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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

A gentle thread for those starting again after a difficult pregnancy, miscarriage etc.

977 replies

woollyjo · 13/10/2009 14:19

I've just discovered I am 5.5 weeks pregnant.

In the last 2 years I have had 2 mcs and our dd2 was stillborn at term.

So I don't feel like I fit into the antenatal threads, and don't want to frighten anyone with my experiences.

Anyone else out there who needs a gentle thread?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
laylasmummy09 · 29/01/2011 10:30

sorry to interrupt the quiet, im going to join back in to this thread if thats ok, im on my 2nd mc but the docs cant tell if its ectopic or not so they wont do anything until they know, we will be ttc again but not sure when as the docs want me to consider a methotrexate injection and you cant ttc for six months after to make sure its all out of my system, really hope everyone else is doing well xxx

Penel · 29/01/2011 13:18

This is a lovely thread which I have only just found. Had 8 week scan yesterday and found out that baby didn't have a heartbeat so am waiting to miscarry naturally or will need to have an ERPC. We lost first baby at 14 weeks a year ago and was induced and then had an EPRC. I don't know whether body is telling me that I am just not capable of carrying a baby to full term or we have just been unlucky. Reading all the other incredibly tragic, but so unbelievably brave comments in this thread I feel there is still hope. Has anyone had genetic counselling? Does it help?

Penel · 29/01/2011 13:20

Laylasmummy09 meant to say how lovely it is to have your support as we're both in same threads. We will both be OK xxx

NancyDrewHasaClue · 29/01/2011 13:38

Welcome to the newbies and good to see you woolyjo I'm so glad that people are continuing to find support and comfort on the thread.

mini you have been through such a lot - wishing you all the best for the next scan.

archieandelliot I can really relate to feeling like it all happened to someones else, it's like looking through hazy glass, almost an out of body experience. The counsellor I saw said it is very common - when I remember my labour with F I see it in the third person, as if I was standing at the door watching it happen to me.

How you doing lunatic? Climbing the walls?

I get my date on Thursday. I cannot wait but I have so much to do! DC's have gone to their GP's so that I can get organised. Decided that all being well with the baby we will fly back to ME on 15 March. I need to seperate the stuff that needs to be shipped, save the stuff that will be needed in the period before we move, get rid of the rest. Write three million letters cancelling services/DD's etc and do my tax return (nothing like leaving it to the last minute!) Oh and did I mentione the builders.....

LunaticFringe · 29/01/2011 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duckmum · 30/01/2011 10:39

Have just found thread and wish I had found it 30 weeks ago! 34 weeks now with pregnancy 2. First time my beautiful identical twins could not battle anymore at 21 weeks. This was due to severe twin to twin which triggered labour and rapid transfer to London with blue flashy lights. Had treatment but all a bit late and too much for them. Eleanor and Josephine were perfect and born Oct 2009. We were advised to start trying again sooner rather than later as I have gynae issues which will mean definitive treatment sometime over the next few years which means this is going to be it.

We were lucky after 6 months and so far baby is hanging in there. This pregnancy has not been straightforward with gynae issues still playing havoc and flu and chest problems triggering early labour at 29 weeks at xmas which was stopped after drips and steroids and bed rest. Am now at the stage where I know I should start to breath a bit but it all seems to have hit home more the closer I get to going into labour.
Xmas brought back lots of the trauma of last time with all the ambulances and having to be transferred between hospitals.

I keep feeling I am lucky and should be grateful but can't help feeling none of this is real and can't believe I may get to have a baby.

Reading the posts have really helped.

woollyjo · 31/01/2011 21:09

Hello - sorry I've not been about much, been getting far too cross about stuff I can do very little about!

Hi Lunatic yey next week!!!!!

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NancyDrewHasaClue · 01/02/2011 16:01

Shite bloody bollocks day. I just need to vent.

Had a worrying day myself yesterday as the MW has measured me as 4 weeks smaller (fundus height) than I ought to be. Have a bad feeling as DD has been right at the bottom of the centiles despite me previosuly measuring OK.

Anyway I have an apt with consultant on Thursday so just have to see what that brings but today I got some absolutely gutting news that the girl who used to look after my DC's lost her baby at 27wks. The baby was struggling with growth and she had been given a target which she had to get to for her to be delivered. against all odds reached the target, sent for section at another hospital and when she arrived the HB was gone.

I am just so gutted for her. She is very young and her first baby and it is so f-ing unfair and I feel crap for her and crap for me and crap for everyone who has ever been in this shitty situation. it's just not bloody fair.

LunaticFringe · 01/02/2011 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NancyDrewHasaClue · 01/02/2011 19:13

Thanks Lunatic actually weird as it sounds my grief for my friend is distracting me. Which is crap but good IYKWIM. Just can't believe it Sad

Thanks also for thoughts re Thursday - I am just doing that weird thing where you tell yourself it couldn't possibly be bad news... but then panic because you know it can be...but then it couldn't be could it?! and round I go.

Re your dilemma you just have to do what you are comfortable with (easy eh?! Grin ). I was talking to my MW about my induction and had expected a teeny bit of judginess but she said you just have to do what is right for you, doesn't matter what anyone else thinks do what keeps you sane. Which I think is pretty good advice.

I can't believe your baby is going to be here in 1 week!!!

sh77 · 01/02/2011 19:24

Lunatic just want to wish you all the very best for next week. My section is 5 weeks away and I am starting to fall apart. You are in a safe space and not long to go. Still feel in denial about the whole thing. I had the induction/c-sec dilemma but I decided that I didn't want the birth dragged out - just a calm space and time when baby would be delivered.

nancy hope your scans go well. Really sorry for your friend.

I just wondered if anyone had signed up to FSID's CONI (care of next infant) scheme? Any thoughts on it?

OneBabyPlease · 01/02/2011 19:58

Nancy, I'm so sorry for your friend, my thoughts are with her. Good luck to you for next week too.

Lunatic - pretty good advice from Nancy - just do what is best for you & I'm sure it will be best for your baby too. Very best of luck for next week, will be thinking about you & got everything X'd for a safe, uncomplicated delivery for you both. Look forward to hearing your update - hang in there brave lady - nearly there xxx

Welcome all newbies, a lovely supportive thread. Good luck to you all xxx

BreakDancingBadger · 03/02/2011 21:21

Lunatic Been thinking about you recently and wondered how you were doing.
Good luck for next week, im keeping everything crossed for you xx

Cadmum · 04/02/2011 09:06

Thinking of you for today NancyDrew...

Good to hear from you again Lunatic. (I must confess that I was practically stalking you as I did a search to see if you had posted elsewhere. A MN first for me...) I nearly joined your original thread but would have felt like an impostor. I didn't have an abruption; I had a previa that bled (internally) and caused a miscarriage at 21 weeks.

I am now 13 1/2 weeks but started spotting yesterday. ARGH! Scan on Tuesday but I hope that it either quits or becomes a proper miscarriage. I cannot bear the thought of requiring medical assistance.

woollyjo · 04/02/2011 19:45

Lunatic I assume Mrlunatic has been fully briefed on posting the news ASAP next week ????

OP posts:
NancyDrewHasaClue · 04/02/2011 23:29

This is going to be a venty sort of post but I need to so bear with me.

I had my scan yesterday and the good news is all is fine but god the hospital stressed me out.

Turn up to clinic and wait 30mins. See lovely MW who has looked at notes and tells me how sorry she is for my previous loss. I feel so grateful. Pathetic really but so nice for someone to acknowledge it.

30 mins later see registrar who explains consultant is in surgery. Fair enough. She has no idea why I am sat in front of her. She is clearly in a rush to extent she does not sit down. Not fair enough.

Tell her MW wants me to be scanned for growth and that I am here for induction date. Huffs and puffs (literally) about scan - basically tells me all MW's are rubbish tells me they would only be concerned if differential was greater than 2cm, point out mine is 4cm nothing to worry about she says blah blah.

Then the bombshell she cannot authorise induction. Come back next Thursday. Tells me to go and rebook and ask for scan then. I say I want scan earlier. That is what MW has requested. She leaves come back and says there are over 30 people waiting for scan no chance. Best to tie it in with clinic in another week she says. I cry.

Explain I am extremely anxious and have been waiting for weeks for this date. She is half way out the door, nothing she can do.

Go to reception to make appointment. No appointments for three weeks as consultant on AL. Ask what I am supposed to do. Sent back to where I came from. See another lovely MW explain situation "why aren't you being scanned today?" she asks. I tell her doc said too busy. She says "but I only have one lady waiting".

I am scanned by the kindest, loveliest sonographer who wants to know all about F and tells me, with tears in her eyes, how sorry she is. Baby is fine, doing well all is good. She takes her time and reassures me at each step.

See another registrar. Flicks through notes. Refers to my two children and "unfortunate situation" last year. He tries to correct himself but it is lost on me. I am too stunned to say anything and feel sorry for him as he is about 12. Only on my drive home do I get angry and think FFS you are a Dr. you should know how to talk to the bereaved.

Back to see mean (first) registrar sarky "happy now". Obviously didn't confront her about blatant lie re scan list.

Finally see consultant. 37.5 wks is earliest she'll induce. Worried about potential issues if earlier. Can accept this but wish she'd said this at last apt: I have just had sentence doubled!

So good news in the end. But took 4 bloody hours and I was absolutely exhausted by it all. Baby will be a bit later than I had anticipated but as long as she is safe and well, how can I mind? But FFS you'd think they could manage themselves a little bit better.

You know what I have done a job where you get info at the last min. I know what it is like to have a file thrust on you with 30 secs to prep and no prior knowledge. You read what you can and apologise for what you can't. The Dr I saw couldn't have cared less how I felt, it makes me so angry. Of course none of it is actually worthy of complaint it is just so below par as to be laughable.

Anyway I hope all is well with everyone else

SH77 the CONI scheme looks good. Obviously different circumstances for me as F never lived but I have found this pregnancy quite stressful due to feelings surrounding not just history repeating itself but also the idea of another baby that is not F. I worked through some of that with my counsellor so I can imagine that the scheme would be extremely supportive.

NancyDrewHasaClue · 04/02/2011 23:29

oh wow that was indeed epic Blush

Cadmum · 05/02/2011 19:36

Thanks for the epic post NancyDrew. It sounds like an ordeal. I feel very annoyed on your behalf that you had to work so hard to get the scan but very, very relieved to hear that it went well.

You have every right to feel annoyed with the registrar for being inconsiderate enough to lie to you on top of everything else. The 12 year old registrar who considers the loss of your daughter an 'unfortunate situation' beggars belief. I know that they see many losses in the course of their work but pregnant women who have suffered a loss should not have to deal with this kind of callous behaviour. I am truly sorry.

Spotting changed to bleeding yesterday... No clots or cramping though. Am I silly to be hoping for a positive outcome at the scan on Tuesday?

I hope everyone else is managing to stay as sane as possible...

woollyjo · 05/02/2011 19:55

Oh Cadmum - sorry to hear you are going through this, no you are not being sill hoping for a positive outcome - I'm hoping you get one too!

Nancy bloody hell - the registrar needs sorting! My last consultant appointment I saw a registrar who had to go out and 'check' the answer to everything I asked to the point that I was about to offer to go and speak directly to whoever it was she was 'checking' with and then whilst filling out my induction paperwork asked me why I was being induced. There wasn't a page in my notes that didn't have stillbirth highlighted in pink on it. I was so shocked I just told her - why the hell I didn't there and then demand to see someone who could give enough of a shit to open my notes I don't know but I did make a point of telling every HCP I met about it from then on afterwards.

Mention it next time you see your consultant (if you see him/her again).

xx

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NancyDrewHasaClue · 05/02/2011 20:09

Cadmum hope you are holding it together?

Obviously you are stressed and I have no idea what healthcare in Cambodia is like - I visited once 12 years ago and can't begin to imagine - but is there an emergency dept you could go to?

Stay positive (I know it is easier said than done). I bled throughout my pregnancy with DD1 - no explanation ever given and she arrived safe and sound. I remember posting on another forum at the time and it seemed to be astonishingly common. Just remember the fact that you saw a HB at 10 weeks bodes very well.

Take care.

sh77 · 05/02/2011 20:54

nancy sorry for the crap you went through and wishing you well for the birth. It is so bloody hard having to explain to different people what happened and even worse when you have to deal with an insensitive person.

It is worth calling FSID and explaining your situation. CONI is not exclusively for parents who experienced SIDS. My colleague who worked for FSID said that they do accommodate for different circumstances. Also, in a thread I started last week, one poster had CONI support for her prem baby and because a baby in her family died SIDS.

daimbardiva · 06/02/2011 14:55

Hello, I'm a new poster here. Currently at 6 weeks, following a mc at 6 weeks in November - so this is an anxious week for me. I'm booked in for an early scan on the 15th which currently seems like a lifetime away...!

Feel very humbled reading what you ladies have been through :(

Wishing us all the very best for this time...

Cadmum · 06/02/2011 16:16

Still bleeding and now feeling quite tender. Iam not crampy and there have not been clots, just blood...
More red now than brown now though.
It is hard not to be paranoid. I can bear the thought of a complete miscarriage but I am more worried about placental issues. I had a complete pre via last time that caused a miscarriage at 21 weeks and eequired a c- section.

Thanks for the support. The health care situation is not brilliant but I do like the GP that I see for ant- natal checks and in a proper emergency, I would be evacuated to Bangkok or Singapore. This would be a logistical nightmare with four home schooled children but beats leaving them without a mother... I really should have thought of this before putting myself in this position at all, shouldn't I?

Cadmum · 06/02/2011 16:17

Sorry for typos. I blame iPad...

NancyDrewHasaClue · 07/02/2011 18:20

cadmum hope you are holding up? best of luck for the scan tomorrow.

On another note 4 home schooled children? Wow!

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