I want my baby to have my surname but my boyfriend wants her to have his or for it to be hyphenated. help

[OneTaupeFox]

Hi so idk if this is even the right place for this thread but i need some advice on what to do. Me and my boyfriend had only been together 2 and a half almost 3 months when we found out i was pregnant and at the beginning our relationship was great and i was head over heels inlove. But slowly he stopped putting in the effort and stopped doing the tiny things that he did at the very beginning and it pushed me away (not to mention we’ve never even been on a date). And then we found out i was pregnant, i knew immediately i was going to keep the baby wether he wanted to or not but he decided he also wanted to keep it and stay together to try and make it work. Throughout my pregnancy i have grown to hate him and everything he does and says and have considered breaking up with him, idk if it’s the hormones or me realising he’s not someone i want to be with anymore. He’s tried to be supportive but i genuinely can’t stand anything he does and want nothing to do with him but none the less ive stayed with him for the babies sake. Earlier today we had a conversation about who’s second name the baby will get and i had said i’d like for her to have mine and if we ever get married then she’d get his when i would and he didn’t like that and said he wants for her to have his because she’s his baby as much as she is mine and then i suggested her having his as a middle name as i don’t want my daughter to have a different second name to mine and he still went on that he wants her to have his and that we can do both of ours but im not sure if i want that? Our second names don’t sound good together whatsoever and i don’t want her to grow up getting made fun of for having a weird double second name. And not to mention idk if we will even end up staying together after she’s born. Am i being unreasonable? Or what should i do? Sorry for how long this is i just had to get it off my chest

By the same logic, she can have a relationship without having her name anywhere in the baby's name.

Help not needed only common sense

the baby has your name

he is not named on the birth certificate

you weren’t going to stay together initially, only as you got pregnant. This relationship is unlikely to last a long time and so you want to me life as easy as it can be for yourself admin wise

It's not just her baby and whether she wants a relationship with the baby's father has nothing to do with it.

By the same logic, so can mum.

Your name. He cannot force you. Don't forget if you don't want him in the delivery room the midwives will keep him out but you must tell them. Use your words. Best of luck love

No he does not have the same rights as the op. For instance she has the right to register the baby and with what name she chooses. He does not.

He also will not have the same responsibility as the op either. He isnt going 50/50 with a newborn. He is taking maternity leave, impacting her career and giving birth. He is a bystander during the pregnancy, birth and newborn stage.

Why should it? Not all women change their names on marriage.

Of course your baby has your name. At this point in time he’s a sperm donor. Also bear in mind while you are pregnant you can move where ever you want. After the baby is born you have to take him into consideration. So if life would be easier for you somewhere else with a little baby (better support maybe far away from him) do it now.

The father has equal rights.

If she refuses to put him on the BC he doesn't have parental responsibility but he can easily obtain it with a paternity test, at which point he can legally challenge any decisions about naming the baby.

There's also no automatic rule that says a father can't have 50/50 at birth; this would be decided based on the best interests of the child taking into account if the mother is breastfeeding.

He can also argue for shared parental leave.

Another vote for your name

All of which would make him a shitty father. None of which are in the child’s best interests.

Yet another vote for giving your baby your surname. Sending you strength on this!

I stupidly gave my dd his name. It ended acrimoniously and he is court ordered to stay away. Yet she still has his surname and can’t change it until she is 16. I can’t change it without the courts permission and that would require finding him- something I’m not willing to do. It’s in your child’s best interests to have your surname- something you can change later down the line if you need too. Don’t make my huge mistake! My daughter is paying for it!

Your name.
I was in a similar position- we'd been together 6 months and I still wasn't sure about him but I thought we should go for a double barrelled surname.
I wish I hadn't!
We split up a week before her first birthday, after a year of him never being around, shagging other women and generally being awful.
His parents- from who he is estranged- suddenly appeared when he was off the scene and have been a fucking nightmare. They behave as though my older child and I don't exist and they use their surname only (not mine) when they send things in the post to her.
Shes a bit older now and mostly uses just my name, at school etc, but officially his name is still her legal name so on all her doctor appointments and getting prescriptions we still have to use it and although it's just a name, it's a pain in the arse and a constant reminder of him.

I gave my DS my surname. I didn't care what my ex thought. I have birth to DS so he had my name.
You aren't even married so why shouldn't your baby have your name?

Taking SPL and working to have equal involvement in decisions about the child is the opposite of being a shitty father.

You are forgetting one important factor. This guy might be buttering you up regarding ' The NAME ' because he has nothing else to barter with. He probably already knows that he has NO RIGHTS over the baby and could possibly create havoc in your life if YOU PUT HIS NAME AS FATHER on birth certificate. This really gets my goat!!!!!!¡ it's like saying : Can we argue over baby's name but not really face our Issues. Sorry he has no right to even have a conversation with you at this stage, or tell YOU what HE WANTS !! It really complicates things when you name a guy as father that YOU HATE. They make life HELL down the line and dictate your life to authorities. Leave him off paperwork. If6he loves you, then let him Work for The rights that he s demanding. Don't just give him anything. Life is hard when a guy offers his NAME but nothing else. ..speaking from experience here.

Big Mistake to name him. As The father on Birth certificate.if she dislikes the guy as it will give him parental rights.!!!!!!

Why should it - because you get a lot of questions and require additional evidence to prove you have the legal authority in situations involving health care, education, travel and financial decisions- when you do not share a name with your children.

This is for the protection of the children. I have two children who I do not share a last name with. I’m speaking from experience.

If she isn’t going to marry this guy then no point in taking his last name for the child and as another suggested not putting him on the birth certificate. If she’s going to that - she may as well leave now.

For the people shocked and disgusted at idea of not putting a man who is already being problematic on the birth certificate, I'm genuinely happy for you that you've never dealt with the amount of stress and distress that a crappy, difficult father can cause both the mother and the child.

Leaving him off and giving the baby the mother's surname doesn't prevent him from proving the OP wrong and stepping up and being a good father. It just offers a small amount of protection from the possible shitshow if he doesn't.

Unfortunately I'd bet my life savings that he won't.

It's disgusting that so many women think it is acceptable to completely deny a man parental responsibility and rights to his child just because she doesn't want to stay with him.

Please don't let him bully you, give the baby your name. The only guaranteed trustworthy support that baby has is you. He is a tentative maybe at best.
My youngest sister has her dad's name and was raised exclusively by my DM as a single mother and I think that is just so ridiculous.

Having a baby with someone you’ve just met and don’t even like? Give it your name.

Your name as you aren’t going to stay together so what’s the point? And next time don’t have unprotected sex with a man you barely know or like.

What about the baby's right to a relationship with her father? Depriving a child of a loving parent is a terrible thing to do.