Termination due to antenatal depression

[Aimee3]

Hello,
I am looking for anyone who has ever had a termination of pregnancy due to overwhelming antenatal depression or anxiety?
If so how have you come through this?
Thanks,
Aimee

Please don’t feel guilty. Do you have anyone in real life to talk to? Have you seen your GP, would they refer you for counselling?

I agree that antenatal anxiety/depression are very poorly understood and that they can be absolutely debilitating. My heart goes out to all of you.

I have some professional experience with Perinatal Mental Health, and I would recommend that any of you considering another pregnancy should contact you local trust and ask to speak to the specialist Perinatal Mental Health team. They should be able to refer you for pre-conception counseling so you can talk about your fears/past experiences and safety plan if you do decide to have another baby.

You are not alone, I had a termination in January due to severe antenatal anxiety and depression. I have regretted it ever since. I wish I’d got help while I was pregnant but then I didn’t know where to go and felt so ashamed by my feelings. I managed to convince myself there was something wrong with the baby which was one of the driving factors for the abortion.
Ever since I’ve been desperate to be pregnant again and am trying again however my cycles have been all over the place and I already had fertility issues. It will be my fault if I can’t conceive again though.
Have you tried googling abortion counselling? I am really struggling with the guilt and depression so have found a specialist counsellor and have my first session next week. Hopefully it might help.

It's so hard isn't it ladies.
I look at my son all the time and think I deprived him of a sibling.
He gives me such joy, I can't believe I also deprived myself of having more joy in my life, but the depression and anxiety cruelly took that away from me.
I am still of the mindset that i do want to try again in the future, life is too short to not do what you want
It actually aches sometimes to think what my baby would have looked like/been like. xx

I am also having a full hormone check by the doctors in a couple of weeks as I strongly believe my hormomes were partly to blame, as I felt all over the place. I still feel there is a hormonal imbalance so it will be interesting to see what the tests say.

is anyone going to watch mothers on the edge tonight with Louis Theroux? It's on bbc2 at 9pm I think.
Not sure if it will help or just make things worse?
Aimee xx

Having a rough time at the moment. Before my period my hormones always cause me to feel a mix of emotions, sadness, anxiety, depression, anger. It's a nightmare! I am waiting for my blood test results to determine if anything is going on.
Always at this time I feel incredibly sad about my termination. Not sure I will ever get over it.
How do you all get through it? Any tips would be appreciated.
I look at my son and feel sad for him all the time that he's an only at the moment, does anyone else feel this way?
Maybe if anyone is in the Oxford area and has an only and went through the same thing we could meet up and let our children play. Just a thought xx

Hi OP. I have bad days sometimes, but not very often now. When was your termination? I think it does take time. I look at my DD now and feel thankful for what I have, including being mentally well which I need to be a good mum. You had completely valid reasons to make the decision you did, you have done nothing wrong. You can't ask more of yourself and need to be kind to yourself. I'm nowhere near you but sending .

Thank you Whereto, my termination was on the 4th of December last year (that date will be forever in my head). The spring/summer weather is helping but yes every month at some point I find it all overwhelming. I am so thankful for my son but can't help feeling guilty that I deprived him of a sibling as he would make such a wonderful brother but I guess I have to weigh it up, I need to be a good mother to him first, that's more important. I really wish we could all meet up and hug/cry it out xxxx

My DD is an only too, and I do have the guilt about her not having a sibling sometimes. But there are so many advantages too, and I love it being the three of us. She's such a happy little girl and I know she'll be just fine. It was about a year before I really felt I was over the worst after my termination, and felt that I'd spent enough time and energy on it. I was missing out on what I had and I think my DD was missing out on part of me too. I also went through a health scare and thankfully got the all clear. That made me think about how different things could be and made me realise it was time to look forward. You will be ok. Xxx

How are you OP?

Not doing good to be honest. I turn 40 in a few days and the fact that I could have nearly been having my second baby by now really hurts. I'm finding it hard that my life has taken a different turn. Not sure I will ever get over it xx

I'm struggling similarly to you, OP. I didn't have counselling when I had my termination but now, 5 years later, I'm going to have to give it a go because I'm really not coping. I really can empathise with how you feel and it is a horrible feeling. If you wanted someone to talk to feel free to message me as and when, although I'm not sure how to private message on here xx

I had awful antenatal anxiety that came on roughly from the point of implantation. It was awful and I did seriously consider termination. I miscarried at 7 weeks. It's odd to say but I had started to feel better at about 6 weeks (after three and a half weeks of my anxiety being terrifyingly bad and being suicidal) and thought I was getting used to the idea. Now I think about it I think it might have been the reduction in hormones when the pregnancy failed. After my miscarriage I felt great, as if the anxiety had never happened, so I really do think it's hormonal.

As for help, I am already having treatment for anxiety and depression anyway so I was very quickly referred to the local crisis team, who came to see me every three days over a two week span from 4-6 weeks. The plan was to refer me to the mental health midwifery team and consultant care asap. If I get pregnant again, that is still the plan.

Please don't feel guilty, the body can play cruel tricks on you. More women suffer with this than you know because few people ever talk about it.

Thank you ladies for your comments. It's so helpful to share how we feel, as it helps me so much, I hope it helps everyone else too.
It's been very hard for me to come to terms with what's happened and more so because I am coming up to when my baby would have been born. Turning 40 too doesn't help as I keep thinking I am now too old to try for another child?! Thank you for your support ladies, I really do appreciate it. Please keep the thoughts coming, they really do help. xxxxxx

You are definitely not too old. My mum had my brother at 42, and had a smooth pregnancy. There's no saying it's too late. If you are concerned and want some advice you could speak to your GP and they may be able to give you some factual reassurance. I really wouldn't worry, try not to put too much pressure on yourself x

Hi All,
Still really struggling at the moment, it is coming up to when I would have had my baby and I have to say I feel incredibly sad and guilty all the time. Any ideas on how to deal with these feelings? How did you cope? Keeping busy etc.
It just feels sometimes that it was all a bad dream.
Aimee xxx

Thinking of you OP. I would recommend counselling if you haven't tried it. Really helped me to control my thinking, and it kind of gave me permission to move on. I think I just got so fed up of the amount of time and energy I was spending on something that was done, and wasn't going to change no matter what I did. My DH was also really supportive and would remind me of how unwell I was and that we made the right decision. Do you have anyone to support you?

Whereto - Thanks for your comments. I am actually having counselling which does really help when I am there. It is still very hard though having to deal with all the thoughts in my head, I am angry with myself that I didn't go through with the pregnancy, it's like you're on one path and then suddenly you're on a completely different one. My DH isn't the most supportive person when it comes to things like that so that's probably why I do post on here alot as feel I need support from elsewhere. Do you ever think you will try again? xxxxx

I went through a stage of feeling the same, angry at myself for not being 'good enough'. I do think that if there had been a threat to my physical health then it would have felt more justifiable, to me and others. It was 'just' my mental health. But of course that's just as important, I do wonder what kind of state I would be in now if I'd carried on as unwell as I was. I don't think I would be in a good place. It does hit you completely out of the blue and I remember thinking it was so unfair, as a PP said it's a really cruel trick that your body plays on you. And it's not your fault.

We are pretty sure now that we won't try again, as I can't put us through that again. And the possible risks of a pregnancy in my 40s would cause a huge amount of stress for me. I have learned and accepted through all of this what my mental health can cope with, and I know I can't push it too far.

I'm sorry your DH isn't that supportive, that must make things more of a struggle for you.

Whereto - thank you for your comments. I agree mental health is just as important but totally not fair when you get hit by it.
I guess I am now at the stage of "what now"? Where do I turn? Do I try again or not? Of course you don't know it will happen again but if it did it would be truly awful to go through that again. It's all the questions in my head that I am having trouble with at the moment. xxx

Hi,
I know I originally posted this in April 19 but I just wanted to know for those of you who went through a termination due to depression/anxiety how you are feeling after having time to reflect?
It still very much plays on my mind, at this moment I still don't feel ready to dive into trying to get pregnant again as it nearly wrecked my whole family but I just don';t know if I am done or not. Still very confused!!
Aimee xx

Hi @Aimee3, Just read the whole thread! Although I can’t relate in terms of why I terminated just made me think how its crazy it almost comes full circle, i have never suffered mental health apart from some PND due to few reasons but mainly severe lack of sleep ( 5 years) always loved being pregnant , but since my abortion im in the lowest place of my life, im seeing a counsellor weekly & have days where i think whats the point in being here it literally consumes me & i wish I could turn back the clock , it consumes my life & wonder if I will ever recover 😓😓, I really feel for you that you had to make that decision from how u were feeling & are not at peace with it, so many of us struggling for so many reasons & ultimately abortion unites us all 😓😓😓, Have u discussed with professionals your concerns about trying again? Xx

ZAK3 thanks for the reply and I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Can I ask did you have your abortion recently? Its probably still very raw for you, but time will help. It's good that you are seeing your counsellor. I too am having counselling and it does help but you hit the nail on the head when you said I am not at peace with my decision, I guess I just need to try and find that peace so I can move on xx

It was in November so I know its all very raw but it was my husband who didn’t want it so I felt very much pressured to go ahead & that has caused enough torment in itself. I do wonder if I will ever be at peace with my decision I don’t think so , If like you there was a chance of having another in the future then maybe just maybe it might soften the pain but thats not happening so its learning to live with everything, did you feel you had any support when trying to make your decision from anyone? I feel like there’s definitely nowhere near enough out there, it felt like i was arranging a hair appointment when i was booking mine & my head was so different once that pregnancy hormonal fog had cleared xx