The "4 weeks and bricking it" lounge.

[Thandeka]

Hello,
Me and Wasabipeanut thought a specific thread for people in our boat may be nice- as lovely as the knicker checkers thread is and great support but a lot of the lovely knicker checkers are past the evil first trimester and for those of us that have just found out we are pregnant again post MC we thought it might be nice for us to have a sub lounge to huddle in and support each other in these very early stages where in a way we are still in denial about this pregnancy!

We don't have to post due dates or anything scary like that, just more a place to wobble with people going through it at same time.

So I will be only 4 weeks tommorrow and 40 days ago tommorrow I had an MMC at 10 weeks but emby died at 6/7 weeks. So am going to be petrified basically for at least the next 8 weeks and would love some handholding- especially as this time I am not telling anybody except DH and best mate. Parents need not know.

I am feeling a bit down today, I have lost some of my symptoms, and gained period type cramping getting worse. My nausea, boobs etc have been getting less over the last couple of days, I am knicker-checking like crazy today, keep expecting to see red. . I hope I am wrong, but today not feeling so good about it. At 6 weeks my preg symptoms should be getting more not less.

hi all just thought id share my experience as im so frustrated so keep up if u can lol last period was on the 20th april did test on 19th may as i knew i was pregnant test said 1-2 weeks went for scan on 22nd may could see signs of pregnancy but obviously nothing 4 sure did antother test on 26th which said 2-3 weeks so it is moving on(love these new digi test u can just keep checkin weeks expensive i know but reasurring)anyway not got scan till 8th june going up the wall ive had 23 previous miscarriages and on a trial for nk cells this is basically my last chance if this doesnt work im giving up so i dont know how im gonna cope next 2 weeks because time is going so slow feel like i should b 9months already lol gl e1 fingers toes ect ect xxxxx
p.shope you can get all that so hard 2 try an fit everythin in

Wow its good to see so many of us have joined already! Mowmi, what amazing news you must be thrilled! You sound like you are due some seriously good karma so hopfully now is your time.

Barbielovesken I know totally what you mean about the innocence of a first pregnancy. When I was pg with my ds I just assumed everything would be ok and it was. I knew mc was a possibility of course but why would it happen?

Thandeka I love your idea of knitting us all a nice bubble. I would love to knit but am so ham fisted I think I am an unlikely candidate.
I can barely sew a bloody button on.

On the dh/dp front mine is really happy again. I had to tell him before I even tested because we went to his parents for the weekend and my temps were really high (my chart had gone into a triphasic pattern so I was fairly sure) and I didn't want to drink. We didn't actually test until Monday which was the day I was officially due on. DH is optimistic by nature and so he is thinking that this one will be ok. I am less optimistic but I can't go though the next few weeks thinking the worst - it will drive me potty so I have to look on the bright side.

Well I am going to be ofline most of the day as it is my Granny is 90 today! I am going over to her tea party with my ds and my mum and dad later.

Hope everyone has a good day x

Pinky we cross posted. I am stunned by your story and my heart goes out to you in having to cope with these losses.

I hope with great fervour that this one is for keeps x

Yippee!! Better late than never! Here I am. How wonderful to see so many anxious and pregnant (sssshh)ladies. Since discovering this thread I feel as if I'm wrapped in Thandeka's bubble-wrap style blanket.

OK I'm (I think) 5.5 weeks pregnant after a mmc end of March. I'm terrified too and every little sign is being blown out of proportion in my head. I'm like Rainbowdays going from quiet confidence (for about 10 mins max) to paranoia. I don't want to tell anyone either but have mentioned it to a couple of people. My best friend called me up from UK this morning (I live in France) and asked me how I was (she knows) and I just said I don't want to talk about it - nicely,of course!

My symptoms vary from day to day. My boobs are sensitive (but after 2 DC - 13years old and 5 years old - both of which I breast fed for a long time I figure my boobs are a little wrung out and less sensitive like), I get waves of mild nausea (my last two viable pregnancies I was so sick for the first 4 months without throwing up) and I get tired. Last night I had to get up twice to pee. This morning I ate like a horse and I really want carbohydrates - toast, toast, and more toast. I too like Thandeka would feel more reassured were I feeling violently sick simply because that's what I know from previous pregnancies. The days when my symptoms diminish I panic. For Goodness sake I only did the test a week and a half a go: it feels like ages!

I'm not making an appointment with doc until post 8 weeks, I think.....

Please, let's just hold hands and get through the next 6 weeks or so together. I shall be posting regularly 'cos I feel I fit in here very nicely. (Sigh of contentment).

Rainbowdays and Pinkie78. Fingers firmly crossed and thinking of you. xxx

In my busy day today I am keeping busy by writing a guidance sheet on contraception (I work in sexual health now) and that is amusing. So tempted to just write- don't bother with it because when you go through the trauma of TTC/MC you will wonder why you wasted all those years on contraception!

Have job things coming up around the due date so don't want to postphone them as I will have to give a reason and for the time being I may still be able to meet those deadlines. If it works this time I won't. If I postphone i may have to tell them but I don't want to. I have to sign the contracts soon. Balls. Last time i was pregnant I changed the dates, then I lost it and changed them back- they are going to be seriously pissed off at me if I change them again!

Hi Everyone, can i join your thread as feel that i need to get in a knitted bubble

I have had 1 mc, aug 08 and a mmc jan 09 resulting in an erpc, i am now pregnant again, and am 8+2 weeks.

I know that im slightly further along than you, but i still havent been to doctor to arrange anything, as too scared to get an early scan and find nothing there again. The mmc, i had an 8 week scan and found it had died at 6 weeks.

What do you suggest, should i go to the doctor or just stay in my little bubble until 12 weeks, but by then i probably wont get a scan will i?

Sorry this is all about me, i will be back later to post more.

Ciara11 welcome and congrats and hurrah for being 8+2 - how are you feeling (apart from the obvious panic scared etc.)

I think perhaps the docs may be a good idea now as we all know what the NHS is like for getting you seen you don't want to miss the all important 12 week scan. Also as I and other posters mentioned it is good to have your pregnancy recorded on your medical records as (god forbid) anything happens again with your history you are entitled to investigations etc. Does your PCT do early scans if you have history of MC. As imagine if you could get a scan this week and all is fine - at your current stage of pregnancy you now only have a 2% instead of 25% chance of MC and wouldn't that make you feel better?
Do you have someone who can go with you? Also the hospital should be very accomodating if you have specific issues about a scan room or sonographer. For my scan to check the MC was all gone I asked for it not to be the same lady who did my good scan and had told me I wouldn't miscarry and they went out of their way to help me on that!

Failing that shall I try some evil blackmail on you- if you don't go to the docs then by magic we will swap places so I am 8+2 and you are back to 4 weeks and have another 8 to go til you get to 12 weeks! How does that sound? Am teasing of course- if you really don't feel up to the docs then really don't but I gently suggest it maybe time....

Thank you Thandeka I know you are talking absolute sense, i think i was waiting til i got past the 8 week point as thats when i found out it went wrong last time, but who knows it might have gone wrong this time

Yes my pct does early scans, but then i worry that an internal scan could cause a miscarriage - i wonder if i could request an external one, or would it not show anything?

My dp wants to go with me but then i have to arrange scan around his job as he is always out of office at clients, but im sure we could sort something.

Im not feeling too bad, worry (like everyone) when my symptons seem to lessen, but at moment, got achy boobs, very very tired and sick most of the day (not been sick yet) and every now and then get headaches - fun eh?

Hmmmm not too sure im keen on the evil blackmail though i do feel for you being at 4 weeks, but fingers crossed this time eh?

Your right, i will arrange the doctors next week

I'm not sure but I know at 10 weeks they would do an abdomen scan (they did with me and when they wanted to switch to internal that is when I knew.... )

So maybe they can at 9 weeks.

Pretty sure internal scans can't cause Miscarriage but then I had a viable pregnancy scan heartbeat and everything at 6weeks 3days and then I miscarried after the scan so although I know its very very very unlikely I too will suspect the internal scan of being a factor in the MMC. So I totally get your reluctance to have an internal scan.

Good luck and keep us posted.
x

hello to Thandeka and Jardins ... only just found this thread. Thanks for starting it Thandeka.

Quick intro. MC in Jan 07 at about 6-8 weeks, DS born in Dec 07, MMC at 13 weeks at end of March, baby stopped growing at 9+weeks. Currently I am about 5 weeks.

My DH hasn't said too much, but he is of the .

I made my doctors appointment yesterday for when I should will hopefully may be 6+4 and will get a scan then. I am as nervous as anything but trying not to think about it too much, ha ha!

We've also decided to not tell anyone until much later as it was pretty awful last time having to tell everyone what happened although the support was fantastic.

It's so nice to have people who really understand all the anxieties.

oh also - for those that were talking about symptoms, I don't really have any symptoms yet either... but I didn't really with any of my other pregnancies this early. Occasional dizziness.

Hi all what a great thread and a great idea! Thankyou hopefully i can join?

I think im 6 weeks today according to dates i have done online, but i had a miscarriage exactly 6 weeks ago, was 5 1/2 weeks according to the scan at EPU. Am booked in to see my midwife next Wednesday and feeling very nervous! She said she is going to book me in for an early scan but thinks from over the phone chat that im a couple of months....... the only practical explanation would be that i only miscarrie one baby and was pregnant with twins but i know how unlikely this is, and im a twin myself and DH's mother twin also. I don't believe her yet.......

Im def suffering with morning sickness which lasts most mornings and some bouts through the afternoon although ive not actually been sick, and generally whatever i eat, 20 mins later or so i end up with heartburn Boobs are very sore, not just in am or pm now it seems walking/moving hurts them to. Oh and TMI sorry but today seem to be having alot of watery discharge (sorry if TMI) is this normal, yesterday evening my heart seemed quite racey too??

DH is very happy bragging about his super sperm although has not told his family yet just incase.... this is our first baby and although im not knicker checking every 5 mins its def in the forefront of my mind

I dont mind the symptoms so long as their normal as its making me feel more pregnant iykwim, a neighbour commented to me today how glowy i looked i told her about my pregnany and she thinks im much further on than 6 weeks! scarey.... But i did get offered a moses basket for free

Just to make you all laugh- I am that insane I didn't just knicker check- I had to go one step beyond and I did the tampon plunger test- you whack a tampon in and pull it straight out and inspect for blood! I am such a dirty wastrel! To be fair I only did it when AF was due not throughout last pregnancy because that would be weird (but when I thought there was a spot of blood I did the tampon test to find more blood and that was the start of the MMC).

Have only done the Tampon test once this time that was before definite definite positives were in.

So anyhow Tampon tests are the way forward ladies. NOT!

Hey everyone,

Was just lurking on the thread and wanted to say a BIG hello and CONGRATS to Wasbi to you and your bean!! Guess what I am to PG how our luck has changed, heres to sticky beans xx

Im 7+2 and had 2nd scan yesterday and saw heartbeat!! Feel a little better but still feel as though will be holding my breath until 1st July and 12 week scan how long away is that!!

Hope everyone is ok today x

Good evening all, I'm going through a anxious moment here on my sofa in Normandy. I feel like I can't really imagine it's going to work out. Sometimes when I'm going through a busy day I almost don't feel pregnant at all and that worries me. What about you ladies? Do you sometimes 'suffer' from diminishing symptoms? Also I get virtually no discharge down there (tmi, sorry) is that normal?

I met up with a couple of girl friends for lunch - both in their mid-twenties. We had a lovely time and they're great BUT they were ordering Kirs and rosé and, of course, I opted for fruit juice and water. One of my friends, a newly fledged doctor, who knew about my mmc and was very sympathetic a couple of months back, asks me straight out if I am a tee totaller. I say no and she asks me straight out whether I'm pregnant? I CANNOT lie, I just can't. So that's two people who know now. I felt a little as if I'd jinxed this new, fragile pregnancy by letting the cat out of the bag.

Part of me feels like I just need to ride the storm of uncertainty for the next few weeks (and derive comfort from this lovely thread which we are all creating). The other part is praying for a little medical reassurance. My doctor friend at lunch time said that a doctor's job was not just to dish out medical intervention but also to lend a sympathetic ear and provide support so I shouldn't hesitate to consult my doc for this at least.

I'm sorry for my negative rantings and please forgive me for talking about me, me, me. I'll do better next time, promise!

Jardins hello from the couch in england i am anxious as well i am suffering no symptoms and am very worried cos i had lots of nausea with my dd who is now 4 x

I have got an early scan on mondya i will be 6 weeks exactly so hope they can see something and it is alive x

Going on my own to the scan on monday cos i would prefer to only have to deal with my emotions

Hi Jardins,
It really annoys me that people are so blunt to ask that question although I know I am one of those people who would ask too!
My response is "ha not in any hurry just yet" (which is true 9months is a long time away!) as I really can't lie either.

I know what you mean about feeling you have jinxed it but lets put our sensible brains on and recognise that whether people know or not is not going to affect the outcome of the pregnancy.

Oh and sounds normal to me the busier you are you won't notice the symptoms because you are busy and have other priorities.

Maybe you should think about the pros and cons of Dr's reassurance or not and decide what is best for you at this time. I have my Docs appointment today which I didn't want and is way to early as I just wanted to phone the docs and tell them but they are making me come in but hey ho I quite like that the decision got made for me.

mummytopebs- fingers crossed, legs crosse,d eyes, croaaed for mobday- (makes it vert difficult too typee this!)

Good morning! How are you all today? Positive? Symptom spotting? Nonchalent?
Thandeka and MummytoPebs, thank you for your kind responses. I'm fed up with being anxious like this. To be honest the past 2/3 months have been pretty full on in my little ol' life: mmc, DS diagnosed with beginnings of pneumonia, husband away from home for new job, bla, bla, bla. I KNOW we are all going through tricky stuff and I KNOW life is such, but it seems such a shame to have this worries when pregnancy is something we all hanker after.

Thandeka you are absolutely right, of course, about the fact that telling someone about the pregnancy CANNOT (I'm into capitals BIG TIME this morning )determine whether you will miscarry or not. Tis true tho' that during pregnancy one becomes somewhat less rational!

I am, generally speaking, a pretty positive person, I think. So why can't I just decide to be positive during these early weeks? After all worrying aint gonna make the potential disappointment any easier to bear, is it?

Another question for you all: do you honestly think that negative thoughts have a negative impact on the embryo? I totally believe that further on in the pregnancy it's good to be as serene and upbeat as positive: I can see that it would have an effect on the foetus at this stage. But 4 - 10 weeks into the pregnancy? I'm not convinced. Your thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Just thinking about making that doctor's appointment makes me feel a litlle nervy. Because I'm moving to Tours in July the doctor I see now - either my lovely gynea in Paris (who hasn't got a high tech scanner) or the new one we discovered here in Normandy who was very sweet during the mc - will only be a one off. Hmmm, I don't know what to do.

ANYWAY (last capitals for the morning) it's turning out to be a lovely sunny day here.

Mummytopebs sorry, I meant to write well done for booking a scan on Monday: you are much braver than me. I'll be thinking of you. What time will it be? Keep posting over the week-end if you feel the urge!

Lesley regan did a study on women who came to see her weekly for a chat/appointment post MC in subsequent pregnancy compared to those who didn't. 80% went on to have sucessful pregancies compared to 60% who didn't (small sample I think so don't start panicking about those figures!) so what this says to me is being reassured during pregnancy can affect the outcome a little bit. My plan is weekly accupunture appointments (where I get to rant about how I am feeling and have a "treatment") and weekly massages just to try and destress me. I figure the teensy tiny likelihood either of those will induce MC is outweighed by the benefits it will bring. So stress hormones such as cortisol may have some effect BUT remember women have healthy babies in warzones and they are under a WHOLE (yay capitals) heap more stress than us. Oh and I have conception related meditation cd I am going to listen to to calm down. Maybe you could try some positive strategies like that to try and destress. I mean not stressing about it is virtually impossible as we know but maybe finding some ways to try and manage it would be helpful?

My I seem to be a bit zen like today! Very odd considering I just realised I also have to talk to the doc about a possible reoocurence of a bone infection I had in my teens as found another lumpy bit in my bones under the last lump that had to be biopsied Fingers crossed its just me being my usual hypochondriac self.

Oh and on the doc front- not sure how it works in France but so often you don't get to see the same person on your next appointment anyhow so perhaps pretend you are in a skanky london hospital and the "one off" is usual lack of continuity of care we expect from the dear old NHS? Good luck with the move though!

As a P.S I tend to live on the internet like the loser I am so if anyone wants to chat on msn I can be found at thandekatotango at hotmail dot com

Hey all,

I hope everyone has some sunshine where they are.

Jardins I hope you are feeling a bit better today. I totally get why you have been in such turmoil. You have had a lot to deal with lately in every sense. I hope you ds is recovering well too.

I have to agree with Thandeka about the fact that, to a large degree, the outcomes of our pregnancies have already been determined. All we can do is stay off the pop, nourish ourselves and the rest to make the most hospitable environment possible for our beans. Who we tell will make no difference. It's so cruel because right now we have to get used to the fact that this largely out of our control.

DH and I have chosen to to tell anyone because of the extra emotional burden it will put on us. When I lost the last one I sort of felt like I had let everyone down and I just can't deal with that again. Telling grandparents and the like just adds a weight of expectation that I can't bear at present.

I do believe in a mind/body link but I certainly do NOT believe that you can cause an mc by worrying too much or being too stressed. Beans are either destined to make it or not. I think the benefits of positive thought are mainly for the mother. But then you know what they say. Happy Mummy = Happy Baby!

Welcome to everyone who joined yesterday.

I am taking it easy today. My cramps and backpain from yesterday eased overnight, but came back when I started moving around this morning. So although, I know, if it is going to happen it will happen. I figure resting is a good choice for me today. I just have to figure out how to keep the other kiddies amused from my couch reclining position.

resting sounds like a good plan- think I will join you in my last day of half term.

BTW has anyone had stabbing pains in the fanjo area (lower down than womb- more external and a tiny bit inside been having that a lot today and didn't get it with last one- so am a bit but then flipside I haven't really had period cramps at all apart from a rare non event twinge- last time they were bad all throughout.

Doc's was useless and told me to self refer to hopsital but I knew that anyway so no idea why they made me come in! Bah. Not sure when will send the form in - have written it but don't want to tempt fate (yup in my own words I know am being daft!)