@Rhiannon1997 mumsnet generally is a very middle class place full of women who’ve had really good upbringings. The fact that you’ve been advised to return to your family shows the privilege in some posters. (Not a dig if you read this, I’m happy your family would be a safe place for you to return, no shade) Because they can’t imagine being in a position where your family are abusers, drug addicts, plainly just bastards. Because these women have grown up with love and stability or are well educated or just quite intelligent, some of the advise and comments you’ll get may seem negative. It’s not great, getting pregnant after a few months of partying with some dickhead, but if like I suspect, you have a similar life experience as I, it’s very much typical in your circles. It lacks reason, but a party scene, young people and those of us without decent parents, these things happen. So whilst some comments may even appear rude to read, it’s because these women can’t fathom being in your situation. I have been in a similar position to you. And I’m not the brightest bulb in a pack, I’m just older and wiser and learnt from my mistakes. Girls from my old scene are young grandmas themselves with kids in care, still little sesh heads, not a pot to piss in. Still chasing god awful men who have spent decades fucking them around.
I got out of the cycle when I became pregnant. Solo parented and was determined that my son wasn’t going to be yet another kid in his class with social service involvement.
You can see by the reaction of posters who have had nicer lives than women like us how much your life sounds unappealing. Because it is. But this is temporary. You are at a low point. But what you’re going to do, and it’s hard, is break whatever shitty cycle you’ve been in for your baby.
You are not ever going to get back with your baby’s sperm donor. Imagine being thrown out with a newborn? Imagine your child being scared their pissed dad is going to put his key in the door and throw you out.
You are going to work with every damn agency. Every single one. With them, not against them.
You will be rehoused and you know what, you never ever give that tenancy up for a man again. Ever.
You will not be stupid with your money, you’ll not be wasteful and buy things brand new when there is no need. You’ll get on top of any debts and care for your credit rating. Treat it like another baby.
You’ll find another job when baby is at school You’ll be able to get school hours if you look for jobs working in schools or even day centres for the disabled. Ideal jobs for single parents. Read up online what qualifications you can work towards.
You will access counselling, learn why you thought some drunken prick was a perfect family for you, unravel your terrible self esteem and learn what is a happy, healthy relationship. You will stay away from men until you are satisfied you understand what is acceptable in relationships and understand that you’ll never put a man before your child and security of a home. Even if you’re planning to get married, ensure you’ve your own money, a job and aren’t ever moving into someone else’s home again.
You will make your small family of you and your baby the perfect family.
Take any free courses you can, ask older and experienced women for advice and listen, learn to ask and accept help. And I can’t stress enough, learn what are important priorities. If your scene is anything like mine was, there are single parented children who are dressed in fancy sports clothes but parents haven’t got food in the fridge, or their dc hasn’t ever had a day out but theyre posted all over insta like they’re living the dream. Any toxic groups like that leave.
Enjoy your baby. Go to baby groups, utilise your local libraries, church, any other places that have resources. Get your UC sorted immediately.
You’ll be a success before you know it, replying to a post like this yourself, inspiring the poster. Rooting for you. 💐