A gentle thread for those starting again after a difficult pregnancy, miscarriage etc.

[woollyjo]

I've just discovered I am 5.5 weeks pregnant.

In the last 2 years I have had 2 mcs and our dd2 was stillborn at term.

So I don't feel like I fit into the antenatal threads, and don't want to frighten anyone with my experiences.

Anyone else out there who needs a gentle thread?

Hi, im looking for some advice if possible?

My baby girl was stillborn on 28th feb. DF and I have been discussing the possiblity of having another baby hopefully ttc this year.
I know we are still in the early days of grieving for our daughter but i am longing to have another baby, not as a replacement of our girl but as a little bro/sis for her.

We will wait on the PM results and advice from the consultant first, can i ask how long you waited before ttc?

Jane Sorry XXXX
mY dd was stillborn at 41 weeks on 10th October 2010.We waited to i 'd had my first period one month after Georgie was born before ttc I had a CP in Dec 2010 am now 8 weeks pg again!!!
We saw our consultant twice for test [swab[ results and PM results in November and December.We were advised to wait until PM results were back just in case however as we re both 40 didn t want to wait.....I know it's corny to say but i don t think my body "allowed" itself to become pregnant before i was ready.A new pregnancy brings a whole new bag of emotions with it.
Take care X

Thank you Louisesh and congratulations! I know my next pregnancy will bring along lots of emotions and wont be as care free as my pregnancy with Zoe.
I feel physically fine just waiting on AF returning, but i know i am not ready emotionally as my grief is still so raw.

You re welcome .Have you had any counselling? Only asking as i had it via my occ health deot at work and it helped a lot.I also spoke to SANDS .I went to a local support group just once i didn t find that very helpful.It s a long road to recovery just this morning i saw 2 black hearses on the road and it chocked me as Georgie's service ws on a Monday at the same time i saw the Hearse.
Like you phyiscally i was back to full strenght virtually straight away but mentally...............one day at a time is the mantra i ve stuck to.XXXXX

louisesh have'nt had any councilling, not sure if i want any to be honest. I have been coping quite well really, but who knows i may need it later.

I am in touch with SANDS and on their forum, it helps alot. I am a bit fragile today as it is one month today Zoe was born.
I second the one day at a time however some days it is an hour at a time.
xxx

Congratulations ladies! completely with you on the need for another baby. It took us 10 weeks from dd2's birth to DD3's conception - it was a long pg (in my head - in reality I was induced 2 weeks early so only 38 wks).

Oh hi Woollyjo we ve "met " before,good to hear alls well with you.
Janedoe take care XXX

jane so very sorry for your loss - I read of your experience in an earlier thread. I have been through similar but reading of a new loss is always heart breaking. My DD passed away in April 09 a day after her birth. Within days I was researching obstetricians, hospitals, tests etc for the next pregnancy. I was so desperate for another child. I thought we would start TTC again after my PN bleeding had stopped. I did lots of research on how to get pregnant quickly eg ovulation monitor, vitamins, acupuncture and it became an obsession every month. Each month I got a negative test led to lots of tears. It took 4 months to conceive but that resulted in a missed MC, which was a huge slap in the face. I then needed a break from it all and I was glad as I was physically and mentally too weak. I conceived again 9 months later but that also resulted in MC (v early) but I became pregnant the following month and my 3 week old son is now fast asleep in his cot. I still cry for DD and always will. He does not feel like a replacement at all. Having another child is amazing but part of me feels so dead inside and I am not sure I will overcome that feeling.

There is no easy answer to when is the right time. Looking back, having some space and time from all the devastation was a good thing. But you will find on the SANDS forum and on here that many mothers who have been through this become pregnant very quickly.

I didn't want counselling either as I thought I coped well. However, I did have it during my recent pregnancy and found that it made me feel very down as there were lots of things I hadn't confronted. I am pretty insular with my feelings and don't talk about what is going on inside and so when I did talk, it was a lot to confront.

I wish you all the very best.
x

Jane- so sorry for your loss. Take good care.

I had an early scan on Monday- around 7 wks, difficult to know exactly as I'm not very regular. Clear sac, heartbeat etc - such a relief. Got another one in 2 wks-just gonna take a day at a time. Feel extremely sick all the time which I'm sure is a good thing but feeling pretty rough!

Hope everyone else is ok xx

Morning all,

louisesh congratulations!! I am thrilled for you. And OneBaby lovely lovely news.

I also have little good news to share. I had my 20 week scan on Monday (utterly terrifying) and I have a LIVE baby in there! We are so thrilled, can't quite believe it after really expecting the worst again. Consultant was most impressed to notice that my hb was almost in sync with the baby's... which was 140 bpm Stressed? Moi?! We even saw a little yawn which was gorgeous. Everything is looking fine too, no evidence of brain or eye damage which was what they were looking for specifically after my toxoplasma infection. And he was fairly sure I am having another pink one

Little Bobbie will be 6 months old on Saturday. I hope it treats us gently.

It seems we've got away with it (in terms of baby being undamaged) and been lucky with this one, and I'm so glad to be this far along but it doesn't mean it stops hurting at all. In some ways it's especially hard right now as this is just where we should have been in October and it all seems very poignant. I now know what it feels like to have a good 20 week scan, but it also brings back very vividly what the bad one was like. In some ways it's all more things to grieve for - for missing out on this high with Bobbie, for missing out on feeling her wriggle, for missing out on booking my ML for her. Now I know what those things are like and I know even more what I lost. Having a bit of a wobble actually.

My family were great actually, and very pleased when I phoned round last night to make our announcement. I did say it as "we're expecting baby number 2" because I want to make sure people know how I feel about number 1, and that we don't consider this one our first.

Thinking of you jane. In answer to your question we lost our first at 20 weeks and planned to ttc after I'd had my first period (which arrived 5 weeks later). Started the SWI, and then saw the consultant to get the results from Bobbie's birth and found out I'd had a raging toxoplasma infection. We were strongly advised to wait 6 months before ttc because of this. We said ok and went home and no more sex. 3 days later I ovulated and conceived anyway (some long lived swimmers!). We were then warned about all sorts of possible brain and eye damage to this baby which seems not to have materialised. But to say we've been scared shitless would be an understatement. Much love to you xx

Spiltthetea - congrats re your scan & hope Saturday was gentle on you xxx

I've got another scan on Monday, will be almost 9 weeks. Having a bit of a moment as I'm feeling much better (hardly any nausea) & I don't have sore boobs this time (which were so painful by now with DS) - bit nervous about Monday but I know I will feel this way until he/she arrives or it all goes very obviously wrong so I just need to get on with it I suppose. Can't help feeling permanently terrified though. So scarey all of this, I'm wishing my life away in between scans already! Will let you know how it goes.

Hope everyone else is doing ok?? xx

Scan all good . . . and breathe!

Congrats on your scan onebaby I know exactly how terrifying each scan can be and i also find myself wishing my life away between scans.

Im now 30+1 and absolutely bricking it as i lost my daughter last July at 31+4... If only someone could sedate me until its time to give birth, not sure if my nerves can hold out much longer.

Congratulations OneBaby!

I too am wishing time away. My next scan is 5 weeks today when I'll be just over 27 weeks. Can't come fast enough. My particular fear just now is losing this baby in the next two weeks when she'd count as another miscarriage. I really really hate that I laboured and gave birth to Bobbie, held her, named her, buried her and visit her grave and yet she doesn't technically count as a person, she is a miscarriage because she was only 20 weeks.
Too many people have totally failed to recognise that she is part of my family and counted as one of my children. I have been told it's exciting that I will be a parent soon when this baby arrives. Made me so mad... I am a parent and I have a daughter!!

Where is everyone?! I hope you're all ok? I'm really good, have had four scans so far including my nuchal, all fine. I'm about 13.5 wks now.
Hope everyone's ok xx

Great to hear your news onebaby - well the pregnancy I started this thread for turns 1 in just over a week's time, we're all done on the baby front now.

Happy birthday to your little bubs woollyjo

Onebaby Im glad everything is going well for you and you are getting lots of extra scans to reassure you.

Im 35 weeks today and im booked in for a section on June 14th. Im now counting down the days, this last few weeks are dragging and making me nervous.
My little angel Freya is doing a fabulous job of keeping her sister safe so far and im sure she will continue.

Hope everyone is doing well

Yeah Onebaby! Great news on the scan. It is such a relief, isn't it?!? One less thing to worry about and one more milestone behind you.

Happy Birthday to Wollyjo's little one! Did the year go by quickly?

BDBadger: You are so nearly there! Virtual handholding on offer; I will think of you as I spend time with my friend here who is currently 36 weeks along.

I made the foolish mistake of watching The Business of Being Born and I was awash with conflicting feelings about trying for another db... My heart says yes but my brain says no. Why is it so complicated?!?

Hi girls, hope all is well. I m now officially ttc (well, not trying and not preventing!).

So lovely to see all the news ladies, and for it to be all good!
I am on day one of my maternity leave and reading back through this thread can scarcely believe I have made it to 37 +1, hurrah!
I am thinking of you all wherever you are on your journeys x

hi all - well it has only taken me 13 weeks to get back here to update you on the safe arrival of my gorgeous little girl. In my defence I have been crazily chaotic (in the best of ways) since she arrived as both me and the other DC's were desperate to get back out to the ME to be with DH with the net result that I was on a plane having packed up our house whn DD2 was 12 days.

So the details for those interested:

DD2 was a planned induction at 37 weeks due to my worry and also wanting DH there - something we couldn't guarantee if left to chance. My MW had spent weeks telling me that since this was my 4th baby the induction would be quick - they'd break my waters straight away and she'd be out in no time so I was very miffed when not only could they not break my waters immediately but nor could they after the first pessary and then, despite the onset of mild contractions, the second.

At that point having been in hospital for 8 hours and with talk of them coming to check on me in another 6 hours I was about to lose the will to live. Then in the time it took my sister to go for what we all laughingly acknowledged was absolutely not going to be her "last fag" it all happened.

The cramps were getting painful so expecting to be fobbed off a la One Born Every Minute I thought I'd get my request for gas and air in early. A new MW brought it immediately and then said she wanted to examine me. I was 4cm and she broke my waters just as sis walked back in. At which point I had what felt like one enormous long contraction. No peaks no troughs just one rolling wave and then 50 minutes later I was holding my beautiful little girl. It would have been sooner but for her having her cord around her neck and me needing to slow down so they could deal with that,

It was totally amazing and I feel absolutely blessed. She weighed a good 6lb 1oz and we were allowed to go home 3 hours after she was born

Today she is doing brilliantly. She dropped a pound after she was born but has put weight back on in spades and is the happiest, most relaxed baby I could have hoped for We are all in love.

It's hard at times, I still think about F every day but he is so rarely ackowledged. I think for everyone else DD2 has "healed me" as if that could be possible, but you know the truth is she does go someway to healing the hole in my heart, even if she can never (and nor would I want her too) fill the hole in my family.

Congratulations nancy what a beautiful birth story. Your last paragraph brought a tear to my eye.

couldthisbeit you are so close now. Wishing you a calm couple of weeks and a safe birth of a lovely baby.

jane good luck with the ttc, it's such a daunting step.

Great to hear you are doing so well onebaby

I'm now almost 29 weeks and she's wriggling as we speak . It has been, and is, so hard to believe that we will have this baby to take home. I wake up every morning frightened that she will have died during the night. I can identify with what woollyjo said about the pregnancy feeling very long...

Oh nancy your post made me cry. Sending you the biggest congratulations .

couldthisbeit Congrats on getting this far. How are you coping?

Cadmum thank you for the handholding its definately needed at the min. As for the trying again, its such an incredibly hard decision isnt it. Sending you lots of positive vibes and all the luck in the world if you do decide to go for it.

jane Sending you lots of luck and best wishes with TTC.

I have now got just 10 days until my section and im growing increasing more nervous everyday. I wih i could get excited about seeing my little girl but i still dont truely believe i will get her until she is in my arms and screaming away.

Just reading all stories , which helps, im in same situation after 3 mmc 7 weeks, 10 weeks and 11 weeks , i am 6 and half weeks now had scan friday and asked was i sure of dates , seen sac and little line but that s it, im on steroids , cyclegest and inohep which im still taking next scan on 15th so really anxious
i do have 2 girls aged 4 and 3 .the scan yesturday cost 200 euro and my husband keeps saying its to early to tell so will hold out till publis appointment as cant keep paying 200 euro..

Hi everyone, I was onland off this thread at the start of it, due to getting pregnant and losing. I found out today I am pregnant again. This is pregnancy number 14. I have three wonderful chilrend but since my last little boy I have had 9 miscarriages. I have had all the investigations etc, but nothing really showed up. But this time I am taking asprin, innohep and progesterone. In other words throwing everything at it in hope it might be a good one. I am a little anxious about taking the progesterone as all it has done in the past has been to prolong the time til miscarriage, making it inevitably worse.

But I am trying to remain positive.

Since I was last here, Woollyjo, onebabyplease, Kcoffin and Nancydrew have all had their babies and I want to wish them my heartest congratulations.

Woollyjo, thank you for creating this thread, I hope you won't mind me creating a sequal as this one is getting long and slow to load?