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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Abortion or not...

100 replies

Busymummy50 · 23/04/2018 14:17

I'm 39, already have a 10 and 6 year old.

I have had a fallopian tube removed and have polycystic ovaries so I don't have a regular cycle. Also it took so so long to conceive my 2 kids that I thought there was no way I would get pregnant so stopped using the pill and went onto just condoms, this was a few years back.

To my shock a few days ago I did a pregnancy test and it was positive. So I repeated again in the morning and again positive. It will make me 6 weeks pregnant from the first day of my last period.

We are in the process of looking for a new house to move for better secondary schools for the eldest child. October we have to apply to a place so we have left it quite tight!!!

Both kids argue as siblings do and I find it a struggle at times with just 2 kids. I see my friends have babies and I don't miss it or feel broody. My eldest is short tempered and argumentative and very selfish. I am short tempered too and get frustrated daily with him. He suffers from anxiety as he chews his fingers while the youngest keeps saying she has tummy aches and not want to go school. She's had a blood test and scan to rule out any thing wrong and all came back fine so likely to be anxiety too.

I am now comfortable with 2 kids. Financially too it will make it less comfortable for the 4 of us and things will have to change in terms of lifestyle.

But the idea of a termination horrifies me. The fact my kids could have another sibling and I got rid of it horrifies me too and I've been crying ever since I've found out. But I also don't want to go through the whole birthing process again at my age. I don't feel I have the energy as I did 10 years ago and nor does my partner.

My partner feels we shouldn't keep it but he's supportive if I want to keep it. He's always been against abortions but now that we face this decision, he's being realistic about it even though he'd like to keep it. I'm a mother who is already struggling with 2 as the eldest is difficult to deal with. So another one with the sleepless nights, tantrums etc will make life so much harder. I know it doesn't last forever but I don't feel I have the energy to do it.

I don't know what to do!!!!

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and decided on a termination?

I'm really scared and I feel so bad even thinking of the idea of a termination... it's a life and it feels wrong

OP posts:

Original poster

Busymummy50 · 27/04/2018 07:30

But I feel like I'm being selfish

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Thursdaydreaming · 27/04/2018 08:09

It's OK to be selfish OP. It's your life.

Anyway I don't see it as selfish - you are thinking realistically about the impact on your partner and other dc.

Claire90ftm · 27/04/2018 09:49

If you decide to terminate, make the decision soon. The embryo is growing all the time and developing more.

Original poster

Busymummy50 · 27/04/2018 10:39

I have just spoken to a counsellor. I feel that I know what I want but what is stopping me is the fear if the abortion procedure and guilt. Guilt that I gave my 2 kids a chance and not this one. Guilt that my 2 kids didn't get a choice. I know they would love to have another sibling

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catbasilio · 27/04/2018 15:07

No real advice, just support for you. My situation might be worse.
I've been separated from my exH for 2 years (not divorced yet), have 2DC aged 10 and 7 and a boyfriend of 1.5 years. I did have an abortion 6 months ago. It was an easy choice for me, absolutely no regrets even though heartbreaking at the time. I've tried all sorts of natural ways to terminate but it did not work. I went for medical. Boyfriend very clearly preferred termination but said he would have supported either way.

As of today, I suspect I might be pregnant again . If that is the case, it will be a disaster. I've been having what looks like implantation bleeding. No idea how and when it could have happened as we use condoms all the time.

This time, even before I have done a pregnancy test, I feel much differently about it..... If I was already divorced and financially stronger, I would love a 3rd (and absolutely the last) baby. I am getting excited and noticing "signs" (baby clothes etc.) and already reliving in my mind my life with this potential baby.

But the truth is, if am pregnant indeed, this is going to be such a mess in terms of exH, divorce, boyfriend, finance etc. I doubt I can cope. I don't want to be in that position. Even with 2 being a single mum is hard. I am preparing myself for the worst, i.e. another termination. I feel like a total failure.

Good luck OP. By the sound of it you have already made up your mind. When is your appointment with MS?

Original poster

Busymummy50 · 27/04/2018 17:36

Catbasilio, sorry to hearbyoure in a similar situation. It sounds like you feel like keeping this baby. I haven't felt like that. My guilt and thoughts of keeping it have come from knowing my kids would like it but how long for? Like you, my children are similar age and by the time this one will be born, my youngest would be nearly 7. No doubt I know she will be a great sister, she's just one of those really good kids who care about everyone and is so accommodating but my son is the complete opposite, selfish, spoilt and not caring at all. We have lots of arguments at home.

I would ideally like the age gap to be smaller, closer to my youngest and my son to be without any issues but this is not the case. I not one of those really calm loving mum's. I can be but when my kids are well behaved! My daughter was easier to look after as a baby and no doubt if I had another one like her I would have it but my son was hard work. He didn't sleep well, waking up sometimes 8 times a night, didn't like eating so we had huge issues with him with food and always moaned so much.... what if I have another him I asked myself and the truth is both me and my partner said if we had another him then we won't cope.

Partner is supportive whichever way I choose but he's leaning logically towards a termination even though he doesn't want that, given the circumstances. We don't get on brilliantly. Almost split up before, had couple counselling and we have got by for the kids sake. We are ok but we are not those couples who are madly in love...

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Original poster

Busymummy50 · 28/04/2018 10:06

I'm in the clinic now waiting for a consultation and I can't breathe properly. Is this normal for those who made up their mind?

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formerbabe · 29/04/2018 19:10

How did you get on op? Hope you're ok

Original poster

Busymummy50 · 29/04/2018 21:13

Formerbabe I sent you a pm

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Smarties01 · 29/04/2018 21:37

How are you op? Thinking of you xxx

Original poster

Busymummy50 · 30/04/2018 00:06

I'm booked in this week. Really scared

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moofolk · 01/05/2018 17:10

Good luck busy. Remember that guilt is part of being a parent, you'd feel guilty either way. It sounds like you've made your mind up and are doing the best thing for your whole family.

I have had both and found the survival was more straightforward and generally better than the medical.

Loads of people on here thinking if you, sending loads of support. Feel free to DM me x

AntiGrinch · 02/05/2018 08:33

Hey Busymummy hope you are ok x

Original poster

Busymummy50 · 02/05/2018 22:14

AntiGrinch
I had a surgical abortion today. Was so scared.

Now worried as no cramps and hardly any bleeding. Was told I have a retroverted uterus (tilted backwards) so I'm worried procedure didn't work or tissue left behind

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brownbeauty · 03/05/2018 18:34

Just read all these as I'm also umming n aaahhing over 7 week unwanted.
How did u get on in the night?
Bleeding started? X

Original poster

Busymummy50 · 03/05/2018 22:17

I still haven't had any blood. Really worried

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Frosty66612 · 03/05/2018 22:37

Just to let you know I didn’t have bleeding with mine until 2 days later and then it became like a heavy period with bad cramps for a week. Died down to very light bleeding for 3 weeks after that. Hope you’re ok

Original poster

Busymummy50 · 03/05/2018 23:19

Thank you Frosty. I'm just worried because they said my uterus was tipped backwards. Marie stopes doesn't scan after or during procedure to make sure all is gone. Was that same with your procedure?

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Frosty66612 · 04/05/2018 11:28

Yes I also didn’t get any further scans other than the initial one to check how far gone I was. I know it’s easier said than done as I remember how anxious I felt after it all too, but try and remember that surgical abortions are incredibly successful and almost never fail. You have a higher chance of a failed abortion with a medical one, and even then the odds are something like 2 in 100.
Is there an aftercare line you can call if you still haven’t bled by Monday? How far gone were you?

Original poster

Busymummy50 · 04/05/2018 13:36

I was about 7 weeks.

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Original poster

Busymummy50 · 04/05/2018 13:37

Lots and lots of gas in my tummy at the monent. And keep getting a slight sharp pain going from my tummy to chest and warm milk seems to settle it a bit so far

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brownbeauty · 04/05/2018 18:27

I got the ball rolling last Saturday at the local NUPAS clinic but doc said he couldn't see anything so come back in a week so going back tomorrow but in the meanwhile I decided to see if going private would be quicker.. that appointment is book for next Thursday with Marie stopes.. I hope doc can see something tomorrow and I get the first pill.. I'm guessing I'll have to go back for the second pills on Tuesday as it's bank holiday on Monday.. I'm feeling very pregnant n starting to show a rounded tummy..(was already chubby but now it's got a shape).. boobs were mahoosive anyway and now they r humungous...! Hubby loving the boobs and I'm hating all of it.. he keeps rubbing my tummy even tho he is with my choice of termination.. bless him.. he is just going with the flow.. I'll will update tomorrow after my appointment.. much love to u all..xx

Original poster

Busymummy50 · 05/05/2018 14:42

How many weeks are you? I've still had no bleeding or cramps and getting a bit worried now if the procedure worked. Hood luck with it all

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brownbeauty · 05/05/2018 23:32

Busymummy I went back in for the scan today
I'm 5 weeks
Booked in for surgical termination next Saturday
Not looking forward to it at all and I'm going to opt for general anaesthetic

Frosty66612 · 10/05/2018 11:10

@busymummy did your bleeding start? Hope you’re ok

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