Having a medical termination alone

[mollieee]

I have just found out I am 4 weeks pregnant and I've immediately called the clinic and have booked a termination. I will be taking the first pill and then the other pills I will be taking home with me to take 24 hours later.

I am 100% certain I do not want this baby. I do feel sad but now really is not the right time, financially and mentally. I cannot cope with having another baby. Now one thing I cannot do is tell anyone about this and that includes my partner. Please do not tell me to tell him because I know what will happen. I've already been warned that if I have a termination, which came up in a topic one day a while back, then there will be consequences. Not physical abuse but I know he will never forgive me and will end things with me. He will absolutely not allow me to to terminate and ultimately I will end up suffering because of it. I know he has a right to know and has a choice but he doesn't get that it is my body, my well-being and my mental health that's going to get affected, not his.

When I take the second lot of pill, I am scared to be on my own so I am going to take them in a hospital and then stay near a toilet and then obviously if anything does end up going wrong, I can get medical care right away and if it comes to it, I will have to lie and say I had a very bad period or I've miscarried :(

Chances of anything going wrong are slim I know that but I want the worse to be over (pass the pregnancy) without my him suspecting anything :( I know this is not an ideal situation but I honestly do not have a choice.

I am really scared to be honest. I honestly have absolutely nobody to talk to as everyone are against abortions or will eventually tell him during one of our arguments or something and I honestly cannot risk that. I really need support. I can do many things alone but this is going to be the hardest thing I will be going through.

Where are you in the country? Roughly?

I had a VA alone in January and I’m not sure if it’s common practice everywhere but during the procedure an extra nurse/lady came in as a comfort. She was holding my hand and squeezing it and telling me how brave I was being. I didn’t know how much I needed her there and I’m so grateful it was a thing they did!

I went home and binged Netflix in bed and it was honestly like a bad period. I can’t tell you if medical is the same or not and I know you’ve said you’ll need to wait longer for a VA but wanted to say incase it helped!

Could you book into a travelogue or premier inn for the day and night? I'm assuming you can't go to a friend/relative or home?

If your DP becomes aware of heavy bleeding you can say it's a natural miscarriage. No one controls your fertility except you and no one has the right to punish you for taking control of this.

If you'll only be 6 weeks or less I'd choose the medical - waiting once decision has been made was horrible in my experience and at that stage it's like a heavy period (it was for me anyway). Personal decision though.

They've cancelled it! I'm so pissed off and so so angry. Booked for next week now. I have expressed how fed up and annoyed I am but they said it is out of their control. All of the other clinics are too far from where I am. I have had enough.

@mollieee how are you doing now? I'm am having a medical termination on the 18th and will also be alone. I will have one day totally on my own on the 20th so am hoping I can space the tablets for it to occur then. How was it? I think I'm feeling similar to how you were.