in my life... I regretted it ever since. And I'm now pregnant again, I'm also 17 weeks on Saturday...

Don't ever think you can't do it, or it's not what you want because of financial problems, being too young, wanting to live your life and still party etc... your life isn't over just because you're pregnant.

This isn't me being rude at all. I just learnt all of this the hard way, I put up a wall and didn't fully connect myself to the situation it was only after I realized what I had done and the guilt ate away at me so bad that we've been trying to conceive ever since. Talk to people, get advice. You are not alone and whatever decision you make is ok, everyone will accept it.

Again this isn't me being rude, after my experience I am pro life and to think were the same gestation right now, and to see what I've seen on the scans, it breaks my heart that anyone would consider this but I understand everyone's at a different time in their lives. But please, if you have any questions, feel free to ask xxx

@blackkat97 and also you can do a DNA test in unborn babies. You only need mouth swabs from potential fathers, my friend did this I can link you the website if needed x

@NewMum2021x
Thank you so much I really appreciate your reply!
I think I'm disconnecting myself from the situation as if im trying to forget I'm pregnant

I think I may go to the appointment on Friday and talk to them first and see what they say?

Also I don't think I'll need a dna as one potential dad is Caucasian and the other is black🤷🏻‍♀️

Congratulations on your pregnancy I hope everything goes well 💙💙

@blackkat97 that's ok. Just do not feel alone at all. I wish I had someone tell me that everything was going to be ok! And that no matter what you could do it.

Just try and connect yourself to you, and your son. And if this isn't right for you then do what you need to do but don't act without thinking. I wouldn't wish the guilt I felt on anyone. But everyone is different so just follow your instincts and update us all. Hope you're ok! and thanks so much 🤍

@blackkat97

My sister has a friend in a slightly similar situation. She fell pregnant and there are 3 potential dads, different ethnicities, and none of them are interested. She is also bi-polar and struggles with her mental health and was concerned that her medication would have impacted the baby so she was going to terminate but changed her mind when she found out the baby was a girl. Now she’s about as far along as you are and she’s decided she doesn’t want to ever know who the dad is and she won’t do any tests. She’s given the baby a name and is happy and looking to the future. If the potential dads don’t want to know it’s their loss! Wouldn’t want you to terminate because of some deadbeat guys.

Also I was a single mum to 3 (one with special needs) and I met an amazing man when my youngest at the time was only 1. We’ve been together now for almost 8 years and have a baby of our own. Being a single mum doesn’t mean you won’t find true love! There is 100% someone out there who will adore you and your son. Maybe consider having your son and then focusing on your little family together and try not to make future worries or the opinions of others upset you. You sound strong and with a good head on your shoulders so I get a sense you will be ok either way! 💕

It sounds like as you say you are happy to have a son and feel well supported to be a single mum at present, but it is the situation that is difficult in particular for you.

Is this relating to the fathers of the babies being uncertain?

I would agree with posts above not to make this decision only on the fathers or lack thereof. It sounds like there are other positives to you having a baby, and that you already feel you will regret terminating.

Nobody knows what the future holds with any partner. It sounds like you feel yourself you are well equipped to be a single parent. You can make that decision knowing already that the fathers aren't going to be involved, rather than this being a later problem.

I think take your time OP. You are 16 weeks I get, but better to make a decision you feel comfortable with, even if it take a few more weeks to get there, rather than one you feel you will regret. It is your decision of course but you really would need to be absolutely certain, which it sounds like you aren't.

I think I'm going through with the termination

I can not tell my family as they are all so happy for me so I need to say I've lost him.

How do I do this? I've never had a misscarriage idk what happens

@glassshoes @ChickaboomZoom @NewMum2021x @Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou @skidadle @shhsecretsquirrel @EpicDay @MartiniDry @zenasfuck

Hi @blackkat97 I’m so sorry you are going through this. Please don’t feel alone. You are taking on so much extra pressure and responsibility by keeping your thoughts to yourself and trying to deal with it mostly alone.. it’s good that you are posting here and I agree with those who have said that you have to be sure of your decision. Don’t feel rushed into anything for tomorrow just because you are feeling time pressure. It’s better to have waited another week or two to be more confident in your decision. Either way will be hard and it’s a horrible situation to be in I sympathise greatly. I would urge you to speak to counsellors via the clinic if you can- phone them today ahead of the appointment. They are totally independent, professional and will not judge you nor try to influence your decision one way or another. Talking about it to someone trained and impartial may help give you a sounding board. It may also show that you wouldn’t be ready for tomorrow. If you are in too much distress or are uncertain they will not go ahead with the procedure, and this is to protect you and your mental health as the clinic are about reproductive choices- it may not always be the right choice for you to have a termination and if they are unsure you won’t regret it they will ask you to come back another day. That’s what they did with me. You may also find that if you did confide in a trusted friend or family member, they will surprise you with how supportive they will be. Yes they would probably be shocked at first and may have their own thoughts on the matter, but if they truly love you, and I know they will do, they will only have your best interests and happiness at heart. They will listen to your concerns and feelings and talk them through with you. It may take you more time to be sure of what you want to do either way. It’s also natural for women with planned pregnancies or much wanted babies to feel overwhelmed and have fears and doubts. It’s about you, how you feel about your life and your future and if you want and see a child in it right now. Can you be emotionally strong and resilient for that child and dig deep when it gets tough? It sounds like you have a huge support network around you which I didn’t have so that is of such great help to you. Imagine yourself making each decision, visualise how you think you may feel/act in both the short term and long term with either choice. How old are you? There’s no evidence that abortions adversely effect your chance of conceiving at a later date when you may feel more ready and settled, so don’t worry about that. You at least know now that you Can get pregnant. But if time is running out that complicates things more, and depending on how badly you want children in the future maybe you would give less weight to your circumstances in your decision making. Whichever route you go, it is your path and you will make the right decision for you. Once you make it, and stick to it, everything else will fall into place. There will be huge emotions either way, no route is easier than the other, but one will probably deep inside if you actually listen to yourself and what your gut is telling you, one will feel like it’s the way you should proceed right now. Maybe get out for a long walk, in nature if you can, take in the fresh air and just let whatever thoughts come to your mind come. You may find that you have a clearer mind afterwards. If not, there’s no obligation to go tomorrow or go through with anything even if you do go. I wish you all the best of luck in whatever you decide and keep posting, I know how intensely conflicted and painful this time can be. You will be okay OP xxx

Neither choice is easy for you and I really sympathise, make this decision yours alone
Even if people around you are happy for you, do they know your real circumstances? This is your life to live, single motherhood will be tough but on the other hand you live without what could of been, regret may be hard to live with.
I hope you have someone in rl to confide in.

@blackkat97 I'm so sorry you feel you can't keep the baby. This is such an hard decision for you and you have to do what's right for you. You really need to make sure you are 100% sure it's what you want to do cos once the termination has happened there is no turning back and the regret you may feel afterwards is awful and will stay with you for a very long time.
Please think carefully, go to your appointment tomorrow and speak with them tell them how you really feel. I know if your not 100% sure they won't go ahead with the termination they will tell you to have a few more days to think about it but the longer you leave it the harder it will be.

I've had both a medical termination and miscarriage the procedure is basically the same. My miscarriage I started spitting went for a scan and found no heart beat I had to go back a couple of days later for the vaginal pessaries which helped the failed pregnancy come away.
My termination was the same except I had to take a pill a few days before to stop the pregnancy progressing.
Both were equally heartbreaking as I wanted both babies.

I feel feel for you it's such an hard choice to make. Good luck

It's really strange I've come around this today as for the first time in a very long time I was thinking about my surgical abortion.

I was 19 in a crap relationship, lived at home, wasn't particularly happy with my life and thought there is no way I'm going to be able to do this.

I was about 11/12 weeks when I went through with the abortion. I can't remember it could have been earlier. I remember going straight home to my bedroom and sleeping for days after.

Today (20 years later) I was reflecting on how old she would have been and how different my life would have been. I would have had a 20 year old daughter! Maybe a best friend. I don't know. Btw I never found out whether it was a boy or a girl but I always thought it was a girl.

I partied through my 20s whilst doing a Masters and working. Maybe if I had my baby I would have partied less and focused on changing my life for the better. I do give myself a hard time.

I don't know my reason for telling you this. Maybe just to give you insight to another persons experience.

Look after yourself OP. You're important.

[quote blackkat97]**@Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou* @ChickaboomZoom* @glassshoes

I don't have anyone I can talk to in real life , my friends and family all know I'm pregnant and they're all so happy so i can't tell them I'm considering termination.

In a way I am happy to as I've always wanted to be a mum, I've always wanted a son but not in this situation.

They're possiblle 2 dads of different ethnicities, none of them want to know even if he is theirs. I am capable of being a single mum specially with all the support I have but I just hate this whole situation I have got myself into.

I'm scared if I get rid of him I'll regret it and my mental health will go bad again, I'm scared I wouldn't be able to conceive again after but I'm also scared that no one will ever love me and my son and I'll be alone forever [/quote]
You will never be alone. You would have your baby.

I have a DS now and if anything it makes me not need a relationship as I have my little sidekick in life.

Your body, your choice though x

Also I remember thinking I didn't want the bf I was with at the time being in my life forever (he was very controlling).

Perhaps if he had disappeared I would have felt like I could have continued with the pregnancy.

So my reason for the termination was mainly due to who the father was.

My friend simply told family she had miscarried, was far easier, I think only we and her husband knew they aborted (due to downs.) nobody guessed as far as I'm aware.

As to the recovery, I had one at 12 weeks and was back at work the following day.

You shouldn’t lie to people about it.

@RoosterTheRoost

Yes Ino I shouldn't and I feel bad but I can't face the judgment

@RoosterTheRoost why shouldn't see lie to people about it??? It's her body and her choice it has nothing to do with anyone else. She can tell them what she likes!

@movingonup20 did you conceive again after x

@Bumblebee1980a was you okay conceiving after x

OP I had a surgical abortion 11 years ago at 7+4 and conceived again

@blackkat97

I had a surgical termination when I was 21 (6 weeks along) and went on to conceive at least 8 more times resulting in 4 babies, 3 miscarriages and 1 termination last year.

@Firegirl35 @ChickaboomZoom did it take a while
?

I am only 24 this year but I've just never got pregnant before with my ex who I was with for 5 years and I slept with 2 people 1 time and now I'm in this position

I really want to try again with my ex and have a family with him that we always wanted but

I had a surgical termination of a very high risk multiple pregnancy at ten weeks under conscious sedation.

The procedure was very quick and didn't hurt. I was literally in and out in five minutes for that part, although I had to have a pessary two hours before. I had maybe twenty minutes in the recovery room, then dressed and was on my way. I spent the next day in bed, but tbh I could have been up and about without trouble - I felt fine. I'd say I bled on and off for about seven to ten days afterwards, manageably and painlessly. We had sex again maybe ten days to two weeks after? - I forget, we followed whatever instructions we got but we had no issues. I conceived a healthy singleton pregnancy within a few months.

I was sad about it, and I had to grieve it. But it didn't affect my mental health in any significant way, no. I look back and know it was the right decision.

Wishing you the best. It is your life and your choice. It's up to you what you tell people, but you can simply tell them you started bleeding, went to hospital and had a late miscarriage if you don't feel you can tell them the truth. Nobody is likely to ask you the details.