Am I being unreasonable with not wanting visitors for a bit?

[makeupgirlie]

So I’m due in a week.
I am not too keen on having visitors after baby is born for a minimum of 3 weeks. I want the first few weeks to be able to recover and let baby settle in.
Everyone is understandably excited for the baby. But I have felt very overwhelmed by my partners family in particular throughout my whole pregnancy. They are always wanting to know every detail, why I have gone to the hospital and what my appointments are for. God forbid you don’t tell my partners dad and he gets annoyed by it. Anyway I am happy for grandparents to see baby first, maybe in hospital but I don’t really want everyone picking baby up or at least not for long. But when home u just want a few weeks just me, baby and partner. Is this unreasonable?

I still think it’s utterly precious and self serving to ban visitors, even for a week. My friends and family would have thought we’d lost our minds.

I sat on the sofa, opened gifts and enjoyed all the love directed our way. Nobody expected me to do anything at all other than sit there. Before you know it, your husband has gone back to work and the company dries up and you’re on your own.

You can of course do what you want. However maybe your partner would like his family to meet the baby and visit. I dont really understand the mindset of forbidding visitors for three weeks. I personally played it by ear. People generally ask if it is ok to visit, you can say yes or no depending on how things are going. Like many people, I enjoyed visits and it was nice to share the joy of a new baby with my friends and family.

I think the Mumsnet way is to drop lasagne and sheperds pies on the doorstep, ring the bell and run away.

At least until the child starts senior school.

I wouldn't line up after 3 weeks if mum and child were healthy, no. I would see the child eventually at some family event.
Most likely it wouldn't be important for the parents to share the new arrival being this precious. Then it isn't that important to me either to come then summond.

This, I had lots of family come round after. I didn't have to do anything for them I just was resting on the sofa. All 4 were just past around for cuddles. I guess all this not having people round is a recent thing.

Whenever there's a thread about MN clichés, not allowing people to meet your newborn until a month after the birth is one that springs to my mind. I've never encountered it in real life.

So you’re telling me that you couldn’t wait a week for someone who has just given birth to have some rest and time to settle in with their newborn baby. You couldn’t wait 7 days and think that this is precious and self serving?
As stated visits in hospital fine. But I’m sure after seeing baby people could give us some space for 7 days…

May you remember this if you’re made a grandparent in the future…

As I did mention we are fine for hospital visits when baby is born but have decided we after would like a week to settle in. So direct family will be seeing baby when born… but after that we would just like 1 week to settle with our newborn.

I’d let the grandparents visit once you are home (not in the hospital) and they can get the excitement over with. Then just say you need to recover and want some time just you three.
Im not a particularly social person and was delighted for everyone (family, friends, work colleagues) to come visit the first few days - and I had a section. We went out to lunch my second day back. Babies are BORING! You don’t have to ‘host’. In fact sit there and bask in the glory and let others (your partner) make the tea. Frankly I’d have gone mad just me and baby. I almost did after DH went back to work and everyone was over the novelty. I joined the local post natal group when baby was three weeks old. And went for walks every day.

As mentioned grandparents will be visiting when baby is born but we would just like a week to settle when we are home.
So they will be seeing baby straight away.

Thank you.
I am new to all of this. And appreciate this comment.
I’m just looking for advice not personal attacks.

The only people that came to hospital were grandparents and my siblings with our first. With our second, we went home pretty much straight away and didn’t stay overnight so there was no time for hospital visitors. When we got home, several family members had let themselves in and were here to greet us. The horror 😂

What about the friends and other family that want to visit? Nobody stays long, it’s NICE! We are not a fuss-budgets about such things. Babies slot into your life, not the other way around. My girlfriends were champing at the bit to see me and hear about the birth details and see the baby.

I just think it’s utterly precious to exclude people from a quick visit. Nobody I know is like this. It’s weird.

I didn’t see anyone for three weeks. No one expired from waiting. DS was still new. He hadn’t gone stale in the course of three weeks.

🙏🏼

This is your experience… thank you for sharing.
I do not believe people that are not direct family should be entitled to immediate access to someone’s newborn baby within 7 days of a woman giving birth, figuring out sleep cycles, breast feeding and getting used to being a new mother. If someone cannot wait 7 days then that’s there problem and no one should ever feel rushed or pressured into something like this.
As I said all direct family will be visiting. Thank you

You sound anxious and fussy. That’s all. Try and be relaxed about it. Expecting it to be complicated and difficult is setting yourself up for it to be just that. There is no ‘pressure’ in people that love you wanting to visit. It’s a really special and vanishingly short time. I never gave ‘sleep cycles’ a moment’s thought and just learned as I went along.

My advice is to remember that babies have been slotting into multigenerational families with many more siblings than they have now for centuries.

If you really have a useless family that will expect you to wait on them hand and foot, then fair enough. Keep them away.

But otherwise remember that this is a emotionally and physically overwhelming time for you and your partner. The wider family are there to support and emulate as you learn to care for a newborn.

Unlike some others here, I do know people have taken this isolation approach to parenting and most of the time, it's ended up being a miserable, lonely, anxiety ridden time for them as they bicker and snap at each other about how to do things through fatigue and confusion.

You never go to the home of a new parent who has welcomed familial support and find them not showered for days, not eaten and at loggerheads with their other half.

Not unreasonable if that’s what you want. The baby will not disappear after 3 weeks, family will still be able to see them.

I will say though, that by my third, this would have been utterly laughable to me. From the moment I left hospital, I’d have literally welcomed Jack the Ripper in to hold them to give us a break to do stuff for the other kids, meals etc. DH was home for a fortnight with ours (except one where he had a few days while I was in hospital to look after kids at home and then genuinely had to return to work the day after I got home), but even so there’s ideally never enough hands with a newborn and other kids so no way would I have turned anyone away.

Makes you wonder how some of us managed the school run a day or two after giving birth.

My twins were in NICU for 86 days. I put a 24 hour ban on visitors as we had had no time as a family. If they had been term, well babies, I could have held of the grannies and aunties in particular for three weeks.

If you had invited me after x days/weeks to visit a NICU baby I would totally understand. So much different to visit than a healthy mother and baby.

Sounds like you’re assuming you’re a distant family member. You wouldn’t go see your sister or brother’s baby before some random family event because she wanted a few weeks to recover? Your son or daughter’s baby?

My siblings would never pull a stunt like this.
I would be very surprised if my children had that approach. Both of the +18 yo children of ours are NHS based/trained and would have a good laugh of a 3 week ban.

’stunt like this’
Someone wanting a little space after giving birth to their baby is no stunt, merely asking to have time with their newborn and privacy.
like I’ve said direct family will be seeing baby but after that we just want a little time to ourselves.