Petrified at the thought of a third boy

[Tegah]

Im 5 weeks with our third baby, and whilst I’m so happy to be pregnant again, I’m also absolutely petrified. We already have 2 boys, who I adore, but they are bloody hard work and high energy. Since I’ve found out I’m pregnant, my thoughts have been consumed by fears of this being another boy which I feel awful about. At the same time, I cannot deny that I am desperate beyond words for a little girl. I have longed for a baby girl for a long time now and I think that now knowing this is our final baby (for many reasons but mainly financially, we live just outside London and house prices are crippling), it has dawned on me that this is my last chance. I know that many people will jump on this post and berate me for even having a preference with gender, and I should just be happy to have a healthy baby, which of course I am and I know I am lucky to even be having a third child. But I think it will take me a while to come to terms with having another boy, and never having that bond with a little girl that I so desperately want. How do I cope with gender disappointment if this is another boy? Please be kind.

I feel for you and understand you wanting to have a little girl. I think it’s very natural to want a girl after 2 boys. I hope you get your little girl. Feel sure your hormones are contributing to your feelings. Take care.

I wouldn’t have 3 children of any sex combination. But I fail to see why you seem to think 3 boys is automatically harder, unless you’re finally prepared to admit you buy into sex stereotypes.

3 children under 5, no matter the sex is terrifying. Yet you chose to do it when there was a 50% chance ( actually I think after 2 of one sex the chances are higher of a 3rd of the same sex) of having a 3rd boy, a situation you are 'petrified' of.

@Tegah I would have been petrified of having 3 under 5, whatever sex, hence I didn’t do that. Do you think if you have a girl she will sit/lie there being serene whilst her 2 brothers wreak havoc? A girl can cause havoc too.

Men don't always drift away. My adult DS is 31 and is honestly a good friend, we have a lot of interests in common, both like the same books and music. I understand that you want to "heal" your past, but you honestly don't know what the future holds. ❤️

I have one of each. Both grown up now. My son is more loving than my daughter. Daughter moved 10,000 miles away and never calls or texts. Obvs I always reach out first, but it's such a shock, tbh.

My 3 boys are all under 5. The fact that the 3rd is a boy makes life easier not harder. Hes alot more placid compared to the other two (so far...ha!!)
My older two are hyper so I do know where you are coming from too.

You may be surprised how easy the third one slots into the madness anyway.

If your boys are under 5 @Tegah do they play football with DH or watch it. Don’t understand at that age (or any to be fair) why you wouldn’t join in

Being petrified of something and yet still wanting to do it is very common though, why do people jump out of planes, climb mountains etc? They’re terrified yet still want to do it. I’m frightened but still want three children very close in age, and would prefer this third child to be a girl. Girls do tend to be calmer on the whole yes. I wouldn’t expect any child to just ‘sit/lie there being serene’. Every child has their challenges routed in their personalities. Boys tend to be more energetic and girls more emotional during pubity etc. you can argue there shouldn’t be gender stereotypes until the cows come home, but the fact remains that there is and always will be. Whether you like it or not!

I think gender roles just aren’t as fixed nowadays. I was reading about the declining birth rate and the increasing number of women not wanting children. Currently it’s 20% who never have children but some experts say for the current generation of girls being born it could very well be 50/50 for having or not having kids. Puts a bit of a different perspective on things when mums say ‘I want a DD as I’ll be closer to her children when she has them’ There’s very, very good chance that won’t even happen.

Sorry sorry - i did infact quote the wrong person. Well i think i thought you and @BerryTwister were the same person.

The post i was referring to in that comment was Berry Twister's - " You shouldn’t have deliberately got pregnant with a child that you have a 50% chance of not being happy with. If you’re so petrified at the thought of something that has a 50% chance of happening, why did you do it?"

But then it was your post to which the OP said 'get off my thread' to. I don't think anyone has broken the talk guidelines but do think the ' why did you get pregnant if you wanted a girl' has been done to death, plus doesn't actually help in anyway. OP is within her rights to peeved about this. Apologies again @sunflowersintheday

Three children under 5 is going to be hard work what ever their sex. A baby is a baby . Girl babies are no different from boys ,in that some will be calm and chilled others will be non stop criers . It's quite ok to say you would like a girl of course. But that is not a rational reason.

Do you really think so? I can’t speak for the rest of this country or Europe but very few extended families I know do this. Probably because most colleagues, friends etc have moved around and may not live close to Mums, sisters and so on.
I love when I can spend time with my adult daughters but not because we do girly things, we will cook but that is because we like cooking and the men will probably be cooking with us.
Seriously, if you think you are going to struggle speak to your midwife and ask for a referral, you can probably access help if you think you will not bond with the baby.

That's ok, easily done 😊. I was also a bit shocked by that and a few other posts. Many have been far, far worse than mine. She told me to get off the thread, and that's what I responded to.
I have advised her to speak to her midwife about these very negative feelings.

Not RTFT but I had 3 boys under 2! I totally hear you, and a part of me still yearns for the girl I never had…BUT my boys are the tightest unit. As is our family. All so different but so close. Whatever happens it will work out. I confess to crying a bit when my third boy arrived, but honestly, now, I genuinely don’t think I’d have it any other way. And if you have a half decent husband you’ll get your life back quicker as they’ll be off to rugby, cricket and football and you can spa day with your mates ♥️💐

What’s wrong with boys?! I only have one DC and he is a pain in the arse. He is also hilarious, clever, silly, kind and gorgeous. What ‘experience’ are you missing by not having girl?! Sorry but I never understand these posts.

Except in response to multiple posters suggesting men/ boys could do stereotypically female things, you said "this society is so incredibly warped ". Regardless of if you think you're being open minded towards your boys, this sexism is likely to still be picked up by them. And that's what a lot of posters are responding to.

And what if you do have a girl who climbs tress and gets dirty knees? A girl who shouts and screams with excitement? A girl who manages to get every toy out and forget to put them away? You have an idea in your head of what a girl is like and yet hundreds of posters will say their girl is anything but calm and easy going.
I suggest therapy. If you have a boy he’ll be a disappointment to you and if a girl doesn’t fit your sexist stereotype then she’ll be a disappointment to you too.

Also am I the only one who has a great and close relationship with their mum (probably one of the best compared with my friends/cousins and their mums) but has never done shopping, a spa day or afternoon tea with them? 😅

Don't worry about a third boy; worry about a third high-energy child. I know people with lovely easy placid boys who then had a high energy can't sit still girls and say if they'd been first they would have only had one!

I have one of each and sometimes my DH does boy things with DS and I hang out with DD. He did a weekend at the British Grand Prix this year. I took DD clothes shopping and then to the theatre. DD has no interest in F1 at all and DS really has zero interest in clothes.

We haven't pushed them into gender stereotypes. We all go to the football together, DS is arty and DD likes doing tricks on her scooter, but there are some areas where they do conform. People on here pretend that girls and boys are the same when these threads come up and scoff at the idea of girly days. You only have to peek at the style and beauty board to see how many of them are into hair, make up and clothes, yet the idea of shoppjng and spa days with your daughter is laughed at.

I don't think you're evil for wanting a girl. I'm sure you will adore your 3rd boy while feeling a bit sad about the girl who does not exist.

Boys are not automatically higher energy than girls. Girls are not automatically ‘placid’. By stating those things, you are stereotyping your children. Boys get away with poor behaviour because of their ‘energy’, girls are punished for being anything other than delicate flowers who sit quietly.

Fuck that.

My son was a little happy potato and my daughter a whirling dervish. There is absolutely no guarantee of personality, whatever their sex.

Ah my DS is clothes-obsessed but I despise shopping, especially when it’s for other people 😩 I agree more girls tend to be into clothes and shopping and was hoping he would follow that pattern, sadly not. He loves the theatre though (which I don’t think is gender specific either way) so I love seeing shows together.