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Original poster

Upset at not giving DD a sister

153 replies

numberonepartyanthem · 12/04/2025 08:59

I come from a family of women, sisters, sisterhood, and we love being a big girl gang. I myself have a twin sister. We all have husbands and so far no one has had a son,
I found out yesterday I am expecting a beautiful baby boy, I’m 16 weeks and me and DH (he was totally gender unbiased about the whole thing) are excited but … I’ve got some unhelpful feelings I’m trying to shake off. I’m happy to have a son, I never had a brother, nor did my husband so more males around is really cool and we are excited about it! Especially as my husband and his dad are close, I’m happy he can continue that.

I feel sad to not give my 2 year old daughter a sister, the guilt of her not having the emotional support that only women can provide to each other as she gets older really worries me. I don’t think I’d feel the same to not give a boy a brother.

I’m currently 33 and will still be when I’m due in September

I know how lucky I am, but I can’t help but feel sad that my little lady won’t have a sister like me and all the women in the family have that it’s making me want 3.
but it’s crazy talk, pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum is such a lot for us women physically mentally and also wider picture financially, and this is madness,

any helpful thoughts please

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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cramptramp · 12/04/2025 09:02

My daughter and son are very close, and always were growing up. Yours might be too.

dementedpixie · 12/04/2025 09:04

I only have 1 boy and 1 girl. They get on well and I don't feel dd 'needed' a sister tbh. There's a 3 year age difference between mine.

dementedpixie · 12/04/2025 09:05

Also if you had a 3rd pregnancy there's no guarantee you'd have a girl then either

Coali · 12/04/2025 09:06

I get on so much better with my brother than I do my sister. We have absolutely nothing in common, whereas my brother is one of my best friends.

Original poster
numberonepartyanthem · 12/04/2025 09:07

I know it’s madness and I’m lucky I can have children etc etc but it’s a niggle that I want gone

OP posts:
Karmaistheguyonthechiefs · 12/04/2025 09:08

My sister and I never got on that well. She was into dolls and tea parties, I was a tomboy into climbing trees and collecting animal cards.
She took ages to fall asleep and I drifted off straight away. She was social, I was an introvert. We were like night and day, lol.

She moved out when she was 16 to live with a boyfriend and as adults, we only speak at family occasions once every few years.

SALaw · 12/04/2025 09:09

Very weird take. Surely everyone knows very close brothers and sisters and then sisters that don’t get on at all? No guarantees of anything

JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen · 12/04/2025 09:09

In the nicest possible way, this is a you problem OP. And you probably won’t get over it with reassurance from us randomers on the internet. Wait until your magnificent and lovely DS arrives, watch him grow, see the relationship with your DD blossom. That will fix it.

TISagoodday · 12/04/2025 09:10

My husband has one sister and they are very close and of great emotional support to one another, also as my sister in law I'm lucky enough to have huge support from her and her me- we are true friends, she's the one I left my own daughter with while I gave birth to my second- not my own sisters (I have two and two brothers) This may happen for your DD too!
As for me, I am close to my own sister's but I'm equally close to my brother's and one of their wives so you really don't know how things will pan out.
Congratulations 🎉

PishPish · 12/04/2025 09:11

You can’t banish your ‘niggle’. Just sit with the discomfort.

romdowa · 12/04/2025 09:11

My husband hasn't spoken to his brother in years . Just because people are siblings, same sex or different doesn't mean they will be close . You're having another baby for you not for your daughter

Winifredtabago · 12/04/2025 09:11

Does your twin sister have any kids?

Aria2015 · 12/04/2025 09:12

I have a brother and a sister and I love them both, but I am super close with my brother. Strong sibling bonds are more than just being born the same sex. There is no reason your dd can't enjoy a close and beautiful relationship with her brother. I do and it's one of my most treasured relationships.

Buttonsbuttons · 12/04/2025 09:12

My son and daughter are best friends. They love hanging out together and it's made them learn how to interact with the opposite sex in a supportive and positive way.

Don't get me wrong they have their moments when they fall out but they just as quickly make up!

It makes me so happy that they've got this relationship.

I have two adult DSDs who can barely stand to be in the same room as each other.

Don't make the mistake of thinking what you had would be replicated in the next generation. Each situation is unique.

BumpLoading · 12/04/2025 09:14

No advice but I understand your feelings as I feel the same way for my little girl! I’m close to my sister so wanted her to have that bond, but remind myself of all the above comments and look forward to seeing her hopefully close bonds with her brothers. Friends, and in laws as she grows! (And hope she’s my little bestie too if course!)

nearlysevenoclock · 12/04/2025 09:15

Honestly, same sex siblings do tend to have stronger relationships in some ways as they get older, I think. A lot of that is societal but we live in society so hard to avoid. But you’re not having another baby for your DD.

socks1107 · 12/04/2025 09:15

I have a sister and we never got on growing up. Now we see each other every couple of years. Not close at all so I wouldn’t say giving your dd a sister is something to be worried about

Miffyhasbigears · 12/04/2025 09:16

My Mum hated having a sister, they fought like cat and dog, so much so that she vowed she would only have one child.
Of my kids one of my daughters is very close to her brother. My Dad is from a sibling group of 2 girls, 2 boys, he is closest to his nearest sister in age and his brother is closest to the other sister.
I don't personally have any good experiences of "sisterhood", have been bullied by female groups and my DD's experiences have been similar. Sisterhood is not the be all and end all, your future wee boy may turn out to be your DD's best pal 😊

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 12/04/2025 09:18

Your children can't have everything, OP.

I have one brother and have often wished I had another sibling, specifically a sister.

But if I had had a sister instead of a brother, I wouldn't have had my brother, who I am very close to.

And if I had had a sister as well as a brother, I wouldn't have had my own room growing up, I wouldn't have had the same extracurricular opportunities I had, I wouldn't have had the financial help that my parents have given me as an adult. We wouldn't have had a lot of the holidays and other experiences we had as children. We wouldn't have gone to such a good school, because my parents probably would have moved to a bigger house in a worse neighbourhood.

In order for all of your children to experience having both a brother and a sister, you would need to have four children, and be lucky enough to have two of each.

I know a family who kept trying for more children to get the sex they wanted and ended up having six children of the same sex, in a three bedroom house, and two of the children were disabled.

Your children might love that, or they might feel the lack of individual attention from their parents' time and money being spread too thinly.

Sometimes you have to accept the fact that every choice you make for your family means that you won't get to experience the life you would have had if you had made the opposite choice. And that's OK. We only get to live life once, not an infinite number of times. So it's best to live it to the full, rather than regretting what might have been.

Don't have a third child unless you want a third child whether it is a boy or a girl, and are willing to accept the risk that trying to give your daughter a sister results in her living the version of life where she has two brothers.

Cece92 · 12/04/2025 09:19

My daughter is 11 and for her whole life asked for a sister. Her dad and step mum got pregnant and she was so excited for a baby sister…… she got a baby brother. They found the gender out at 20 weeks and honestly within a couple weeks she was excited, and he’s now 9 months I’ve never seen a girl so obsessed with their brother. They literally adore each other so much. Like honestly he is her whole world. X

Tiberius12 · 12/04/2025 09:21

If you have a 3rd child and do give your daughter a sister will you then be upset that you haven't given your son a brother?

SingWithMeJustForToday · 12/04/2025 09:22

I have four sisters. I’ve not seen any of them since I was 16. You’ve got no way of knowing if that’d happen to yours, too, it’s not unusual. None of them are in contact with each other.

I’d have loved a brother, but I didn’t have one of those either. I know plenty of people who are super close to their brothers.

It’s lovely that you had such close relationships with your sisters but that may well have been the case even if they were boys, and if it wasn’t, you can’t replicate those relationships anyway. Work on building a good relationship between both of your children. One of each is lovely.

LegoHouse274 · 12/04/2025 09:23

I have a younger brother and a younger sister - all close in age but me and my brother the closest in age. Me and my brother are super close and much closer than either of us are to our sister. I'm sure that's due to personalities not age gaps or sex, but just as an illustration that sisters aren't necessarily that close, and brothers and sisters can be. We were very close as young children too although did obviously fight a lot as well. We drifted apart during teenage years and gradually got back close again when I was finishing up uni. Honestly I don't know what I'd do without him, he is such a support. DH and him are also really close.

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 12/04/2025 09:23

My dear friend has two sisters and they don’t speak.
My other friend and her brother hang out all the time.
No guarantees. Be grateful for what you have.

Gymmum82 · 12/04/2025 09:24

I have a sister. We aren’t close. I wouldn’t go to her for support or advice. I do have amazing friends who are my rocks, my support system and my go to people when times get tough. You don’t need a sister, or indeed family when you have friends who are family

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