I want my baby to have my surname but my boyfriend wants her to have his or for it to be hyphenated. help

[OneTaupeFox]

Hi so idk if this is even the right place for this thread but i need some advice on what to do. Me and my boyfriend had only been together 2 and a half almost 3 months when we found out i was pregnant and at the beginning our relationship was great and i was head over heels inlove. But slowly he stopped putting in the effort and stopped doing the tiny things that he did at the very beginning and it pushed me away (not to mention we’ve never even been on a date). And then we found out i was pregnant, i knew immediately i was going to keep the baby wether he wanted to or not but he decided he also wanted to keep it and stay together to try and make it work. Throughout my pregnancy i have grown to hate him and everything he does and says and have considered breaking up with him, idk if it’s the hormones or me realising he’s not someone i want to be with anymore. He’s tried to be supportive but i genuinely can’t stand anything he does and want nothing to do with him but none the less ive stayed with him for the babies sake. Earlier today we had a conversation about who’s second name the baby will get and i had said i’d like for her to have mine and if we ever get married then she’d get his when i would and he didn’t like that and said he wants for her to have his because she’s his baby as much as she is mine and then i suggested her having his as a middle name as i don’t want my daughter to have a different second name to mine and he still went on that he wants her to have his and that we can do both of ours but im not sure if i want that? Our second names don’t sound good together whatsoever and i don’t want her to grow up getting made fun of for having a weird double second name. And not to mention idk if we will even end up staying together after she’s born. Am i being unreasonable? Or what should i do? Sorry for how long this is i just had to get it off my chest

I was in a very similar situation to you when I was pregnant with my baby 18 years ago. I knew the relationship wouldn't last and gave my baby my surname. It is still one if the decisions that I'm most proud of - it represents who I am as a parent and a woman - independent and self-sufficient (and a bit stubborn 😏😏) 😏- I have never regretted it. I'm not sure if it's the same now, but he has to be present when the baby is registered to be on the birth certificate - don't let him use that as a way to force you to change your mind. Best of luck

Its not just your baby. Your partner deserves to have his baby named after him just as muhc as you do, regardless of how much he annoys you. Double barreling it is reasonable. You are not being reasonable.

Actually, it's extremely likely to end up being 'just her baby'. The guy was a virtual stranger when the OP got pregnant, she now hates him, and the chances of them establishing any kind of amicable co-parenting relationship are slim to none.

I'm actually disgusted at the women here who thing that a man should be denied rights to be a parent to his baby because the mother has taken a dislike to him and he annoys her. This is so shocking. This poor man is just as muhc a parent to the child as the mother is, hes dont nothing to deserve this behavious. You should all be ashamed of yourself.

No one has suggested this. They are simply counselling against giving the baby the name of someone who will very possibly never figure in its life. No one can prevent this man being involved in his baby's life, should he choose. Even should the OP not put him on the birth cert, there is a straightforward legal route he can take to establish himself as the baby's father, with all the rights and responsibilities that involves.

The dad has the right to 50 / 50 custody , nothing to do with the name ..my DS is now asking for his dc to have his surname added to birth certificate as his ex has done everything to stop him seeing his child . He now 50/ 50 custody ....unless hes abusive he as every right to be in his child's life ...the surname won't change this. Why don't you both sit down amicably and tell him how you feel ...it will save alot of grief late .

You should be ashamed by writing that nonsense.

Who has said he should not be denied rights to be a parent?

Disgusted by how many people are now shouting about MENS RIGHTS!!!! With no mention of responsibilities.That is exactly what the world needs rights now, more men’s rights activists…

I think you mean equal responsibility, people don’t have rights over their children, they are not possessions. As they aren’t married, only the mother can register the birth and as such can give the baby whatever name she chooses. If she decides to put his name on the birth certificate then she will. It still doesn’t mean he can dictate whose surname the baby has. He can have parental responsibility without the child having his surname.

Traditionally unmarried mothers gave baby their surname. Stick with your name.

She has shared how she feel… she wants her baby to have her surname as unmarried mothers have done for centuries

You're wrong. They're not married. Therefore there isn't even the presumption that he's the babys father.

Agree. Depressing isn't the word.

I am a registrar.

There’s some really inaccurate advice on here about surnames and “adding the father’s name”.

if you were coming to me to register your newborn baby and had your boyfriend with you, I would first look you square in the eyes and explain that you currently have sole parental responsibilities and if you chose to put Dad’s name on, he would have equal share to you. I would also be telling you that the surname on a birth certificate can never change (unless you marry him) so it would be deed poll only if you later change your mind and if you’ve added Dad onto the birth certificate, he would have equal say in that. If you choose to put Dad on your baby’s birth registration, he has completely equal responsibility with you and completely equal say over all decisions relating to health, education, travel, etc for 18 years. Think carefully.

If you register alone, you alone have parental responsibilities, but yes, be could go to court and be given them and you would be forced to reregister. He could
NOT have the baby’s surname though at that stage.

In my experience though, very few men bother at that point. They are mostly hot air.

If you register alone or you decide that he’d take this to court anyway (weigh up that possibility carefully), so you put his name on, the baby’s surname should be yours. It will then remain yours unless you do a deed poll or you marry him and choose to. If you initially register alone and then add Dad, the surname can NOT change unless you marry. There is no longer any facility for that to happen in registration law.

If you choose for your boyfriend to share parental responsibilities with you, he must attend the birth registration appointment with you.

Think very carefully, and regardless of that, use your own surname 😁

You misunderstood the registrar. Everything in capital letters on a birth certificate is the surname. It doesn’t matter if it’s hyphenated or not. If there are two names in capital letters then they are both the surname (very common occurrence).
if you choose to have one of the surnames as a middle name (also common), it won’t be in capital letters.

It has nothing to do with the hyphen. Many people have a double barrelled name and no hyphen.

No, but not for the reason you give. Middle names are immaterial. He cannot have the baby’s name changed in any way, irregardless of whether his name is a middle name.

He can go to court with proof he is the parent (with a DNA test) and almost certainly the birth will be reregistered to include his name as parent, but that baby’s name can NOT change unless they marry. It just can’t. It used to be possible, but it absolutely isn’t now.

Absolutely 100% they have your name. Plan your life without this guy. Also, he has no right to be at the birth if you don't want him there / want someone who will actually support you like your parent/sibling/friend.

Such important advice I wish you were the registrar of my child- would have prevented a lot of heartache from my stupidity