Having a medical termination alone

[mollieee]

I have just found out I am 4 weeks pregnant and I've immediately called the clinic and have booked a termination. I will be taking the first pill and then the other pills I will be taking home with me to take 24 hours later.

I am 100% certain I do not want this baby. I do feel sad but now really is not the right time, financially and mentally. I cannot cope with having another baby. Now one thing I cannot do is tell anyone about this and that includes my partner. Please do not tell me to tell him because I know what will happen. I've already been warned that if I have a termination, which came up in a topic one day a while back, then there will be consequences. Not physical abuse but I know he will never forgive me and will end things with me. He will absolutely not allow me to to terminate and ultimately I will end up suffering because of it. I know he has a right to know and has a choice but he doesn't get that it is my body, my well-being and my mental health that's going to get affected, not his.

When I take the second lot of pill, I am scared to be on my own so I am going to take them in a hospital and then stay near a toilet and then obviously if anything does end up going wrong, I can get medical care right away and if it comes to it, I will have to lie and say I had a very bad period or I've miscarried :(

Chances of anything going wrong are slim I know that but I want the worse to be over (pass the pregnancy) without my him suspecting anything :( I know this is not an ideal situation but I honestly do not have a choice.

I am really scared to be honest. I honestly have absolutely nobody to talk to as everyone are against abortions or will eventually tell him during one of our arguments or something and I honestly cannot risk that. I really need support. I can do many things alone but this is going to be the hardest thing I will be going through.

I've not taken the pill but they are taken daily all over the world and are designed to be taken at home, just ensure you have heavy duty pads available. So early it will be more like a very heavy period. I had a surgical termination (well actually had no anaesthetic took about 10 mins) went shopping after, it might be a better option if you are worried. We all have different reasons, nobody is judging you but please consider if you want to remain with this man, he's threatened you.

Hi op sorry you are having to go through this alone!
I had this done over a year ago but I had support so can't imagine what your going through.
I will say the cramping from the pill is really painful. I had awful cramping (as did the other women) they gave me codeine to take home. I travelled up to London as the one nearest me couldn't fit me in for another 4 weeks. You do bleed very heavy from the pill and it's like a super heavy period (I already have really heavy ones but this one was worse)
Only use pads not tampons or cups.
Really hope your okay op! Do you not have a friend you can trust?

V sorry you’re going through this.

It is your body and solely your choice.

It’s fine not to inform your DP.

His attitudes and threats seem a concern, and reflect very badly on him.

In terms of the practicalities, it’s early on so it may well be possible to hide it. Or, if you need time in the bathroom, say you have a nasty tummy bug or something?

Could you inform your GP practice of your intention and also that your husband must not know, then if you do need medical attention they will be forewarned and discreet.

You need to evaluate your marriage too - but only when you feel stronger and less vulnerable.

And btw, he doesn't have a 'right to know', nor a 'choice' 💐

Is there not an option to take them all at once?

@dontdoubtyourself yes there is but there's less chance of it working that way apparently

Hi OP

I had a medical abortion at about six weeks pregnant, so a similar stage to where you will be. I would suggest you stay at home and not in a hospital, when you have cramps from the tablets it will be nicer to be in privacy. If youre in a random hospital waiting area you may get asked questions by staff!

Ideally take the tablets when you will be alone for the day so that you can pass the pregnancy in private, then by the time your dh comes home if he asks you can just say you're having a heavy period. Other than the first few hours after the tablets where it is very heavy and you pass the pregnancy, the abortion is similar to a heavy period, have some paracetamol to take as it can be a bit painful but I didnt find it too bad.

Sorry you're having a hard time

What the hell am I doing. I've been reading medical abortion stories and all I've read are that they're extremely painful, some of them had to have surgery to remove the remaining tissue and some even failed. Is this rare? It doesn't appear to be according to many of these forums! I will end up having a nervous breakdown if this doesn't go smoothly

Thank you @LittleMermaid1 , I am hoping it is as straightforward as that. I'm getting really worried now with all these stories

No advice @mollieee but I just wanted to send you a hug.
I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and honestly, the pain wasn’t easy. Hopefully because you’re very early on, it’ll be much less painful.

Your body, your choice.

@Bookaholic73 I'm so sorry to hear that. Did you pass the miscarriage naturally or needed treatment? Thank you. I am still feeling numb to be honest but I just can't do it.

@mollieee I hope you're okay, it's completely your choice and your DP never has to know and he doesn't have a right to be angry if for some reason he did find out.

I've never had an abortion but I think I'd prefer to be at home alone during it, is there a day you'll have the house to yourself? Line up some things to watch on Netflix and be kind to yourself.

Is your DP trying to get you pregnant? You could also get some BC sorted that's discreet (implant etc.)

@mollieee it all happened naturally. No complications or issues.

I know 10000% that if I ever got pregnant again, I would also terminate. I have 2 teenagers and 3 step kids.

@plantwhisperer the only time I can do it is if I wait for 4 days to take the second lot of pill after taking the first one which I don't think is allowed is it? I have to ask the clinic. And no he's not, it was an accident. Was my fault to be honest as I should've taken precautions. I had the iud but it caused awful side effects both hormonal and non hormonal. I am done with having children I would love to get my tubes cut but I'm too young unfortunately

I had one, alone, at just under 6 weeks.

It was ok, not pleasant, but not awful. I was back in work the following day, no worse than period pain and after the first 4 or 5 hours it was no worse than a period.

I don't feel guilty, it didn't bother me being alone, and I barely think about it now, it was a huge relief when it was confirmed the pregnancy was gone.

Hope it goes as well as possible for you op

@mollieee

Stop reading stories, you'll only get yourself worked up and scared. People who tend to experience a lot of pain are much further along than you. I had one bang on six weeks and it was a bit miserable for 3 or 4 hours but it eased off soon after that.

Also, people who take both pills on the same day have a much rougher time of it, so it's good that yours are spaced out.

I would strongly recommend you do it at home though. It is painful and it can be a little panicky at times - I had some D&V with mine - and you really need to be somewhere safe and cosy.

You don't need to be in a hospital in case something goes wrong. If it was that big a risk, they wouldn't let people toddle off home to take it.

Be brave, it will all be a memory soon.

@mollieee people are much more likely to post if they have problems and questions than if they have a physically simple abortion. I took all the pills at once and had no physical problems, never went back to the clinic. Emotionally I found it hard, especially as it was also an unplanned pregnancy.

I think the clinic said 95% success rate by taking all pills at once, it was 97% successful taking them a day apart I think.

I had paracetamol after the tablets as I'm a real wuss with pain, it really wasnt too bad, the first few hours were hardest but as soon as the pregnancy tissue had gone it was fine. I wasnt at work that day but returned next working day and had no problems. Keep posting for support if you feel alone or have questions

Have you got a friend or family member you could confide in? Maybe stay with someone after the 2nd pill? I don't recommend waiting in the hospital, unless you're thinking about the A&E waiting room. Medical staff have a duty of care and you may find you're being questioned as to why you're there.
Take care of yourself.

I'm sorry OP
I was in a similar position but I really wouldn't recommend hanging around a hospital whilst the abortion is completing. You want to be comfortable in your own surroundings, and will be nipping to the loo quite a lot. These procedures are safe, there is a number to ring if you are worried but complications are rare. Mine quite pain-free (compared to ovulation and period pain) and over within 24 hours then light bleeding after.

I have absolutely nobody at all because no one must know about it. I am going to take the second pills in my mouth so there's no evidence that I performed an abortion if anything goes wrong and I end up in hospital. I have had a breakdown today. I just wept and wept. I am really really low at the moment. Everything is so messed up. I kept kissing my DS because I'm feeling so scared that I am going to die as part of my punishment and leave him without a mother.

The chances of anything going wrong are very, very small. You’re catastrophising because of the stress of the situation and fear of your DP.

Are you saying that your DP refuses to wear condoms? If so he sounds worse and worse.

There will be no punishment. You’re doing nothing wrong, and “karma” doesn’t exist.

Please seek help from a specialist organisation, and/or counselling through your GP.

@Loopytiles yes he says we don't need them because he pulls out but it obviously didn't work did it that's why I blame myself too. I did take the morning after pill right away so I didn't deliberately wanted to get pregnant but it never worked. I need to sort out permanent contraception because I don't want to go through this ever again. I still want to go ahead with the abortion 10000% but I will also use their counselling service just to help me feel less guilty. I am already suffering from depression and anxiety so I need help with that. I refuse medication for it but I think I need to go GP and tell them I need it cos I'm not coping at all. All of this that I am feeling are being kept inside me. I haven't told a single soul except from you ladies on here. I feel like breaking down

That is awful. Withdrawal is not contraception.

I am very concerned about your partner. For example, that you were too scared of him to refuse to have unprotected sex.

Living with someone who behaves as he does will not be helping your mental health.

Please do talk to and seek help from pregnancy choices services, health professionals, also possibly a womens organisation such as womens aid.

You can get through this.

@Loopytiles thank you. I still feel guilty about not telling him though but unfortunately that's the way it has to be for me to go ahead with this. I will organise counselling and other things once this abortion is over and done with and when I'm no longer pregnant. My only wish right now is to not be pregnant! Nasty thing to say I know but the timing couldn't get any worse!

It’s not a nasty thing to say. Hope you can be seen soon and get it over with,

Not telling your DP is sensible in the circumstances, due to his behaviour and words. He hasn’t respected your autonomy and you’re doing what’s best for you and your existing DC, which is good.