I'm pregnant and I don't want to be.

[feelinglikeaterriblehuman]

I don't want this. Probably 6 weeks along. Name changed for this. I need support. Please tell me about what's going to happen.

I'm frightened. And ashamed. I was on a new contraception. I thought I was doing it right but I obviously wasn't. I'm really ashamed. And I don't have anyone to tell but mumsnet.

Yes, dental work or just a vague 'women's problems' answer if that will fudge it? I remember a friend having a further smear test they did the same light, short G&A as you'd have for a termination, so that might work?

Yes the smear test thing seems like a good idea. I'll do that. Thank you.

I'm trying my best to not overthink this.

Don't overthink it now. The mention of anything related to female problems will probably shut most men up. Anything else needs answering further down the line (and I imagine that's a 1/10,000 chance anyway) then that can be dealt with then.

Just stick with minor surgical procedure for gynacological issues - none of which is a lie anyway - and ask about how you get a few days off afterwards, as in how you self-certify for minor ops.

Just to add my experience. I went the medical termination route. Took the tablets, had.the pessaries. I had no pain but i bled a lot and for a long time. I passed the sac when i was at home. Still when i went for a follow up scan they saw that i hadn't passed everything. I ended up having a surgical procedure as well. I was scared of having the GA but actually it was fine and it was good to know other was finally all over.

I would always advise someone to consider the surgical option because there is the possibility that the pill may fail. With the surgery you know its done. There's no going back for scans etc.

God I'm drained today. A few nights of not much sleep are taking its toll. I don't feel myself at all, a couple of friends have noticed and asked what's wrong. I just want to shut myself off until it's all done and dusted.

Just do whatever you need to get through the day feeling. Nap during the day if you can, eat easy meals or take aways. Abdicate anything practical to your dp.

Have you been offered any pre abortion counselling? I'm sure there are helplines you can ring for a chat if you can't face making it out of the house yet. Or just keep posting here.

Much love to you

Delegate I mean. Not abdicate. Thanks autocorrect.

I lied to my friends. It felt like the right thing to do. I went quite off radar for a while and they picked up on it. I told a few a fudged story about having had a really bad UTI. I just wasn't in a position to tell them the truth, but they knew something was up.

This will sound silly, but is there anything you can buy yourself to make you feel better? YY to takeaways, kids can watch as much TV as they need, pass off housework, and maybe buy something to cheer you up. I bought a huge tapestry to start. Stupid, but it worked.

lie to your friends if you want to, no-one who is a real friend will mind - hopefully you are feelling a bit less like your user name now, you're not alone you're not horrible - you're just human xx

I have told one friend now but what I need at the moment is space. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want anyone to try and change my mind because I know my own mind.

DH just isn't on board either, so from that point alone it would be a no go. He's supportive and loving, but he just doesn't want another DC. If both parties aren't up for it, you can't do it. In another life, maybe. But with the hand I've been dealt, no.

I also wish I was a different person. Like I wish I saw this as a blessing and that I could be happy about it, you know?

But you already have blessings in your life - your DH, your existing children, and your happiness as a family.

More does not always equal better, and it is perfectly fine to put what you already have ahead of what might be.

I have my initial consultation this afternoon. Hopefully then I'll be more clued in about what's going to happen and when.

I can't thank people enough for the support on here, and personal experiences. I'm truly, truly grateful.

I'll be thinking of you this afternoon. x

Good luck with your appointment. Remember, no question is too small or too silly to ask. Take your time and make sure you're comfortable with everything that they are suggesting.

It's really ok not to be happy about an accident. And yes, putting the family you already have first is what a good parent does

You can see it as a blessing. You're making a proactive decision to protect the happiness of yourself and your family. It's really not something you have to feel bad about at all!

Wishing you the best feeling . I hope it goes well.

You won't be rushed or judged. They just want to help and support you.

Good luck, op! Massive hugs for you.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You know what thurlow? You're right. And my family wouldn't be better off, they'd be worse off. And so would I.

I can feel the hormones kicking in (I thought I was just very down about christmas being over, but was thinking lots of irrational thoughts and this was BEFORE I knew anything) and starting to make me mentally unwell again. It's knitting itself into my soul again, into my fabric and drag me down again. It isn't guilt, it's those old demons again. I recognise those demons, they travelled with me for so long. It isn't in my imagination. It's real.

I'll let you all know how I get on once I'm safely home and update you with what's gone on.

Best of luck

Hi feeling

Have been watching your thread with interest as am in a very similar position. Found out last week am 6 weeks, already have 3 DC and am 41. Having always thought I would never even consider termination, that was my first thought and I have my consultation with bpas tomorrow. I've had over a week to think about it though and am so torn - we could cope, it might be that the other DC would love it but I am worried about ruining their happy lives, things are finally starting out get easier (eldest is 7, youngest is nearly 3)- but similarly worried that if I go ahead, I'll be full of guilt and will make us all unhappy anyway. But then if I were to have it and it did make their lives harder, I think I'd feel guilty then too - really can't see a way forward. Have spent so much time on this board and the larger families board, as well as finding some terrifying stuff elsewhere on the internet and am just so tired of thinking about it all.

Sorry, I don't mean to hijack your thread but wanted to let you know you're not alone - really hope today goes well for you and you're able to find some peace/an end to the sleepless nights.

xx

Do let us know, feeling, we're thinking of you

Myheadhurts, I'm sorry to read that Do you have a gut feeling at all?

On the way back now. The ladies at the clinic were helpful, supportive and kind. They treated me with absolute dignity, and it didn't feel unlike going in for a smear test or something similar. I've got my procedure booked for Tuesday morning, under GA. It was offered, so I took it. Found out I am 6 weeks today; was very unlucky to have caught really.

Honestly, now I know what's going to happen I feel much better. They're going to fit the coil for me at the same time, and I asked DH while he is there to book an appointment to talk about a vasectomy.

The only time I felt distressed was when I was relaying how ill my last pregnancy had made me mentally, and how even now, 5 years on I struggle on a regular basis with dips back in. No one, not a soul knows how that feels other than ME. I've never relayed the true extent of it to anyone, and I would honestly, truly and honestly, rather throw myself under a train rather than have this baby. Anti depressants and therapy only go so far. It's not a fucking miracle cure. Some of us, once touched with this curse, are affected for the rest of our lives. It enrages me how people compare it to 'baby blues' or 'temporary PND'. It's not. Only DH knows but I was admitted to a psychiatric ward for several weeks. Not even my own mother knows. I was starting to hear voices, have demons. That's a torment no living being should have to go through. The price is too high here, and I have already paid my dues many times over.

myheadhurts please use this thread as you need to. So many supportive voices of reason here, I've had PM's of personal experiences and extensions of kindness and love. I don't know if there's a God, but if there is I'm praying to him to bring you comfort. I found BPAS very comforting. Matter of fact. Reasonable. Exactly what I needed. I hope you do too.

I am glad that it went well. You are very strong and I am so sorry to hear what you went through last time.

myheadhurts you still have time to think about your options. I agree with thurlow. What's your gut reaction? I went back and forth a lot but I ultimately came back to 'this is the wrong time and I won't cope'. That was my gut feeling and I know now it was right to go with it.

Take your time and think about what you truly want.

feeling I'm glad to hear things went well and they were good to you. You sound more positive. You seem like a very brave person in the face of what you've been through.

If you need any reassurance about the procedure and the GA, please pm me.