Abortion - frightened

[vivian87]

Long post - please no judgement

I am currently 5 weeks pregnant - it was unplanned and we were using protection. We have a 7 month old already.

I am devastated that this has happened - I had terrible PND after delivery and I’m only just starting to feel better in myself - I'm eating healthily and starting to work out. I’m now enjoying every second of being a mum. My body is still a bit of a mess post pregnancy and I can’t imagine what it would be like during another pregnancy. I’ve not even gone back to work yet and I feel I wouldn’t be able to cope with a potential newborn and a 14 month old.

Me and my husband have decided we aren’t ready for a 2nd child and we both have no feelings of happiness or excitement about having another baby just now. I guess the only good thing would be they would be so close in age and it would be our last child but I would be worried about getting PND again when I’ve only just started to feel normal again/physically and mentally not be able to cope.

So we have decided to go down the termination path - as much as it breaks our hearts. I never wanted to ever have an abortion but I just dread being pregnant again so soon and not being able to go back to work for a long period.

I am absolutely terrified of what this choice will entail- I am booked to have a phone consultation next Monday (due to Covid) and should be able to pick up the medication the following afternoon. I am so scared of terminating at home and I’m so worried about the potential pain and all the bleeding/clots/mass - I really don’t want to see anything and forever have that memory- I will be just over 6 weeks so I’m expecting something like a very heavy/crampy period and I’m hoping the feeling of relief will be there once it’s all over.

Please can someone tell me they had the feeling of relief afterwards and is it really painful/traumatic? Any words of advice would be so appreciated- thank you

The clinic nurse phoned me this morning - I told her about the sickness and she reckons it’s probably just the aftermath of the tablets. Bleeding has definitely settled down - she said I should bleed for at least 4 days, am a bit worried now it’s gotten lighter and only on wiping I see blood - keep reading all these horror stories about people still being pregnant !! I’m 100% sure the pregnancy passed otherwise god knows what it was?! You just can’t help but worry

Yeah it can come and go! It is a process that can be a lot different to what you expect

@Reallyneeedhelp @Needingsupportplease when have you been told to do a repeat pregnancy test?

14 days after. They’ve given me a different type of hpt (and I’ve tried many) but this one has three lines or something. I suspected they are higher hormone because she said clear blue may show positive still at that point

Yeah they said the test they’ve given me can only pick up a really high reading of HCG I think anything above 1000 whereas a clearblue/first response picks up above a level of 25

Ooooft I didn’t expect it to be that high!

How are you feeling today Vivian?

It’ll be a week tomorrow since I took the first tablet and I have had really really little bleeding today. I didn’t expect that so soon.

I have put 4 tablets in vaginally and I know I need to put 2 remaining tablets in 3-4 hours later. Can I still do it in vaginally if I start to bleed?? Don't want to put two in my mouth! Would be grateful for the help thank

@debbiejh I don’t think you’re advised to x

@Reallyneeedhelp am doing well thanks - still a little bit sicky in the mornings so think the pregnancy hormones are still hanging about. That’s good your bleeding is so little now - mine got lighter and now it’s really heavy again. I did get warned it might stop and start. Just trying to get back to normal life (well as normal as it was with the Covid!) I don’t have any regrets so far, am a little sad but don’t have any “why did I do that” thoughts. How are you feeling?

@debbiejh Can I still do it in vaginally if I start to bleed??

No it can make them ineffective so it has to be orally .

If you feel you’ve passed the pregnancy during the 4 hours of taking the 4 tablets you also don’t need to take the last two.

@vivian87 I am a bit mixed - just more frustrated I got myself in this position. I am sad, yesterday I was very irrational.