Pregnancy After Miscarriage Part VI....Share your worries and knicker checking stories here...

[SparkyMalarky]

Will this do?

dbno - have just read back to find out the story of the pubes - am such a skim-reader that I missed it first time round! Hate having to use sanitary towels post-natally for similar reasons - they seem to migrate and stick to the wrong bits

Sorry to see that you are feeling down dbno. How long have you got left now? It is entirely understandable that our hormones will be going up and down and we feel all over the place emotionally. Just because we feel lucky that we are getting along ok, pg-wise, doesn't mean that we should ignore our other needs and emotions. Is there anything in particular that is making you feel stressed or emotional? Is there anything that you, or anyone else, can do to help deal with any issues? One thing I have learned recently is not to let niggles/stresses accumulate - get them out in the open otherwise they snowball and I end up a seething, tearful & snotty wreck.

Have had a weekend of feeling v sorry for myself whilst dh went away (promised help from family didn't materialise). He is back early this evening and ds is all his - I'm off for a bubble bath and a pamper session (once he's taken us out for tea, that is)and he has a long list of jobs to do on his day off tomorrow. Think that will go some way to making up for having ds on my own since Thursday am

Feel free to vent at us on here. I'm not saying we will have any magical solutions, but sometimes just being listened to and acknowledged is enough to help you feel a wee bit better. Dh's can be pretty useless when having to try to deal with our hormones and feelings, no matter how good a dh they usually are.

Quick - lock the doors!! Shut the Mumsnet windows!! Just come in from being out for lovely afternoon with my friend who should be same as me but had mmc at 12 weeks - it went really well btw - to find dh ON MUMSNET READING THINGS!!!! Aargh! He is researching tens. I hope I have never mentioned it as he could stumble in here!!!! Noooo!! Should have thought of a better name!!!!

Phew, no sign of him here dan

Oh no, we never discuss dhs here, noooo.

Think that will have thrown him off the scent?

Thanks for kind words wmmc - you are right. I have been bottling things up and it has unsurprisingly made it worse. It's a number of things really to do with work, dd and the baby, but also my general feeling of vulnerability. Think I will try and have a proper talk with dh and sort things out.

I'm also very relieved my pubes haven't made me a social pariah

dan and wheely ? thanks for the advice and info re NCT classes ? good to be able to make a more informed decision. Oh, and Guinness is good for you! Roll on the 19th of December for you . Glad you friend was OK when you met up ? it?s heartbreaking for everyone when you?re in that situation. And about your dh on mn ? I feel . . . infiltrated.

Hi migola - good to see you here , and congratulations on your new pregnancy. I had lower backache from the very beginning, too. And I know what you mean about the poo thing .

Hi babytiger - congratulations on reaching 14 weeks, and great about your scans ? I know it doesn?t mean you?re any less paranoid, but you can always vent on here, and we will hold your hand.

joyful - Hope you?re feeling a bit better ? it?s so hard not to worry, and I know I?m only repeating what everyone else has said, but one day at a time is the only way to go.

dbno - for you that you?re feeling blue. Hope you are able to have a good chat with dh. I bet it?ll make a world of difference ? sometimes it seems as though our feelings are so obvious, and men can be totally oblivious until things are spelled out. Either that or they kind of sense something?s not quite right, but hope if they keep very quiet it will all go away .

I reckon I can rest safe in the knowledge that if he pops his head round this particular door, all the talk of poo and ripped out pubes will send him running anyway!!

I felt baby's hiccups today, I think....

Back to London for a follow-up scan of the cyst today, which was a game of two halves. First we saw our baby boy's face (see profile pics), but then they told us that they strongly advise against a home birth and this has been written into my notes. Given my general mood, I took this badly, but am now thinking that I will just have to try and get used to the idea of delivering in hospital. Even though it is the opposite of what I want. Am so sad to think I cannot be supported by the lovely IM I have chosen - feeling pretty rubbish now. Spending all my time looking at my grumpy boy's face to cheer me up.

Thanks daisy - will be a long discussion as now have to decide on birthing options as well, as could go to London hospital birthing centre but logistics with dd at school will be challenging.

Hello everyone, glad to see things are progressing nicely with everyone.

dan LOL at your DH, I try and keep MN a well guarded secret from mine! It's really nice he's taking an interest and researching baby stuff, the NCT classes sound like they were a great success!

dbno I missed the pubes story (have not been taking much in this last week) Am eagerly going to search for the full story

What a week. Funeral for my beloved grandpa was on Saturday so was very emotional but managed to hold it together OK. Pg hormones and funerals are not really a good mix . Strangely it made the feelings/emotions of the 3 mc's come flooding back too and I had a cry for them as well.

However on a much brighter and happier note my lovely evening dress came and fits beautifully. I discovered a shrug in the wardrobe which goes with it and have shoes that will do nicely too so am very pleased I won't look too ridiculous! Don't think the magic knickers will be worth it though - belly has well and truly sprouted. 20wks tomorrow - should feel ecstatic to reach a milestone but am slowly progressing from obsessive knicker checking to obsessive worrying if I don't get kick boxed enough! Am trying really hard to stay positive now - have even begun to look at prams sneakily on the internet. Am quite tempted by the one you got Dan - is it massive when collapsed??

dbno Have just read the pube story - .

Have also just seen your lovely - sleepy!! not grumpy - baby boy and feel all warm inside now. I'm so sorry you can't get the home birth you wanted but the thing with labour and delivery is you just never can plan it really. I hope you find a good birthing centre and feel relaxed and comfortable then just go with the flow.

Scotlass glad the dress is a hit - you will look stunning I am sure!! Well done coping with the funeral too.

20 weeks is prob an ok time to sneak looks at prams!! I think it collapsed ok, all the bits seemed to fold in - but tbh we didn't look too closely as have big boot..

dbno you have a real baby in there!!! He looks real and everything and no not grumpy I would say thoughtful! Try not to be too upset about the hospital, because it sounds like a definite. But this is not all bad - plan it and make it nice like taking a lovely pillow and nice things for you and babe - smellies for you, cute babygro and blankies for him, find out about music etc. Remember this lo is a long time in coming, and you want him, as opposed to his birth! Try to feel positive about the fact that you know now reather than being whisked off in the middle of the potential home birth.

Can't the IM be with you then, or am i confusing the roles of doulas?

Just to keep up with tradition (and tempt fate in case he sees it) dh is as we speak playing a trial version of Football Manager 2009, I think with an eye to putting it on his wish list for xmas. Bless his cotton socks he just doesn't GET how life will be, does he?? The only good thing about FM 09 is he plays it on the laptop rather than tying up the tv at ear splitting volume with the xbox. What a tit he is sometimes.

dan39 think no dh would read a thread that started with the phrase "knicker checkers". You are safe here

scotlass for you with your grandpas funeral. My close friend died suddenly when I was about 16 weeks pregnant, the funeral was harrowing - she has two dcs roughly the same age as mine. I was crying so much I thought I would have to leave.

Am also still prone to bouts of paranoia re baby movements/ lack of. "Baby brains" has been fairly active until last 2 days then less so - still just about getting to count to 10 each day but feel the worry is there.

dbno should add I love the baby pics, he is thinking hard...

Hi girls

Babytiger - I have exactly the same thing. I have a scan tomorrow, at 10+4,and while I have no reason to think it won't be OK - I saw hb and right growth at 8+4 - but I'm now convinced it will all have gone wrong. I'm even wondering how to fit the D&C in around work. It's no doubt because I've had two scans at around this stage at which the baby had died. Logically, I know that this is a new pregnancy, highly unlikely to have gone wrong, etc, but I'm terrified. And even when I do have a good scan, it only reassures me for about a day.

On a lighter note, I too have some severe pube-related issues. All manner of stuff coming out down there. And what about poos? Don't happen often, but when they do they're truly monstrous. Drop a dress size in a few moments...

Herb - good luck tomorrow.

herb - best of luck - was a basket case at my early scans, so I know how it goes.

scotlass - so sorry about your grandpa.

Have been trying to follow the good advice you have given me and make my plans around a hospital delivery. The problem with the IM is that they cannot practise as midwives in the hospital as they are not covered by insurance, so would just be a birthing partner. So I can't justify the expense, given that it costs about 6 times as much as hiring a doula. I doubt that IM would agree to act as a doula, as she would potentially have to turn down another client, so I am back at square one.

Sadly I am deeply unimpressed with the local hospital and the London birthing centre is 1.5 hours away (if travel goes smoothly). So I think finding a stress-free option is going to be challenging.

BUT I do have my lovely (thoughtful not grumpy) boy and should be very grateful for being where I am. Might have to settle for a compromise of staying at home for as long as possible!

herb - good luck for the scan, hope it all goes well

dbno - did you have a homebirth before? or a hospital one and that is what has put you off? I must say I have given birth 3 times in hospitals and it has always been fine. What is so bad about your local one?

After a good week of feeling movement all has gone quiet again for a couple of days so now back in panic mode here. I have a scan with cons a week tomorrow. Absolutely dreading it in case of what they might find. According to the post mortem 16 weeks is when things started to go wrong last time and I am now 16 plus 1. I just hope I reach Christmas and the New Year and hopefully will start to relax by then. LOL (no chance of that realy but hey ho!)

Herb good luck tomoro...

dbno having just finished my antenatal classes, and therefore being an expert in all things birth related () I definitely think you are on to something there re staying home thru labour as long as poss and managing things there. Keep working on the positives, maybe read a few hosp birth stories on the birth announcements on here too?

Tsom sympathy re the paranoia - I am 31 weeks tomoro and tho my lo goes mad for most of the day I am STILL anxious each time she is quiet - in fact off to see lovely GP in morning for a reassurance visit...I have read about pre-eclampsia and am convinced that I have it as I have pain on the right side...

Just had to go rescue dh from the cellar - the door only opens from the outside and it shut after him!! Really must sort that out before feb or I could be stranded with baby on one side and me on the other.

cece good luck on getting thru this week, the 'anniversary' times are indeed horrid. It will seem like a long week, but as you say everything will be fine - think sticky thoughts!! And feeling things has got to be a good sign.

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted on this thread before (big wave) but have recently found out I'm pregnant after a MMC and wanted some advice from some people who'd been there.

So - basically -(without trying to bore you!) I found out that my previous pregnancy was a missed miscarriage at 12 and a half weekes, and underwent the medical management at what would have been 14 weeks.

It's been 2 months tomorrow to the date of the medical management, and I am 1 month and a few days pregnant. (And absolutely thrilled to pieces!)

However, despite being thrilled to pieces, I am also feeling very cautious - almost like I'm going to try and forget I'm pregnant for a while in case it's a MMC again. Has anyone else felt like this?

But my main question is this... The midwife at my surgery usually sees ladies at 8 weeks. I don't know whether to wait this long, or to get in touch sooner and try and arrange an eary scan. I don't know if this is possible, or worth it. Does anyone know what's the earliest you can have a scan?

So help me! What have you all done? I fear that if I have an early scan I'll feel a bit at ease that at least there is a baby developing in there (last time the baby stopped developing very, very early i.e 5 / 6 weeks.) However, if I have 1 scan I worry I may just want one the next week, then the next! However, If I don't have a scan will I just worry all the way to 12 weeks that the same as happened again. (And it would be truly awful if it had - I don't think I'd cope with that at al.)

Anyway - sorry to go aon and on in my first post. I'm not normally this self obsessed or boring! And congratulations to you all for being on here!

Just tell me how to survive the next few weeks!

Good luck tomorrow Herby.

Cece - I don't think it'd be possible for you not to worry in the circumstances but I do get periods of vast activity followed by a day or two much quieter.

DBNO - Sorry your homebirth plans are out of the window now. Hope you manage to sort out a compromise.

Welcome sausage - Congratulations on your pregnancy - welcome to madness ! I hada scan at 7 weeks and saw a heart beat but the size was slightly out so it was a bit inconlusive. The problem at that stage is so much happens from one day to the next its difficult to be able to say things are definitely on track. I had to go back for a second scan to check progress (which was fine). I'd probably try and wait until 9 weeks if you can because by then the baby will have developed into a baby shape and would be more conclusive. I wanted one at 7 weeks because we were going away the next day and i was paranoid it was ectopic (no real reason other than was on clomid) but I had to hunt for a private clinic that would scan that early as most thought it was a bit early. HTH.

Other than that, just try to take it easy - I was a wreck during the first trimester and often in tears waiting for things to go wrong. I am 26 weeks on friday and still worry most days.

Hi sausage - I think our paths have crossed before (I was foxymagoo on April 09 and you were scrumptious?).

CONGRATULATIONS on being pg so soon after your mc. I'm 5+3 and due in Aug 09, got my BFP 12 weeks after my mc which was beyond amazing but I'm taking it a day at a time as you can imagine!

re: scan - our healthboard offers early scans to anyone who is worried and in particular anyone who has had a mc. I will hopefully get one @ 8 weeks but am going on my ms this time as I never had it last time so if it doesn't kick in i'll be asking for a scan @ 7 weeks.

I would seriously hope you don't have to wait 'til 12 weeks to have one.

This thread is great as it shows there is life and babies after mc!

First of all sausage a huge congratulations in your pg and welcome to the mental knicker checking thread. PG after a mc is a complete rollercoaster and it's entirely normal to feel scared/cautious/self obsessed - you're in very good company on here . Everyone is different and there's no right or wrong thing to do in a subsequent pg to cope emotionally - some prefer early scans for reassurance others try and block it out and get through the first trimester by trying not to think too much about the pg. I did the latter on my 2nd and 3rd pg following mc but this time have absolutely needed the reassurance of early scans. Again each corner of this lovely country seems to offer varying service. My EPU were fantastic with me this time and the sight of a sac was enough to calm me slightly at about 6-7wks I think. Was that your 1st mc? I only ask because if it was it is unlikely to happen again and whilst many of us on here have had subsequent ones many, many people have gone on to have straight forward pg's next time.

herb the very best for tomorrow - make sure you come straight on and update us! I worry the same about all your scans as I do my own.

dbno sorry I didn't mean to sound unsympathetic - it just took me back to DD's birth 9yrs ago when I had to scrumple up the birth plan and take what DD threw at me. Staying at home for as long as possible sounds like a great plan - plenty of moving around and relaxing mood is much better for labour!

tsom that's so sad about your friend. As we were walking through the crematorium I was really emotional reading all the plaques for children and young folk. My lovely grandpa was 86 and was suffering so it's selfish me wanting him to stay with us. Just sad he never saw the baby.

dan > OMG - you're going to have a baby in 9wks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cece hang in there girl. It will be a relief to get past the anniversary - you won't stop worrying but each week that goes by brings us closer to that magical 40wks.

Hi to everyone else. I'm off to find earplugs - DD has been in hyper mood tonight and my ears are ringing. She NEVER stops talking!! They had scottish dancing at school and they had to dance with a boy - secretly I think she quite enjoyed it.

Evening Ladies,

Sorry I haven't been on for a few days. DH and I have both had tummy bugs over the weekend. DD has been having a few rough days as well and this has been very trying whilst DH and I have been so poorly. I'm due to have my 20 week scan and consultant appointment on monday and don't know what they will say about my prolonged sickness and dizziness. I'm starting to worry that I will never manage to get back to work before this baby is due

Hi Sausage and congratulations!

Just wanted to say I was in your shoes last year with an MMC, and am now 1 day shy of 24 weeks with a very kicky little girl.

My EPU were fab and told me when I had the mmc that I could ring them when I got pg again and have an early scan, so had one at 7 weeks and saw a heartbeat. It may be worth ringing to see if you can get one too as it will help (even if only for a day or two's reassurance!).

The best way to get through it is to come on here and vent any worries, and remember - it is a different pregnancy to last time.

I can't say that I'm still not knicker checking though!

Good luck with the scan today Herb

By the way (TMI!) - my nether regions have been officially declared as missing. I tried a spot of defuzzing today and ended up having to use a mirror...

hi scotlass - I didn't think you were in the least unsympathetic! I know everything everyone has been saying is very good advice and I am determined to be adult about this and start making a proper plan so I feel in control again. The home birth thing is just very emotional for me - as it is unlikely we will be having another child, this was my last chance. It's horses for courses, but I feel very strongly in favour of home birth. I also don't hear many happy stories from people who have given birth at my local hospital and my own experience of it has not been good. I wanted a home birth with dd and ended up being transferred (unnecessarily imo) in an ambulance in second stage labour, only to give birth naturally with no interventions when I got there. I didn't find my treatment once there very pleasant at all - and that's putting it mildly. I've only met one midwife at the hospital I would want anywhere near me when I'm labouring. But that is absolutely the end of my negativity and whingeing. I will cease being a spoiled brat and get with the postive mental attitude asap!

cece this time must be very tough for you - thinking of you.

Welcome sausage - as others have said, the situation with early scans is unfortunately a bit of a lottery. Don't be afraid to make a fuss to get what you need.

herby - how did it go?