Termination due to antenatal depression

[Aimee3]

Hello,
I am looking for anyone who has ever had a termination of pregnancy due to overwhelming antenatal depression or anxiety?
If so how have you come through this?
Thanks,
Aimee

Hi all,
I know this has already been discussed so sorry for posting again but a year and a bit on I still feel very sad about my termination and torture myself daily about the what ifs!! My 6 year old son keeps me going but I just cant seem to come to peace with my decision. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm having counselling so hoping that will help xx

Hi @Aimee3

Just read the whole thread, really sorry to hear that you have suffered! I can completely relate to your experience and your feelings.

I honestly feel like there is not enough understanding around PND and mental health in pregnancy, it makes me really sad :(

I won’t go into all the details as it will be a long story but I have had 2 terminations due to my mental health, I feel ashamed when I tell people that and it’s something that I’ve always felt guilty about!

I know that I want to have children (or at least a child) but when I get pregnant I just turn into a recluse and suffer with very low mood.

I am now 8 weeks pregnant and finally plucked up the courage to discuss with my GP about how I feel (I haven’t had my first midwife appointment yet). My GP has been great, she immediately referred me to the Peri natal mental health team (in Oxford) as she felt I definitely needed some support.

They came and assessed me but felt that I was low risk and have offered me ‘talking space’ which is a counselling service - I’m not thrilled with their recommendation as I personally feel I am high risk given my previous terminations and clearly I suffer with PND!

I went back to my GP this week who was in agreement that it was not enough support so she has agreed to refer me to Swindon to see if their perinatal team can offer more support!

I guess what I am saying is if you want another baby and you think you’ll regret not having one just make sure you get all the support you can and be your own advocate! Keep pushing to get some support!

I’m sorry you’re still feeling down about your decision - I can relate having had 2 terminations, I was really sad straight after and when friends told me they were pregnant it used to kill me to hear, I often wonder where I would be had I not had the terminations, it’s completely ok to feel like this!

Counselling did help me but I saw a few different people before I found a good ‘fit’

Good luck in your journey whatever you decide to do x

Hope you’re doing ok @Aimee3.
I posted on this thread last year as I’d had a termination in January due to depression and anxiety and regretted it. A year later and

I now have a 7 week old baby after falling pregnant last May. The pregnancy has been a distraction from thinking about the abortion although I still feel guilt over it and it was hard in the beginning especially as i become pregnant not long after the termination. I was honest with the midwife about it and was given an appointment with a consultant for mental health. I think knowing that I had to get on with it as I knew terminating would not be an option this time helped me get through it. I was anxious during the pregnancy although not depressed this time.
I did have some counselling sessions before I fell pregnant and until I was 16 weeks which helped a little, the main thing that helped was just having someone to talk to.
I hope the counselling helps you to sort out your feelings about the termination.

My daughter cannot see her children because of post natel depression which is making it so much harder on her.

Heresme33 - thanks for your message and I'm very sorry to hear that. Post natal depression is truly awful as is perinatal depression and anxiety. Sending big hugs to your daughter.

Hello,
I just wondered how everyone was?
I dont mean to open up old wounds but it will be 2 years in December that i terminated my 2nd pregnancy and still to this day have a lot of regret. It has faded somewhat and i have had counselling to help but feel so sad for my DS. He is nearly 6 and a half now and is a perfectly happy boy but i always will wonder what it may have been like to have two.
Any coping mechanisms or stories you want to share are welcome.
Aimee xxx

Hi @Aimee3,

I know it’s been a while since you posted. Hope you are ok.

I’ve just read your thread. Im in a similar (ish) situation. I had a termination in March with a planned pregnancy. My mood plummeted and anxieties when through the roof the day I found out i was pregnant.

Here I am 5 months later. 40 years old. Still feeling low and depressed and so upset I might now be childless.

I’m so confused.xx

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Please remember it's not your fault that you felt this way, it's so much more common than you think and something should be put in place for women like us who suffer so badly during pregnancy. Time will help you, I know it's not much now but nearly 3 years on, although it will never go, I have made peace with myself. And 40 is not a problem these days to have children, I'm 42 now and sometimes do think about it. I hope you're OK xxxxx

Bless you @Aimee3. You are so kind.

It’s such an undiscussed topic. Least I know now!
Glad you have found some peace.xx

@Daisy7891 - Actually whilst I was going through the extreme depression and anxiety for the second time I tried to reach out to a clinic at the hospital but there was a waiting list and they could not help me straight away, which at the time I thought was awful! I wrote them a very strong email after I had had my termination just to vent my anger, even though I know at the end of the day it was my decision. It was only after a little while that I realised a new clinic had opened treating this sort of thing, I did sign up to them whilst I was thinking about trying again and they were really helpful, but I decided I could not go through that again and also put my family through that again. If you search for a perinatal team in your area that will help, at least if you get on their books it's something you can talk to them about and get their support. Maybe also mention it to your doctor xxxx

Hi all,

Sorry to drag open this old thread. I hope it doesnt upset anyone x

Reading all these stories has really opened my eyes to what i was experiencing.
Unplanned, unexpected 3rd Pg, which i majorly freaked out at. My heart and soul wanted to keep the baby but my head was so dark i couldnt see a way out. I convinced myself something bad was going to happen if i kept it. I was going to die or it was going to destroy our family. I literally couldnt stop the anxiety and thoughts and it drove me to terminating just to make it all stop.
I never experienced this with my first 2 pg. And looking back now, i cant even comprehend what the hell i was thinking during that time.
How is everyone doing now? I would love to hear if anyone has any advise on how to move on from the regret or how you came to find acceptance?
I feel like my mind/ mental health really let me down and now i am grieving the loss of one of my children and i just dont know where to do from here.

@ AutumnGrace22322, no need to apologise, I think it is wonderful we are able to support each other, there needs to definitely be more support for women who have terminations due to mental illness as I found none for myself at the time. I know exactly how you feel as I felt all those feelings myself at the time. All I can really say is time is a big thing, I know it sounds cliche but time is a healer, you just need to give yourself time. It will be 3 years in December for me, and although it will always be with me, I think giving myself time to grieve has helped. I still look at my son (who is an only) and think what a lovely brother he would have been but my mental health HAS to come first so I darent try again. Be kind to yourself, it was not your fault, you werent yourself, you would be surprised how many other women go through what we have. I am always here to try and help and support you. Aimee xxx

Hi @Aimee3

Thank you so much for your reply! It really means a lot to me.
Im trying to be gentle with myself and give it time. I know its the only thing that will ultimately help, as shit as that is.
I have somewhat accepted what happened. But boy does the guilt still linger hard. I look at my 2 DC and feel this huge pang of guilt. What would this one have looked like etc. If i had chosen the same for my previous PGs, i wouldnt have my 2 now and they have given us so much love and life, it makes me feel incredibly guilty that i took this ones opportunity away.
Its so hard And my heart honestly goes out to every women who goes through this.

Hi ladies,

So sorry to know that you have all suffered immensely at the hands of this horrible illness. I am in the thick of it myself having just gone through it in February. I am in shock and disbelief, and feel like I don’t even recognise the person that made that horrible decision only 6 weeks ago.

Wondering if anyone went on to have another child, and if so - did that help to heal you at all? Or do you still feel extremely conflicted?

I have no children, which makes my decision even more insane. I am older so don’t have time to fully process my grief before trying again, as I desperately want this however wondering how the grief will sit alongside a new pregnancy (if I’m lucky enough to have one!).

Hello! First I want to say I’m so glad I found this chat. I have so much compassion for you and the choices you all have made. I want to be strong for my family and chose what’s best for us even if it’s not what I hoped for. I’m really struggling right now with antenatal depression. The last almost 2 months have been the worst of my life. I planned for this baby and I never had anything happen to me like this. I’m considering abortion which I never thought I would but I feel like I’ve tried every step to try to improve this but nothings changing. I was prescribed sertraline but it has made me severely ill. I’ve gone to a therapist and psychiatrist and I’m struggling with suicidal thoughts and I’ve even came close to doing something but I cannot leave my son and husband. I regret even trying for another child in the first place. I’m sorry for the long vent. How’s everyone doing so far? I really want to hear from you that had to go through with this as the last result.

@Throwmeaway95 Thank you for posting. I'm sorry you are going through this terrible time. Do you have an antenatal support team in your area? Have you spoken to your midwife? If not please do, they should have a support system in place. I truly understand how you feel xxx

@Aimee3 unfortunately no, I’ve spoke to atleast 2 doctors and my psychiatrist and therapist. I’m in the U.S. so mental health support here is a joke. The first thing my obgyn gave me was a support group pamphlet and a number to an abortion clinic. Then I was referred around to every different mental health unit for the first 3 weeks just to hear either they weren’t taking new patients or they wouldn’t take my insurance. I had to literally say I was going to kill myself to get help, even now it’s very minimal. I have a regular therapist and at this point she’s telling me I have to make a decision and that’s what’s killing me. I would consider myself a Christian but also understood everyone’s right to chose what’s best for themselves. I’m sure you’ve heard the news here that abortion is a hot topic right now. I’m so afraid of protesters and I live in a liberal state. I’m afraid of not forgiving myself or god forgiving me. I look at my son and feel like a monster for thinking of aborting his sibling. It breaks my heart. My husband wants to do what’s best for us but I know he wants abortion as a last resort. I finally had to tell him yesterday how bad it has got, something I don’t want to worry him about. I planned on taking my son to breakfast and having a nice family day with them knowing I was going to kill my self later that day. I wanted to leave them with a good memory of me, I’m deeply ashamed of this. I will never have another child so after abortion my son will be an only child I cannot go through this again. I’ve called an pro choice religious group that gave me some comfort in what I’m doing. I hope god has seen me struggle and will understand what I had to do.

Also I would like to add in the pamphlet my doctor gave me there’s no such thing as antenatal or prenatal depression support only postpartum. It’s not taking seriously here it’s mostly pills, speak to a therapist then on your way. I watched the Louis Theroux documentary after I’ve seen it mentioned here an I’m so envious of the support you receive! All we would be offered is a stay at the mental ward and a bill for $30,000! Which would be reason enough to not want to stick around. I couldn’t do that to my family.

It difficult because I’m ok today but I’m scared of going back in the dark during my pregnancy and have no recourse since it will be too late.

Im sorry to answer the message hours later. Time zone differences :(