Partner sent me an eviction email

[Rhiannon1997]

My partner sent me an eviction email today at 07:30 I am 25 weeks pregnant living at his home. I straight away contact my local council on a Sunday morning for immediate help within an hour he sent round one of his family members to kick me out there and then. (He was out all night on a bender with his friends hasn't even come home) I've managed to booked myself a hotel for the night with the money I have left but completely broken and upset that my perfect happy family has been broken apart and now having to manage pregnancy on my own and no where to live. I don't have any family or friends around me and just feel completely abandoned. He does this all the time goes missing for days because he's gone on the sesh. I know I should want to walk away but the thought of doing pregnancy on my own kills.

I've always lived in my area but had a massive family argument and family issues due to being with this guy who is 11 years older and none of family will talk to me. He goes to the local pubs and everyone has turned against me when all I do is sit at home and got to work and come back but everyone believes him over me

If you argued over him and that led to the big falling out do you think they would support you now that you have left him?

How long were you with him for?

Where did you live and work before moving in with him?

By the sounds of it your already doing the pregnancy on your own. I would immediately be moving close to family and friends. I would not be staying around him and his family who have no problems kicking a pregnant women out.

We have been together nearly a year and no I can't regain that family relationship unfortunately

completely broken and upset that my perfect happy family has been broken apart

This never existed. Not with a drunk/cokehead.

I hope you have some real life support, so you're not bouncing im amd out of this man's home when your child is born. Alone is exponentially better than an addict who gets his friends to turf out his pregnant girlfriend. The friends sound as wretched as him; so you're much away from the lot of them.

I lived on my own and stupidly gave up my council home to stay with him. I worked full time in a respite home for disabled children but gave that up as the long hours and stress became so much becoming pregnant. He looked after me financially etc so reduce my hours to an office job

Sorry to hear that OP.

Thats a very short relationship though which is good to hear, how was your life before you were with him - where did you live, did you work full time, etc. And can you work on getting back to this?

You sound very vulnerable and I hope you are able to reach out for help and support irl.

Your family was likely exasperated, watching you waste your life with a loser, and will have you back once you shed him.

Are your parents alive? If they are, then honestly… there aren’t many parents who would turn you away.

Go home. Admit that you fucked up - this man is useless, abusive and you’ve ruined a lot of your life by giving up your job, your home and getting pregnant to him but that it’s all fallen apart and you need help. How bad are your parents that they could hear that, see you at rock bottom and turn you away?

I don’t know what possessed you to give up your home and job and get pregnant with a man like this - who was like this from the start - but you have, so not you need to deal with it. Get away from him, go to your family, tell them how bad it is and admit how much you have fucked up and ask for help. Then get onto the council as you’re homeless, and get looking for a job but that might be very difficult given your situation.

Make better choices going forward.

Could you seek a place at a women’s refuge? It should help you to set yourself up again. You have to stop listening to him. You are responsible for your child’s safety and security. Do not listen to him anymore and cut him off for good. He is no good for you or the baby, if anything he is bad for you both. I honestly don’t know what you were thinking, giving up your safe council place and job for an abusive alcoholic?! What on earth made you think he’s be a great partner and father?! Wake up and cut him off. You don’t need anyone like that in your life, you deserve so much better.

You gave up your council home to live with a guy you met less than a year ago, and it's been nothing but trouble since you got with him?

What did the cousin say when he tried to evict you? Most men would not go around evicting pregnant women from their homes because their alcoholic partner cousin asked them to?

I’m really sorry you’re in this situation but the whole thing sounds bonkers. You’ve not even been together a year yet you are six months pregnant, and gave up a house and job to be with him? This was a disaster in the making from the beginning. All the advice above but please don’t rush into anything like this ever again.

He's kicked you out of the house and sent his family round to make sure you were gone, and you say you "don't want to walk away"? I'm sorry but he's already long finished with you. Can't you see you're already doing it alone?

You must look after yourself now. Fuck him. I was in a similar position in the 90s, and I had no help. There wasn't even any Internet. It didn't end very well for me, but you can do this. Times are different now. Seek all the help which is out there, and get this done.

@Rhiannon1997

What did the council say when you rang them this morning, OP?

There's no denying that it's going to be pretty tough for you, but absolutely not as tough as it would be with your ex on the scene. You will get through it because you're going to be a mum and mums deal with tough times to give their babies the best they can.

You can definitely get back your relationships with your family. Swallow your pride, reach out to them, apologise and explain what's happened. It would take the most hard hearted family not to scoop you back up.

Apply for whatever benefits you're entitled to and accept whatever help the council can offer you.

Youve got this 💐

"Perfect happy family"???? Where?

Don't give him the satisfaction of thinking that you need him. Never speak to him again. I know this is terrifying but you can absolutely do it alone - in fact, it will be easier doing it alone than having some tramp abuse you while you do everything by yourself. Know your worth and cherish it. Don't be the pathetic doormat he so desperately wants you to be. I'm sorry this has happened to you. You can either go onwards and upwards from here or stay his abuse victim. Choose wisely

Bless you how old are you? I have been in the same situation as you, became homeless when i was pregnant, trust me when someone show you who th3y are believe them. If a man is so cowardly and horrible to you, then he will not doubt be the worst dad ever. I say this with experience, as I went back to my ex for him to treat me.much more worse. You dont need this, your family will eventually come around. But trust me, doing it al9ne is better than constantly being in fear and abused. Its not good for you and your baby

If you are not on the mortgage or tenancy:

While they can technically ask you to leave, doing so abruptly without giving you time to find alternative accommodation can be considered domestic abuse/coercive control or harassment.

What You Should Do Right Now

If you are locked out or face immediate violence: Call 911 (Police) immediately. Illegal eviction is a criminal matter, and police can assist you in getting back into your home.

Contact the Local Council: Reach out to your Council Housing Options team for emergency homelessness and housing advice.

Get Emergency Legal Support: Speak directly to Shelter England for expert advice on your exact housing status and how to report an illegal eviction.

Move areas when you present as homeless tell them your at risk of abuse from a former partner some housing authorities will help you get housed further away (ive had a few friends move into my area this way) basically one told them she would take almost anywhere in the country found an area with decent links to services and was offered a property there its not the greatest but it has solid public transport to other areas and supermarkets

What are you staying in this area for? Your drunk ex or your family who ditched you at your lowest get a fresh start

Throw yourself on the mercy of your family. Tell them you need their help and support. You hooked up with a loser 11 years your senior, you are 25 weeks pregnant and you can't do this completely on your own. Draw a line under the relationship with the baby's father. Move back to your home town. Don't miss your perfect happy family because it never existed in the first place.

I don't understand. You appear to be close to full-term but have only been together 'nearly a year'. So you got pregnant right away?

Eta - I see you're 6 months pregnant. Still absolute madness to give up your secure council housing and get pregnant so quickly. This man did not become an alcoholic over night. He would have shown signs from the beginning.

And if it's such a short period you're together, why would your family relationship be unrecoverable? Especially seeing as you're pregnant and most families tend to soften when grandchildren arrive.

Ask yourself 'Am I being abused?'. Ask yourself 'If I am being abused where can I get help?'

You appear rather judgemental and unaware how abusers behave?

Fuck. I'm sorry you're in this situation. Giving up a secure tenancy for a man was a terrible decision but you know that now. It's shocking that you call him a perfect family whilst also describing how he goes on benders regularly. You need to get to the council office first thing Monday morning and if you genuinely have nowhere else to go they will place you somewhere. And hopefully now you've been dumped by this shit of a man your family will talk to you again.