Pregnancy After Miscarriage Part VI....Share your worries and knicker checking stories here...

[SparkyMalarky]

Will this do?

Congratulations & welcome sausage - you are feeling just what all of us on here have been/are going through. You have come to the right place . As for how you cope with this pg - it is a decision that only you can make. As scotlass has said, we have all chosen different ways of coping. Personally, I went down the "almost ignore it all, then I won't be as devastated if it goes wrong" route. By and large, it has worked for me, but it doesn't suit everyone, and you must be prepared to have positive days and negative days (pesky hormones don't help). We are here to help each other through the really rough days and share the positivity of the good days.

Now I am 28 weeks, still a bit of a knicker checker, worry if ds doesn't move for an hour or so, and am concerned now that I might be too detached from this pg and not bond with him when he does arrive. There is still a little voice in my head telling me that things could still go wrong, even at this stage. Try not to listen to it though.

scotlass - so sorry about your grandpa. Hope that you and your family have been a great source of support for each other.

saliswan - hope you and yours are all on the mend. There really seems to be a lot of nasty bugs going about at the moment.

dan - we too have a cellar, but it has a lock on each side of the door. Dh keeps his guitars and other big boy toys down there, so he is quite happy to lock himself in his "playroom". Ds is getting a wee drumkit for Xmas (it was only £15 from Toysrus) that we are going to keep down there. He can make as much noise as he wants whilst dh faffs about down there and I get some peace and quiet upstairs .

cece - anniversaries are awful aren't they? I hope that you are not getting too worried about things and that your scan brings positive news.

herb - good luck for the scan today.

Better go and do some studying now. Take care all

Hey all - have been so busy at work and with DS that have no time to post but have been lurking to keep up! Am dashing in to say hello sausage - take each day as it comes and ask for an early scan. I had one at 8+4 (had a mmc identified at 9+2) which made sense for us as we knew we should see a HB by then, but some people do have them earlier..

herb - have everything crossed for you.

DBNO your baby boy is gorgeous...however and wherever you end up giving birth, just focus on seeing that little face at the end of it.

Cece - thinking of you - am sure the next few weeks will be most worrying but try and stay positive and good luck for the scan.

[waves to everyone else - hope scotlass is doing ok; saliswan is feeling better and dan's DH is making the most of the peace and quiet!! PS - Daisy, in my experience the NCT classes where the best £240 I ever spent - made some fabulous friends and 2 and a half years later we nearly all still see each other at least once a week ]

And another thing winemakesmummyclever - don't worry about bonding yet...but sounds like you know that anyway...

(hope that doesn't sound too flippant - just ate a mars bar and the sugar has gone straight to my head!!)

WMMC - Don't worry about the bonding. With dd we had a terribly worrying pregnancy and so I kept my distance really. Then had an awful delivery which ended in c-sec, her being whisked off to scbu, couldn't establish bf-ing. However, we've always had a strong bond - I don't think its something that has to develop over time.

Herby - hope everything went ok today.

Hello girls

Just had the most fantastic scan. There Cromwell was, wriggling around! I'd never seen them wriggle before, as most scans I've had at this stage they'd been horribly still. But he's fine! And lively! I'm so happy. Blubbed my eyes out down the phone to DP, who had to hold it together as on train with colleague.

Had the loveliest lady do it, who insisted on spending ages getting all angles, pointing out the hands, showing me the feet, etc.

I can't quite believe it.

Now on to the next worry - nuchal fold, being old, CVS, etc...!

Herb! Yay congratulations! I'm so pleased for you.

. Fantastic news Herby ! How long until the nuchal etc. btw I have friends who are 40ish and have sailed through the nuchal so don't automatically assume its going to bad news. Also, I am 4 years older than when I had dd and my risk was 5 times lower than with dd so age isn't the only factor.

Two weeks to go until nuchal, tests, etc. I know my age will automatically make me pretty high risk, as will the fact that my last two pregnancies had fatal trisomies. Though they're not supposed to recur, so don't know how that works.

Anyway, for the moment I'm just going to enjoy the memory of the wriggle!

hi everybody, thanks so much for all your messages and support. we've now told most people and have been overwhelmed by everyone's response but it's just made it all the more unreal! "congratulations" everyone says and i almost turn around to see who they're talking to. it's as if inside there's this big deep wall of denial trying to protect me in case anything should happen! yikes, when will it all sink in

herb - that's such good news, nearly cried when i read everything was ok = what a huge relief for you

joyfuleyes - completely understand how you feel, i'm exactly the same

sausage - i'm 14+3 weeks now and still trying to forget i'm pregnant in case anything happens. only just started wearing a maternity bra and refuse to look at maternity clothes - just in case! we had an early scan at 6w and 9w and it really reassured us. also we were told the risk of mc drops if you see a heartbeat. it didn't stop me worrying like crazy - still am. we've now bought a doppler which is a huge help to just to check she's still there!

herb yay!!! I am so pleased and relieved for you! Wriggling is great - enjoy it whilst its not hurting you like mine is at 31 WEEKS TODAY

sausage everyone else has beaten me to it so see above! I too had mmc at 8 weks discovered at 12, and was pg 2 months later. I like wmmc was in denial (we even had a plan to spend xmas in Japan)to make it less of a trauma if it went wrong, which I fully expected. Actually I still do at 31 weeks!! Use us here to vent. decide on scans - i had one at 7 due to bleed, then 9/10 due to anxiety, then 12, and it did help, but we are all diff. I would book in with the mw if I was you, but see how you feel.

Speaking of mw's, saw my lovely GP today for a purely anxiety based visit (she is very happy for me to do so) and she was lovely of course. Asked me why I hadn't come in re my bloods after my 27 week mw appt. I didn't know what she was talking about - turned out I had a (mild) bacterial infection and the mw was supposed to ring me. I then decided i was gonna have a horribly deformed baby as it has been infected for a month....this is the mw who began my last visit with 'I see this is your second preg, did everything go well with your first?' . Should I complain?

The good news is that she redid my blood and rang me tonight to say its all clear now. She was also very patient with my suspicion that I have pre eclampsia - on the basis of right side pain (no headaches, no swelling, no high bp but that doesn't stop me!!)

grinningbee lol, me too re the loss of the ladygarden!! I have already decided to have a pedicure now and then in Jan as I can't reach my feet...but the privates are a different matter!! Might force dh?

No secretions here, feel i am missing out on something!

hi everyone and welcim "newbies"sorry have been feeling v sorry for myself, pucking dizzy etc 24/7 and the last week mega cold and aches everywhere!my hubbie is sick of me moaning i think, as of corse the nausea etc is self inflicted!agghhhh!! now my moans over im going to read back and catch up with everones news xxxx

Hi everyone,

Thank you all for your lovely messages and words of advice and support. It really is hugely comforting to know you're all out there, and are going through it, or have gone through it too. I think I am definitely going down the denial path. It seems easier right now not to acknowledge it too much. I'm glad this is normal!

Can I ask - when did you all tell close family / friends etc? Was it different to the length of time you told with the miscarriage pregnancy? I only ask because I hadn't really told anyone last time, then evreyone ended up knowing after the miscarriage anyway. Now I almost feel like I needed so many people then that I might as well tell early in case. But then I feel like I'm tempting fate and I should just try to wait till 12 weeks (eternity) like I would have normally.

What did you all do?

herb hurrah, so pleased for you!

dan - blimey, we are getting nearer and nearer to the final countdown. Might have to send my dh on an emergency ladygarden mission soon as we are spending New Year at CenterParcs and I don't want to miss out on the swimming pool due to the unruliness of my foliage

sparky - thanks, I think my ds is lovely too

sausage - I felt the need to be very secretive about the mcs so only told family and close friends. Then with this pregnancy I was so afraid of tempting fate that I was a bit shifty about it at work and only gave in and told people at 14 weeks, and then only when I was asked. I was showing so much by then they were all getting suspicious. A few people actually asked me if I was intentionally pg - obviously I was being a bit too shifty about it. I think you have to go with your instincts - sometimes it's better if people know, so you have support whatever happens. And look at me now - I'm having a BABY!!!

herb I'm so happy for you . Not long till you get the painful but nice jabs from LO! I love that feeling now - makes it seem so much more real.

sausage DH and I told close family (parents) and close friends a lot earlier (varying time between 6wks - 12wks I think??) with this one. I hadn't told anybody apart from my 2 work colleagues the 1st and 2nd time but figured we couldn't go through this alone a 4th time so said early on. I found it weird people knowing I was pg and have still not made it wide public knowledge even now at 20wks. If anomaly scan is OK tomorrow I will though and I don't think the folders / diary I hold over my stomach is going to hide it much longer . We told our 9yr old DD after a reassurance scan at 16wks and to be honest she told all at school/ in the street/ her dancing so we don't have many people left to break the news to now. I told people early I knew would be supportive / sympathetic cos I knew I'd have to be honest even if it resulted in a mc.

P.S I'm getting that all the time too dbno. Nearly every one has asked me if it was planned! I have had to bite my lip on more than one occassion from responding 'flippin planned for the past 2yrs with 3 false starts!!!!!!!!!!' But now I just smile sweetly and say yes thanks.

Sausage - we told my parents almost as soon as we found out. It had taken me 2 years since m/c to get pg and I knew they were worried about me. DH also thought I needed someone else to panic at (as well as him rather than instead btw !). We then told DH's mum fairly soon after just before we went on holiday as we then had to tell the friends we went on holiday with as it is usually a big drinking occasion. They were great though - we told them in a 'I'm not drinking, draw your own conclusions but lets not talk about it' and they understood perfectly. A few other close friends we told at about 10 weeks. We were then waiting for my 12 week scan to tell everyone else but the day after my DH became seriously ill and ended up in hospital for 3 weeks so we kind of then forgot to tell a lot of people and even now (almost 26 weeks) I think there's probably good friends that don't know.....

I took the view that with close friends, they would have known if it ended in m/c and they did all take it in the spirit to which they were told and were v. supportive. I.e. don't get excited yet. (apart from MIL who kept and keeps going on about how exciting it is(even though I still can't allow myself to get excited)).

scotlass how was scan?

sausage we told fewer ple second time, but at work it was obvious as I had a bleed and was waiting for a tc re the scan! I think you just need to think about support if it goes wrong - all part of the denial thing? Which can work.

Hi all,
Herby Glad all going well for you.
WMMC bonding will happen, I found it very hard as my littleone was very ill and until he was sorted out at about 10wks old I couldn't bring myself to stop worrying and relax. Just go with the flow... give yourselves time.

Well i said i'd return if any news ....it's a no no again this time i'm afraid. Horrific pains and heavy bleeding a week early as not due on yet. It feels like been on a bike ride and a months worth of saddle pain you know where. I can only explain it feels like labour pain did. Feel real light headed and very cranky! Got inlaws coming in bit couldn't really put them off as they don't know anything!

I think i'm going to give up ttc as every month is just the same outcome. But on positive front got my littleone into nursery and managed hour half today( altho cried for first half hour....no not me!)
oh well better start tea.
signing of for now
xx

TMD sorry to hear that, I was hoping you were gonna have an alcohol free xmas like the rest of us!! I know its easy to say, but stopping trying but not doing anything to prevent it might work? I decided after the mmc not to bother for a bit as I was about to apply for a fab new job, and we fell on that month, really thru having pressure free sex. Prior to that had taken 18 months of ttc which does get increasingly stressful...

Don't take it out on the in-laws now! (unless they deserve it...)

TMD I'm sorry, that's really crap. I gave myself 3 months without thinking about whether to try again after my last loss (didn't work out that way) I felt better just giving myself permission bury my head in the sand.

Cece how are you? When's your scan?

Having another crap week (I really should just accept that it is all going to be crap) - I am so anxious, had a huge crying fit on Tuesday night (not helped by the incredibly sad news that a friend went into labour at 19 weeks, he was her second baby & the first pregnancy was completely normal). I was pretty convinced I felt movement from the end of last week & I know baby was fine on Tuesday but I haven't felt anything since then & I am so scared.

I have another scan on Monday, but we have the usual problems of no childcare & dh being really stretched at work. I don't want to go on my own but it looks like I'll have to. I've got to the point now where I can't imagine getting good news - all I can think about is the grim faces & the 'I'm sorry'.

I'm such a joy to be around ...

Just popping in quickly to say GREAT NEWS HERBY Glad you've got a wriggler there

Joyfuleyes - got everything crossed for you for scan on Monday.

Hello everyone.

Haven't checked in for a while, glad to see Herb's news. I've got my 20 week scan tomorrow. I know baby is alive and well as he/she is definitely making him/herself known. Worried about everything that could be wrong anyway

Hopefully once tomorrow is out of the way I can start to look forwards again.

Feeling pretty despondant about everything.

Ooh it's so unfair, the way MC makes worriers of us all. And others just sail through being nothing but excited.

Joyful, Crunchy... it's so so unlikely that anything has gone wrong, but it's so so difficult not worry. I'm already dreading the bit between 12 and 20 weeks, with no scans, let along the 12-week scan and nuchal fold bit.

I get really quite resentful of women for whom it happens so easily. But that might be because I'm bitter and twisted.

herb, glad your scan went well.

hello to the newbies

joyfuleyes - not too bad here after a shaky start to the week. No movemnet felt for a couple of days but have had some everyday since Tues so feeling OK ish. Where are you? I could come with you if you were near me on Monday... I am South East. My scan is next Weds but dreading it for the same reason.

I was at the hairdressers today. There was a woman in there pg with twins and she was talking so excitedly about it. Going on about buying maternity clothes etc. She then let slip they were due to July so she must be only a couple of months at a guess! I felt quite jealous that she was so happy and excited and innocent about the whole being pg thing.