WHY is such a big deal made if you use drugs in labour?

[hamster]

I'm a little curious as to why so many women think that because you have pethidine/epidural/any other drug, you are a bit of a wimp.

I had an epidural during my last labour, and continuously people have felt the urge to comment. Things such as "Oh I did it with just gas and air", or "A friend of mine went through labour with absolutely nothing"

I do appologise if I do sound petty, but it really puts a dent into your confidence
My sister has just been through labour, a couple of days ago, and I know that this will be one of the main topics of conversation next time I see the family, as such a big deal was made of it before the birth.

At the end of the day, I would have thought that as long as you have a healthy baby at the end of it, what does it matter?

Confession: in early pregnancy, i read all the books on the pros and cons of pain relief. Went through each and every one going "don't want that, not that, ooooh, not that one. Nope. Not me" and so on and so forth.

Went to my antenatal class and I could have wept with relief that the consensus was, "its ok to have pain relief!" and eventually went in armed and confident that the midwives would advise me -and in effect, that is exactly what I put in my birth plan.

Can I just say this....

E.P.I.D.U.R.A.L

and even with that "Professor Pieheads another partial success", I felt every last inch. Bless each and every one of you who makes a choice and gets to go with it - choice is sometimes not on the menu!

Good finale btw Spidermama

Isn't having drugs in labour cheating?

That is honestly what someone said to me when I said I had an epidural (at the insistence of the midwives - "be kind to yourself" they said).

I went on to have an emergency c-section which was also said to be the easy option. Told the person in question to "F* off" by the way.

After delivering a 9lb 14oz baby DD the midwives said "oh if only we had known she was so big we would have known you couldn't deliver her naturally". Thanks for that!!!

I think that the books don't tell you that no matter what you do your baby arrives with a whole load of guilt - for YOU to carry around. Either you had pain relief - or you didn't and didn't cope well. Either you breast fed and hated every minute or tried and "failed". Either you fed your child home made organic from day one of weaning or went the jar route etc etc etc. There will always be someone to make us feel guilty.

We are all different. Our pregnancie are all different. Our babies are all different.

Me? Hd my IVF conceived DS 4 yrs ago. Went in wanting 2 epidurals - in case the 1st didn't work. Waters broke but nothing happened - was sent hoem from hosp and told to come back the following morning to be induced if nothing had happened by then. Contractions all night (this after a the prev night in hosp with NO sleep - 2 women constantly on mobiles to hubbie - they weren't in labour just in antenatal ward long term). Contractions stopped 7am. Went in to be induced. Walked the floor ALL day. contractions gradually getting stronger - couldn't sit or lie so on feet all day. Epidural at 8.30pm - traumatic as turns out my spine curves to left and everythign seemed to "Go" at once. Turned out had gone from 3cm to 10cm in about 30 mins. Then everything slowed down. DS finally delivered by forceps at 12.45am. I ws SO shattered I didn't care less. Just wanted to sleep. 60 hours with no sleep. Do I feel guilty for having an epidural? No. Would I have one again - don't know. Will wait and see.

Have to say I have some friends who did it au naturel (not through choice!) and it fills me with disbelieve/horro/admiration all at once!

Have to say my male obstetrician reckoned that if men had babies the choices in pain relief would be much better!

And there is the old joke about a rugby player dislocating his shoulder and screaming blue murder as it was manovered back into place. Nurse says "I've seen women deliver 10lb babies with no pain relief who make less noise".. Guy replies "Yes but I bet they'd yell if you tried to shove it back in"!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do so many people assume that all women have the same experience of birth (including the pain)? The simple fact is that they don't. I'm sure it's lovely to feel every spasm of childbirth and it's wonderful that you can feel every contraction and go with the flow but for some women that is just not feasible. Similarly some women have relatively short labours and others have really long labours. I am jealous of those women who have 7/12/14 hour labours and I wish that I could do that but I can't. I'm sorry to be harsh but having suffered from miscarriages doesn't mean you can offend and insult women who make different birth choices from you without being challenged.

Everyone's labour is different and it is so so wrong for people to criticise another woman's experience just because you would have done it differently.

Stop feeling guilty! When we have headaches, some of us opt for pain relief, others tough it out, thats just who we are. If the pain relief is there, and you want it, take it. I have had 5 babies, some without pain relief and some with, depends on alot of factors. Be at peace and enjoy your baby and don't worry about other peoples choices, the operative word being, "their choices" be at peace with your own. God, we sound like men when we brag about how long our labours were and how little we had to use pain relief. The fact that we have done labour at all, puts us into a category all it's own, never mind whether we used pain relief or not!

I don't think that people do criticise other mums for their medical treatment during labour. I didn't need any drugs as I didn't really feel any pain. Other people are in screaming agony and need everything that medical science can manage. It is not as though we are taking stuff that is harmful to baby and without medical advice is it?

It is not something you can plan for and you have to take it as it comes and be grateful that you have the option (apart from when the anaethetist is busy and you have to wait two hours for your epidural )

I reckon it is just one of those things people talk about when they first meet your baby. How much did she weigh? how many stitches? What drugs did you need? They always ask how the newborn is sleeping as well which I think is hillarious

i love the idea of home birth. but i'm such a screamer when i deliver undrugged that the neighbours would think someone was being murdered. not to mention traumatising the kids. it's the only reason i stayed in the hospital last time to give birth. i reckon my labour would have been heaps shorter and less painful if i could have stood leaning against a wall & rotating my hips like i wanted to. esp. if i had support people like here. but strapped to a bed, in stirrups, in a fluoro-lit room with only strangers and another woman (also in labour) f@#*ing moaning like she's having the best sex of her life... i tell you i was wishing someone drug me to the eyeballs and consequences be damned!

Just a thought, but when I was in hospital during labour, I had 5 midwives in total over the night and thanks to an epidural, I was able to hold a reasonably normal conversation with them all. Anyway, when I asked the midwives did they have children, and did they have drugs during labour-they all said yes
One of the perks of the job-eh?!

I had pethedine last time but will not this time as i was out of control (not a pretty sight). However if this baba is back to back like my DD was then I will have an epidural as long as they can work round the fact that I have a prolapsed disc.

I wouldn't judge anyone on their decisions regarding pain relief, at the end of the day we are all different and no one elses labour is going to be exactly like yours was. You have to make your own decisions at the time as only you know how much pain you are in.

kangaruyu2, when I was a midwife I delivered a baby at home to a Mum who was a self confessed screamer - said it helped relieve the pain. "Don't worry I said - you go for it girl" and she did. 30 mins later we were startled by the arrival of a police car called by concerned passers by. Thankfully, just as the police turned up so did the baby. There were a few comments and lots of laughter as I recall.

Anyway, I think we should all remember that men couldn't do it

Someone once told me that there are no prizes for bravery during labour which I think is true. Some people will make a competition out of anything!

My prize for bravery during my back labour was normal blood pressure and no crusty back from plaster used with an epidural

I think it's important to remember that even if the experience is the same the effect it has can be totally different. What feels good (or rewarding) to one person may be absolutely awful for someone else.
You may love shooting down long water slides and find them invigorating and trilling. Me? I absolutely hate them. They scare me and I strongly dislike every second of the sensation.
Doesn't mean I am wrong or missing out or not empowering myself or any such stuff. I like other stuff. Like having a nice glass of wine and a sit down
And that's completely aside from the point that you cannot possibly evaluate anyone else's experience from the outside. You may have contractions that don't hurt much, but that doesn't mean someone else's contractions are unbearable.
And anyway, there is no hard evidence at all that epidurals harm babies or damage the development of children (and there's even some new evidence that newborns of those women who have early epidurals are born in very slightly better condition on average). So choosing to have one or not should have no moral overtones at all IMO. If it doesn't hurt anyone and helps you, how can it be wrong?
I am very interested in where the idea that we should suffer in childbirth has come from, and do think that religion (the curse of Eve) has something to do with it.

I know have a mental image of people hurtling down waterslides trilling "tralalalala!"

I now have...

bah!

The epidural stablised my blood pressure. And the dressing comes off easily enough w/cotton wool dipped in rubbing alcohol, a tip I learned from having loads of knee surgery.

Better living through chemistry (and plastic)!

EPIS, not if you're allergic to all forms of plaster...very allergic, even to hypoallergenic ones. Huge weepy blisters and serious itching - vile!

Or in my case, hurtling down said slide, while gripping the sides like buggery and whimpering!

Aloha, I don't think anyone has said 'we should suffer' in childbirth have they? Where's that coming from?

"you have your baby safe and sound however they arrived and that is all anyone can want really isn't it?"
Sorry that just makes you feel worse when you are suffering from Post Natal Post Traumatic Stress Disorder! When the pain is so bad you want to die and your mw has her own ideas about what pain relief you deserve, it's very hard to get past the anger and feeling of being abused.
I was 'lucky' enough to end up with a general anaesthetic and CSection in that case which meant I could have an elective one the next time and avoid ever returning to the torture chamber that was for me childbirth.
Funnily enough, that elective has cured me of the PNPTSD. So certainly for subsequent births I think women have every right to have their baby how ever they want.

Spidermama, I think it is a very pervasive idea in society at large. Which is why being 'too posh to push' is so despised and people feel so defensive about having pain relief. Do you know it was once illegal to relieve a woman's pain in labour?
Oliviab, I think that's a very important post on this thread. My own experience of just one night of labour left me with panic attacks. It really is not an empowering experience for absolutely everyone, though I do appreciate that some people (including people I know) actually enjoy giving birth.

Ooooh! Oliveilab - vividly described. Poor you.

I don't think anyone's disputing that 'every woman should have the right to have their baby however they want'. Are they?

Has anybody here been told they shouldn't have pain relief?