Partner sent me an eviction email

[Rhiannon1997]

My partner sent me an eviction email today at 07:30 I am 25 weeks pregnant living at his home. I straight away contact my local council on a Sunday morning for immediate help within an hour he sent round one of his family members to kick me out there and then. (He was out all night on a bender with his friends hasn't even come home) I've managed to booked myself a hotel for the night with the money I have left but completely broken and upset that my perfect happy family has been broken apart and now having to manage pregnancy on my own and no where to live. I don't have any family or friends around me and just feel completely abandoned. He does this all the time goes missing for days because he's gone on the sesh. I know I should want to walk away but the thought of doing pregnancy on my own kills.

OP, what time will the Housing Section open in the morning?

Can you have a nice breakfast in the hotel and then get down there for when they open?

I think that you are more resilient than you think, by the way.

Don't give any more thought to this man and his nonsense at this juncture.

Focus on getting the help you need tomorrow, so that you have the accommodation and money you need to put your best foot forward.

Where are you now OP? Are you still in his house? If so, gather some essentials and book into a hotel for tonight. Tomorrow you can go to your local council offices and present yourself as homeless, they will find you emergency accommodation and then temporary accommodation until you can secure housing. It's not ideal but at least you will have somewhere safe to lay your head. I would also get in contact with your midwife tomorrow and let them know what's happening.

In the longer term, consider reaching out to your family. They may well have been angry and disappointed in your previous poor decisions but willing to offer some support now you're no longer in the relationship.

Do you have family or friends anywhere? If you do go there now. Don't wait for the baby to come. I'm you do you'll be stuck where you are.

He is abusing you. You know that. Don’t blame your self for going back. It takes an average of leaving times before DV survivors stay gone. Id talk to the domestic abuse helpline or womans aid on how to move forward. As there's DV involved you should be able to present at any LA and present as homeless due to DV. I think that you'd be better to block him on everything so he doesnt have access to manipulate you. You need to access councelling and DV support. Also talk to the midwifes where you end up. You need support with the pregnancy.

You have 15 weeks to build your strength. You will be a mum. Hou need to protect your baby from their dad. If he's prepared to throw you out on the street with no notice when you are pregnant and vulnerable then he's capable of anything.

Also give the baby your surname and dont put his name on the birth certificate. I dont ever say that but you dont want him having PR of a vulnerable baby when he's a drunk and abusive. If you allow contact without a court order he will be able to withhold the baby from you as a parent with PR.

So I’m a social worker so sharing from the perspective of the duty the council / local authority will have. They will have a duty to assess your homelessness application and they will contact your local children’s service department and they will likely do a social worker assessment. My advice is to work with the social worker and any professional support that is offered as this will be best for you and your baby. If you have no finances then they may provide you with some funding under S17 so ask! Housing will be temporary in the first instance and is unlikely to be ideal but do not go back to this man…

Also, if you do communicate with him about anything moving forward. Id set up a parenting app and only communicate with him via that. Our family wizard is good. You can use the messages in court because they are time stamped and not editable.

ETA: Don't tell him anything that can be used against you. Also, communicate without emotion.

Sorry

I have left but completely broken and upset that my perfect happy family has been broken apart and now having to manage pregnancy on my own

Sorry but it is as never this! You need to get away from him, no matter what he promises, leave him.

There wasn’t a lot of point cutting and pasting it when it is such irrelevant advice though. Do you honestly think if she phones the police on America they will get on a plane and get her back into her ex’s house? Obviously not. So why even post it?

You might as well tell her to fly to the moon, and on her way back pick up a winning lottery ticket and use that to sort out ongoing housing.

In the nicest possible way. You can do this, you will do this and it will make you stronger.

Council will house you. You and your baby. Do NOT notify him of the birth or put him on the birth certificate. Give the baby your surname.

The baby needs one mature loving parent who is their everything.

His role is no more. You get a new number from phone company and if you want to move areas you do it now. Get emergency counselling with your GP.

I’m guessing you are young and got your head turned by this man. You have been a little silly getting pregnant so quickly.

the man is abusive and you have not seen the red flags till its way too late.

give your family a call, you fell out over this man but I am quite sure they will welcome you back with open arms.

do not try and stay with this horrible man.

Take him and his family out.

Where are your friends? Where did you grow up? What area would you like to live in? For me I would literally move now to wherever I wanted to be.

Brighton is fab for young mums (speak from experience) as is Bristol. You do not contact him or his friends or family.

You need a midwife women’s aid and to make decisions solely on what you want.

please PM me if you want but I have been where you are although it was over 20 years ago. Raising my wonderful child alone without his input was the best decision I ever made.

She can’t be that young if she gave up a Council House.

Jeez @Rhiannon1997, you knew a guy for 4 months and it was 4 months of drinking and partying… and you think you fell in love? No. Just no. When you got pregnant, you had plenty of options. Having a baby with a guy you barely know, who is only interested in drinking and partying was an odd choice.

All you can do now is make better choices. Do not go back to this man. The happy family image you have in your head is made up - you will not be a happy family. What you must do now is focus on getting housing and getting a job and reconnecting with your family. This guy can have limited access to the child, but a man constantly on benders is a terrible choice for a partner and parent. Do not go back, do not forgive. Make better choices.

You really really don’t love this man - it sounds like you still barely know him if you believe his shit and ignore his actual behaviour.

This.

Also is one million times easier to have a baby on your own than with a man child ( I’d actually include any partner but I’m a bit controlling).
Babies are very easy in the beginning too. Sleep, feed and you is all they want. Breast feed, get a sling or forward facing pack and enjoy having no one else but this poppet to worry about.

Yeah she can. If she’s vuneranle and had to be house before.I also think this is a young woman who has given up everything to be with this guy. Her home, her job, her family, her friends, and likely her future.

It's far from a perfect family. It's a train crash. He's a drunk and no good. You will be better on your own. How can you deal with this when you have a newborn baby to take care of.

I'm so sorry @Rhiannon1997
He is not the right person for you. You will be better without him.

Have your baby, speak to csa for child support and get help from social services.

Hope it all works out. It's a tough situ you're in but you will fair better on your own than with this disgusting man child!

If that's Op's name & birth year as her username then she's about 28.

Could I just point out that as they aren't married then she can't put her ex's name on the BC.

You never had a happy family. He's a loser. You want your child growing up with a loser, thinking his behaviour is normal do you? Move on and don't look back. He sent a family member to get you out the house to? Shows what his family are to. Low lives.

www.google.com/search?q=maternity+allowance+uk&rlz=1CDGOYI_enGB1146GB1146&oq=maternity+allowance&hl=en-GB&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#lfId=ChxjMe

You may be entitled to Maternity Allowance if you don’t qualify for SMP. Check this link. If it doesn’t work just search for it.

So why have you not been working full time up to now? How old are you?

OP you do need to present as homeless at the council offices tomorrow morning. Staying in a hotel tonight will help your case as if you’d been able to stay with friends or family they would tell you to just stay there.
They may tell you that you have made yourself intentionally homeless by giving up your previous home but you can explain that you thought you were setting up home with the father of your child. Emphasise the abuse you have experienced.

Is that relevant or any of your business?

Tell me you know nothing about abuse ….

Men like this aren’t interested in the child
per se but see it as a way to keep the woman under their control and tied to them for years. Keeping her dependent or just a route to fuck up her life, knock about with arrangements so she can’t ever have a life of her own, use the child as a bullying or manipulation strategy.

Read up on tactics of abusers before saying it’s “bizarre”.

In some areas it can be as simple as being savvy enough to get on the list when you are very young.
Care leavers have priority, disabled people, other vulnerabilities. Lots of reasons.