I'm 18 and pregnant !

[ThisDearJoker]

Hi guys ,
I have just written a longer post but I'm going to do a shorter one with less context to gain more advice !
Basically I'm 18 and pregnant - currently 6 weeks , in almost 4 year relationship with boyfriend who is 19, his parents want to help us move and pay 1 years rent. Boyfriend works full time ,

What's your opinions on how much we may struggle ? Any advice / personal experience/ things to know ?

My daughter had her son at 17 and lived with us for the first 4 years which helped a lot. Her partner worked full time so ok financially. They got a social housing property and she found work when her little boy started school. I think you'll be ok if you have lots of support and can cope financially. I think being a young mum is lovely, just ignore older people that might judge you.

Mumsnet are obsessed with abortions so you probably won't get very good advice.

I think your situation sounds stable and supportive.

That's nice to hear, thank you I appreciate it

Thank you !

What were your plans before you found out you were pregnant?

It's not great. How would you feel if this baby grew up and was a teen mum. Much harder to sort your own education and get a career rather than a job.

To be honest I have been in a bit of a gap year since leaving sixth form last year & was trying to figure out if I should to go uni or into full time work following this summer.
I have never been completely passionate about a particular career, all I have ever been sure of is that I want to be a mum. Albeit I didn't expect to be this young when it happened.

I think you'd need to agree where your money is coming from? Will bf give you an allowance from his wages? Will he put all his wages into a joint account? At the moment your rent is covered but I'm not sure if you wanted to buy things for yourself or the baby, where it would come from? It's very difficult being dependent on someone financially.

I can understand that. I'm well aware it's less than ideal. I do have my A-levels and was never 100% on uni or a particular career. But yes thank you for your opinion I do appreciate it

Well I have worked out that I would be entitled to an okay bit of money for the baby from the government. My boyfriend is clear that our money will be combined for the both of us and the baby.

Well if that's the case and you're not giving up or postponing a dream and you have family support, you're in a decent position.
Do consider the financials and what you plan to do longer term, if you're on here you've seen that however well something starts you never know what can happen and you want your own financial independence and identity outside of the home.

One thing I’ll say having been there and done it and now in my 30s - it is the loneliest life. None of the older mums want to be friends with a teen mum and then when you get to 25/30 and everyone starts having their babies you’ve already done it and are on the outside again.

I know it’s such a small point compared to everything else but honestly this is probably the hardest stage for me (and being a late teen mum was HARD).

My mother has 6 children by 25 years old. She is the best mother in all the world!

Where do you live at the moment?

It's good that your boyfriend has a full time job and is looking for somewhere to rent. Did you pass your GCSEs and do A Levels or an apprenticeship? You could take a year out and then start a job. Having a baby at 19 would be better than having a baby at 16 or younger.

I can understand that. Must have been hard. For me I do think I may feel this but as I've gotten older I am already past the clubbing / drinking / loads of friends stage. I have a few close people in my life who I do know would stick by me regardless
Thank you for your response !

That's lovely !

I live at home with my dad currently , wouldn't be possible for me to stay

I do have good GCSES and I have got some A-levels. Yes I would definitely like to go back to work whenever I could. Thank you !

I’ve been there and done it. My eldest DC is now 21. We’ve been married 18 years and have other children.

I adore my children, and wouldn’t change any of it.

Would I advise it… probably not.

Overall I’m very happy with my life and content… but I absolutely did not achieve my potential. I was fairly academic, went to a high achieving private school. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do career wise, but there were a lot of doors that could have opened for me.

I took time out to be at home and then my DH’s career always came first because he was a few years ahead of me educationally/ then in terms of job progression/career prospects and earning ability.

I did end up with a degree and a masters but I’ve not used them to their full potential because I’ve always been multiple steps behind so as a family it made sense for me to be the one to be around for kids.

Unlike most (not all but most) of the young parents I met when DS was small we are still together, and a solid couple and a great team. But it was bloody hard work sometimes.

If you go ahead, do not give up your education/career unless you are married (and ideally not at all!).

If my DC/any young person I knew was in my situation at 17/18, and asked for my opinion I would say abort unless you were desperately against it. It’s possible to make a success of it and be happy long term, but the odds are stacked against you.

Have a plan for a job at some point
You cannot rely on benefits and boyfriend.
Start looking at training which supports parents maybe a uni course that has a creche and leads to a job like nursing etc

Congratulations op

I didn’t get pregnant until I was married and I’m my 30s so I know I cannot compare but you sound like you have a steady good relationship and parents plus your ALevels

so try and save as much as you can and do some kind of course so you can work (I would try and get a job so you have the safety net eg bookkeeping or something for now

If his parents have offered a year's rent, can they pay that up front so you are covered in case it doesn't work out?

It'll be hard work that's for sure, but it is at any age. As you don't have a career/much money behind you you're going to be very reliant on your boyfriend. That'll be a challenge in itself but just step back and take a good, honest look at your relationship. Do you trust him fully and completely not to walk away? I know you don't live together but does he have any bad habits that might be a deal breaker in the long run? When you're tired, sleep deprived, hormonal and stressed will be be picking fights with you as he's 'had a long day at work' or will he be helping you? If he's definitely understood the challenge ahead and you are both committed to fully to it then you can make it work. If there's a chance he'll get bored and want to go out drinking with his mates, playing the playstation instead of cooking dinner etc I'd advise you to cut your losses. Being a single teen mum isn't a path I'd advise for you or your baby.

Hey OP!

I had my first by 20. He was, and is BY FAR, the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. I was academic, at university and unlike you, was unsure about motherhood so you're already doing well there and I'm sure you'll make an incredible mum.

Don't get me wrong. It can be really hard and as another poster has said, lonely as others your age aren't in the same boat. When you become a mum, the entire world changes and I mean that. Be open to meeting other mums.

For what it's worth, I also agree with other posters who have said to not lose sight of your education. Get back into studying or progressing in a job when you can. Potentially find a part time course in something worthwhile? I went back to university as a single parent and it was HARD! But can absolutely be done.

Sending you the very best wishes. Love every second. X