The "4 weeks and bricking it" lounge.

[Thandeka]

Hello,
Me and Wasabipeanut thought a specific thread for people in our boat may be nice- as lovely as the knicker checkers thread is and great support but a lot of the lovely knicker checkers are past the evil first trimester and for those of us that have just found out we are pregnant again post MC we thought it might be nice for us to have a sub lounge to huddle in and support each other in these very early stages where in a way we are still in denial about this pregnancy!

We don't have to post due dates or anything scary like that, just more a place to wobble with people going through it at same time.

So I will be only 4 weeks tommorrow and 40 days ago tommorrow I had an MMC at 10 weeks but emby died at 6/7 weeks. So am going to be petrified basically for at least the next 8 weeks and would love some handholding- especially as this time I am not telling anybody except DH and best mate. Parents need not know.

Thandeka I get those stabby pains too. Had them first time round too. It's ligaments stretching and softening - elavated progesterone levels cause this to happen even really early on.

It's so junior can get out in 8 months time!

Thandeka - don't worry about those pains, they sound quite familiar to me. A useless doctor's appointment, hey? Don't you just hate it when you feel your time has been wasted? (When I'm wasting my own time, that's something else of course )

I am feeling like a zombie today. Normally when at home I manage to get some work done on my thesis writing. Today? Nada. I feel like I've been drugged with some sleep inducing jab.

Rainbowdays hello! I hope you're feeling ok. Did you manage to keep your DC's energy under control from your spot on the sofa? Did you get the same aches and cramps with your previous pregnancies? I'm thinking of you.

Thandeka would it be far too personal a question to ask you how old you are? No real reason for asking .... just good ol' fashioned nosiness.

Zombie feeling - snap- just been dosing in bed for last three hours. Spose its a good sign for all of us but buggers up work schedule a bit!

Jardins I as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth- a good old fashioned 27 and creeping close to 28.

Ladies - I've fallen out of the knitted bubble with a bang. brought my scan forward a week (6 weeks today) and there was nothing but an empty say measuring 5.5 weeks - exactly the same as last time.
We are beyond gutted and I'm now more worried than ever that there is something seriously wrong and this just isn't going to happen.
Best of luck to everyone else - I'll be popping in to check on you all x

Oh gosh Mowmi am devastated for you. How terribly cruel. I don't want to say platitudes or anything as they are next to useless, but just wanted you to know am thinking of you.
xxx

Mowmi - I don't want to offer false hope, but I had this experience previously where I knew my dates went for a scan and they told me there was nothing showing at 5 weeks sac but no fetal pole or anything, I was told I either got my dates wrong or was miscarrying. But it all turned out ok. I had a torturous 2 weeks waiting for the next scan, which showed my original dates were absolutely correct, and the woman doing the second scan said it does happen with early scans being very unreliable. What were you told today? When will they be rescanning you? I hope that you have plenty of tlc at home. Will be thinking of you.

Dearest Mowmi that is so awful. We are all here for you. I'm sure everybody on this thread feels your pain.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are.

Thanks ladies, I'm not too bad you know.... had accupuncture yesterday so that is probably helping my state of mind!
Got to go back for another scan on Monday week but she didn't seem at all hopeful- It's exactly what happened last time! We can't get passed making a sac!

I know it's hot today but stay in that knitted bubble!

Oh Mowmi, I so feel for you. Take care of yourself I imagine you have a long week ahead. Please let us know how you are doing.

Hello!

I recognise a couple of you from ttc threads.
Congrats to all and fingers crossed!

I took a test this afternoon and I'm pregnant. Very strong positive.

We have been ttc for 12 months and I had a mc last july.

I'm happy but scared. I can't help but wonder if I'll have another mc. Very much bricking it. Convinced I can feel cramping.

Am also feeling totally guilty because this month I decided to "relax" and forget about ttc as it was doing my head in. I have been drinking wine, eating liver, pate, etc.... not knowing or thinking I could be pregnant! Now of course am reading websites galore and feeling like terrible mother!

My partner is very happy and much more relaxed than I am.

Gulp. But hurrah!

God sorry how tactless of me. Hadn't read whole thread. Mowmi I am so sorry for your loss.

Welcome Joy27 Hurrah for you and your DH! That's fab news. Is this your first pregnancy? The reason I'm asking is that so many mums-to-be eat and drink all the wrong things before finding out their pregnant. With my DD (13 years ago) I even had my first Valium when I must have been 4 weeks pregnant. She's a stunner now and bright! (Very proud mum). This time round I popped Nurofen and even accompanied my son for a chest x-ray and felt vaguely surprised when the technician asked to to get behind the wall with her whilst taking the x-ray! Anyway, please don't worry. It's from now on when we should all be more or less careful. Don't forget our mothers were allowed to dring alcohol during their pregnancies.

The cramping seems normal: quite a few of us have had it. If you're nervous about this pregnancy, you're on the right thread! We're all in the same boat.

Thanks jardins. Am calming down a bit now... really it is silly to worry about what I did before I knew. The main thing I worried about is that I might not be able to do any gardening because there might be toxoplasmosis in the soil!

It's my second pregnancy but with the first one I never knew I was pregnant until I miscarried at 8 weeks. So it's my first "conscious" pregnancy iyswim.

Very scary!

Are you an avid gardener Joy27?

Hi just happen to be snooping around yesterday (waves to wasabi & jardins).

(wispers) i just got a bfp! Very excited but also nervous as i feel af is about to arrive. Af due today so will be 4 weeks on monday .

We have been trying for 2 years and had an early mc in oct last year.
Thought there was no hope this month as i have been ill and only managed to bd twice during fertile time.

Lovelymonster bites all her lovely nails off..

jardins, yes I am! Judging from your name, can I surmise that you are too?

lovelymonster congrats, that's wonderful! I'm with you on the nailbiting...

Clever lovelymonster! Well done to you on you BFP!!

And well done Joy27 for getting the fact that I'm seriously into gardens too! Perhaps we could start a whole new parallel thread on garden lovers? In a nutshell I'm in my fourth year of Phd on garden design. I'm doing it with London uni but on a French subject as I live in France. In a month we are moving to Tours which fills me with delight as it is paradise for Renaissance Châteaux and garden lovers. Is your garden small or largish? Have you got any roses? And sweetpeas? I love sweetpeas.

I'm feeling a little anxious today. On one hand I feel my symptoms are coming on pretty big time and on the other hand am getting a bit of cramping down there. Sigh...

How are the rest of the lovely ladies doing?

Jardins- I'm a fellow fan of sweetpeas- we had seeds of them in tiny jars as favours for our wedding last year and they went down a storm!

Welcome to Lovelymonster &Joy27.

An update on where I am- very emotional and verging on tears today and can't decide if that is a good sign or not. Small amount of nausea but not even as bad as last MMC pregnancy. Boobs am starting to be aware of and they feel heavier (muchlike last pregnancy), frequent weeing which has started earlier than last time. Probably TMI but I feel "wet" down there- like when you are fertile- but I keep thinking its AF and rushing off to check but its more a yellowish clear fluid (and dont think its wee!) it does soak into the tissue so isn't mucusy- I think this is normal right? (Its not an infection- recently swabbed as clear and just finished a course of fluconazole and metronidazole just before I ovulated). Oh and the cramps have started for me too- thankfully not really at random times like last time except maybe the odd twinge but now defo getting period cramps post orgasm which is a weird quirk of my body that I use as an indicator to tell me I am in luteal phase (have it for about 10 days at end of cycle) and it only started a few days ago but this is annoying as I was so pleased for once I didnt have it and was taking it as a good sign. Because orgasms induce cramps in me- looks like am going to have to avoid them for a while just in case- although part of me thinks that is daft- but then they do cause your womb to contract etc. Bah.

I am 4 weeks +3days today so still so so early and I can tell I am very very stressed about it as I woke at 3am for a wee and was unable to get back to sleep for my mind going over everything going on at the min (have messed up my glasto train tickets, loads of work on and am working my notice, we are looking to buy a house and maybe move etc) Nargh! At least I have accupunture and post MC counselling on thursday and a massage booked for friday. But just need to make sure I chillout in the meantime. So much for zenlike Thandeka. Can't be doing emby any good.

Sorry for the rant- just needed to get it off my chest.

Thandeka- I get the same thing with post-O cramps! But weirdly only in the last few weeks ie since I have been pregnant. Have been wondering whether it's wise to therefore avoid it? I've also been getting lots of CM- like EWCM but more watery/darker. And lots of it (sorry tmi!).

Jardins- wow your PHD/life sounds amazing!! What a dream! I only have a small garden. Lots of pots and home grown fruit and veg. I absolutely love it. I do have sweet peas but they are not in flower yet.

Symptom-wise, today I feel a little queasy (though could be imagining it!), and very light stretchy- hopefully not crampy- feelings in womb. Am on tenterhooks hoping that this isn't a shortlived moment of happiness... like everyone else here.

Dear Thandeka and Joy27 we are all together in this (she repeats mantra-like). I swear to God Thandeka I totally understand your moments of anxiety. Mine occur most nights. I dislike sounding like 'I know it all and I've been there before' BUT one common denominator of my pregnancies (let's count the 2 viable ones, ey?) was a sometimes overwhelming feeling of fear. It sounds completely paradoxical when I wanted to be pregnant but I realised that my body was in control, not my mind and for a control freak such as myself that was tought to accept. Also those pregnancy symptoms - nausea in particular are so horrible when in full swing - it made me feel helpless.

This 'cramping' is disconcerting, ain't it?

Also Thandeka we are looking for a house to rent in Tours (we can't buy until we manage to sell ours here in Normandy - and that's another looooooonng story). When I think about the impending move with my hubby away most of the time and me being either pregnant or miscarrying (Slap myself on the wrist for being so negative) it makes me so stressed. Also I know that when I'm pregnant I'm am next to useless as all my energy drains away. Did you get any work done this week *Thandeka? I have done so little.

Those wedding sweetpeas are such an ace idea! I would have come just for that!!!! And Joy your garden sounds gorgeous: I love pots everywhere. Mmmm

Hello all
Welcome to Joy27.

It is nice to see so many shared emotions, fear and anxiety I do feel that the journey to the "safe zone" of 3 months is sometimes a long and lonely one. As much as my DH cares and is supportive he doesn't think about it every minute of every day like I do. Especially every time I feel a twinge or go to the loo. My symptoms still aren't strong like a few of yours.

How exciting that some are interested in gardening ... mine is somewhat on a small scale as I live in a rented house in the Middle East so the heat makes things a little difficult for about 4 months of the year, that and the fact I don't really know what I am doing! Although I have been successful with some tomatoes

oops welcome to lovelymonster too
I will have to start on my toe nails soon as I have no finger nails left! ... [sigh ... if only I could reach them!!]

Given that we are going for a gardening theme I have two plant related pregnancy things I should mention!

a) The day I got back from the hospital after my final hospital scan- interflora came round with a delivery of a beautiful orchid from this lovely lady I do work for sometimes. The orchid started to die just as I got my BFP and everyday it wilts away a little more. Sounds daft but I don't know if I want it to survive- like I do because its pretty and it means something to me but also maybe it dies and that could also mean bad things for me (in magic world- I know not real world!) or alternately as it dies my emby grows (but then at a certain point the plant will defo die and what happens then) Okay I know this sounds completely nuts and irrational and I am completely aware of that- but its also how I feel which I kind of can't help! (My mum when me and bro were born planted special plants for each of us and I think my brothers plant died which caused her all sorts of trauma!)

b) This is going to sound even more insane but when I was pregnant last time I killed a flying insect without thinking- then suddenly felt guilt that because I had killed a living thing I would miscarry (which obv I did but I really don't think it was because of the fly!). Anyhow yesterday DH and I were lying in the park and I pulled the head off a small clover without thinking and got the exact same feeling again! It worried me so much I had to tell DH (Who already thinks I am nuts!) and I do know that the two things aren't linked and there is absolutely no cause and effect going on but again these are some of the bonkers thoughts going through my head at the min!

But anyhow it was just the gardening chat that got me thinking about those things. Completely daft irrational and stupid (especially given I was a scientist in a past life!)

Oh and last night I lay on the sofa with DH and made him put his hand on my lower tummy all the time we were watching telly and send "growing vibes" down there. Made me feel better but again irrational or what!

So pleased to have read this thread today. Have been having mild cramps and twinges since last night and have just burst into tears. Will go to the EPAU tomorrow morning i think. I will be 7+3 so at least they will be able to tell me if things look the way they should. I can't believe how terrifying this experience is post MMC. It's horrendous. Had a vivid dream that I was MCing last night and I think that that is colouring my thoughts too.

Is it right that you can just rock up to the EPU and request a scan pretty much?

Anyway sorry to hijack.
I love sweetpeas too!

Think it depends on the EPU. One midwife told me last time to just exagerate my cramp symtoms and they will see me or go via A&E to be seen.

Good luck if you do have a scan tommorrow.

And good luck to mummytopebs who is also having a 6 week scan tommorrow I think.