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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Abortion - frightened

61 replies

vivian87 · 14/04/2020 19:43

Long post - please no judgement

I am currently 5 weeks pregnant - it was unplanned and we were using protection. We have a 7 month old already.

I am devastated that this has happened - I had terrible PND after delivery and I’m only just starting to feel better in myself - I'm eating healthily and starting to work out. I’m now enjoying every second of being a mum. My body is still a bit of a mess post pregnancy and I can’t imagine what it would be like during another pregnancy. I’ve not even gone back to work yet and I feel I wouldn’t be able to cope with a potential newborn and a 14 month old.

Me and my husband have decided we aren’t ready for a 2nd child and we both have no feelings of happiness or excitement about having another baby just now. I guess the only good thing would be they would be so close in age and it would be our last child but I would be worried about getting PND again when I’ve only just started to feel normal again/physically and mentally not be able to cope.

So we have decided to go down the termination path - as much as it breaks our hearts. I never wanted to ever have an abortion but I just dread being pregnant again so soon and not being able to go back to work for a long period.

I am absolutely terrified of what this choice will entail- I am booked to have a phone consultation next Monday (due to Covid) and should be able to pick up the medication the following afternoon. I am so scared of terminating at home and I’m so worried about the potential pain and all the bleeding/clots/mass - I really don’t want to see anything and forever have that memory- I will be just over 6 weeks so I’m expecting something like a very heavy/crampy period and I’m hoping the feeling of relief will be there once it’s all over.

Please can someone tell me they had the feeling of relief afterwards and is it really painful/traumatic? Any words of advice would be so appreciated- thank you

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 15/04/2020 04:57

Have you been offered counselling? I think it's vital that you have some.

Nobody could EVER judge you for wanting to terminate. Don't feel any worry about that.

But I do worry that you mention it breaking your heart...to have an abortion.

I don't know if that's right.

Mammyloveswine · 15/04/2020 05:13

Ah op didn't want to read and run.

I had a termination at just short of 6 weeks, it was physically harder then I thought it would be (really painful cramps) but with a hot water bottle and paracetamol it was manageable.

Mentally I blocked it out, drank a bit too much but I know I made the right decision and don't regret it at all.

Be kind to yourself

MotherOfAllNameChanges · 15/04/2020 05:17

Yes be kind to yourself X

MotherOfAllNameChanges · 15/04/2020 05:50

Sent you a message @vivian87

CtrlU · 15/04/2020 05:53

I would advise you really think it through OP

Honestly if I were in your situation I would just continue the pregnancy. Sure it’s going to be challenging but the reality is it won’t be anymore challenging than with 1 child. I personally would have preferred to have children closer together than spread apart.

I had my son and then a few months after I found myself pregnant again. My son was born with some health problems so when I found out I was pregnant my immediate reaction was I can’t do this and I need to terminate. I can’t manage with 2. I terminated and although I still don’t ‘regret’ it - I would be lying if I said I don’t often think about how life would be if I had chose to continue the pregnancy. It would have been hard yes but the reality is I think I would have managed and at least I’ve done the hard bit all at once - and because Im back at work now full time, my child’s in school full time - I feel like although I would love to have another one, it feels like I would be going back to square 1 again in some aspect. If you get what I mean

The abortion itself I remember being ok at the time - I had to be put to sleep and I had the vacuum suction. I woke up feeling refreshed honestly and even took myself home with no pain, minimal bleeding, and like I said I felt like I had just had a nap.
The real nightmare started in the evening of that day though. I can honestly say I can only describe the pain as I felt like I was dying - and the sad thing is a part of me was . I was in the most pain I’ve ever been in - seriously, I had to even get my partner to lift me to my bed and even then I couldn’t sleep or lay down. I just curled in a ball screaming and in agony. The pain was from about 5pm until I cried myself to sleep on my bedroom floor and then by the morning I would feel great. But strange enough the pain would return every evening for the next 6 nights. However every night it seemed to be slightly less painful than the previous. I was also bleeding a lot but again everyday it seemed less and less. I don’t want to scare you at all but I honestly wanted to give my personal experience. Like I said - I don’t regret what I did at all as I was the best decision I felt was right for me at the time. However I do feel like if I knew then what I know now - I would have continued my pregnancy for sure.

My SIL has had a termination and said it wasn’t painful and didn’t experience any issues.

Good luck with whatever your decision OP. I will just leave it at this;

Give it time, think about your decision properly and really weigh up the pro’s and con’s. Would life REALLY be that much different if you had another child ?

ColdCottage · 15/04/2020 06:07

Please be kind to yourself and trust yourself. I had to have the tablets for a missed miscarriage a few years ago around 6 weeks. I took two paracetamol on top of the suppository extra strong ibuprofen type medication (ask about this) and had a hot bath when it started to hurt. When i started to bleed I sat on the loo for a few hours and then it was all over. The pain wasn't that bad, I was really scared it would be.

I think from reading your reasons they sound very sound and sensible.

Be gentle on yourself. Snuggle your baby (I have a 7 month old too right now and would do the same thing), take comfort and support from your husband💐

Original poster

vivian87 · 15/04/2020 11:03

Thank you everyone so much for your replies - Feel so much more reassured and calm. It’s going to be horrible but I know it’s the right thing for me and my family.

OP posts:

Thesheerrelief · 15/04/2020 14:55

No advice but just wanted to say I'm in a similar position myself. Found out I'm pregnant yesterday and about to end a relationship that really isn't working.

ChateauMargaux · 15/04/2020 15:04

If you can, find some support to help you through this, I have no idea what will be offered through the phone service but take anything that is offered and if you can afford it and you think it would be helpful, external private counselling might be useful. If you can, and you think it would be helpful, get your husband involved and allow him to shoulder the burden too. Get prepared with pain killers, disposable underwear, pads, etc and be prepared to allow your husband to just wrap it all up and dispose of it, if that makes sense to you. Forgive yourself, know that you are making the right choice for your family, bath yourselves in love for the family you have and allow yourselves to be open to the opportunity to have another child in the future. This may all sound like psychobabble but can be useful to have these conscious thoughts to come back to when your mind wanders off on it's own. Take courage from positive stories on here and take strength from online support when real life support is difficult right now.

debbiejh · 15/04/2020 19:56

I found out that I am pregnant recently and I know I can't keep it either. I totally know where you coming from, I am terrified about it aswell. I got telephone call on Monday too but I didn't realise that I would be able to pick up medicine on the same day? Is that what they said? I don't know how this normally work

Needingsupportplease · 16/04/2020 14:30

Handhold from me, I have a 11 month old also had a traumatic pregnancy, labour and aftermath and had pnd. I ummed and arred for weeks and was passed from Marie stopes to epu for checks but took the first tablet yesterday and am taking the 2nd lot later today, I've also had a mc and a mmc before so I cant lie I'm petrified to pass the pregnancy as last time was horrific but I was 14 weeks where as now I'm 6-7. Hugs to you x

ColdCottage · 17/04/2020 02:56

Hugs @Needingsupportplease that's tough.

Andromeida59 · 17/04/2020 03:32

Hi OP. No one is judging you. I had a termination because I just wasn't in the position to have a baby. My termination was at 12 weeks, this was not down to me but rather the GP's who kept trying to talk me out of it.
When it was done, I was massively relieved. I did have a bit of an issue due to the hormones but it was the best decision I ever made. You have to do what is right for you and your family. Also, do try and get support as you're going through enough already. I hope all goes well.

Original poster

vivian87 · 18/04/2020 15:58

I’m definitely getting some aftercare counselling. Although I do not want this baby - I feel my husband has just made the decision and moved on (playing video games/chatting to his mates) he’s been no help to me or our daughter and has just seemed to expect me to get on with it while I have to wait for Monday to come by and go through one of the worst things I’ve ever been through. I feel so alone

OP posts:

ChateauMargaux · 18/04/2020 18:42

You are not alone @vivian87. We are here...

ohlookitsbetty · 18/04/2020 18:54

You have to do what's best for you. I found out I was 11 weeks pregnant not long after I had my son. There's 10 months between them. I was booked in for a termination, but I couldn't go through with it on the day. My son was born with health complications, which he found out about when he was a few weeks old, but We got through it. It was a rough ride, and I had PND with my second. I would never judge anyone in a similar situation.

Definitely agree that counselling is a must. Please don't be too hard on yourself

Dragongirl10 · 18/04/2020 19:02

I feel for you, l fell unexpectedly pregnant with DS when DD was 8 months, l sufferred terrible pre natal depression and had just started to feel myself again....BUT l was 39 and always wanted two... for me an abortion was off the table.

Yes the pregnancy was tough as expected, but l found it easy to have two so close , they always played together and were doing the same activities at the same time...

However you may already have other DCs or just want one, so an abortion may well be the right choice, it may help to imagine each option a year in the future, then 3 years in the future, then 5 years....

This helped me no end as l could get a feel for the bigger picture...

Good luck, listen to your instinct and take your time...

ColdCottage · 18/04/2020 19:02

Do you have a girlfriend you can lean on?
Maybe write him a letter explaining how you feel.

Original poster

vivian87 · 20/04/2020 20:35

I’ve taken the first lot of tablets this afternoon, it’s definitely the right decision and I’m glad it’s all starting but I really am dreading tomorrow for the 2nd lot - just hope it’s over soon

OP posts:

Needingsupportplease · 20/04/2020 20:45

Glad you feel it's the right thing @vivian87 I took my 2nd lot on thursday wasnt bad at all about 30mins of cramps and been fine since although think I only passed the pregnancy this morning. Always here to talk x

Original poster

vivian87 · 20/04/2020 20:55

So glad it was all okay for you - I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through it. How many weeks were you?

OP posts:

Needingsupportplease · 20/04/2020 21:09

Thankyou defo feel like I've made the right choice. Roughly 7 lmp would suggest 9-10 but scan would predict 7ish. I had a mmc at 14 so was expecting similar to that but it wasnt bad at all. Take paracetamol and ibuprofen before your 2nd lot of tablets and try stay calm. It will be over soon xx

Waffles80 · 20/04/2020 21:20

Hi there

I had a termination at six weeks earlier this year.

Like you, I was scared of the pain and of seeing anything.

I want to reassure you that it was not that bad and I was so relieved afterwards; I am still so very relieved.

In terms of the pain, it was like very strong period pain. Cocodamol and a hot water bottle helped a lot. Ibuprofen two hours after the cocodamol.

I vomited just before it all started happening, I was really really sick, then the pains began. Mild at first, up to throbbing. I passed quite a few clots and it was easier to not look; some clots I passed while on the loo.

Keep calm OP; post here if it helps. It will be over soon and I’m sure you will feel relief.

MotherOfAllNameChanges · 20/04/2020 22:53

Look after yourself OP xx

ChateauMargaux · 21/04/2020 07:54

Popping in to see how you are.

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