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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

In shock and in need of advice

98 replies

nslw · 21/03/2015 08:35

I've just this morning taken a clear blue pregnancy test and it says pregnant 2-3. This means I'm actually 4-5 weeks pregnant right? I think I already know the answer to this but there's no way that this can be wrong is there?
I woke my husband up crying and throwing the stick in his face. We're both in complete shock. Needless to say this was not planned, I am on the pill.
We've been married for a little under a year, in the process of buying a flat and are both working, earning decent(ish) money. We have no family at all near us- they're all hundreds of miles away. This is a big factor in how I feel I can cope with this.
We do not know what to do.
If I was to get an abortion (as I don't know if we're ready to be parents... But are you ever ready?!) then what do I need to do next? How soon can they do it? Will I need a scan first? I don't even know what I should be doing first- I'm guessing I should phone my doctors on Monday morning right?
All the reasons for an abortion seem really selfish and silly when I think about them, but I just don't know if I'm ready. At all.
Please help, I'm so unbelievably lost.

OP posts:
Original poster
nslw · 30/03/2015 07:26

Thank you NoSquirrels. Yes DH is coming with me. Just sitting watching the clock now. Absolutely terrified. I feel so numb.

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 30/03/2015 07:30

Wishing you strength and a sympathetic ear today.
I hope things will become clearer to you both Thanks

NoSquirrels · 30/03/2015 07:34

Please get not to be terrified, whatever you fear it won't be that bad. Is it terror of the people, the procedure, of making the wrong choice? Try to unpack your feelings, if you can. I'll say it again, though (bossy!): don't decide today if you can't be satisfied in yourself.

Original poster
nslw · 30/03/2015 07:58

Thank you Pacific and NoSquirrels. I'm scared of something going wrong, the pain, and mostly making the wrong decision and regretting it. A few people around me are having babies this year and Im worried I won't be able to cope seeing other people having babies. I am also feeling huge amounts of guilt because of my massively selfish reasons for terminating. I could have this baby if I wanted to, it wouldn't be pleasant but we could do it. I just don't think we want to. That's a really selfish reason though isn't it? I honestly just need it over today, this is really killing me.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 30/03/2015 08:45

It is not not NOT selfish to terminate a pregnancy if you don't want to have a baby. Bringing a baby into the world is a big responsibility, and you need to be ready and able to take that responsibility. If you don't feel you can find a positive way to approach that, then you're not being selfish if you don't have a baby. God luck today. I hope the appointment is OK. Remember that although your in this position, the choice of what to do is yours.

Original poster
nslw · 30/03/2015 11:00

I'm home from the first appointment now. Everyone at Marie stopes was lovely and no protestors thank god. Had to have a vaginal scan as pregnancy was showing too small (4wks something) on abdominal, which I was very distressed about as I really did not want a vaginal scan. However, I grit my teeth and got on with it and she was able to confirm 5w5d pregnancy. The nurse then checked my blood pressure etc, unfortunately I'm rhesus negative so will need an anti d injection when I go back for the second part later today. I'm feeling okay, so far. Thank you for all your support everyone, it really means a lot.

OP posts:
thisisnow · 30/03/2015 11:10

Hope you're okay Flowers Do you feel anymore sure of your decision now you've got the first appt out of the way?

DianeLockhart · 30/03/2015 17:35

Thinking of you op

PacificDogwood · 30/03/2015 19:55

nslw, I'm glad you had a productive first meeting.

Re 'selfish': it's 'selfish' to have children (no child asks to be born), so IMO either choice is 'selfish' in that you are putting yourself first. And that is absolutely fine.

I hope all went well today Thanks

Original poster
nslw · 30/03/2015 20:56

Well I did it.
I feel okay mentally, but in a bit of pain now- it comes and goes. It has started to pass.
Anti d injection hurt like a f*%#er and I also got the depo jag so walking funny!
There was a bloody protestor outside. Thought my DH was going to swing for him. Massive respect for people who work there. May look into volunteering for them when I feel more like myself.
Today was a horrendous day, but tomorrow will be better right?
Thanks again for all the support, it really means so much.

OP posts:
thisisnow · 30/03/2015 21:43

Glad you're okay. I'm glad your OH has been supportive. Look after yourself over the next few days plenty of rest Flowers

PacificDogwood · 30/03/2015 22:07

Ah, glad to see you sounding so calm.
I hope everything goes smoothly. Look after yourself and take it v easy Thanks

ShoeShooChoux · 30/03/2015 22:44

Glad you're okay and sorry you had a protestor to greet you. As if it weren't difficult enough.

Regarding the 'tomorrow will be better' question. It very possibly will but the hormone crash can catch you out a bit and bring you down emotionally. I just wanted you to be aware of it. It may not happen but if it does try to remember it's quite normal and it will pass. Be gentle with yourself.

DianeLockhart · 31/03/2015 02:12

ditto the hormone crash - i definitely experienced this. hopefully it won't be too strong as you were very early on but if you do start to feel very emotional and down, it's completely normal and doesn't necessarily mean you will regret it or have made the wrong decision.

Glad your DH is supporting you and you're feeling ok.

53Dragon · 31/03/2015 02:21

Dear nslw - a close friend of mine had a termination a few years ago. She talked to me about it beforehand. I could only say that it wouldn't be a course I'd take but that she should do what was right for her - I would think no differently about her whatever her decision. I looked after her kids while she went for her counselling appt.

The lovely lady that she spoke to said that she should remember that women fought for decades to enable us to have the choices that we do today. That every child should be wanted.

We spoke about this a while ago and my friend said that she has never regretted it. Hugs to you today - it's not an easy decision to make.

Clemmers · 31/03/2015 12:28

Hoping you are well today xx

Original poster
nslw · 31/03/2015 14:22

I am feeling fine today. I'm actually worried that I am feeling okay. I wouldn't say I've bled much at all, and I've had little pain since yesterday evening. I'm worried it hasn't worked, but I know I have to give it more time. X

OP posts:
tobysmum77 · 31/03/2015 21:26

Take care of yourself op Thanks glad you are feeling ok after.

PacificDogwood · 01/04/2015 20:54

Don't feel bad for feeling good Smile

Hope all's well Thanks

Original poster
nslw · 06/04/2015 10:04

I just wanted to check in and say thank you again for all your support. One week on I am still bleeding, but it has been manageable and apart from one day I wouldn't say the cramps were anything out of the ordinary of a bad period. The bleeding was very light at first but did get heavier and has continued for a week now so I am hopeful that everything has worked as it should. Emotionally, I feel okay. I have brief fleeting moments where I wish it could have been different. I'm in my hometown visiting friends and family for Easter and it did pass my mind how it would have felt to be announcing the pregnancy to them, but I know that this just wasn't the right time for us. I hope I'll be able to make my peace with this decision, although I suspect guilt will resurface when we do decide to TTC in the future. In the meantime, one positive out of this is that my DH has been great, and we are making plans to do things we really want to do before we TTC (certain travel plans etc). I guess it's made us realise now is the time to do those things, and live the lives we want. Thank you again, your help and support has really been invaluable.

OP posts:
thisisnow · 06/04/2015 17:02

Glad you're okay with things and that you feel you made the right decision SmileFlowers
There is definitely a right and a wrong time for everything and glad you and your DH have been able to come together aswell x

DianeLockhart · 07/04/2015 00:49

Glad you're doing well Flowers

NoSquirrels · 07/04/2015 19:12

Pleased to hear you're feeling OK about things and that you and your DH are talking and planning. Flowers

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