Upset at not giving DD a sister

[numberonepartyanthem]

I come from a family of women, sisters, sisterhood, and we love being a big girl gang. I myself have a twin sister. We all have husbands and so far no one has had a son,
I found out yesterday I am expecting a beautiful baby boy, I’m 16 weeks and me and DH (he was totally gender unbiased about the whole thing) are excited but … I’ve got some unhelpful feelings I’m trying to shake off. I’m happy to have a son, I never had a brother, nor did my husband so more males around is really cool and we are excited about it! Especially as my husband and his dad are close, I’m happy he can continue that.

I feel sad to not give my 2 year old daughter a sister, the guilt of her not having the emotional support that only women can provide to each other as she gets older really worries me. I don’t think I’d feel the same to not give a boy a brother.

I’m currently 33 and will still be when I’m due in September

I know how lucky I am, but I can’t help but feel sad that my little lady won’t have a sister like me and all the women in the family have that it’s making me want 3.
but it’s crazy talk, pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum is such a lot for us women physically mentally and also wider picture financially, and this is madness,

any helpful thoughts please

A boy and a girl here and a four year age gap. They are inseparable.

I had a close age gap with my sister. We fought like cat and dog although get on better as adults.

Like you I had no experience of boys but so far I'd say boys are much easier.

Really it's just luck and personality. Being the same gender guarantees nothing.

"the guilt of her not having the emotional support that only women can provide to each other as she gets older really worries me. I don’t think I’d feel the same to not give a boy a brother.'

You have a very peculiar view of relationships, particularly regarding women. Only women can provide emotional support? And it's fine for your son not to have a brother, but God forbid your daughter has no sister? Honestly, this is weird as hell...

I never had a sister, it's never occurred to me to feel deprived. I also eloped (so no maid of honour) and never had a hen do - presumably all because I didn't have a sister for those roles? What if I had a sister who had no interest in doing these things, what would I have done if I'd wanted them?

The relationship between your children cannot be forced or guaranteed, regardless of their sex. I know several women who hate their sisters (2 of them who even hated each other when they were very young) so I think your rose tinted view of sister relationships may not live up to your expectations, and I also think you're doing your poor son a disservice by dismissing his ability to have a strong relationship with his sister.

I spoke to DD about this recently (16 and 12 now) that when he was born 3.5 she wanted a sister and she said she was so glad she had a brother no competition like she sees with her friends she understands more about boys, she experiences sporting games he wants to go and he never stops her doing things either.
they go on little walks and trips together and he lets her be in charge. He is 6 inches taller than her (will be more) and she says gives the best hugs

yes your daughter won’t have a sister but you haven’t had a brother. Family situations are such that no one ever gets to experience them all from the only child to the multiple siblings. All have positives and negatives and played right can be a really lovely experience

My mum has two brothers, she's very close with them and never wanted a sister.

I like my sister but we are incredibly distant.

I completely get this. My sister is my best friends and I feel sad sometimes that my daughter won’t have that as she has 2 brothers and we aren’t having anymore. also from a strong female family , mum also has 2 sisters although they don’t all really get on at all so no guarantees!

my daughter gets on great with her brothers and has a girl cousin (my sisters daughter) and they are only 4 months apart and absolute besties and they also fight like siblings as together so much.

when I had my third a small part of me was hoping for a girl, but we got my boy. So only have a third of you would have wanted a third anyway as you could end up with 2 boys!

What if you had another daughter who was a tomboy and argued with your older daughter? Same sex doesn’t mean they’ll have the same personalities. There’s loads of threads on Mumsnet where sisters hate each other.

A human being is not something you ‘give’ to someone else as a gift. Bizarre attitude.

I’m sure you will both survive the terrible news that you are having a boy.. get over yourself!!

And plenty of people don’t have sisters, or don’t get on with their sisters. Do they therefore just not have hen dos or maids of honour?

I have a sister. We get on perfectly well but I certainly don't look to her for emotional support and I never have done. I get the support that I need from my friends.my dd is the same. My mum was always closer to her brother than to her sister in any case.

Siblings are not supposed to be a "gift" for the existing children and shouldn't be viewed in that way. You have no means of knowing how they will actually get on with each other, whether they will be close etc.

Hopefully all of these thoughts will just evaporate once your beautiful baby boy arrives. I'm sure he will be perfect and hopefully your dd will love him.

Just from this comment alone surely you can see you’re being silly? Millions of women out there manage to have hen dos planned and lots of other things and don’t have a sister. Friends, cousins? Your way to over thinking this

She doesn't need a sister, or indeed any sibling. Everyone's relationship is different, there is no guarantee that sisters/siblings will even like each other. Just let things unfold naturally, OP.

Oh, and she might never get married, have a "hen do" etc..... stop trying to plan her life out for her!

But hen do

Who will plan her hen do? Really? For the love of god, just hope you have a healthy child.

Sometimes (often) sister relationships aren’t “up to scratch” either! Of all the things to worry about, who will be MOH at your dd’s future wedding should not be on the list.

Everyone I know with a DD followed by a DS then went on to have a 2nd son!

If you’d read my other comment you will see how this is priority.
2 things can be true at once.

Female friends have been rubbish for me, I’m so glad I have my twin as it’s a 0 bs relationship no jealousy and we laugh and support each other through life; female mates have been good at times but ended up letting me down countless times

I think that if you need to rely on biological ties because you can’t make or keep female friends, that’s a pretty sad state of affairs, and that you might do well to work on your friendships, so you can model healthy, mutually-sustaining ones for your daughter.

I have two sisters, of whom I am very fond. None of the three of us had a hen do or a maid of honour. Your priorities are really — odd?

Well to be fair, here we are on a predominately female website…

My sister was vile to me from the minute I was born and we never see each other or speak now. She is 6 years older than me and I timed my own family so that there wasn't a 6 year gap, that's how awful she was to me. You can't possibly predict how siblings will behave towards each other.

If it wasn’t for the women no one would get a birthday celebration in this family, we’d not really see each other if it was left to the men,
they are wired differently we can try to pretend they aren’t and some men are really lovely but sadly it’s the general consensus that men are a bit rubbish at the more caring side of things

Twin relationships are completely different to other sister bonds too.

If it helps, my DH has two brothers and prefers his friends.

Well, so you’re not good at friendships, as I suspected. Maybe work on that, and try not to let the fact that you’ve been historically poor at friendships have a negative impact on your child?