Am I being unreasonable with not wanting visitors for a bit?

[makeupgirlie]

So I’m due in a week.
I am not too keen on having visitors after baby is born for a minimum of 3 weeks. I want the first few weeks to be able to recover and let baby settle in.
Everyone is understandably excited for the baby. But I have felt very overwhelmed by my partners family in particular throughout my whole pregnancy. They are always wanting to know every detail, why I have gone to the hospital and what my appointments are for. God forbid you don’t tell my partners dad and he gets annoyed by it. Anyway I am happy for grandparents to see baby first, maybe in hospital but I don’t really want everyone picking baby up or at least not for long. But when home u just want a few weeks just me, baby and partner. Is this unreasonable?

Why would you not want your family to visit you to meet your baby? I had loads of visitors whilst I was in hospital having my daughter and my mum came over every day for the first couple of weeks after we got home.

If breastfeeding it often takes a few weeks to get the hang of it and the mother can often have to do it virtually constantly. Some women need privacy to feed, particularly as was the case with my first baby when I was yelling a bit in pain when feeding or having to repeatedly try to get a latch or bleeding from one place or another …

It was fine subsequently but not every mother is in a normal situation to host or even be seen.

Wait and see how you feel. There’s no need for grand declarations. You might be glad of the company or some help. It’s worth bearing in mind that these people are family, not randoms from the street and they’re people who care about you and your baby. You’ll surely need their support, bringing up a child. I was devastated to have one of my children during Covid and had no chance to introduce my beautiful child to friends or family. It’s the most normal thing in the world to want to share your joy. Maybe consider allowing short visits but brief your partner on signs that he needs to move them along if getting a bit much.

Then I reckon you won't be missed either.
Why not respect the mother's wishes and why you need to see/hold the baby so quickly or not at all?

Three weeks is quite a long time imo. I would say ten days before no visitors is reasonable; I think that’s the longest you can keep people away yet somewhat happy!
I would advise not keeping everyone away because frankly when baby is a bit older you will want their help.

Fair enough. Takes two to a tango and a good relationship.

If you’re in the UK and don’t have an epidural, you generally get discharged after a few hours if you’re both well and healthy. Congratulations btw

You do you.

However, you could make it clear you’ll only have one party of visitors a day and limit a party to a maximum of 2 people.

Add a caveat that when people come, they either do jobs such a put a wash on, iron, make lunch, bring dinner etc.

That way, people get to see the new baby and also be helpful without overwhelming you.

Personally, I wanted everyone around to see my DD and was happy to host - I stayed in PJs for 3 weeks as I’d had a c section and everyone wanted to help us.

Yes, you are being unreasonable. A day or two fine, 3 weeks is ridiculous.

I feel very lucky I don’t know anyone this precious.

I loved having visitors straight away to admire my gorgeous new babies. They usually brought presents and made me cups of tea/snacks too!
Babies have good immune systems when they are born as antibodies pass via the placenta, then if you breast feed they get a continuous top up of protection.
It’s up to you but I looked forward and enjoyed the visits. I just sat on the settee like a queen on her throne!

I found the pressure around visits very stressful and I think it interfered with establishing breastfeeding.

If I had a 2nd baby I would let people meet the baby soon but I would keep the visits shorter or take my baby back when I wanted.

Some of the comments I got upset me. I don't think people treat women with as much consideration as they should after birth.

I had a c section and was up doing housework immediately, I ended up with back spasms and my feet swelled hugely (i was fine throughout pregnancy) because I just wasn't resting. I'm sad I didn't have support, people just wanted to hold the baby. Next time I will look after myself much better.

You can do whatever you want but does it really have to be all or nothing? I'd figure you were needing space due to finding the transition difficult, so shrug it off, though find it weird. I've never actually known anyone to do that IRL. Can you have your space with a few select visiting windows? An hour on two occasions during the week where people can drop in to say congrats and give you a gift? You don't have to let anyone hold your baby.

Wow… I didn’t think I’d end up with some not so nice comments and being called ‘precious’
I am about to become a first time mother, trying to figure things out. Have not had the easiest of pregnancies and have been incredibly overwhelmed. I didn’t realise people would be so mad at the fact I do not want to be bombarded by people straight away after giving birth to my child!
And as I said in my post about grandparents being about to visit in hospital… I would not be stopping them. I will also be breast feeding so whilst I get the hang of things why is this a problem? I did not realise I had to put my newborn up for everyone’s consumption straight away. Maybe 3 weeks is too much but I would definitely like to settle in with my baby and get into the flow of everything. Some of these comments have not been nice in the slightest. I am just trying to figure things out.

I couldn't wait to show my babies off. It was lovely to see family and friends after the births.

By dc 6, hardly anyone came to visit and I remember feeling really disappointed.

Maybe see how you actually feel after the birth and then decide?
Good luck.

Are you that thoughtless when friends and family have gynea, bowel and abdominal operations?

Or is it just new mums who are expected to be happy with people in their space when they're in pain, dealing with stitches, medication, incontinence, barely slept and trying to care for a newborn?

I didn’t realise people would be so mad at the fact I do not want to be bombarded by people straight away after giving birth to my child!

It would be unusual to be 'bombarded' by visitors. The majority will no doubt text you first and you can (should you wish to) arrange visits accordingly.

I did not realise I had to put my newborn up for everyone’s consumption straight away.

This would also be a very unusual thing for a mother to do, rather than arrange any visits. I'm not sure everyone will be 'consuming' your baby.

I can't imagine banning people for 3 weeks. I'd have gone insane. I could only shuffle round the house after spending a week in hospital. I counted down the minutes until I had visitors in hospital and once home they kept me sane.

It’s not about being bombarded and IME the best thing to do is to stress that anyone who wants to visit needs to ring first to check you are visitor ready . If people turn up without calling and it’s not convenient tell them to go away and ring first next time . I suppose it comes down to how close you are to your family , I can’t imagine not having let my mum and sister visit , they were extremely helpful .

Yes I am 100% thoughtless 100% of my time.

Thank you all for the comments.
I have taken on board everyone’s views.
i believe 3 weeks may be too much however the first week we have decided no visitors to home, we are happy for direct family to come visit in hospital.
This is all new to us. Please in future be kind with your words.

Ahh, I loved my family meeting my newborns! Whatever works for you, but I would imagine they’ll be upset.

I don’t get the appointments thing though-how does anyone know about them? DH barely knew what appointments I had when pregnant as he was at work, let alone his dad! Just don’t tell them.

It’s fine to say no visitors but do t then expect family to drop everything to help you on your schedule, works both ways.

Is it really such an imposition to sit on the sofa and let a few people visit for an hour and briefly hold the baby?

It comes across as very main character energy and a need to control everything.

What you’d never want to meet your new family member if you couldn’t do so almost immediately? What a weirdo