I have realised my partner is not someone I want to have a child with.

[Didyouhearwhat]

I’m 3 months pregnant (been with my partner going 3 years) and dealing with a great deal of SPD (it hurts to walk a lot and get out of bed) I was in bed last night when I asked my partner to make me a slice of toast as I was hungry. Back story: I made dinner early and already had a plate for lunch, when he got in, I was in the kitchen and he told for me to plate his up and bring to him, which I did.
I didn’t want the same food again so I just asked for some toast before bed. In which he said ‘No’. I asked for about 5 minutes and he kept saying no, and by asking a lot I was ‘forcing him’ so no.
I found myself on the abortion website last night and made a referral in the heat of the moment.
However after reflection today I’ve realised, my partner is very selfish and I’m very generous, I’m a giver he’s the take, I’m considerate, he’s egotistical.
I really don’t think this is the man I should be having a baby with… or the man I should be with full stop.
Could this be hormones and I was just completely pissed off about the toast, or is this deeper? Am I wrong if I follow through with the abortion? Do I leave him? Help.

The foetus (not baby) doesn’t have rights. It can’t vote either. And it’s not your role to- or right- to make anti abortion statements. Go away

Bit of a drip feed that this isn't your first child together 🙄

Of course it has rights.

leave him now and have a wonderful life with your baby. Selfish men will slowly kill you.

Oh excellent, another child growing up without a dad. Just what the country needs.
In truth OP, he sounds a dick, but you you really should have given this some thought before allowing yourself to become pregnant again.

Does it matter? OP was in discomfort and asked her partner for a slice of toast. She’s not asking for the earth but a piece of toast, even if Op just felt unwell it’s not to much to ask someone for a slice of toast

@JazzyBazzy79 sorry. Incorrect. H2H educate

Nope. In UK law, a foetus does not have separate legal rights or recognition as a legal person until birth, meaning it cannot be a victim of a crime or have its own interests protected by law.

Absolutely, there's always one. 🙄 As if their sense of 'morality' has anything to do with what is a very personal decision for any pregnant woman.

Do you think a woman isn't perfectly capable of bringing up a child without a man? I have taught many, many wonderful kids brought up by single mothers. Some men do not fully show their true colours until their partner is pregnant, so stop the victim-blaming. The person at fault here is the OP's partner.

I’ve no doubt they are capable, but its not ideal. Shouldn’t be a life goal.
I assume one has read the whole thread…She literally said she knew he was selfish as it’s always been an issue, so yeah, I’m afraid the responsibility does kind of rest with her a little bit.

Instead of using her loaf, she decided ‘despite me having a selfish partner who has always been selfish, I know what I’ll do, I’ll have a baby, that would be a brilliant fantastic, excellent and life enhancing decision’.
Stop with the victim shaming bollocks, women can use their brains too. I’m not condoning him being a twattish bellend, but come off it, women aren’t wimpering pathetic victims.

Awwww! I have so much sympathy. I also had SPD needing crutches pretty early on in my first pregnancy. Just about to enter my second trimester of second pregnancy and ignoring a few niggling suggestions it might be returning.
Given that you already have a child, you’ve said yourself he’s a great dad and the pregnancy was a happy discovery I don’t think you really do want an abortion. Of course it’s your body and totally your decision but I think you’re exhausted, p*ssed off and in pain and wanting more support. I’m not getting that you really want an abortion from your posts, just that you can’t stand your partner right now.
Just because he’s a great dad doesn’t mean he’s not a crappy partner, but even if you end things with him now you’re still tied by your toddler. Yes- two children are harder than one but you’d be a single mum having to co-parent with him regardless.
For the record I am totally pro-choice and believe women should have the right to choose what is best for their body. I’m just not getting that your heart is genuinely set on abortion. The decision to terminate or continue a pregnancy is a permanent decision you can’t undo (one with time limits at that). The decision to leave your partner is one you can make at any time. Don’t confuse the two options or make a hasty decision.

It might only be a slice of toast but it’s a huge insight into what he’s like as a person.

I would be asking myself how will he support me when I’ve not had time to shower or cook dinner with a newborn? Will he run you a bath, take the baby or provide you with a meal? If the answer is no I would be leaving him.

For what it’s worse I dumped my daughter’s father during my pregnancy and I did it 100% alone. Which it’s been great I wouldn’t recommend it to others.

If she doesn't end the pregnancy she'll be stuck with him for 20 years in some shape or form, unless she's prepared to cut contact completely.

but come off it, women aren’t wimpering pathetic victims.

No, they aren't. Maybe the OP was unwise. Recognising her mistake and ditching the man would be wise. That doesn't mean she can't have her baby.

She's already had a baby with him.
The baby she's considering aborting is the sibling.

Oh totally agree, I never suggested she shouldn’t have her baby now she is pregnant. I’ve made no judgement on that aspect at all.

My SPD kicked in by 12 weeks in my second pregnancy too. It was awful. I was on crutches by 18 weeks.

My DH did everything for me. Couldn’t do enough. Completely took over toddler duties. I would have been very upset in your shoes too.

He’s being g a prick, it’s not the hornones

i had it real bad too and using KT tape saved me

I had SPD from 11 weeks.

I had SPD from 11 weeks

And couldn’t make toast. If that bad you wouldn’t be able to get to the bathroom either. Seemingly masses of people who can’t manage these things due to SPD in early pregnancy? Not saying it’s not the case but surprising as in decades of seeing people including pregnant women I can’t recall any who struggled to go to the bathroom or make toast at that point, but the good thing about Mumsnet is you learn something every day. Like pigeon wank hats. Didn’t know about those either. That’s why I’m here.

Have you read OPs posts?

She has SPD. She's in the first trimester. She had made everyone's dinner and her partner told her to bring him a plate, which she did. She put the toddler to bed. She then put herself to bed because she was exhausted, as the majority of us were in the first trimester at the end of a busy day. She asked her partner, father of her toddler and unborn child, to make her a slice of toast. He was still up and about. He refused.

It's not about whether she can make toast. It's about the fact he gives her nothing back.

And here you are on Mumsnet despite not being able to read.

HoppingPavlova, we all know people who were more energetic during pregnancy than at any other time, including ourselves, but I doubt we had SPD, Do you not realise how debilitating that is, and painful? It varies but some people can hardly walk and the pain is awful. They often have to wear a special corset. A friend of mine's daughter had the most dreadful time throughout her second pregnancy with SPD - and afterwards. She needed to have an operation on her pelvis some time after. She's OK now, thankfully, but it was a long haul. Her husband was great! That was an extreme case but it happens. Not everyone's pregnancy is straightforward, there are other things that can debilitate too. It's not just about 'toast', it's the fact that the op's husband refused to lend a hand when she was feeling rough. I dread to think what he will be like when the baby comes. I couldn't stand a man like that.