Midwife told my daughter she is a big sister before i did!

[Jenny124501]

I went for my scan and then i had to have some bloods taken and i took my daughter with me and i had said she doesn’t understand yet so she turned to my daughter and said “there is a baby in mums tummy, you are going to be a big sister” and my 4 year old daughters smile went away as i think she was shocked to hear this from a stranger. I have been planning when i will tell her since i was 4 weeks pregnant! I am heartbroken because she took that memory from us! Tell me I'm not overreacting but also help me see how this isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things because i don’t want this to dampen the fact my daughter will be a big sister. Thank you.

I have a similar age DC and if I were pregnant would not tell them until as late as possible a) in case anything does bother go to plan and b) because they are awful at waiting and don’t understand concepts of time very much.

They do however know about pregnancy and that babies grow in their mum’s womb and would have figured it out if I had taken them to a scan.

My maternity hospital had loads of signs up saying strictly no under-18s in scans unless they were one of the parents.

I very much remember my mum being pregnant when I was 3 and meeting my younger sibling for the first time, but I don’t remember when I was told it would happen. Mum also had another baby a few years later and I did go to scans with her which looking back was not something I would ever do. I think some people are very fortunately complacent.

My daughter was told the momentous news that she was going to be a big sister by a random couple who had come round to buy our car. They were being very sweet chatting to her and asked her if she was excited about being a big sister...we hadn't told her yet, but had told the couple about it as the reason we were selling the car!

Yes I agree with this 👆

Similar happened to me when I was pregnant with my last baby. I had to have an amino and so I knew the sex of the baby but didn’t want to tell anyone else. It was clearly marked on my notes for staff not to mention it. I went for a checkup with my toddler son and the first thing the midwife said to him was “come and listen to your brother’s heartbeat”. I was so disappointed but once it was out there I had to tell everyone - there was no way my toddler was going to keep that quiet.

With deepest respect, I would have thought you’d told your girl what the scan was all about before . As it is, no harm done. Let her make sense of it and you can fill the gaps . She might now tell others of course! I hope it all goes well and many congratulations!

If you're bringing your child to a scan with you, I think you have to accept they may be introduced to the concept that they will become an older sibling.

It's such an inconsequential event that she'll probably never remember. Relax

Why was your child even there?

This is all bonkers.

You’re over reacting, verging on bat shit. Sorry.

If your daughter's smile faded, surely that means she's unhappy about her new sibling? She must be worried that you and her dad won't pay as much attention to her anymore. At four, she isn't going to care who tells her the news.

Honestly, I think you wanted to film your daughter's reaction and put it on social media, and instead of being honest about the reason for your disappointment you're pretending to be worried about your daughter's feelings.

Well this - I didn’t think children were allowed at medical appointments, especially scans. I’m sure I’ve seen many posts along the lines of “I have a scan and the letter says no children in the room but I don’t have childcare, should I just take them anyway” and everyone saying “no, you won’t be let in”.

I genuinely can’t remember the moment we told 4 yo dd she was going to be a big sister. I guess I’ve stolen that memory from myself 🤔

My thoughts exactly

surely that means she's unhappy about her new sibling? She must be worried that you and her dad won't pay as much attention

… and that, quite reasonably, might be why the OP wanted to choose the time, place and manner of telling her

So then don’t take her to an anti-natal blood test appointment with a midwife who will mention the baby, and don’t tell the midwife that your kid doesn’t understand when you actually mean she doesn’t know. Why not actually say “she doesn’t know.”

Don’t take her to a scan then, where she can see it with her own eyes.

Especially if you had a Big Sister t-shirt made up especially for the upcoming photoshoot moment complete with emotional soundtrack #blessed

The kid wasn’t at the scan. How is it possible for so many adults to not understand a very simply written OP.

The kid was at a blood test.

Everything seems to be a journey,an experience or a memory creating moment nowadays! I'm glad I'm old too.

A blood test conducted by a midwife. Who presumably isn’t keeping schtum throughout, but is also questioning the OP on pregnancy-related matters?

Read my replies. I’ve said exactly that. But everyone keeps saying the kid was at a scan where she could see the baby for herself. She wasn’t.

I was 4.5 years when my sister was born. I have no memories of my mum being pregnant and only very vague memories of her coming home from hospital with a baby. I do have relatively strong memories of fun stuff me and my dad got up to while mum was in hospital and of going to a shop to buy a teddy for the baby!

Your daughter is unlikely to remember any of this, irrespective of who tells her. You are projecting your (understandable) excitement onto a 4 year old who has very different interests and priorities in her life right now!

By the time the baby is born it won't matter at all.

I never think it's a good idea to "plan memories". For one thing, too much can go wrong, and for another, the best memories are the ones that happen spontaneously. You, your daughter, and your daughter's sibling are going to spontaneously create a million meaningful, happy memories together, and for many of them, you won't even realize how important they are until years later.

I wish you happiness and joy with your children.

Exactly!

Close to tears? You absolute wet lettuce! Wait till you get some real problems! You told her that your daughter didn't understand what did you expect? I honestly worry about people these days.....

You’re not overreacting it’s natural to want that moment to be yours. But your daughter will still get to feel the excitement of being a big sister, and you can create new special memories together.

Sorry, but you are overreacting.
I am sure you are disappointed but to describe this as 'being heartbroken' is a bit dramatic.