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Original poster

Upset at not giving DD a sister

153 replies

numberonepartyanthem · 12/04/2025 08:59

I come from a family of women, sisters, sisterhood, and we love being a big girl gang. I myself have a twin sister. We all have husbands and so far no one has had a son,
I found out yesterday I am expecting a beautiful baby boy, I’m 16 weeks and me and DH (he was totally gender unbiased about the whole thing) are excited but … I’ve got some unhelpful feelings I’m trying to shake off. I’m happy to have a son, I never had a brother, nor did my husband so more males around is really cool and we are excited about it! Especially as my husband and his dad are close, I’m happy he can continue that.

I feel sad to not give my 2 year old daughter a sister, the guilt of her not having the emotional support that only women can provide to each other as she gets older really worries me. I don’t think I’d feel the same to not give a boy a brother.

I’m currently 33 and will still be when I’m due in September

I know how lucky I am, but I can’t help but feel sad that my little lady won’t have a sister like me and all the women in the family have that it’s making me want 3.
but it’s crazy talk, pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum is such a lot for us women physically mentally and also wider picture financially, and this is madness,

any helpful thoughts please

OP posts:
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VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 12/04/2025 16:00

numberonepartyanthem · 12/04/2025 11:16

Female friends have been rubbish for me, I’m so glad I have my twin as it’s a 0 bs relationship no jealousy and we laugh and support each other through life; female mates have been good at times but ended up letting me down countless times

Given that my Dad had an affair with my Mum's sister, there's no guarantee that you get any more support from a sister than a brother or friend. People are people, and every relationship is unique, regardless of whether you're family or not.

Fadesto · 12/04/2025 16:24

numberonepartyanthem · 12/04/2025 11:18

If it wasn’t for the women no one would get a birthday celebration in this family, we’d not really see each other if it was left to the men,
they are wired differently we can try to pretend they aren’t and some men are really lovely but sadly it’s the general consensus that men are a bit rubbish at the more caring side of things

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I think you need to teach your son to be the sirt of man that is a benefit to the world and perhaps not the sort of man you’re used to. Women and men are not ‘wired’ so differently than men cannot remember a birthday. Teach your son to do better. You have very rigid ideas of men (uncaring, limited emotional intelligence ) and of women outside of your family (competitive, bitchy) and I think it would be worthwhile looking at this.

Hannahthepink · 12/04/2025 16:50

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoosI did say that it’s not always the case, and clearly you are an example of a girl that had different interests than your sister. My own experience was that my sisters and I definitely had more general shared interests growing up than my DD and DS do.
My DS will play with dolls and my DD will play with cars and they will also play brilliantly together on plenty of occasions, but it is difficult to argue that in general boys and girls often share the same interests throughout childhood.

LadyLucyWells · 12/04/2025 16:56

I’m much closer to my brother (and his lovely wife) than my 3 best friends are to their sisters.

Original poster
numberonepartyanthem · 12/04/2025 22:11

Peony1897 · 12/04/2025 11:24

Hang on, how many ‘crap men’ or just ‘men in general’ threads do we have on here? Why do we even need a feminism board if men are so much like women? I feel like because this is a ‘gender disappointment’ thread (which everyone hates), posters are suddenly pretending there’s no difference between men and women when there plainly is. Proved by the fact here we are seeking chat on a predominantly female website rather than Reddit or something.

Yes, men and women are different, broadly speaking. But that doesn’t mean your family won’t be close or wonderful, things will work out exactly as they’re supposed to. But let’s not say ‘men are so awful’ on other threads then play faux naive when women are worried about having sons.

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Thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
numberonepartyanthem · 12/04/2025 22:14

Yeah I knew I’d take a battering haha, I’m just being honest. It’s my first time experiencing this world as it is for all of us. I don’t think my feelings are that out of the ordinary. Some of them I wouldn’t say to others in my private life but then that is why Mumsnet is so interesting because people are more honest as they are anonymous

OP posts:
AliBaliBee1234 · 12/04/2025 22:17

I really strongly disagree that there's an emotional support only women can give.

I have a brother and at times of my life that I needed it, he's been amazing. And I know many friends who have nothing but problems with their sisters...

Strictlymad · 12/04/2025 22:21

Lots of sisters don’t get on- as children or as adults. My dd wanted her sibling to be a girl (as most 3 year olds would) but was delighted when her little brother arrived. He’s now almost 3 and they are absolutely best fronds, he idolises her and she says he’s the best playmate ever. There’s also less competition between a boy and girl I think and less comparison

AliBaliBee1234 · 12/04/2025 22:24

Peony1897 · 12/04/2025 11:24

Hang on, how many ‘crap men’ or just ‘men in general’ threads do we have on here? Why do we even need a feminism board if men are so much like women? I feel like because this is a ‘gender disappointment’ thread (which everyone hates), posters are suddenly pretending there’s no difference between men and women when there plainly is. Proved by the fact here we are seeking chat on a predominantly female website rather than Reddit or something.

Yes, men and women are different, broadly speaking. But that doesn’t mean your family won’t be close or wonderful, things will work out exactly as they’re supposed to. But let’s not say ‘men are so awful’ on other threads then play faux naive when women are worried about having sons.

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I prefer Reddit despite finding this app easier to navigate. Groups of women I find very toxic and much prefer male input.

So yes, men are different and personally, I think it's a good thing.

user1471548941 · 12/04/2025 22:28

I don’t have DC so won’t batter you!!

My husband is one of 2 brothers born to a single mum. He is a fabulous emotional support to her- brilliant emotional intelligence and has counselled her through some really tough times.

I am an eldest daughter with a younger brother and to be honest, fall woefully short at providing emotional support to my Mum or having a close relationship with her. I do try, but I’m introverted and autistic to her extroversion and socially confident so it doesn’t come naturally to me. My brother confides in her etc, whereas I like to keep a lot private and I think that gives her a lot of joy!!!

I do have 2 fantastic female friends who’ve we’ve seen each other through some tough times, were bridesmaids at each other’s weddings and planned me a lovely hen even when I said I didn’t want one!!!! None of us have sisters!

BumbleBeegu · 12/04/2025 22:34

Me and my sister NEVER got on…it was actually really awful growing up with her. My brother, on the other hand, is my best friend.

2025willbemytime · 12/04/2025 22:36

numberonepartyanthem · 12/04/2025 09:07

I know it’s madness and I’m lucky I can have children etc etc but it’s a niggle that I want gone

Then decide to stop being daft about it.

My daughter gets emotional support from her brother. Who knew..

wherearemypastnames · 12/04/2025 22:36

Support that only women can provide … there is a such a lot of assumptions in that - not all sisters get on, men can be as good as women at emotional and practical support - it’s just outwith your experience that’s all

confusedlots · 12/04/2025 22:39

My sister and I are not close and I look at some of the lovely relationships some of my friends have with their brothers and think it would be lovely to have that. I have a girl and a boy and they get on well, although who knows if they still will when they are older.

Ophy83 · 12/04/2025 22:46

I have a younger brother and would never swap him for a sister. Your dd will have plenty of female friends.

SouthLondonMum22 · 12/04/2025 22:46

My best friend is a man and I'm far closer to him than I am my own sister. We aren't close at all.

A sister isn't a guaranteed best friend for life.

anicecuppateaa · 12/04/2025 23:22

Going against the grain to say I felt exactly the same as you. I was devastated my dd wouldn’t have a sister. I grew up with sisters, aunties, went to an all girls school etc., so I can completely empathise with how you feel.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 12/04/2025 23:27

I have a sister and don’t think I have any closer a relationship with her than women I know with brothers tbh

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 12/04/2025 23:32

Well, precisely because you don't have a brother, you can't know the dynamics that are possible between siblings of different genders.

Also there are cousins, friends - you, of course - her own daughters... loads of real or potential close female figures there for her.

I'd worry about a missing support network if it happens! Best wishes for your pregnancy.

Fi970 · 12/04/2025 23:38

When I found out I was having a second DD, who I was absolutely certain would be my final child, I did think about how my husband and I would never experience having a son, which I’m sure is wonderful. Just as wonderful as having a daughter, of course, but perhaps a little different in some ways. It wasn’t ‘gender (or sex) disappointment’; our view was always “You get what you’re given and as long as they’re healthy, that’s all we care about.” And if I was told it was a boy, I’d have thought about how DD1 would never experience having a sister! So we’re very difficult to please!

Anyway, we received some bad news at a scan and didn’t think the pregnancy would even be viable. Never has a baby’s sex been so insignificant.

Fadesto · 13/04/2025 11:14

They’re not born ‘crap men’ though. They’re raised that way (and choose to stay that way)
don’t raise yours like that. You seem determined to think there’s no option though

gender disappointment is fine and I think normal, we have ideas of imagined futures and relationships, but after some time you get over it and think of new ones
its your reasoning that I take issue with and I think having such rigid ideas on gender (and thinking men are shit) would be a shame for both your dc

PishPish · 13/04/2025 11:56

anicecuppateaa · 12/04/2025 23:22

Going against the grain to say I felt exactly the same as you. I was devastated my dd wouldn’t have a sister. I grew up with sisters, aunties, went to an all girls school etc., so I can completely empathise with how you feel.

I likewise grew up with sisters, lived with my aunt, attended an all-girls school from 4 to 18. I discovered men at university, and have always had close male friends since. Growing up in an all-female environment is no excuse for limiting yourself and excluding meaningful relationships with 50% of the population.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 13/04/2025 20:40

PishPish · 13/04/2025 11:56

I likewise grew up with sisters, lived with my aunt, attended an all-girls school from 4 to 18. I discovered men at university, and have always had close male friends since. Growing up in an all-female environment is no excuse for limiting yourself and excluding meaningful relationships with 50% of the population.

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Same: Other than my dad all other meaningful people in my life growing up were female/. All my friends only had sisters. Still has no bearing on what children you get or how you choose to raise them does it (I have 2 boys)

Mummypie21 · 13/04/2025 20:47

I have one brother. I always wished I had a sister. However, my brother and I are quite close. We chat on the phone once a week. We're in a WhatsApp group with his wife and my husband. We live quite far from each other but try to meet face-to-face once a month.

Amigagatuna · 03/01/2026 17:55

I get on great with my two older brothers and their wives are lovely and like sisters to me. I also have wonderful life long women friends. Appreciate what you have .