Abortion - frightened

[vivian87]

Long post - please no judgement

I am currently 5 weeks pregnant - it was unplanned and we were using protection. We have a 7 month old already.

I am devastated that this has happened - I had terrible PND after delivery and I’m only just starting to feel better in myself - I'm eating healthily and starting to work out. I’m now enjoying every second of being a mum. My body is still a bit of a mess post pregnancy and I can’t imagine what it would be like during another pregnancy. I’ve not even gone back to work yet and I feel I wouldn’t be able to cope with a potential newborn and a 14 month old.

Me and my husband have decided we aren’t ready for a 2nd child and we both have no feelings of happiness or excitement about having another baby just now. I guess the only good thing would be they would be so close in age and it would be our last child but I would be worried about getting PND again when I’ve only just started to feel normal again/physically and mentally not be able to cope.

So we have decided to go down the termination path - as much as it breaks our hearts. I never wanted to ever have an abortion but I just dread being pregnant again so soon and not being able to go back to work for a long period.

I am absolutely terrified of what this choice will entail- I am booked to have a phone consultation next Monday (due to Covid) and should be able to pick up the medication the following afternoon. I am so scared of terminating at home and I’m so worried about the potential pain and all the bleeding/clots/mass - I really don’t want to see anything and forever have that memory- I will be just over 6 weeks so I’m expecting something like a very heavy/crampy period and I’m hoping the feeling of relief will be there once it’s all over.

Please can someone tell me they had the feeling of relief afterwards and is it really painful/traumatic? Any words of advice would be so appreciated- thank you

I’m ok @ChateauMargaux thanks - just waiting for midday and then will start 2nd lot. Feel very very nervous. My pregnancy sickness has kicked in this morning which really doesn’t help.

open.spotify.com/album/5I8zpdGpSyY51QdUukAhf3?si=cql4PPWNQcKi_g0dWLpa2Q lovely chant .. heart chakra protection.

I will be thinking of you at 12. Imagine the women on this thread, standing with you, in a protective circle, gently supporting and walking through this with you, out of the darkness, into the light. It's a sun-dappled wood, with bird song and small animals and the sun is warm on your skin. You hold out the sadness you feel and mother earth accepts the burden and takes it, holding you in her warmth. Drink a glass of water before and afterwards, allowing the water to dilute and flush away your emotions, take big deep breaths, breathing out through the open mouth with an audible sigh from deep within.

@chateaumargaux thank you so much - that’s so lovely. I will listen to this to help calm me.

Youre doing the right thing OP. I actually continued with my pregnancy and had about as small an age gap as you can get, but it tipped me into postnatal psychosis and it took years for me to feel ok again and I actually feel like i have some ptsd from that period now. Not even joking. I wasnt ready and it was all too much
Not everyone goes through this of course, but I wouldnt recommemd such a small age gap. It kind of broke me.

I wish you well today. Xx

I had a termination at just under 6 weeks. I was terrified of what would happen. I read countless horror stories online but I felt it was the right thing to do.

I took the first tablet and nothing happened. The next morning I had very light bleeding. Seeing the first bit of blood was horrible and made the whole thing real. I had stocked up on paracetamol and ibuprofen so I took both a lay on the sofa with a hot water bottle.

I started feeling myself bleed more so went and sat on the toilet. The cramping was uncomfortable but not awful. Nowhere near as bad as I expected. The bleeding was quite heavy and clotty. After about two hours I felt something come out, it wasn’t painful. I didn’t look, I just flushed the toilet.

Once I had passed what I think was the sac, the bleeding eased but went on for a few days. The cramping stopped completely. It really wasn’t that bad at all. I would have felt a lot better if I’d known it wasn’t going to be completely horrific.

My next period was extremely heavy, to the point that I couldn’t leave the house for a few days. However, after that things went back to normal.

In terms of emotional damage, I don’t regret having the abortion. It was the right thing to do for me and my children. I do regret getting pregnant and putting myself in that situation. My child would be 7 now and from time to time that does upset me. I remember thinking when he/she would have been starting school etc. Deep down though I know I done the right thing. One of my friends announced she was pregnant a few months after my termination so her daughter is a constant reminder about what might have been.

for @Branleuse and @nicolanomore and others in here for sharing your stories and the pain you felt at the time and suffering later. These are emotions some of us have to take out an look at from time to time, give them light and accept them for what they are. It allows us to carry on walking through life.

OP I am just recovering from one at the weekend. To be fair recovering is a strong word to use when in reality I’ve had heavier periods.

I took my second dose of tablets on Saturday. If I was to advise anything - if you are taking them orally try to make sure they dissolve a fair bit under the tongue before swallowing, mine didn’t dissolve enough I don’t think but I swallowed them after 30 mins and looking back I should have waited a little bit longer. Hit my system a little too quickly!
If you have the option of vaginally I’d choose that-I’ve done that before and it was less of an experience.

Know that (if any) pain will ease within the 3-4 hours. I went from happily online shopping, to absolute shit of pain and a fever, and fine within 3 hours.

Have a hot water bottle.

Please try not to fear the actual process, it’s actually really fast the twice I’ve done it and I’ve been like “is that it?”

I was genuinely in my bed for those 3 hours, but got back up and managed to have a late dinner and watch tv as normal.

I have light-normal period bleeding now. The maxi pads are too much at this point. I actually have to teach an exercise class tonight and I didn’t expect to be better enough for it, but I am.

I’m not sure what I feel, the only regret is I got myself into this situation in the first place and I can move on with looking after my family as it is. I don’t wake up in the morning with the cloud of “shit I’m pregnant” anymore and that itself is a huge weight off my mind.

Do u have anti sickness tablets OP? My were given to me in my pack and they really helped an hour before. I was still a bit sick the next day so took another

Thanks for all the advice @ReallyNeeedhelp- I do plan to take them vaginally as I’ve read it’s more effective that way. And I’ve got anti sickness tablets and painkillers which I’m gonna take very soon. The waiting bit is the worst part it’s absolutely awful

Remember were all here supporting you and to talk. Not long now x

You will get through this, it will probably surprise you, but you can move on so soon now x

Thank you so much girls - it means everything

Get the hot water tank full, a bath is healing as well as comforting.

Had a medical termination two days ago at 5 weeks. Had scan and chat at first appointment in hospital, then had to go back the next day for the first tablet. No symptoms at that point, I was seriously suffering with sickness. (I had hyperemesis with both of my children and it was horrendous).
I had to have the second tablet in hospital, so three visits in all. I requested to have them at home but this was refused by the clinic staff.
I checked in at 9 and was brought the tablets at 9.30 to dissolve under my tongue. I wasn't allowed to take them vaginally. Was told I had to stay in my room due to the virus. The room had no toilet, just a commode. I was told to use the commode and ring the nurse call bell each time. The door had a glass panel in it and no curtain. I had no privacy at all, even the lady with the tea trolley could look in as she went past.
I let the tablets dissolve - this hurt my mouth. Started to have diarrhoea after 20 mins. It was awful and so embarrassing to have the nurse deal with it in the commode.
I started to bleed after half an hour, and cramping was quite severe. I usually have bad periods but this was more like early contractions. I couldn't concentrate on anything else, just walked around the bed.
After another hour I got fed up with no pain relief when requesting it from the nurses so I walked out and self discharged. The nurse said I wasn't allowed (!) but I said that most women were going through this process at home and I would contact the ward if I had any problems.
Once I was in the privacy of my own home I sat on the loo and passed the sac - nothing recognisable, just tissue and a large blood clot. I had heavy bleeding for around five hours. I took 800mg of ibuprofen and used a hot water bottle.
The bleeding has slowed to a light period now, I have no sickness and my breasts no longer hurt. I feel so much relief that it's over.
I have pregnancy tests at home and will take one after 14 days.
My entire experience would have been so much more positive if I had been allowed to be at home for the whole process. I am now settled on my sofa with my two children, safe in the knowledge that I have made the right choice for my family. My mood has been good, and I'm enjoying being able to eat and drink without vomiting every few hours.
Don't listen to judgement from anyone. You know your body and mind. You do what's right for you. Don't let anyone make decisions in your life that doesn't have to live with the result. Sending positive thoughts.

Just an update -

So took my tablets at midday started bleeding 50 minutes later then at 13.05 I felt a lot of blood come away, got up to the bathroom and felt something between me - I passed this big mass which I assumed was the pregnancy with lots of clots following it. I had no pain throughout - just lots of heavy bleeding and clots. It was extremely quick but very hard emotionally, I couldn’t of done it without my husband being there and I’m so glad it’s all over. Am a bit crampy now and the bleeding is just like a heavy period. Mentally exhausted but so relieved. I can’t thank everyone enough for supporting me through this xxx

At least it’s all over now, I’m glad it was ok for you. I know some people will not agree but I try to think of my abortion as a cluster of cells rather than a baby, a doctor told me that is all it is at that stage. It definitely helped me emotionally.

I am so glad your husband was there with you. Sending you love and compassion.

Also sending positive thoughts your way.

Just a little pointer - though don’t worry if you have - the BPAS advice leaflets I had said avoid baths due to the opening of the cervix and possible infection.

How long was it before your pregnancy symptoms disappeared? I have been very sick this morning and feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. Have some crampy pains and bleeding has been light - regular.

I didn’t have any pregnancy symptoms as I terminated at only 5 weeks. I would think it would take a few days for symptoms to disappear though. I have heard of people miscarrying and symptoms continuing along with positive tests.

My symptoms stayed about 4/5 days I feel back to normal now 6 days on but bleeding keeps picking back up! X

I have been still feeling sick since but not as bad , todays been the best day so far and no sickness this morning (so day 4/5) my boobs don’t hurt like they did (I needed a full support bra when exercising before)

Every day was a better day. Today I woke up and was shocked I had barely bled during the night.

SIf you caeereereereeereereererrq is ⁰ and and and and on ⁸p

Wow.. pocket reply!! LOL.

Some evening primrose oil and magnesium will help when you can get them. Take for at least 3 months.