Pregnancy After Miscarriage Part VI....Share your worries and knicker checking stories here...

[SparkyMalarky]

Will this do?

herby congrats on good scan - so happy for you. what a lovely scan lady you had - felt my eyes well up just reading your post.
wmmc am 28 weeks too and keep having paranoid thoughts - even refuse to tell work when i am going off - tho it's round the corner after christmas. how does one keep sane...

cece i know what you mean - i get a bit of other ladies who breeze through their first trimester/pg - lady at work happily announced hers at 2 mths and started rubbing belly and wearing mat. clothes - it;s great that she can enjoy being pg all the way, but just leaves me with a funny feeling. anyway, hope your bump's movements are keeping you sane till your next scan. easier said than done i am sure.

tmd sorry to hear that you are so low - don't give up. but do indulge in something that will temporarily take your mind away from ttc and mc, if you can, no matter how hard. be it a bender of a night or a spa day or something. sending you big hugs.

waves to all newbies and everyone else. hope you are all well.

hi there, glad ur scan went well herby!
please can u ladies help me out?just wondered if everyone shouted the im pregnant news at 12weeks? i will be 12 weeks on monday- god this is the first time ive looked into the future?! and am feeling bit weird do i tell everyone and think i will be ok once the magical 12 weeks is reached? wot do u all think?xx

Hi everyone.

tmd so sorry you?re feeling sad and sore. I always found the first periods after mc hard to cope with then I kind of started feeling oh well if I?m not pg I can?t mc, there?s always next month. This time I honestly thought we?d missed the boat again (had ?relations? with DH on the Fri/Sat but didn?t ovulate till the Wed so thought it was a no chance ? sorry if TMI). Sometimes I think it?s mother natures way of letting you heal emotionally but it?s bloody frustrating and I completely empathise with the feeling of wanting to give up ttc.

joyful you OK? I?ve had to go to my last few scans on my own as DH works away and I just didn?t want anyone else to be with me. Scans are always difficult when you?ve had bad news before, it?s really hard but try and think positive. Your poor friend

maz I?m 20wks and still haven?t told everyone, did start breaking news in dribs and drabs after 14wks. It doesn?t seem to surprise people now though ? think the bump is doing the talking!!

Well I had my 20 wk scan today and I?m having a ??????.. not sure .
I?ve been convinced it?s a girl but consultant thought she could see a willy and scrotum (her words!) so it may be a boy. So a surprise it will be. She was getting really frustrated with it cos it wasn?t playing nicely and showing her its feet never mind nether regions so had to sit outside for half an hour then go in again. So I?ve no choice but to wait as I?m too tight to pay for a private sexing scan. I?m just over the moon everything was where it was supposed to be and developed, size correct for dates. So it?ll be beige and creams I?ll be buying.

Off to DH?s this weekend for ball so am excited to be in posh frock and try and act like a normal pg lady who is excited to be pg rather than my usual neurotic/petrified/feel sick at the thought of it all going wrong again self. Will gaze wistfully at all the alcohol ? it?s not right is it to have alcohol cravings in pg?? I don?t think I drink that much to be bothered but it must be the old thing of what you can?t have you want.

my timing re "relations" and ovulation was similar to yours scotlass, so thought there was precious little chance of getting pg that month. We were away on holiday with friends and I had a couple of glasses of wine most nights and went for 3 really long runs, reckoned I wasn't pg as I "would feel its presence", got bfp day after returned . Think feeling really relaxed that week probably helped?

wrt other peoples purely happy pgs, my SIL announced to the extended family when she was 4+2 - I was touched by the innocence of it (she was fine of course)

cece and joyful, I have had several periods of a few days recently when the baby doesn't seem to have moved then all fine again, its enough to drive you round the bend, I assume the position they are lying in must make a difference early on.

Hi everyone,

Not been posting much as am doing 2 part denial, one part philisophical reasoning. I'm 6 weeks tomorrow, the stage my last bean stopped growing BUT my nausea seems to be kicking in so feeling a bit reassured.

I've already set some superstitions i.e. I have selected a chosen loo at work to do my knicker checking in!

Its a long, long road ahead but so reassuring to read you all at 14/18/20/30 weeks gestation - you give me hope.

Sausage - how are you doing?

maz - how do you feel today about telling people? I can't think that far into the future but think I would probably tell more people after 12 week mark but even then only small group and just wait for others to notice (hopefully) expanding bump.

'tis a rollercoaster for sure.

hello all:

Have been in New York for a little over a week visiting my family. Even though it's incredibly early, we spilled the beans, as I couldn't possibly NOT tell them while I was there and if we did mc again, I would tell them anyway. Everyone is super excited and almost lulled me into a false sense of security. But I do have to say that being away from the internet for a week was a godsend! Now that I'm back in front of the computer I'm back to the old worrying

Herby Congrats on your wonderful scan!!! I'm so happy for you and hoping the excitement and happiness will keep your worries at bay for a bit at least!

Maz I never really thought much about what might happen past the 12 week mark! But I can understand how you might not be entirely convinced just because you've reached the magic number. Just see how you feel, I guess. If you suddenly have the overwhelming urge to tell everyone, then go ahead, but if you prefer to keep it a secret a bit longer, than that's okay too.

Bluesatinsash I'm in the same boat I'm 6+4 and was feeling so positive. But today I'm starting to doubt everything's okay again. I go back and forth between - "How could it possibly go wrong again, women have babies every day", etc. to "it's all so complicated, there are so many things that could possibly go wrong", etc. I'm betting it's normal, but it's emotionally draining. LOL about your stall!

Bollocks just lost a long post - hate when that happens!

Lastbox hi,nice to see you - sticky thoughts to you!

Tsom know what you mean about people sharing their news early, cos they haven't been touched by mc. Maz go with your instincts...12 weeks is the 'traditional' time to share. depeds what you feel comfy with.

Scotlass have a totally fab time being the belle of the ball - you WILL look stunning!! I had a few small glasses of champagne at mine and didn't feel guilty - I didn't have a lot (as I can't, despite trying, aren't babies clever!!) but I really enjoyed what I did have. So there.

Can I just say - I am 32 weeks next week - how on earth did that happen!! Dbno its you and me really soon!! I bought two cheap nighties from Primark today - one red and one blue (to hide the blood..) Made it seem rather ineveitable.

blue blood dan

Hi everyone,

How is everyone doing? I hope you've all got lovely weekends planned.

I have more questions for you all as usual! I'm sorry about this! It's just all pretty intense at the minute. So - the latest dilema is this...

I rang my midwife today to tell her I was pregnant again and see what the chances of getting an early scan were. She said unfortunatly it's not possible on the NHS in our area. I then rang the gynae ward where I was treated for the missed misscarriage and they said they would scan me, if my midwife refered me. Hmmmmmmmmmm. (The lady at the gynae unit said they need a payment source! Nice! Hence the referal) Anyway, I am now trying to decide where to go from here.... My latest question is this...

Has anyone on here had two missed miscarriages in a row? I am now debating trying to get to 12 weeks without a scan, and trying to work out the chances of a missed miscarriage happening twice.

Also, has anyone had an early scan, and NOT been reassured by it? This is my other fear. I worry that it might make things worse somehow, i.e by not being cdlear enough etc.

Sorry as usual to barge in with all the questions. I tipped a glass of water on my lap top and now have to use DH's when I get a chance (which isn't often) so I haven't been able to catch up properly yet. Hope everyone is doing okay though. Your advice is really appreciated by me as it's the only thing I've got to help me make informed decisions. Thanks everyone.

Hello everyone. Scan went really well, all looking normal and healthy...

But I'm really sad which isn't fair. DH has been, well, horrible lately. He's really excited about the baby, but isn't interested in me at all.

I was so scared about the scan and he never even asked how I was. He was late to meet me, despite promising he'd be on time, and then was really nasty when I accused him of being late (as we weren't late for the scan, just for the "being a supportive husband"). I feel like I've been holding all this together for so long and now I know baby might actually be ok (still don't believe it fully), I can see how everything else is falling apart.

I don't know what to do I shouldn't be on here sobbing over my keyboard. He finally accepted that the fact that he was there for the scan and me today had not even crossed his mind.

I feel like life is just playing this huge joke on me - I get what I want, but I can't have it all. I feel so completely unloved. I don't want him at the birth anymore, I don't trust him to support me. This is all so horrible and wrong, and I really hope I feel differently in the morning.

He's supposed to be wrapping me in cottonwool until I can't stand it anymore, instead he's treating me worse than when I'm not pregnant.

Sorry for the very long whinge about a trivial thing. I needed to vent.

Sorry not to answer anyone's questions.

Blimey crunch, you could be me. You are describing exactly how I?ve been feeling in the past few weeks. I?ve had a huge need to cosseted by dh, which he didn?t notice, which was made worse by the attitude of my manager at work (not a family man) who seems to think the next year is an extended and unnecessary holiday for me. I?ve been working really hard and getting exhausted. I ended up bursting into tears and telling dh that I didn?t feel like anyone cared that I was pregnant. He was actually very understanding. I think the trouble with pg is that it makes us feel so very vulnerable (let alone whether we have suffered previous mcs) and it is very hard for the best of dhs to really understand how that feels. In some respects, they never will, but if you can try and spell out what you need before it starts to upset you, it will help. I also know what you mean about support during the birth ? dh is lovely, but he really doesn?t get what?s needed of him, so I am thinking about getting a doula (know that the IM is out of the question). Is this an option for you? Either way, I hope you feel better today.

Hi sausage, it?s a toughie. Scans are reassuring, but the reassurance doesn?t last for long! That said, I had two (7 wks and 10 wks) this time and I think they kept me vaguely sane (I had 3 mcs beforehand). Trust your instincts on this one. If you want one, I would be inclined to tell the midwife that you have having been spotting and see if that persuades her.

maz - I was discussing when we told people a little back up the thread if you want to have a look. Also, I had another thought -we have nuchal fold measuring plus blood tests here at 12 weeks to determine the risk of Downs. I waited until I had the results of those before I considered telling people other than close family and friends. This was coloured by the experience of a friend of mine who got a result back with a risk of 1 in 6. She was in a terrible state because she?d already told everyone including her dd. As it happens she had an amnio and the baby?s fine, but it might be something you want to think about when you decide.

dan at the blue blood! I have been looking for a nightdress that has room for the bump, could be used for breastfeeding and doesn?t repel dh sexually. It?s a tall order.

Thanks DBNO. Good to know I'm not the only one feeling vulnerable when all is apparently well. I wish spelling things out to him worked, but he isn't there for me even when I specifically tell him what I need. Like the night before the first scan, when I was absolutely positive that I had already lost the baby, and dh was unavoidably away; when I asked him to stay by the phone all night because I knew I was going to fall apart. He went out with a female work colleague instead and "forgot" his mobile

I would consider a doula, but in many ways I think I might prefer to do it alone. I really wish my eldest wasn't in school, I just want to get away and clear my head for a few days. Don't have any close friends here, all over 200 miles away, and I think I need them.

Right, no more complaining.

maz last time (ds2) I told people at 12 weeks because it felt right and I wanted to tell people I was pregnant, not just "I've had a miscarriage" if the worst happened. This time I told most of my family around 15 weeks - as and when I saw them. I still haven't told some of my closest friends and I'm 20 weeks now. I will when I want to. There's no hurry, if they find out in the mean time they will understand.

sausage where I lived previously they didn't give early scans, but I was so anxious that my MW lied to the hospital on my behalf and told them I had cramps. That was at about 8 weeks. This time I had a dating scan that showed 8 weeks (subfertility meant I could be anywhere between a week and 4 months pregnant as irregular periods), and then when I started panicing myself at 13 weeks I went and lied to the doctor and told them I was having cramps. Everything was fine (a lot of waiting and form filling, but worth it).

I think seeing a scan after 8 weeks is comforting. But as DBNO says, only for so long.

maz people do miscarry again but it IS rare and your chances are good that thids one would be okay. I am not ususally keen on lying about blood to egt a scan but if your overall wellbeinbg would be better with a scan and you don't feel strong enough to ask the mw to refer you then I can see a reason to. Or - try going back to the mw and telling her what they said, outright asking her to refer you - if she says no ask why not? (and cry - great believer in crying...)

you knownothing you poor thing - and its not trivial!! you DO need support as yourself. Partic if there are no close friends about. I would make excuses for him but you already have a dc so its not like he is new to the game? Some of it will be hormonal tho - I cried for a day and a night cos my dh bought a £400 iphone, so I think we are maybe a wee bit sensitive! All you can do is try to tell him, tho sounds like you have tried.

dbno I wish you luck in your quest tho I fear it is imposs!! The nighties I got from Primark have buttons halfway down, and are big but not long (got bigger size) and are polka dot. So they veer towards sensible not sexy...cute maybe, not granny-ish, but DEFFO not sexy. There is a website called Hotmilk (ewwwI know) that does saucy maternity underwear and nightwear, might be worth a look? Methinks that looking attractive to dh is never gonna be on my radar again...he took a pic of me on wed night and showed it to me and said he doesn't understand why I don't topple over.

PS why the surprise at my blue blood.....???

Thanks dan, just hearing that I'm not a complete headcase helps

I feel a lot more together now. Honest.

And DBNO I just had a quick look at the Hotmilk site and theie nightwear is worth a look (even if I do find the whole site incredibly sleazy )

dbno a nightie that repels dh's in the postnatal period (like about a year ) is an advantage, not a drawback . As I may have mentioned before , I have 2 long cotton "organic" nighties which dh thinks count as a formal contraceptive as they are so passion killing, he looks worried when the calvin klein number comes out though

sausage re early scans, I had scans at 6 and 8 weeks with my last pregnancy which were not reassuring as no hb at 6 weeks and 8 weeks, end result was mmc. This was v. stressful so this time I decided not to have any scans in the early weeks, partly because I was away from home bet 6 and 8 weeks, but ended up convinced it would be another mmc anyway and so was just an awful few weeks. Eventually had scan at 9 weeks after some bleeding...all was fine. I just don't think there is a good answer to it but would avoid having a scan pre 7 weeks as no hb at that stage could mean problems or just that your dates are a bit out. Good luck.

crunch you are in a difficult situation so be kind to yourself. Hope you find some support from your friends - could one of them come to visit you? We are all here for you too

dh here in the doghouse today - went to choose his christmas present from me to him today while I took the kids to a party in the morning, I've been really tired by the weekends recently as working 4 days and with ds 1+2 so I asked him to be back by 2 so I could have a nap. He arriced back at 3.30 by which time I was lying in bed with my fingers in my ears with the kids jumping all over me. I just cried when he finally showed up - he felt bad enough to take then out the house for a couple of hours. I felt peeved that they were cooped up on a sunny afternoon too and frustrated that I'm too tired to take them out to the park, don't think dh gets it about helping out . My MIL says I should just tell him what his family duties are at the weekend before he comes up with 3 things he must do that don't involve anyone else, for once I think I agree with her

tsom - you're so right, but my maniacal sleep-deprived expression was more than enough to repel dh after dd was born, that and the fact she woke up at least every two hours for five months.

Have been on the hot milk website chortling at the seductive ladies and their bumps - personally I find there is something inherently very comical about it all, as I find it hard to imagine lying back in a slinky number with a come hither expression at my current size. Pregnancy all but does completely for my libido, but on the odd occasion I fancy a bit of how's-your-father I would like to be wearing something more accommodating than my current combo of baggy jogging bottoms, manky old baggy black top and zip up hoody (well, it's been cold these past few nights). We did attempt congress this morning (tmi again) and by the time I'd fumbled with my layers dh had almost given up. Think the hot milk pyjamas might work, without arousing a bit too much interest from dh, iyswim.

Sending a virtual kick up the arse to the useless dhs mentioned here. Now back to my internet shopping....

dbno lol at your night attire! I know exactly what you mean about the layers - my dh keeps being foiled by the bump band as he tries to negotiate the way under my clothes to bare flesh....Interesting how libido is affected by the pg lark, everyone as with everything else different. I am quite up for it myself but think dh is a bit freaked, tho trying not to show it.

I am, as frequently mentioned, blimmin' HUGE now and it moves all the time. We had a go at the old 'congress' this evening, with me on dh's lap on the sofa (sorry if tmi ) and after, our tummies were squished together and it did a little dance which we both felt really clearly - should have SEEN the look on his face!!! Suffice to say he may be changing his mind about the attractions of threesomes...?!

I have decided that I am going to try really hard to enjoy this last 8 weeks (omg) as have been reading a book called 'Stand and Deliver' which altho a bit hippyish and naff has really interesting and inspiring (to a newbie) stories about birth. I have struggled (as you all know as you keep having to hear me moan!!) with all of it so far - the first 10 weeks of 'it will die like the last one'; the second 10 weeks of 'is it there is it there or am I just fat'; and the third 10 weeks of 'bloody hell this hurts' - but I have decided to not quite welcome the pain (because that would clearly be bonkers) but to let it happen and deal with it cos frankly, its gonna hurt whatever I do? ( I feel really tender around the bump esp the top, and lots of the baby movements are properly painful, like a sharp stitch or an ache. And I have spd.) So wishe me luck in my newfound earth mother embracing of the process!!

More importantly, scotlass tell us how thw posh do went!!

thanx 4 ur help im 12 weeks today and dont feel like shouting it from the roof so im not going to!x

Hi everyone! It?s lovely to be home and back on MN, how sad am I having withdrawal symptoms from you lot!!

The ?do? was really good and I had a fun sober time watching all the drunk dancing / walking into pillars /chairs / tables by everyone else . I managed till 2am but was having a hard time staying awake at the table during dinner. Once we were up having a boogie both bump and I woke up!! The dress was a hit and sooooo comfy, had to get rid of the tights midway through the night though as they were itching me to death. Good thing is DH has a leaving dinner in March so I can wear it again and have a massive belly bump to show off in it hopefully. Pregnancy was def more noticeable in the dress than my normal clothes. I did have one glass of wine but didn?t enjoy it ? hmm bah humbug. Glad I took today off though as went back to bed after getting DD ready for school and slept till 1130 .

Still feel a bit sad about scan on Thurs and the consultant making me feel bad for choosing not to have the triple test but wanting an anomaly scan. FFS why do they not realise after mc your head isn?t in the same place as a normal person? Anyway moan over ? I still wish I knew if it?s def a boy ? I think knowing the gender would make it seem more real and help with building a bond, I?m still not convinced it?s all going to be all right.

crunch sorry you?re in a sad place just now. Men can be completely oblivious sometimes and can?t seem to grasp the concept of emotional support (not all of them obviously but some definitely). Hopefully he?ll realise he?s being an arse and will shake out of it. Do you think he was affected more by the mc than you think and this is just his way of coping? I second dbno advice ? have a try at having a calm discussion with him spelling out how you?re feeling and ask him to be more aware.

blue lastbox and sausage hope everything is good with you girls. The 1st trimester for me can only be described as a hellish time and you do what you can to get through it. Each week that passes feels like an achievement and I too found the support from those on here who had got through it and were further on an inspiration. There?s definitely hope and those weeks will tick by!

sausage for the sake of my mental health I desperately needed early scans this time. I was under the care of an absolute angel of a MW in EPU and she scanned me at 6wks then a couple more until 12wks. I had bleeding too so probably got more scans than I would have normally. With my 2nd pg after mc I didn?t get any early scans and found out it was a mmc at nearly 12wks. 3rd time lost it early on so didn?t have to worry about scanning. Sorry I forget everyones stats ? if you?ve only had 1 mc the statistics of having another one are quite low so try and hold onto that thought. Scans can be reassuring but they can also be stressful too, a scan at 8wks would be more informative than an early one and tbh I wouldn?t think twice about weeping to the MW and insisting you need referred for a scan at that point.

Anyway this is a mammoth post now. Am off to research the hotmilk site ? have no desire to look sexy for DH as the 1 and only time we tried to get back to normal sexual relations since getting pg this time it was too bloody sore and we both agreed a cuddle was better. God with DD it was better than ever but I didn?t have any of this abdo pain or stress so have thought bollocks to it, only another 4.5months plus however long once LO is born. Luckily DH seems OK with that and is too busy trying to get sorted for leaving the forces in a few months.

scotlass the party sounds good. I am impressed you managed to stay till 2 am!

joyful - how was the scan today? I have been thinking of you.

I am having a badday today. It is the anniversary of when things started to go wrong last year. This day last year I had a small bleed. It is Hope's birthday this Saturday so the rest of this week is going to be thinking about what happened building up to that.

To to make matters worse I have a consultants appt and scan on Weds, AND my cat has cancer and is going downhill very fast.

Lots of handholding needed please

Hello I think i'll finally join this thread instead of just lurking!

I'm 9+3 after a mmc in 2006. Had some bleeding at 6 weeks and had a scan at 7 weeks which saw Beany and it's heart beating away. Still doesn't seem real though - the only symptom I have is pretty bad exhaustion and i've thrown up once a few days ago.

Got my midwife appointment in the morning to book in for my 12 week scan. Don't know whether to talk to her about the lack of symptoms? I'll probably just be told every pregnancy is different though. Just so scary this time around having no symptoms as that's when it all went wrong the last time

Anyway, enough rambling..!

Cece - consider your hand well and truly held. I don't think any words will really comfort you but we're all here for you. Feel free to bring forth your concerns as much as you need.

Scotlass - the do sounds great and sounds like the dress was a success. I too am impressed at you staying up until 2 am ! Respect !!

Welcome to the madhouse Shewillbeloved !

Nothing to report here. Spent weekend with in laws which was slightly trying - they are v. excited about the bump and don't really understand why I am not jumping up and down in excitement. Off to meet see midwife tomorrow (first time I've seen my community one, at 26 weeks).

Thanks wheely - can it get any worse? - DS been off school today and looking at him now I think he has slapped cheek disease! He has very red rash on both cheeks. He has had it before though so could he get it again? Of course I have googled and apparently it is worse to get it in early 2nd trimester! Should I phone the mw do you think? I see the cons on Weds or should I not wait that long? Arghhh

I don't think you can get it twice can you - hence why they say if you've been in contact with it in pregnancy and you've already had it you're ok - like chicken pox. So, if your son's already had it firstly, he's not likely to have it again and secondly, you probably caught it first time round (or were already immune to it) so would be ok now.

Having said that, I was paranoid about slapped cheeks around about 12 weeks and saw my mw for booking in and just asked to be tested for immunity which they did no problem. So, could you get ds to the gp to check first whether it is and then ask the gp if you could get a blood test if he says it is.

Finally, even if worst case scenario, and he has it and you catch it, they will monitor you v. closely and I think they can give the baby a blood transfusion if it starts showing signs of the condition they can develop. OK, not much of a comfort but thereis something they can do in worst case.

Sorry you've got this extra worry.