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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I have realised my partner is not someone I want to have a child with.

152 replies

Didyouhearwhat · 22/03/2025 08:12

I’m 3 months pregnant (been with my partner going 3 years) and dealing with a great deal of SPD (it hurts to walk a lot and get out of bed) I was in bed last night when I asked my partner to make me a slice of toast as I was hungry. Back story: I made dinner early and already had a plate for lunch, when he got in, I was in the kitchen and he told for me to plate his up and bring to him, which I did.
I didn’t want the same food again so I just asked for some toast before bed. In which he said ‘No’. I asked for about 5 minutes and he kept saying no, and by asking a lot I was ‘forcing him’ so no.
I found myself on the abortion website last night and made a referral in the heat of the moment.
However after reflection today I’ve realised, my partner is very selfish and I’m very generous, I’m a giver he’s the take, I’m considerate, he’s egotistical.
I really don’t think this is the man I should be having a baby with… or the man I should be with full stop.
Could this be hormones and I was just completely pissed off about the toast, or is this deeper? Am I wrong if I follow through with the abortion? Do I leave him? Help.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 22/03/2025 08:14

Have you had reservations about the relationship before the toast incident?
If you’re going to leave, it’s best before you have baby, not after. And give baby your surname.

Original poster
Didyouhearwhat · 22/03/2025 08:17

DustyLee123 · 22/03/2025 08:14

Have you had reservations about the relationship before the toast incident?
If you’re going to leave, it’s best before you have baby, not after. And give baby your surname.

Yes, the selfishness has always been an issue. He does the important things but I think his pride is insane which is why he felt compelled to tell me he felt ‘forced to do it so no’

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 22/03/2025 08:18

Taking the baby out of the situation, do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

FortyElephants · 22/03/2025 08:19

Yes he does sound pretty dreadful.

Wish44 · 22/03/2025 08:20

Talk to him. Explain the toast incident to him the way you have here. If he listens with consideration of your point of view and feelings and discuss it with you he is one sort of person. If he won’t listen, minimises your needs and feelings , Turns it around on you then he is a different sort of person.

His levels of love and respect for you will be evident from the discussion.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 22/03/2025 08:22

He sounds selfish and arrogant and is likely to be an awful father as well as an awful partner. I'm not sure why you would want to be with the kind of man who would treat you like this, baby or no baby.

littlemissprosseco · 22/03/2025 08:22

The fact that you’ve even posted on here already answers your question

HoppingPavlova · 22/03/2025 08:22

Not understanding the situation in that, how can you be at a gestation where SPD can be an issue, yet still within gestation parameters for an abortion?

jacktheladess · 22/03/2025 08:24

If you have a child with this guy you are tied to him for at least 18 years (unless you’re lucky.) do you want to deal with him for ever, potentially fighting over everything for your child? If not I would seriously consider an abortion, and I don’t say that lightly.

notwavingbutsinking · 22/03/2025 08:27

You are 100% correct that selfishness is a terrible characteristic in a potential father. Raising young children is essentially a decade or more of being compelled to do things that you might prefer not to for the sake of your children and your family unit.

RunLikeTheWild · 22/03/2025 08:27

This is such awful selfish behaviour, he should have ashamed of himself.
There's absolutely no reason why he couldn't go and make his pregnant dp some toast!

I am not hormonal op and I can see how utterly selfish and unnecessary this behaviour is.

I can't imagine anyone being able to justify his behaviour.

FannyBawz · 22/03/2025 08:29

Well that’s very early for SPD to kick in OP.

DrummingMousWife · 22/03/2025 08:30

He is not going to be any support to you, if he can’t and won’t even make you toast. He sounds utterly unpleasant and selfish.

MissDoubleU · 22/03/2025 08:30

Leave him. Get out then figure out your baby plan. You don’t need to be making this man a plate ever again when he can’t do the smallest, easiest thing to look after you while pregnant.

If I asked my 10 year old son would make me toast and a cup of tea. And you know what, he would be very glad to do it. Why wouldn’t this man? That’s not any kind of partner and he certainly won’t make any kind of father.

RunLikeTheWild · 22/03/2025 08:31

HoppingPavlova · 22/03/2025 08:22

Not understanding the situation in that, how can you be at a gestation where SPD can be an issue, yet still within gestation parameters for an abortion?

SPD can start in the first trimester.

Asalmonswimmingupstream · 22/03/2025 08:34

I think you need to consider your relationship as a whole, has he always been this way and you’ve suddenly realised or is this a new behaviour, has he cared for you in the past when you’ve been unwell??

RunLikeTheWild · 22/03/2025 08:35

FannyBawz · 22/03/2025 08:29

Well that’s very early for SPD to kick in OP.

It is, and isn't pleasant. I was the same, started with SPD the end of the first trimester.

Op's issues may extend beyond needing toast and this is not the man to be with for that.

HoppingPavlova · 22/03/2025 08:35

SPD can start in the first trimester

Would be extremely unusual for this to be to any disabling extent.

ETA I don’t disbelieve there IS a problem, but I don’t think it’s got anything to do with SPD, think that’s a convenient cover for whatever the real problems are. People are best to be honest with themselves.

Aoppley · 22/03/2025 08:42

If he's showing selfish behaviours now, it will be 100x worse after you have a baby. He'll expect you to do it all. You know what you have to do.

willowbrookmanor · 22/03/2025 08:44

There must be a backstory.

SPD at 3 months that is so debilitating you can’t make toast?

How will you manage this if you continue with your pregnancy?

I had SPD, I understand, it’s agony, I should have been on crutches but couldn’t realistically as I had a toddler and a full time job.

ThejoyofNC · 22/03/2025 08:46

Keep the baby, ditch the loser.

CardinalCat · 22/03/2025 08:49

I really feel for you.
We often hear that men with underlying abusive traits start to demonstrate their true colours when their partner gets pregnant. However it sounds like he has always been pretty horrible (I’m not saying he is abusive- but that doesn’t need to be the threshold for leaving someone who is not a good person.)
I think it can be easy to overlook a partner’s faults in the early flush of romance, and when excited about the future and family planning. Once you are carrying a child, a huge reality check does hit you. I’m not surprised you are feeling like this, and in your shoes I would be wanting out too.
do you want to have the baby? If so, please get support from the people around you and confide in a trusted friend or family member as to how you are feeling. I found in all of my pregnancies that my sense of intuition was heightened (and was bang on). Don’t ignore this feeling.

ZekeZeke · 22/03/2025 08:49

He may promise to change, he won't!
SPD will get worse not better as your pregnancy progresses.
Why would you want to continue a relationship or.bring a child into the world with this man?

Original poster
Didyouhearwhat · 22/03/2025 08:53

HoppingPavlova · 22/03/2025 08:35

SPD can start in the first trimester

Would be extremely unusual for this to be to any disabling extent.

ETA I don’t disbelieve there IS a problem, but I don’t think it’s got anything to do with SPD, think that’s a convenient cover for whatever the real problems are. People are best to be honest with themselves.

Edited

I have spd but that wasn’t the only reason I asked him for toast. I had just put toddler to bed, I was extremely exhausted and he was already up and about. I am not the problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
Didyouhearwhat · 22/03/2025 08:56

RunLikeTheWild · 22/03/2025 08:27

This is such awful selfish behaviour, he should have ashamed of himself.
There's absolutely no reason why he couldn't go and make his pregnant dp some toast!

I am not hormonal op and I can see how utterly selfish and unnecessary this behaviour is.

I can't imagine anyone being able to justify his behaviour.

THANK YOU but I’m here getting blamed for having SPD. I don’t think my pelvis ever fully recovered after my first child, and if I’m told it’s SPD it’s SPD.

OP posts:
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