Fabulous 40+ and Proud: Mum and Mums to be Part 2

[Kaz1967]

Ok we have talked to the end of the topic so here is a new one

Johnworf I am sure that Kaz will cover the medical side of this but from a parents perspective you go for it you have every right to be there for your little girl and it is important for you to understand everything that she is going through I am afraid that the medics can get carried away with what they are doing and forget about the parents feelings make yourself heard calmly and clearly and it should all be alright. The problem can be that our flipping emotions and hormones get in the way which make us cry and rant instead.

ps. not many men can understand any of this stuffl

rosebury - I am Irish bit have been living in York for about six years... must be going native.

oh jw sorry if this is a stupid question but if you can produce all the milk she needs why would they top up with formula when that is considered less optimal than breastmilk?

maybe some parents are content to allow the doctors to do these tests without them there but they sure s hell should have told you they were doing it if not offered you the chance to be there. Can't they write on Katherine's notes or something that her parents wish to be informed and present at these things?

Evening all...not checked in today ....been out hob-nobbing with posh folk at a rowing regatta.! DD1 was eyeing up all the fit young men...she's like 'em older!

Stops message! DP has just SHRIEKED...as he's seen an 'old flame' of his on Scrapheap Challenge.... Yes, it IS a girl! Ex's, they get everywhere!

Anyway

Johnworf Oooo...that's bad, the medical bods not telling you about the cardiogram. Many docs do seem to suffer from 'God complex'...where you're basically a lesser mortal. I only say this cos I know a fair few of them! I reckon talking to them in a calm, slow, slighty condescending manner tends to work!

Don't get too disheartened by the milk situation. Not sure what the reality is re: the breast/formula weight thing
but I think a quick bit of bulking up the weight is quite common in prem babies. It happened to us in SCBU. We were told that because DD1 had lost sooo much weight we needed a quick fix to bulk her up - swiftly. And the formula did that - sharpish! I was in tears, forcing DP to feed her as i couldn't bring myself to do it. Felt so crap about it all. But we were always told that breastmilk was nutritionally the best for her and to keep on with it after we left.

But you let off steam ....probably be good for you But if you want to be with Katherine tomorrow then you blinkin well be there...and tell them under no certain circumstances that you want to know EVERYTHING! Go on....be firm....put your foot down.....be that nagging mother x

johnworf The problem with expressing milk is you do not always get the hind milk. Talk to the midwives about finding out how to tell which is hind milk and which is for milk (many Mums can actually see the difference but not all) and get them to give her only hind milk until she is bigger. Also ask about eoprotien (going to check on spelling) being added to you milk rather than formula (it will be a special formula not over the counter sort but I totally understand) we used to try this first it added extra protein to Mums milk plus a few other things and normally was enough to boost weight gain. Off to find some stuff for you to wave at them.

hedgepig there is a specific problem with extreemly pre-term infants when inside they would normally grow a lot faster than they do outside and the charts do not cover their growth. Also they do not necessarily get hind or as much hind milk as they would if taking the milk from the breast (which they are obviously not able to do)

Hello
Been ill. Got virus. Chucked up 15 times in 24 hours on Thurs/Fri. Since been back off hols (1 week) have lost 1/2 stone. DS still ill and sick twice today. Been to doc with him, been to doc for me. All they say is diarolite. IT'S DISGUSTING, cant they change the damn record? Whilst this was going on (in fact during chuck up 24 hour session) had home midwife emergency appt to book me in. Needless to say wasn't much use as I sat slumped on the sofa with DS who winged mournfully next to me and indeed at one point I had to do the "I'm sorry I'm going to be sick" and run out of the room routine. Anyway she's told me I've got to have a GTT when 28 weeks and has already booked me in for 8 September, even though there has never been any sugar in my urine. However, as I am FAT, FORTY (oh and have a father with diabetes which I suppose is something) she says it's the MIDWIFE LAW. Maybe I am exaggerating her exact words but you get the drift.... My brain has melted with all this illness. Sorry haven't read your updates but eyes only coming back into focus. DH has tried to to help and actually took Friday off work to look after us both and was a total star but then slightly complained yesterday that I wasn't cooking him dinner and then today how he'd had a 'rubbish' weekend. So that made me shout and cry which was not needed on my part. We are friends now. .
Anyway, just wanted to say hello. Will get back on course this week and catch up ... again! Hope all you lovely mums and preggie ladies are doing well and your LO's.
Yours, down sowf lundun feeling super sorry for herself, x

Had trouble getting lo to sleep tonight so just a quick one before bed

Mrs B; I had the same worries about bf and once I started it it wasnt sooo bad but I did get sore nips and kept saying "when I get to 6 wks" then "2 months" then "12 wks" and here I am almost 9 months on and to tell the truth dreading ds self weaning I love our "us" time so much.

JW; Sorry Katherine hasnt gained as much as they want today and understand your upset when you wanted to have exclusively bf.Also totally understand your anger at not being told about her test...perhaps they thought you would find it upsetting...crickey, when I look back, I nearly clocked the mw when she did the heel prick test on my term lo and cried worse than him when he had his first jabsthough I would ahve thought that they would realise that you are made of stronger stuff than the likes of me Hope it al goes well fo her (and you).

It is spelt Eoprotin there are others from NEONATAL FORMULARY 4

All hospitals probably have different protocols but here are a few I found on line
www.ich.ucl.ac.uk/clinical_information/clinical_guidelines/cpg_guideline_00040
www.rotherhampct.nhs.uk/trific/3%20Preterm%20infants.pdf
www.clinicalguidelines.scot.nhs.uk/PD%20guidelines/enteral%20nutrition%20and%20calorie%20supplements .pdf
www.cscneonatal.nhs.uk/guidelines/dorset/enterelfeeding.pdf

(((pwcbird)))) you are having the same GTT argument as I did.

First you do not HAVE to do anything obviously be sensable it's not worth taking risks with either yours or the babies health and be aware that you refuse you will feel like a terrible Mum because you will keep getting those she refused looks.

I always said if I had sugar in my wee, the baby was growing out of proportion (large babies sign of GD) or excess fluid (babies pee more if they are getting too much sugar) I would have it but I did not and stuck to my guns much to their disgust. Pretty sure I am down as a difficult patient. The SHO last night (ended up going in again ) asked if I had been told I was having a big baby in that tone of voice I said no if you look at my scan results it is growing in proportion and that I had 4 fibroids one felt like a babies head the other big one could no longer be seen because it was at the back of my uterus and maybe just maybe these accounted for the bloody size I was.

I have done 48 hours worth of blood sugars pricking my finger before and after meals (for me this was far more acceptable than the GTT strange I know) but guess what they are all bloody normal. They would have put me through a test that would have got me really stressed, made me feel sick and probably made me puke (large doses of sugar do don't touch anything sweet for that reason) and made it all pointless anyway for bugger all just because I ticked certain boxes

thanks everyone for your comforting advice, especially kaz1967.

Katherine has already been on fortifier, added to my breast milk for over 2 weeks now. They weighed her this morning and she's actually lost 3 grams (nothing really). She started on 1/4 formula (nutriprem) added to 3/4 EBM. She's pooing for England but I can see that's her poo has already changed it's consistency

I've calmed down since y'day. There was a lot of things happening all at once and I think I felt a bit out of control. As I screamed at my DH in the car on the way home 'she's my baby afterall'!!!!! I think that can get forgotten on SCBU.

Anyway, they're now talking about increasing the formula to half and half and I guess in the face of losing 3 grams I'm going to have to go with the flow. It's this 'having to go with things' that doesn't sit very well with me and perhaps that's just a flaw with myself and not with the hospital staff.

As you can see I'm feeling slightly more philosophical today....either that or just defeated!

kaz1967 just to answer your question re the hind milk, the double pumping machines are especially designed to get hind/fore milk seperately. I know fore is watery and hind more creamy although I've never been asked to put them seperately into different containers.

Hoping that pwcbird is feeling better today. Gosh you sound like you're really going through it dear.

I did manage a cuddle with Katherine y'day which was lovely and seemed to make up for everything previous. Nurses took a pic and as soon as I've uploaded it, I'll give you all a shout

JW so wonderful you got a cuddle. Makes up for it all, as you say

kaz1967 I do feel slightly aggrieved at the GTT test because it was only 2 yrs ago that I had DS, I was overweight then, 38 and had a diabetic father and no-one ever mentioned it. There was never any sugar in my urine and DS was born healthy and well at full term. Now, suddenly it's a big thing and I did feel the midwife was a teensy bit pursed lips at me. For example one of her first questions she asked me was 'did you have GD with your last pregnancy?', not 'were you well in your last pregnancy', or 'did you suffer from any problems or difficulties' etc. However, part of me thinks I have to just suck it up because the truth is I am a plumpette bird (though hardly a bedridden overeater - I'm 16-18 size) and I do have a father with diabetes and maybe it's wrong for me not to do it - though the thought of sitting in the blinkin' hospital for 3 hours and having some foul glucose drink doesn't make me feel great. Surely they could test with my bloods at 28 weeks, which they take anyway? Oh, I don't know!

Greetings everyone. Feeling slightly better today, DS not been sick so far since yesterday afternoon so fingers crossed. Must make trip to supermarket today come hail or high water as living off fresh air currently.

jw - glad you got a cuddle and a pic! The lack of control must be very difficult for you, there you are, programmed to take sole responsibility for Katherine's welfare and there's all these people getting in the way and deciding what they think is best for her and doing things that they think is in her best interests but which you may not necessarily understand. It's totally counterinstinctive (if such a word doesn't exist I have just invented it ) Of course if any of those medical professinals were in your shoes they'd be acting exactly the same!

pcbird - poor you - horrendous and a sick child at the same time. I'd be terrified at the thought of cathing something like that right now -one of my colleagues came into work the other day sick and I spent 2 days wiping my hands with that anti bacterial handwipe stuff.

johnworf - surely the hospital staff should be keeping you informed and discussing things with you. It's not you, it's definatley them.

johnworf so pleased you got to get a cuddle....do get that pic up...want to have an oogle at Manchester's finest young lass!

It's only natural to feel out of control in SCBU....it's the most clinical of places and you're just not able to do the 'parenting' that feels so natural after having had your LO. I totally agree with mrsboogie (and her made-up counterinstinctive!)that there are so many people deciding what's best for Katherine that it's overwhelming...and occasionally, you get forgotten and over-looked

FWIW I think you're doing amazingly...to keep posting here, with humour, alongside the odd rant to let off steam - you seem to have such a superb grip on things. And the amount of expressing too....is just mind-boggling to me. I never managed it successfully....did what i could but it was sporadic....and I chose not to remember how emotional I became over it all. You really, really are giving Katherine just what she needs. Your milk is never going to going to be wasted on her...even if it does need a helping hand to push her weight along. There's far most gold and fairy dust in breastmilk than in nutri-Prem....it may not bulk her out but it can do everything else

pwcbird sending over a HUGE box of tissues and a large pick-me-up cocktail to 'Sarf london' Sorry you're all ailing....now get to that supermarket and buy nice food to cheer yourself up Ugh...being preggie AND sick.....nasty x

Hi ladies,

Well, the rant over the weekend certainly seemed to have worked. The nurse today was falling over herself to tell me every detail from the previous 24 hours, right down to how many times she farted

It is hard but us mums are robust and keep going...don't we girls? Don't think we get much of a choice in the matter.

The cuddle pic the nurse took from y'day is on my profile....view at your peril

pwcbird glad to hear you (and DS) are feeling better

johnworf Yep it can get forgotten who the baby belongs to.

They seem to have been through all the steps I would expect not a lot more to do to get her to put on some weight.

Has Katherine been on dietetics? I vaguely remember you saying something about them steroids can make babies retain fluid which makes weight gain look great and then they start medication to make them pee and it all comes off If so that is probably more to do with her weight loss rather than anything else. These tiny babies do take along time to put on weight.

Get it written in her note that you want contacting and informing of any changes, tests, etc. There may obviously be emergency situations when things need to be done without informing you but most of the time even if it is over the phone to discuss it with you.

mrsboogie I would be a dam site worse I assure you I always said that and that is perhaps why I coped and got on well with parents who others considered a problem. I knew how I would behave I would be a right royal pain and question almost everything

pwcbird they cannot do it with the bloods at 28 weeks as you either need to challenge the body with a large dose of glucose or do pre and post blood sugars over a period of time as I did.

Ok big decision to make.

It does not look as if The house or flat sale will go through for a while but my best mate who is one half of my birthing partners has asked me to come up and stay. It was actually her husbands idea he said he would come and pick me up, Sue said they would clear out the back room and make that my bedroom until when ever. Now they have a full house already, her husband (nearly ex) is sleeping in the litte'ns room, the boys have the back bedroom and Sue and little'n are sleeping in her room.

I want to get up there, I desperately want her and my doula to be with me not stuck down here. But I feel like I have so much to finish off here re the house and I am worried that the house will be really full.

kaz - If they think that it will be ok full-house wise then who are you to argue?

you are lucky to have such considerate friends.. I don't know the story with respect to your house sale (or whether you are buying or selling) but if you can leave sorting out whatever needs to be done until after maybe you should take just advantage of their kind offer if it is in the best interests of you and the baby? let everything else wait till after...

jw - lovely pic - ooh and don't you look young - I'd put you at least ten years younger looking at that photo.

Have I missed something? kaz1967 are you moving?

katherine hasn't had any diuretics (to my knowledge) however tonight, it transpired during conversation with tonight's nurse, that katherine has already had a cardiogram 2 weeks ago...and the results I got in passing conversation. Cardiologist did a no show today but I will be having words with the consultant tomorrow...the time has come methinks for a face to face with the big man himself

mrsboogie why thank you kind lady for your lovely words. The slap from Boots works then or is it the camera DOES lie? Officially after the last 4 weeks I should have aged at least 10 years and not regressed!!!!!

Johnworf God Lord you DO look young!.... That's a fab pic of you both. And the camera usually slaps on years...unless you've got an anti-aging lens !

Yes, kaz1967 are you moving? I thought baby brain had set in.....I'd missed all that. Where are you trying to get to? How bloomin stressfull.....baby AND house move....bonkers, bless you! Good luck with it all.

Hope you're all getting some of the lovely sun....my washing smells gorgeous from being out on the line...ah, summer at last!

yep been trying to move for months yep totally barking I know it was supposed to be all done and dusted by now though

Oh and moving up to Lincs been planned for a while just starting (or not) to come together

kaz1967 Moving and Heavily Pregnant in the same sentence surely don't mix apart from when bonkers people are talking to you!!! . Wow, you're a brave lady. Moving when not pregnant is bad enough. Hope you've employed a team of burly men to shift all your belongings. No lifting for you...

jeanjeannie it was the hours of photoshop my DH spent on that pic that makes it worth the while! Haha just joking. Nurse took it sunday and I just scanned it in when I got home. Prolly look a bit younger cos it's the only time in a month that I feel relaxed - holding her. As soon as I put her back in the incubator I turn into the wicked stepmother in sleeping beauty (pre disguise).

I'm going to print off your post and show it to my kids as proof that I don't look 80

Yes kaz1967 we don't want babyKaz arriving in a cardboard box in the back of a Pickfords van. There you'd be in the throws of labour shouting "be careful with that it's an antique!"
brave? or barking...? You decide!!

Johnworf yes, you do look relaxed....and considering the stress you're under...AND grown up kids to torment you...you should look wretched!! Good for you for keeping it young! x

Happy Birthday to me
Happy birthday to me

42 is the new errmmm 40!

There is a large cake choccie cake with sprinkles on the side - please help yourselves.

I'm rather Kn* today I decided to take a day off work for My birthday and then in a fit of madness decided to use the time to help with a school trip to the botanic gardens. I am exhausted and all we did was wander around looking at plants.

Glad you are all well
KAZ the move in with your friend sounds like it should be OK as you will have support but are your friend and her ex-ish getting on OK or would you be in the middle of a war zone?