I'm pregnant and I don't want to be.

[feelinglikeaterriblehuman]

I don't want this. Probably 6 weeks along. Name changed for this. I need support. Please tell me about what's going to happen.

I'm frightened. And ashamed. I was on a new contraception. I thought I was doing it right but I obviously wasn't. I'm really ashamed. And I don't have anyone to tell but mumsnet.

Hello everyone, firstly thank you so much for all the PM's I've had with messages of support. It means so much. Also, the advice on here has given me courage and confidence.

My procedure is set for tomorrow and I can honestly say that aside from obvious nerves about the procedure; I don't have any doubts. Sickness is getting worse and I'm just dragging myself through the days with the constant nausea; it really is very tiring.

I'm so grateful that I live in a country where this is possible and I have a genuine choice. I'll keep you all updated on how it goes.

Good luck for tomorrow op. I'll be thinking of you

lots of love and hugs for tomorrow xxxx

myheadhurts it took me a few weeks to make my decision. But I'm at peace with it and I have no regrets. Take your time to think it through and I hope you find a good counsellor to talk it all through with. The hormones will make everything seem harder. Sending you love.

And sending love and support for tomorrow feeling. .

Hi all,

Well I'm back and feeling fine. It was a long old wait in there, they weren't running to time which was hard going. But the nurses were sympathetic and kind, and I had the surgical termination with GA. I also chose to have a coil fitted at the same time. I was able to discharge myself before 7, and I went home with DH.

As for feelings, well yesterday was just frustrating because of the waiting. I had a bit of a wobble when I actually went in (understandable, I don't like theatre type situations) but when I came out, I was pretty sedated from the GA. I went home, slept a good nights sleep and this morning I can honestly say I feel lighter and brighter than I have in weeks. I feel like doing things again, I want to play with my son again, chat to people, be sunny and get out and about again. I'm happy. Not one iota of guilt. I am so relieved it's over and I've got permission to live my life again. It's not enough for me to just want it. I could have made myself want it. It's everything else; the grating reality of another life being dependant on you and the responsibilities that brings. And the darkness, in some cases. I feel free again. God, it weighs you down. I wouldn't go back for all the tea in China.

About 2am I did wake up and think 'I really hope this is the right thing, I hope I won't live to regret this' and things like that. But I've woken up and I'm recognising the woman in the mirror again. She's happy, normal and chatty. I feel so much lighter without that burden. From the minute I got the positive on the test, I felt physically dragged down from the pit of my stomach. For me, that never wore off. I just normalised it and I didn't realise I was still carrying it round. But that manifested itself in sleepless nights, rattiness with DH and DC, tiredness, and the onset of depression.

Thank you all for the support. I'm sorry I had to go through it, but I'm so glad to be out the other side and be living my life again.

Good to hear you sounding so positive and that (lateness aside) things went smoothly for you.

Go gentle on yourself. Even though it feels 'over' obviously your hormones are a bit all over the place at the moment, and anaesthetic can have lingering effects in terms of energy levels for a while. Don't overdo it and crash!

Now maybe it's time for a name change? Something like Feelinglikeapositivehuman maybe?

Yes definitely feeling brighter in mind than body! Still a bit tired though a million miles better than yesterday, I'm just going to take it easy and nap today and watch TV etc.

I was meant to meet a good friend at the pub tonight, and I don't want to let her down but I might have to or i might not be great company!

Glad to hear it went okay Feeling, look after yourself and plenty of for you

Happy to hear it went well feeling and that you're doing much better.
I too was shocked by how much I felt like the old me after the procedure.

Take of yourself, rest lots, eat well, watch a few dvds. Oh and try not to lift your DC for a few days. and love to you. Oh and I do think a name change is in order too.

So glad to hear you feel better and that the procedure went well. I also found the same thing - it was as if it was the situation I had been put in that was upsetting and stressing me, rather than what I had decided to do. If that makes any sense.

Did you go down the pub in the end?

I've been racing around a bit, and I've had a bit of a gush, as it were.... Very very very dark red. Bit crampy and dull lower back pain but otherwise feel ok. Perhaps I need to put my feet up this afternoon!

Definitely feel like myself again, although I didn't go out last night!

Glad it all went well, feeling! The hormones will go pretty quickly, so that feeling of feeling better will only improve.

Please be kind to yourself. And continue to use this thread if you need to talk.

And YES!! REST! you have still had an op, and under general no less.

Your body has been though a big turmoil & mentally, as well as physically, you need time to mend, even if you don't feel like you need it!

Can I say how nice it is to see you under a far less stressful username?

Time for a good book, plenty of chocolate and some rest this afternoon.

Nah I'm not hiding anymore. Frankly, if people care enough to search my username and stalk me over it or write me PM's telling me how disgusting I am, I'll PM them my address so they can say it to my face. Not bothered anymore.

Hurrah! Do you know, I'm finding it insanely reassuring reading your posts. I did exactly the same thing - name changed and then took a while to 'come out' under my normal username. Fuck 'em.

Good for both of you. Onwards and upwards.

Do you know I sobbed to the (male) anaesthetist and said 'I'm so sorry, im married, have a DC, I shouldnt be doing this' and he said 'darling, stop. Protect what you have. It was an accident. Don't think about it anymore.'
And it was like he set me free. Gave me permission to be ok with it. And so I am.

Sounds like a wise man. Amazing how the right words at the right time can really make a difference.

willow I love your new name and I'm glad the anaesthetist was so understanding. I had a similar moment with the clinic manager who I had the initial consultation with. I showed her photos on my phone of my DSes (I have no idea why) and she said that I need to think of them and I had plenty of time in my future to think of having more.

thurlow I came out under my usual name and I'm not ashamed. I posted before here under a seasonal name change but now I stand by everything I've done.

Guys I've started a thread on site stuff suggesting having Mara Clarke for a webchat. She's the founder of the abortion support network. I'd really appreciate your thoughts on that over on site stuff. (Sorry for the hijack)

Sorry, back after bribing my DS to eat his vegetables with potato smiles.

You're not hijacking enormouse, I rather wonder if there are women lurking on here and wondering if they are doing the right thing. Forums like this can be powerful in normalising these things. Because it shouldn't be a shameful choice, and anyone who ditches you as a friend because youve done this isn't worth it.

I'll head over now, enormouse.

I'm watching the Northern Irish abortion documentary at the moment. It's so awful I'm so glad that we have the rights here to make this decision.

Thurlow I watched that too. Made me very grateful to live in England. Glad to hear everyone is feeling positive it's amazing how strong women are

What was the documentary called?

I think it was called Abortion: Ireland's Guilty Secret.

It's incredibly interesting, but might not be the best thing for you to watch a few days after having had an abortion, as it does contain some graphic information?