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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

I'm pregnant and I don't want to be.

133 replies

feelinglikeaterriblehuman · 24/01/2015 23:01

I don't want this. Probably 6 weeks along. Name changed for this. I need support. Please tell me about what's going to happen.

I'm frightened. And ashamed. I was on a new contraception. I thought I was doing it right but I obviously wasn't. I'm really ashamed. And I don't have anyone to tell but mumsnet.

OP posts:
msgrinch · 25/01/2015 09:40

I had an abortion in October. It was 100% the right choice for me. I had the pill and yes it wasn't pain free but they will give you strong painkillers to take home.

I got home and rested. Ate a lot of comfort food and just kept dosed up on pain relief. I was back to work (on my feet) the next day.

Please pm me if you need any more advice/information. Take care of yourself. Thanks

Thurlow · 25/01/2015 10:01

The pill needs to be given by the clinic. You go, have a scan (that you don't see) to confirm how far along you, and have a chat with a nurse or a counsellor. They give you one set of pills that terminates the pregnancy. Then you go home and either later that day or the next day you go and get the second set of pills which start you bleeding a few hours later. You're advised to start your painkillers before the second set of pills.

I took a few days off work. I think you'd definitely need to be off the first two days of bleeding, but I also wanted some time to recover emotionally too. I bled heavily for two days, then it was just like a normal period, only with the frustration of not being able to use tampons.

I believe for a surgical termination you go in to the clinic and just have it done, either with a local or a light general, and you'd probably bleed for a few days afterwards as well.

You might be feeling rough at the moment, with gas and cramps and a bit of nausea. It's horrible, you have my huge sympathies. That was the worst bit for me - still having to feel ill for a while until the appointment, which I did at least get quickly.

Please cal BPAS or Marie Stopes for a chat and some advice Flowers

teapotdormouse · 25/01/2015 11:37

Hope you're feeling a little more confident this morning OP Flowers I would definitely take some time off work. When I had mine I only took one day off and it wasn't really enough - you do feel a bit crap. Maybe two or three days would be good (and you can tell them you have norovirus or something). You'll have what feels like a normal heavyish period for about a week afterwards, maybe a bit longer.

The hormones and the shock of not being pregnant any more can make you a bit emotional and sad the same evening and the next day, but it's really just the hormones playing havoc with you.

The pill needs to be given at a clinic or a hospital I think, but your GP can refer you on or you can go straight to BPAS. BPAS will almost certainly do it for free even if you self-refer - you just need to be registered with a GP to qualify to have it for free.

teapotdormouse · 25/01/2015 11:39

Oh yes and I forgot they do give you strong painkillers. Unfortunately I have an extremely sensitive stomach so as soon as I took my painkillers I threw up and they didn't have time to work! So I can tell you that without painkillers it hurts a bit! But probably with painkillers it doesn't hurt so much Wink

specialsubject · 25/01/2015 11:42

the existence of hell has never been proved.

the misery caused by unwanted children, and by being an unwanted child, has been proved century after century. No-one should be forced to have a child they do not want. Right now it is a few cells, just a few more than when it was an egg and a sperm.

You must do what is right for you and THAT is the right decision. You did your very best not to get into this situation and must not blame yourself or your husband.

I wish you the best.

aintnothinbutagstring · 25/01/2015 12:02

If you ring BPAS, or the Marie Stopes helpline, they will ask who your GP is and where you live and then they can advise which clinic covers your area. The clinic can claim back fees from your GP in most cases, but your treatment can be kept confidential from GP if you wish.

Many who have experience of abortion recommend the surgical route, particularly if you are sedated, as being the least traumatic method. With sedation, it is mostly painless with a quick recovery. Your fellow patients in an abortion clinic will be from all ages and walks of lives, from teenage girls to older women who have already completed their family and don't want anymore. Staff, from the reception desk to recovery desk are unbelievably nice and sympathetic of your predicament.

Original poster
feelinglikeaterriblehuman · 25/01/2015 13:18

I rang BPAS and I have an appointment on Thursday. They took my name and address and GP details. It's just a consultation, with a treatment within 7 days.

I don't have anyone nearby I can tell. My best friend is several hundred miles away, and I have told her and she's supportive, but I can't really talk to anyone else. I am worried about the judgement factor.

I'm a bit down, but also glad that I'm on the track to getting myself sorted out. I'm angry at myself, mostly, and I'll be asking them to fit a cool for me in there when it's over. I might ask DH to use spermicide or condoms as well.

OP posts:
defineme · 25/01/2015 13:34

You need to be kind to yourself or you will never get past this. Do you realise how many couples have got pregnant by mistake? Why do you have to be perfect, everyone makes mistakes and contraceptives all have failure rates...you could have done everything right and still got pregnant. You would be kind towards a friend in this situation so why not yourself. You can get yourself and your body through this...a bit of poor me is better than being angry with yourself- that's just destructive.

RabidFairy · 25/01/2015 13:40

BPAS were lovely to me. Definitely take your husband with you, but they will want to speak to you alone first. They can discuss contraception with you as well, in case you feel you want a change.

Flowers hugs to you feeling you will be ok

Original poster
feelinglikeaterriblehuman · 25/01/2015 14:03

Yes he wants to be there, he said he didn't want me going on my own. I'm glad.

We were discussing the possibility of another child, ironically before Christmas. We decided we were happy as we were and not to go for it, and just enjoy our family as it is. I even switched to a type of contraception that lasts for several weeks at a time so I wouldn't accidentally forget to take a pill Hmm

Thank you so much for all the support Thanks

OP posts:
WellDidYa · 25/01/2015 14:10

We're here for you - what ever you decide to do is the right thing.
xx

GatoradeMeBitch · 25/01/2015 14:14

OP, you don't have to 'pay' for being a normal adult in a relationship and an accident occurring. You've done absolutely nothing wrong. We are bombarded with messages that if you have an abortion you MUST feel guilty and haunted for life, and it's ridiculous. You don't have to feel that way. Women are fully functioning members of society, not passive livestock, and you are entitled to make positive choices for your life!

Skinheadmermaid · 25/01/2015 14:15

I had a surgical abortion just at six weeks. If my dr hadn't been so unhelpful i could have had it even earlier as i knew i was pregnant at 4 weeks.
Bpas were very helpful and reassuring.
I was put to sleep and woke up half an hour later all done.
Felt find afterwards, had mild cramps for a day and very light bleeding for a couple of weeks.

GatoradeMeBitch · 25/01/2015 14:17

Didn't see update. I'm sure it will all go well OP, take good care of yourself [flowers[

GatoradeMeBitch · 25/01/2015 14:18

Flowers There!

Original poster
feelinglikeaterriblehuman · 25/01/2015 17:44

Thank you for all the descriptions of experiences, those are really helpful. I'm thinking of going for the surgical option so the worst is over with when I leave. I'll anticipate some light bleeding and cramps though. I wonder if they'll pop a coil in while they're up there, so to speak. Or would that be a separate appointment? Not that sex is on my to do list right now Hmm

I'm trying to be kind to myself. It wasn't intentional, I didn't mean to do this. I'm trying to stop the anger with myself, it's going to get me nowhere. Neither will panicking. It's happening now, I've caught it before it becomes too big a problem to deal with, I'm not going to suffer for this and neither is my family. Those are positive things.

I'll probably report this thread and ask it to be moved to a more appropriate section as someone suggested up thread. I don't want to upset someone who might be affected reading this.

OP posts:
PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 25/01/2015 17:48

Just to say that I'm thinking of you. I've been there, and although I made the opposite decision (so can't really advise on practicalities), I can empathise with the cold knot of horror in the pit of your stomach. Be kind to yourself. You can get through this.

Thurlow · 25/01/2015 17:49

I'm so pleased to read that you seem a little bit calmer about this - or at least as calm as you can be. It's such a horrible situation to be in. And remember, you have hormones complicating how you feel at the moment too.

Please do ask for this to be moved to Pregnancy Choices, it's a hugely supportive bunch of people over there (as it has been on this board too) and loads of people happy to answer any questions you do have, no matter how silly you might feel the question is.

Skinheadmermaid · 25/01/2015 17:50

Yes they can put a coil in during the procedure, its what they offered me.

Original poster
feelinglikeaterriblehuman · 25/01/2015 17:52

Thanks Thurlow, I have reported now. I didn't even know that section existed!

OP posts:
thisisnow · 25/01/2015 18:28

Hope you're okay. Don't be too hard on yourself. I had surgical procedure and I was fine afterwards no pain at all really

Enormouse · 25/01/2015 18:42

Hi op. First of all Flowers please be kind to yourself.

I had a surgical abortion under general anaesthetic, yesterday in fact. If you have any questions you can pm me. The bpas people were kind, considerate and treated me like a responsible adult. They didn't rush me and were respectful.

I was worried I'd be able to feel something but under GA you feel nothing. They will offer a coil if you want one ( I declined as I was travelling from NI and would cost me. I'm getting the implant instead). The cramps and bleeding afterwards are no worse than a period. I felt relief afterwards and coming home to my DSes, I knew it was the right decision for me at this moment. And for my dp. And most importantly for them.

You'll come round quickly, you're only asleep for 10 minutes or so during the procedure. I was able to get my flight out in the evening.

Original poster
feelinglikeaterriblehuman · 25/01/2015 18:46

thisisnow I hope I won't have too much pain. Did you have a local or a general?

I think the pill is just going to drag it out for me, hence why I'm leaning towards surgical.

I've told DH and my best friend even though she's miles away. I don't really want to burden anyone else. It's a bit of a shitty situation, and realistically I've got enough support here and between those two to not have to worry another person. In grateful for that as well.

I bet I look fucking stupid to my friend though, a few months ago I was talking to her about having more and bouncing ideas off her. Now I'm having a termination. Ffs I must look like a nutcase!

Thank you to MNHQ for moving this thread so promptly.

OP posts:
Original poster
feelinglikeaterriblehuman · 25/01/2015 18:54

enormouse Thanks

I'm sorry they would have charged you to fit a coil Sad and that you had to fly here for an option. GA does sound like a good option.

I work in a safety critical job though, where they do random drugs/alcohol tests. What can I pass this off as when I tell them I'm having a procedure done to declare the local/general anaesthetic? My boss will ask because he's really nice and we chat along a lot, so I need a cover story that doesn't look totally made up.

OP posts:
Enormouse · 25/01/2015 19:00

I don't think it lasts very long in your system.

I had my initial consultation at 10.45am and the procedure about an hour or so after that. You spend about half an hour in recovery and discharged a little afterwards. I was back at the airport by 3.30, completely safe to travel.

You could say you're having dental work done. I didn't say anything to anyone other than my dp.