Due November after loss

[CloudsInMyCoffee09]

Hi there,
I've started this thread so that mamas who have similar due dates following a previous loss or losses have somewhere to chat and feel supported.

I've been on a November due date thread but I feel there's a huge difference in the mindset of people who have experienced loss and those who haven't - which makes total sense!

We have different worries and milestones to make it past etc, so please join if you need somewhere to chat, rant, vent, or share your worries.

Pregnancy is an anxious time as it is without having previous trauma to contend with. Is it just me, or has all the joy been sucked out of the experience?

Just had my booking in appointment. It was a bit weird. The midwife at my GP surgery is fully booked so I had to see someone at the hospital instead and wait in the waiting room we were in at our 12 week scan when we got bad news. She obviously can't tell me everything will be OK, she did say it's positive I'm further along than my last two pregnancies got... I don't know what I wanted or expected from it but I came out feeling really drained and sad... almost like I know it might be a massive waste of time 😞

Sorry, feeling low today. Think I just need to get to bed and give my head a wobble in the morning! Xx

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 did not enjoy mine at all either! What a shit show though you didn’t see the midwife!!
just felt like it was just a giant survey with no actual helpful or human responses to my answers. No discussion on medication / symptoms / foods & activities to avoid / supplements etc. She couldn’t wrap her head around my ivf timeline and had never heard of co-q10 which I was really surprised about given it’s a really popular supplement with TTC.

that room and rubbish appt has probably just knocked you a little bit, look after yourself this eve xx

@Xwx1010 Sorry you had a rubbish experience too! But thanks for making me feel less irrational haha.

Thanks for being so kind. I had some much needed snuggles with my 2 year old and got myself to bed! Woke up this morning to a message confirming my 12 week scan on 12th May.

The midwife said i'll be high dependency again due to previous gestational diabetes and third degree tear when I had my DS. She said 'unfortunately' like it's a bad thing but I think I'd rather have more eyes on me and be under a consultant etc given how anxious I am about something going wrong!

She asked about if I'd want a natural birth or C section too, which I have thoughts on but I'm in no way ready to discuss the birth when I'm currently just going from day to day, hour to hour 😅 xx

I said to mine - do not ask me anything about birth I’m taking it scan at a time. I’d had lots of red bleeding at that point and assumed it was all over.
I’m under consultant care,and I did manage to get my 12 week scan moved to next week so it’s not 13w anymore and can see how the SCH is getting on. hoping it’s shrinking as had lots of brown last few days. Fingers crossed. I have a consultant appt at 16w too.

glad you had a good evening 🩷

@Xwx1010 Glad you managed to get your scan moved! Got everything crossed for you xx

Your 12 week scan is the same day as my 20 week scan @CloudsInMyCoffee09
Hopefully it's a good day for both of us.

I'm high risk too but for mental health, it's nice having that extra support and more eyes. This time around they are giving me extra scans from 32 weeks which is nice and hopefully eases anxieties later on. Without going into details some one I knew had a poor outcome late in pregnancy so I think that will be on my mind. It's not been confirmed yet but with my daughter I had to be in for 3 days for baby to be monitored for poor neonatal adaptation syndrome and it's likely to be the same this time. It was nice to have a bit more support in those early days.

We only discussed where I'd like to give birth at my booking appointment as I have a choice to two fairly equidistant hospitals. At my 16 week appointment there were a few questions about my daughters birth. She was quick and we only just got to the hospital in time. I'm now further from the hospital so I am getting a home birth kit at 36 weeks as a back up in case I can't make it to the hospital and have been told to call an ambulance if I think I'm at risk of not making it to the hospital.

I'm glad you have managed to move your 12 week scan @Xwx1010 and I hope the sch is improving

Good news you managed to get your scan moved forward @Xwx1010

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 I’m sorry to hear you didn’t have a good experience at your booking in appointment. Hopefully all future appointments will be with your local midwife.

I have my 12 week scan on Tuesday and I’m absolutely dreading it.

@Pumpkinspice13 thanks lovely. Hope you're doing ok?

I'll have everything crossed for your scan. It's so exhausting isn't it, we count down the days to our next scan and then as soon as it's within reach want to run for the hills. That's my current pattern anyway, booking extra scans then nearly having a panic attack when i have to actually go to them!

Have you got anything nice planned for the weekend that might distract you a bit? xx

I’m ok, apart from the scan I’ve managed to try stay positive the last few days. How are you feeling today?
I hate being in the scanning clinic at the hospital. I may call my bereavement midwife and see if she can come along with us so I’m not left waiting too long. Xx

@Pumpkinspice13 that's a good idea if you think it'll help. Do what ever you need to do to get through!

I'm ok thanks. Symptoms have pretty much gone other than being exhausted. I'm just always focusing on the next milestone, so NIPT on Monday, results a week later, then my scan.

I so wish we could put it out of our minds even just for a day! xx

Hey ladies, it was nice to stumble upon this thread and read that all my feelings aren’t completely crazy.

I am behind the most of you as I’m only 6+2 by my own calculations and due December. But I have a scan booked next week for when I should be 7+3. I had a MMC in December last year which took a long time to resolve as I had multiple surgeries due to retained products. Managed to get pregnant on our first cycle trying afterwards but was not prepared for the anxiety that appears to have set in over the last few days.. I think it’s a combination of not very many symptoms (I had some nausea earlier in the week but it’s since disappeared) and the fact the baby stopped developing around this point last time although we didn’t find out for a few more weeks. I am in a due date group with other people who have experienced MC but they all seem so much more positive than how I feel! Maybe they’re hiding it well I’m not sure but I’m really starting to struggle!

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 I had the same experience with my booking-in appointment - it’s so upsetting.

I had my 12-week scan today (in the same room where my MMC was confirmed last year, which wasn’t fun) - fortunately all looked good. Surprisingly all my trisomy screening came back very low risk, which I wasn’t expecting given my age!

Hi @KT199 , glad you found us!

Your feelings are completely normal.

There are so many different milestones to make it past, and always something to worry about. I think a MMC completely messes with your head, because it makes you second guess literally every thing. My reassurance from a scan lasts a matter of hours then i'm back to 'but something could have changed since then'.

So you're not alone and we were right where you are just a few short weeks ago (even though it felt like months). We're here to chat through anything you want and need to talk about - what ever helps every one get through this anxious time! xxx

@MaudePie aw congratulations on your positive scan!! That's amazing news 💕

It's so vile being back in the same rooms again isn't it. Brilliant news about your results too, did you say you're 38? I'm getting worried about this stuff now, hence the private NIPT booked for Monday xx

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 I wish - I’m 41! Which is why I’m so surprised the results are so low (lower than 1 in 2,000 and 1 in 7,000).

@KT199 MMCs are just awful for destroying any peace of mind - you can’t even take the approach that “no news is good news”. I was told by the midwife at my booking-in appointment that it was great I was having lots of symptoms and I wanted to snap that it wasn’t so great last year when my worst week of symptoms was the week after the baby had died. I’m sorry you’re around the stage the baby died last time - that is particularly difficult.

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 same here, my symptoms have pretty much gone. I am extremely tired though, I was good for a few days but have pretty much slept today away.

@MaudePie glad your scan went well. That happened to me in my last pregnancy, it was horrible, I was silently crying through my whole scan. I hope you are ok!! Did they give you a new due date?

welcome @KT199 sorry to hear about your recent loss, I hope all is well at your scan next week xx

Thank you @CloudsInMyCoffee09 @MaudePie @Pumpkinspice13

I have actually brought my scan forward to today, I’ll be roughly 6w5d by my dates (7w LMP) but the anxiety was just taking over and my symptoms feel really hit and miss which I know doesn’t mean anything as I was sick as a dog last time even once the baby had stopped developing, but it least I can see where things look to be at. This situation feels awful.. I’m worrying regardless of what’s happening!

@KT199 I was in the same position, off sick with hyperemesis even though I had lost the pregnancy. I had hyperemesis with my daughter too but this time around I have barely felt pregnant. I'm now 18 weeks it still unnerves me! All pregnancy are different sometimes you have more symptoms sometimes you have less. I think having done the first trimester 3 times in 9 months my body has finally gotten used to the hormones!

Good luck with your scan x

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 good luck with nipt today
@KT199 good luck with the scan

my symptoms have definitely eased I still get a constant but mild nausea some days and food aversions but so much less now.

I have my 12w scan on weds, really
hoping my SCH had shrunk and baby ok still x

@KT199 I'm exactly the same, worrying regardless of what's going on! It's exhausting isn't it :(

I was also really sick for about four weeks after my baby stopped developing, so I take no comfort in feeling awful, but still worry if I start feeling better - which makes no rational sense I know.

Best of luck with your scan! xx

@Xwx1010 thank you! I had it this morning and they said results have been coming back quite quickly lately, so would expect them to be with me by Friday. Fingers crossed!

How are you coping with the wait? Hope you hear soon! xx

Fingers crossed for your NIPT results @CloudsInMyCoffee09

Thank you @Superscientist. That provides me some hope!!

Thank you @Xwx1010 good luck for yours on Wednesday!

My scan went well, measuring a day ahead of where I had my ovulated pinned, 6w6d and a healthy heartbeat. Hoping things continue on this trajectory.. I’ve booked another scan for 9+4 just to check. I don’t doubt between now and then the worrying will continue!!

@KT199 thats great news! Congratulations.

Despite getting past the stage my baby died last year and getting past the 12-week scan, I am still feeling very anxious and disconnected from the pregnancy and can’t believe that it may actually end up with a baby. I’m not sure when that will change, but hopefully soon! I’ve started telling a few people (mostly because it’s getting really obvious from my waistline) but really hate hearing people say congratulations, as it doesn’t feel like that yet.

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 yes, my due date has been moved slightly earlier - it’s now our wedding anniversary 😂 so that could be a bit depressing going forward if I have another loss!

@Pumpkinspice13 good luck for your scan today! xxx

Thinking of you. Praying you're OK xx