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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

am pregant again after a termination for downs

341 replies

busierbee · 14/03/2009 20:51

I traumatically and sadly had a pregnancy with a downs baby last year. I am 42. I am pregnant again - ten weeks - and consumed with fear and anxiety. Although there is no genetic basis for downs, the risk of having another downs pregnancy is higher than for a woman who has not. Am having a cvs in two weeks. Has anyone been or is anyone in this situation? need a friend

OP posts:
Original poster
busierbee · 31/03/2009 18:46

Justaboutback - you are sweet and kind and no I am not at all upset by the term prayer. Am not a religious person but feel a prayer to whosoever may be up there listening is a gentle kind thing.
So i accept it and your thoughts. I am worried about new poster today Fluffycats who is waiting for cvs results and got a bit scared today on MN I think - so maybe say one for her too.

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HumphreyCobbler · 31/03/2009 19:41

I couldn't talk to anyone in RL about what happened for a very long time. I just did not feel like I could manage their emotion as well as my own. I think it is quite a reasonable reaction.

Sending my best wishes busierbee, you have been in my thoughts today xxx

Original poster
busierbee · 31/03/2009 20:01

RL- I have been wondering - of course. Not sure how to get through it tomorrow - especially since I know what will happen. That awful pessary. The whole whole medical thing. Think RL not a place I can connect with on any level at moment.Thank you Humph. x

OP posts:
Ohforfoxsake · 31/03/2009 20:16

Busierbee - I don't know what to say to offer support or strength or love, but I wish you them all.

linspins · 31/03/2009 20:38

( RL? )

HumphreyCobbler · 31/03/2009 20:53

(real life)

Dear busierbee you will find the strenth to get through tomorrow. I agree that knowing what will happen is not always helpful, but just concentrate on one moment at a time.

I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight xxxx

linspins · 31/03/2009 21:37

(Ohh, real life..) Actually real life sucks quite a bit. Busier, I have been existing in my own comfy little bubble of internet, husband, toddler and my parents, for, oh, about 3 weeks now! I wandered in to work to say hello, but didn't stay long and felt quite agitated afterwards. Real life can wait until we are ready. I have found it a big problem communicating with friends all this time, preferring to talk to a select few. One, an ARC friend who is now a real life friend, has been particularly generous with her time and has known just the right things to say and when to listen. I am just beginning to dip my toes back in the real world, but it's bit by bit, as everything that has happened recently occupies my mind SO much. Too much normality would be an overload. Watching Neighbours is about the right level! So don't worry if you haven't spoken to anyone (unless you feel you need to/should? )

Busierbee my honey, I do hope that you get a little sleep and please know that we are all with you tomorrow in spirit. Your thread has had a big impact on me, you come across as such a kind and giving person, and life is just so unfair.
More hugs. xxx

Original poster
busierbee · 31/03/2009 22:13

Dearest Lins - oh thank your again again again for words of comfort and compassion - gosh it is good to hear that I am not alone in my self imposed isolation - even dear dear real friends I just cannot deal with and sadly not my parents at the moment. Children an enormous comfort and distraction and joy, DP my lifeline although am aware that he too needs support and am trying but am so teary and wobbly. So yes I am so glad that you are my real virtual friend and i feel mostly am writing to you. Tried to join the talking on arc today but could not quite fathom how - was all too much.
So tomorrow to be got through - and then will get smaller for a bit. Am sending you hugs back and hoping your lovely toddler and lovely hubbie giving comfort and sustaining you. I cannot tell you how important this lifeline has been.
Courage to all
BB x

OP posts:
linspins · 31/03/2009 22:25

Strength for tomorrow. Maybe see you on Arc in the weeks ahead. You'll see me there, planning Daisy's service.
Don't forget your partner can go on the men's board if he feels so inclined...I think the men just tend write factual accounts of their story cos that's what men do! But they do get very sweet (manly) responses.
Love to you both.
Off to bed...

JumpingJellyfish · 31/03/2009 22:34

I have come late to this thread, but wanted to wish you all the strength in the world for tomorrow. I cannot imagine your pain, but I hope life becomes kinder to you again very soon. I am newly pregnant and awaiting a CVS too (for CF) and the way you have written in this thread has moved me immensely, in a positive way, and I am so thankful for that. There is such stigma in these "choices" it can be so horribly isolating- your bravery is so inspiring.

Be gentle on yourself.

Much love xx

treedelivery · 31/03/2009 22:55

Well, Busierbee, there never were words and there aren't now. I have thought about you all day imagining the journey and the meeting etc.

I don't know what is right to say for tommorrow, so I won't say much. My thoughts will be with you and please revisit the thread when you are ready as we will be anxious to hear of you.

I've talked 1000's [I think] of families through their screening options,and many of them have clearly stated they would make the same decision as you. I think this could give you some strengh, as you go into tomorrow there are the shadows of many women behind you, silently understanding the impossible situation you find yourself in.

x

MamaTups · 01/04/2009 04:24

HI BB, have been away but just caught up on the thread. Am thinking about you today, sending much love and hugs. Wow, what a wonderful support network you have here, there's so much love going to you today.... take care of you...xxx

justaboutback · 01/04/2009 09:09

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shangrila · 01/04/2009 10:08

Busierbee

It's unlikely that you'll read this this morning, but in answer to yesterday's question - yes, the sun does shine again - I can absolutely confirm that.

Funnily enough, it's the one thing that I was going to add, unprompted, yesterday. And only thought twice because I didn't want to come across as flippant.

For me, waking up from the procedure marked a new start and sunnier times. But we all have our own pace, so go with yours.

I'll be checking in later, all my best

ilovemydogandMrObama · 01/04/2009 21:20

Hope you are OK...

Glad you got the answers you wanted from the consultant...

Have no words for you. Be kind to yourself and try to take things slowly. Sounds like you have a really supportive DP, so let him bear some of the brunt of the raw emotion you are going through...

Post when you can.

treedelivery · 02/04/2009 15:11

Hi BusierBee, just to let you know we haven't stopped thinking of you. x

linspins · 02/04/2009 16:56

Ditto treedelivery.
xxx to BB.

Original poster
busierbee · 02/04/2009 18:10

dearest people
Oh dear am utterly traumatised and in pieces. Feel utterly desolate - the whole day was one major panic attack really. Had to take deep breaths and close eyes to all around me- as was in mixed day surgery ward with all sorts of knee operations and god knows what. Eventually sobbing asked for a bay to sit in. Then the biggest trauma of all to be given the pessaries and asked to put them in. I could not, could not. Sobbed and sobbed and the effort of will required was shocking. Closed eyes, kept saying my three childrens names over and over to myself. After I came round, my heart raced, terribly dizzy too and felt was having anervous breakdown really. Had in mt head all my obsessive mumsnetting and that maybe had not talked out loud enough. And I know it is so very rare to have two downs in a row- see arc, I saw you today there Lins my dear but could not answer at risk of upsetting all the mums who have had one downs and are scared of next. I am living ugly truth. Feel so sorry for myself and hopeless and hateful towards DP who convinced me to shove the thing in. He does not know what to say at all. Am just so bad, so low, so lonely. Is just wretched place and amfeeling bad already that may be upsetting women reading this who need strength and emcouragemnt. Am no longer brave inspiring busier bee. Am sadder bee.

OP posts:
spongebrainmaternitypants · 02/04/2009 18:41

busierbee, your pain is so raw and I cannot think of any words to comfort you.

I just hope that the days and weeks ahead enable you to piece things together again and try and make some small sense of what has happened .

I too have experienced pg loss, albeit under different circumstances, and it is a bewildering and isolating grief that crushes with its intensity.

I am so sad for you and wish I had something more comforting to say .

bronze · 02/04/2009 18:52

Just wanted to wish you peace and strength.

justaboutback · 02/04/2009 18:53

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treedelivery · 02/04/2009 19:12

Good grief bb.

I have to say the way your day was handled by them sounds awful - but that is for later.

People can step away from your thread - you can't step away from your reality so it is always ok to come and be 100% honest.

Just get to tonight then sleep will come. Lets think about tomorrow later. Just get through today.

Bless you.

HumphreyCobbler · 02/04/2009 19:42

Busierbee

I agree with treedelivery, please post whatever you feel you want to post. It is our turn to listen to you at the moment.

I had similiar reaction to the pessary, although I gave the midwife permission to insert it, my body simply froze up and wouldn't relax enough for ages.

Hope you have a calmer night ahead.

frazzledoldbag · 02/04/2009 20:07

Oh Busierbee, you poor thing. My heart goes out to you. x

pelvicflawed · 02/04/2009 20:59

Oh Busierbee you poor thing - thinking of you tonight. For me the pessary bit of the whole experience will always be the worse and 7 moths down the line I still panic when I think about it. Take each day as it comes, it might not seem like it at the moment but one day things will start to seem better. Take care of yourself tonight - thoughts and hugs to you.