I'm pregnant and I don't want to be.

[feelinglikeaterriblehuman]

I don't want this. Probably 6 weeks along. Name changed for this. I need support. Please tell me about what's going to happen.

I'm frightened. And ashamed. I was on a new contraception. I thought I was doing it right but I obviously wasn't. I'm really ashamed. And I don't have anyone to tell but mumsnet.

I grew up in a religious family. My mum told me I was a blessing from God. Maybe that means I'll go to hell for this.

You have nothing to be ashamed of, this happens everyday and no contraception is 100%.What do you want to do next?

I don't want this. I even used condoms with DH when I first started this contraception because I was scared it might take a while to work. I wasn't fucking about, I really was being careful. This isn't fair.

Will it hurt?

Do what's right for you.

You are using contraception, for whatever reason it didn't work.

I believe that this early on it should be tablets and shouldn't be any worse than period pains. I've not done it myself, but plenty on here have posted to say that over the years.

Right now it's a small cluster of cells and if you don't want a baby, now is the time to get that sorted out.

Don't be ashamed, there's nothing to be ashamed about. Religion causes more grief and worry than it should ought :/

I've googled which is the stupidest thing ever. Is the pill really painful?

Please don't feel guilty.
You do what you have to do for the good of yourself and any potential child.
You need to speak to your GP. They are used to dealing with these things and will advise you where to go next.
Can you speak to you husband?

He says he will support me whatever, but his gut feeling is that he doesn't want another. Like me.

Can I not go straight to a BPAS clinic?

Lots of questions but you are clearly very distressed and I don't want to make you feel worse.

1. You have NOTHING to be ashamed about. Stuff happens. contraception doesn't always work
2. Try very hard to ignore other people's stories or experiences. Whatever you feel is what is right for you, right now. Absolutely no-one else can decide for you because they are not you.
3. You seem petrified of being pregnant. I don't know why, but it takes two. You didn't do this on your own so I would like to think that you can confide in your DH.
4. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
5. Can you distance yourself from everything and everyone for a day perhaps? And just sit and try to figure out what it is that YOU want?

I have suspected for a while that I may be pregnant. I am sure that this isn't what I want. DH just wants to support me and be there for me, but obviously hasn't been on the abortion pathway with anyone before so doesn't know about what to do.

I'm ok with it, it's not right for us. But I don't know what I'm allowed to ask for. Am I allowed to ask to be asleep? Or do I have to be awake? I'm afraid of the unknown.

So sorry this has happened to you - it's one of the worst feelings in the world. You don't have to do anything you that you don't want to.

The pill does hurt, but it's over very quickly... and certainly hurts a lot less than childbirth. It's like a bad, sudden period, but nothing you can't handle. There's a fair bit of bleeding and you will probably feel a bit sick. It's best if you have someone with you to give you a cuddle and make you tea.

Don't believe everything that comes up on google - there's a lot of propaganda out there, both ways. Best thing is to pop along to see your GP or local NHS family planning clinic as soon as you can and talk to the doctors there. They will be able to give you all the impartial information, have a proper chat and they will not judge you. It's OK to get tearful at them in an undignified way, believe me!

You'll be OK whatever happens. And whatever you decide, and you're not alone! Millions of women (including me!) go through exactly what you're going through right now so there is absolutely no need to be ashamed. Some of them have babies, lots of them don't. Plenty of people who use their contraception in 100% the correct way still end up getting pregnant by accident. Them's the breaks. But we get through it.

It's horribly unfair. But you will get through this. It's the 21st century and everyone has YOUR best interests at heart. You don't have to suffer.

There is support on the pregnancy choices forum here too, whatever you decide.

To answer your questions:

1. You can be asleep if you want to - they put you to sleep for the surgical procedure (which just involves a bit of suction) but not the one where you take a pill. The pill is a slightly safer option (though both options are very safe) - there's less risk of any infection and the bleeding doesn't start until you're safely home so you can get comfy with a blanket and a comforting film on the TV or something. If I were you I'd book at least a few days off work afterwards, because you'll be a bit sore either way.

1. You can go straight to a bpas clinic but you might need to ring up and make an appointment. I think you can get it done the same day as they see you, or you can go away to have a think and come back. They are very nice and will give you the chance to have a chat with someone before anything is done. Then they do an ultrasound scan to make sure they know exactly how many weeks you are. They don't show you the scan on the screen, it's just so they know which procedure to give you and to make sure it's not ectopic.

The pill is actually two pills. You swallow one pill, then wait a few hours (sometimes you come back the next day). You then put the second pill or set of pills inside you, like inserting a tampon. The bleeding starts about an hour later so you have time to get home.

The surgical procedure is all done in one go under general anaesthetic, and there is less bleeding.

Is there anything else you're not sure about?

Thank you

I almost want it to hurt, so I can pay for it, so to speak. God I'm such an idiot.

Hi, sorry you are in this situation, if you are sure this is not what you want, then get to the GP Monday and they will refer you. I would advise you to go down the medical termination route (pills), and if you get in early enough it is ok.

I think I want to be asleep. So it's all gone. And I'm frightened and if I'm awake I'll make it all go wrong, I know it.

Can I take DH with me?

You can definitely take DH with you and he can be there as much as you want him. Sometimes they ask to speak to you alone to make sure you're not being pressured or anything but that's all. If you decide on the pill option then he can be there every step of the way.

Try not to be so hard on yourself this isn't your fault at all and you have every right to do what's best for you and your DH.

It is a bit frightening when it's unknown but honestly, it happens every day, all over the world. It's just part of the rich tapestry of being a human, unfortunately!

The bpas clinic might not be able to do the general anaesthetic on site (because you need an anaesthetist etc) so they may refer you to a hospital depending on where you are. The pill is by far the quicker option. Also you take all the pills with the nurse right there with you to support you and make sure you do it right, so don't worry it won't go wrong! And your DH can hold your hand.

I had a medical (tablet) termination via Marie stopes. If you want to ask me anything I'm here, and offering a hand to hold. PM me if you need to

I was in your position some years ago. Youngest dd was baby still and we had contraception failure. I terminated because I didn't want another child, and I don't do pregnancy very well.

It doesn't matter what your reasons are.

You are not an idiot. Certainly not.

Good advice below, just tell them honestly that you don't want it & want to see what the options are.

You can ask for this to be moved to pregnancy choices too, as you will get lots more support there, both before & after. Just report your first post & state that you would like it moved.

Lots of us have been in the same boat, and are only too happy to keep talking.

I'm worried about you. You sound really scared. It's absolutely your right to have a termination, but what you have to be able to get your head around is that it won't undo you having been pregnant. I'm scared you'll end up feeling it was 'wrong' and punishing yourself. I think you need to make an appointment to talk this through properly with an advisor.

You can go straight to BPAS, they will want you to talk it through with someone before you do it.

It may hurt, you will feel emotional probably (hormones). But then it will be over, and you can carry on with your life.

If your gut instinct is ' I don't want this baby', and neither does your husband, then you have no reason to feel guilty or 'wrong' or anything.

Best of luck

Lots of lovely and helpful messages on this thread. I just want to say that you have nothing to feel bad about, I feel for you so much. My heart goes out to you, take it easy and be kind to yourself.

Another one saying be kind to yourself. Sadly no contraceptive is 100% and loads of women fall pregnant using it. I've fallen pregnant using 2 different forms. It's not your fault. It really isn't.

You can self refer to a clinic but I have a feeling that you would have to pay for a private appointment, whereas if you go through your GP the NHS pays.

You can normally get a medical termination quicker, as it takes less time at the clinic. If you're able to drive to a clinic you might be able to chose where you go and get a quicker appointment than at your nearest clinic. The tablets don't hurt, they're more like a bad period. But yes, being asleep would mean you get it all over quicker.

Please don't blame yourself. Contraceptive failure is not your fault.

I'll ring BPAS tomorrow and ask if I can self refer or if I should go through my doctor. It says on their website they'll check if you're elligable for NHS funding so I'm hoping that means you can self refer.

After the initial shock, I think that tbh either the pill or the medical termination under a local would be best. I was just frightened at first of the whole thing.

It doesn't need saying but I just really don't need this right now. I keep wondering if my belly looks bigger, and I feel nauseous this morning but I wonder if that's my mind playing tricks more than anything. Also got funny cramping as well, quite intense period type pains, just now and then.

Can the GP dispense the pill or is it a proper clinic that has to do it?

Thank you all so much.

If you have a surgical abortion you must be atleast 7 weeks.

Don't worry you should only feel 'period like' pain you will be fine, I hope you're okay

Should I take time off work?