Having a medical termination alone

[mollieee]

I have just found out I am 4 weeks pregnant and I've immediately called the clinic and have booked a termination. I will be taking the first pill and then the other pills I will be taking home with me to take 24 hours later.

I am 100% certain I do not want this baby. I do feel sad but now really is not the right time, financially and mentally. I cannot cope with having another baby. Now one thing I cannot do is tell anyone about this and that includes my partner. Please do not tell me to tell him because I know what will happen. I've already been warned that if I have a termination, which came up in a topic one day a while back, then there will be consequences. Not physical abuse but I know he will never forgive me and will end things with me. He will absolutely not allow me to to terminate and ultimately I will end up suffering because of it. I know he has a right to know and has a choice but he doesn't get that it is my body, my well-being and my mental health that's going to get affected, not his.

When I take the second lot of pill, I am scared to be on my own so I am going to take them in a hospital and then stay near a toilet and then obviously if anything does end up going wrong, I can get medical care right away and if it comes to it, I will have to lie and say I had a very bad period or I've miscarried :(

Chances of anything going wrong are slim I know that but I want the worse to be over (pass the pregnancy) without my him suspecting anything :( I know this is not an ideal situation but I honestly do not have a choice.

I am really scared to be honest. I honestly have absolutely nobody to talk to as everyone are against abortions or will eventually tell him during one of our arguments or something and I honestly cannot risk that. I really need support. I can do many things alone but this is going to be the hardest thing I will be going through.

On the day I take the pill onwards I will post on here because you all are the only ones who are going to help me through this. I am so thankful to be on here and have you all supporting me, it really means a lot.

@Loopytiles and the fact he clearly told me he would not allow me to get one has also pissed me off because it is my body and I will still get the burden of looking after a baby and another child while he is out working and gallivanting. I am not having it. I may be exaggerating but I think I would end up being sectioned and he would have the children if I kept this baby. I can already envision it and the thought makes me feel sick, hence why I know full well I am 100% confident about termination.

I had to have a medical termination a few years ago as my baby had died and hadn’t come away. I would be about 6-8 weeks pregnant.
I opted for no pain relief (goodness only knows why). The pain was absolutely horrific. I took a tablet and it took almost the maximum time for anything to come away but I had the pain for ages before. It really knocked me for 6. This was about 17 years ago so hopefully things will have improved by now but just be prepared it might be more painful and harder to hide than you think. Take care OP.

He’s very bad news.

@Daddylonglegs1965 sounds like you had a dreadful time with that! I am expecting it to be extremely painful but I have to try my best to hide it. I'm getting rather worried now

Oh love. You are fine not toto tell him. However, I'm staggered you want to stay with him. He sounds awful.

He also now doesn't know that withdrawal isn't reliable.

If he breaks up with you over a termination then quite frankly you are well shot of him. A relationship is a partnership where you should be supportive of each other. He is not remotely supportive of you from what you say.

You deserve so much better.

Hi. I went for surgical. I was on my own but I had to have a lift home xx

I’ve had two early miscarriages and it’s not too bad . It’s painful but more like bad period cramps or the pains you get with a diarrhoea and vomiting bug. But you can take painkillers.

If you’ve had a child already then you’ve been through labour and it’s not nearly as bad as that. So try not to worry too much about the pain, you will get though it. Much better to be at home so you can watch some crap TV to distract yourself and have food and drink at hand.

In the longer term you need to sort out more reliable contraception . Have you thought about an implant ? Go to a sexual health clinic and discuss your options with a specialist nurse.

I’d also recommend that you think about doing the Freedom Programme with Women’s Aid. Because your partner is very controlling and I can tell you are very scared of him.

It's going to be ok OP. If you're certain that this is what you want, the sooner you're able to do it the less distressing the process is likely to be and the lower the risk of any associated complications. You're so early in the pregnancy at the moment that the process will likely be no more than a heavy period. Make sure you've got plenty of absorbent sanitary pads and alternate taking paracetamol with ibrupofen to minimise discomfort. I really hope your situation works out for you. It sounds as though things are very difficult for you right now so please consider accessing support from your GP or local women's organisations. Take care

OP please don’t scare yourself silly reading up on people’s experiences. Everyone goes on about cramps and pain but I genuinely didn’t have any, I have certainly have worse periods!! I was about 8 weeks, and a bit shocked to be honest as I thought I was in for a nightmare.

I had a medical abortion at 7 weeks a few years ago, and both pills had to be taken in hospital. My partner was as supportive of the decision as I was but we had no one else to look after our other children so I had no choice to be by myself during the procedure. It was boring, it was lonely and it wasn't nice but I got through it and so can you. The bleeding wasn't great
Immediately after passing the pregnancy but the hospital staff were fabulous and looked after me until I was ok to go home about three hours later. If they offer you the suppository painkiller, take it - I passed it with minimum pain while I saw other girls curled up - the nurse said that the painkiller makes all the difference. Lots of love x

Hi OP, I also told no one and it's been ok. I was in an abusive relationship but the abortion was the death knell and I left him straight afterwards. You've got options before the procedure to talk about your relationship or any worries you have.
Mine didn't really hurt, which I can see you're worried about. Before you're sent home, you're given pain relief to take as precaution and also antibiotics in case of infection. Please don't worry, I think you're doing the right thing given what you've said.

At such an early stage, it is likely to be less uncomfortable.
Most women that haemorrhage are transferred having had surgical terminations. Very few medical terminations haemorrhage.

The risk for medical termination is enduring pregnancy. Those risks nearly double if you take the pills simultaneously. The risks are about 1 in a hundred for infection. 3 in a hundred for retained products ( but less the earlier in pregnancy you abort) and 1 in a 100 for enduring pregnancy. 1 in a 1000 for a bleed. Not terribly high risks but worth recognition that there are things you’d need to look out for.

Mine was very painful but I did same day and took the tablets about 6hrs apart plus I was a lot further along
I did have some bleeding for a while after and also passed a massive clot on day 3 so just something to be aware of
I was at home, alone

You can do it.
You sound so sensible and strong.

Get through this bit then have a rethink about whether you want to stay with this guy.

Thank you so much to those who have posted since my last post and told me your experiences and knowledge. I do need to stop reading horror stories but I think now I know that if the pain is "unbearable" it's likely to be normal because if it was, I'd get paranoid and end up going hospital.

Just another question... if (sorry) I did end up having to go hospital over a complication, will they know that I had an abortion or can I just say it was a spontaneous miscarriage cos obviously the OH would end up coming with me and nothing worse with the doc coming out saying the "abortion" failed I did tell the clinic not to inform my GP so does that mean it will not be on the notes?

Of course the hospital would need to know your history to give you the appropriate treatment.

I had a miscarriage before my first dc and had medical management. It was awful. I had to have a scan after a couple of weeks to check that everything had come away.

Your situation is dreadful and I'm sorry you are going through this. I second the freedom programme and getting out of your relationship.

I had a medical termination last year at 6 weeks and took both pills on the same day. I was really worried after reading stories about people having loads of pain, but it honestly wasn't bad at all. I took the pills at about 5pm and started bleeding at about 11pm. There was a bit of cramping, but it wasn't even as bad as my period pains can get.
The one thing I wasn't prepared for though was how long it took to stop bleeding. I bled for almost 9 weeks! Not sure how you will be able to explain that to your partner?

@Bert99 that was a very long time to bleed! I was around 6 weeks and bled for just under two weeks, that seemed about average from what the clinic told me.

@mollieee remember also that I've heard some of the online horror pain stories are written by religious or anti abortion campaigners...of course some will be true but my experience was very different and fairly easy, please dont be afraid to do what is best for you

Thank you @SlinkyDogDash I haven't read any horror stories since cos I shouldn't be doing it. i just ended up breaking down earlier. I couldn't stop crying almost found it hard to breathe. I still want to go ahead with the abortion I just finding everything so hard and difficult. I am going to go gp and get help as soon as it is done. I can't cope with my mental health anymore I've suffered for way too long it has made me neglect my child

@Bert99 was it heavy bleeding or light that you could wear a pants liner? I don't think he'd really notice as we don't have sex very often. He isn't too fussed about when my periods are due or when I'm on

It's looming and I'm getting really scared now :( I still want to go ahead. I just want it over and done with! I'm so fed up of it. I'm stressed, anxious and feeling like shit. I don't know whether to do medical abortion or vacuum aspiration which is apparently painful but it is quicker and you have less bleeding to deal with. With VA I have to wait longer (2-3 weeks) whereas with medical I can do it all at once on the same day and I will only be approximately 5/5.5 weeks.

Mollieee I don't have any experience so not able to offer any useful advice, all I can do is send kind thoughts and offer a virtual hand hold

I took tablets at 8 weeks. It was more painful than a period but it wasn't a horror story at all! From first pill till losing it took three days. I was at home and sat on the couch watching netflix like you do when you feel unwell and sorry for yourself. You can feign sickness and stay home. I do recommend to start taking paracetamol the day before and take the maximum dose per day (spaced put according to instructions). It really helps. Alternatively, can you Visit a friend for a few days?

I don't know if vacuum extraction would be better for you, I've never done it but can see tge appeal of it being over and done with.

I had more clots and heavier than a period. Just used the big always ones.