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Original poster

I'm 18 and pregnant !

141 replies

ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 18:35

Hi guys ,
I have just written a longer post but I'm going to do a shorter one with less context to gain more advice !
Basically I'm 18 and pregnant - currently 6 weeks , in almost 4 year relationship with boyfriend who is 19, his parents want to help us move and pay 1 years rent. Boyfriend works full time ,

What's your opinions on how much we may struggle ? Any advice / personal experience/ things to know ?

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Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:08

Uol2022 · 30/01/2025 20:01

It’ll be strange being at a different stage than most of your peers. Money will probably be tight. Your relationship sounds good, that’s really helpful, and if his parents can help you out for a while that will definitely smooth things over. If you have a good relationship with his mum she might also be a good person to talk to about practicalities and how to make sure you progress your own life too.

Get some kind of work experience now. Anything at all, to show that you can be reliable. It will help you later.

Make sure you get into a solid career if you possibly can, but starting that a year or two later won’t do you any harm. I’d say make it a definite goal to have a clear direction and be at least in training for a good career before 25. Don’t do a degree without a plan for how to use it but you totally can do uni with a child and a couple of years later than your friends if that’s what you decide on. If you are sensible about it I think having kids young can actually benefit your career because you don’t have the distraction of babies / young kids when you’re at the tricky mid career stage. I think it’s probably easier to cope with the lack of sleep when you’re younger too.

good luck!

Thank you, I appreciate your advice !
I do have a very good relationship with his mum and actually she was in a similar situation with him and is now successful and stable so I feel supported in that sense.
I will absolutely look into uni/ careers once I wrap my head around this pregnancy !

I have worked previously & am looking for a job now

OP posts:
Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 30/01/2025 20:09

Do you have any family support?

TheSquareMile · 30/01/2025 20:11

ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 19:07

Well I have worked out that I would be entitled to an okay bit of money for the baby from the government. My boyfriend is clear that our money will be combined for the both of us and the baby.

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@ThisDearJoker

What kind of work does he do, OP?

Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:12

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 30/01/2025 20:09

Do you have any family support?

My family will always be there for me and do there best. My dad works a lot so would be able to help out less. My mum works less and would help out as much as she can. She has already mentioned about coming round to cook us dinners ect.. so yes I do have support and my boyfriends family are wonderful and very supportive, he also has a bigger family

OP posts:
YiayiaP · 30/01/2025 20:16

I was 16 when I had my first child. We were lucky to have amazing support from both sets of parents. Was it tough? Yes. Do I regret it? Never! Do “older” parents struggle? Also yes. Mumsnet is full of posts about partners who don’t pull their weight. You know your boyfriend better than anyone - it’s not as if it’s a new relationship.

My Boyfriend (now husband of 30+ years) had a job and supported me through A Levels and a degree (part time study). We both went on to have really good careers and being teenage parents hasn’t held us back. If anything, it spurred me on! I know that’s not the same for everyone - but again, that’s regardless of age!

We are now “child free” and are financially secure enough to enjoy life now. We don’t feel like we’ve missed out. We’re mortgage free and are making up for (perceived) missed time 😂

My plans were to go to Uni away from my home town and I honestly don’t think our relationship would’ve survived if I had. I’m a big believer in everything happens for a reason and it certainly did for us.

And before I get jumped on: I appreciate that this isn’t the case for everyone and I’m not advocating teenage pregnancy. But OP’s situation sounds remarkably like my own. It would’ve been a different story without supportive partner and parents.

Good luck OP xx

ERthree · 30/01/2025 20:19

ThisDearJoker I was 18 when i had my first but i was already married and had a married Quarter. I can honestly say i love the fact i had my children young and now in my 50s i have freedom. If you really want to have this baby go for it and you will be fine, if you aren't ready don't go through with it. Whatever you decide to do you will be fine, If the family pay the first years rent don't waste that opportunity, from month 3 save the rent, so when you do start having to pay rent you already have a great safety net. Good luck

Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:20

@PinkCrab
Thank you. I don't mean to sound naive at all as I actually don't think I am. I do understand what you're saying as I have seen relationships/ things / families blow apart first hand with my own parents unexpectedly.

However , I absolutely do want to be as independent as I can and I will do this to the best of my ability. But I can only do this to the best of my ability so I do have to look at the positives as well

OP posts:
MammaTo · 30/01/2025 20:22

I know this sounds really blunt and I do apologise, but you are still so young. I can fully appreciate that your partner seems to have a steady income and you have somewhere to live, but in all honesty you’ve got so much of life to experience yet and a baby would impact.

You don’t have to be clubbing and drinking but you can go travelling, holidays, festivals, concerts, spontaneous meals out. Not have to be accountable to anyone or responsible for a tiny humans life. The choice to terminate is there for a reason and it is nothing to feel guilty about. Even if you stay with the same partner and get married, you can have kids at a later date.

Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:23

PlanningTowns · 30/01/2025 20:01

It will be bloody hard work, but as a first time mum at 40 it was bloody hard work. You have your youth and health in your side alongside a younger family. I had financial stability - in essence it is swings and roundabouts. You’ll be 36 when they are 18 - with a life still ahead of you.

what you need to do is make a plan though. It may not be uni now, but you could get more education or go into a job that has an apprenticeship attached (many professions do this now).

this is just a different path, no better, no worse than any other. You have choices available to you should you wish but you don’t have to.

@Anonym00se
Thank you. I understand what you are saying, I do. Me saying we know each other inside out just means that we know each other as well as two people in our situation can! Of course I am absolutely aware people change and unexpected things happen and I am sorry to hear about your situation.

In terms of my career and saying that I want to be a mum but am unsure on a career, I do not meet that I never expect to work again ! I would love to have a job that I like and build a career all I am saying is that I've never been sure what it is. Many people have to rely on UC for the first year or so, or until they can get a job again. This is all I will be doing.

OP posts:
mirrorglitterball · 30/01/2025 20:24

tiredfriday · 30/01/2025 19:10

One thing I’ll say having been there and done it and now in my 30s - it is the loneliest life. None of the older mums want to be friends with a teen mum and then when you get to 25/30 and everyone starts having their babies you’ve already done it and are on the outside again.

I know it’s such a small point compared to everything else but honestly this is probably the hardest stage for me (and being a late teen mum was HARD).

I had my DC at 19 and it was a bit of an ‘awkward’ age for making mum friends. They had special baby groups for teen mums but even though I was technically teenage didn’t really feel like I fitted into that catergory- I drove and had a car, a full-time job and had been with my boyfriend for 3 years (and got married the following year). Pregnancy was unplanned and I was very focussed on trying to improve my prospects with further education etc. All of the girls at those groups were younger and most were in quite unstable or sad situations. But then I didn’t fit in at the normal baby groups with the older mums who were mainly 15 years older and not very interested in making friends. I feel like that in-between young mum age can be really tricky for connecting with other parents.

donnylassy · 30/01/2025 20:25

I had my first at 21 the plus side is you have a lot of energy and your body copes really well.

I had another baby at 37 and it was so much harder that time.

Also if you have your kids young you are done by forty with plenty of time to enjoy your life.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 30/01/2025 20:25

My mum had me at 17! I love having a young mum. You’ll get more time on earth with your child and get to see grandchildren too. Congratulations!

Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:26

YiayiaP · 30/01/2025 20:16

I was 16 when I had my first child. We were lucky to have amazing support from both sets of parents. Was it tough? Yes. Do I regret it? Never! Do “older” parents struggle? Also yes. Mumsnet is full of posts about partners who don’t pull their weight. You know your boyfriend better than anyone - it’s not as if it’s a new relationship.

My Boyfriend (now husband of 30+ years) had a job and supported me through A Levels and a degree (part time study). We both went on to have really good careers and being teenage parents hasn’t held us back. If anything, it spurred me on! I know that’s not the same for everyone - but again, that’s regardless of age!

We are now “child free” and are financially secure enough to enjoy life now. We don’t feel like we’ve missed out. We’re mortgage free and are making up for (perceived) missed time 😂

My plans were to go to Uni away from my home town and I honestly don’t think our relationship would’ve survived if I had. I’m a big believer in everything happens for a reason and it certainly did for us.

And before I get jumped on: I appreciate that this isn’t the case for everyone and I’m not advocating teenage pregnancy. But OP’s situation sounds remarkably like my own. It would’ve been a different story without supportive partner and parents.

Good luck OP xx

Thank you very much for this! I absolutely agree with you and i appreciate your perspective!
Thanks x

OP posts:
Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 30/01/2025 20:26

Sorry, meant to quote your reply re parental support.

that’s great but I mean more for emotional support. Having a baby rocks even the strongest of relationships and being a young mum will sadly mean a lot of negativity. You will need such a strong support network around you.
You sound so lovely, I can’t imagine how I would have felt in your shoes.

Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:27

ERthree · 30/01/2025 20:19

ThisDearJoker I was 18 when i had my first but i was already married and had a married Quarter. I can honestly say i love the fact i had my children young and now in my 50s i have freedom. If you really want to have this baby go for it and you will be fine, if you aren't ready don't go through with it. Whatever you decide to do you will be fine, If the family pay the first years rent don't waste that opportunity, from month 3 save the rent, so when you do start having to pay rent you already have a great safety net. Good luck

That's lovely thank you so much !

OP posts:
JustMyView13 · 30/01/2025 20:27

Sometimes in life, you just have to play the cards you’re dealt and make the best of it.
There are plenty of people in unhappy marriages, having children with men who are absolute arseholes - but on paper are ‘doing it right’.
Plenty of happily married women on here discover their DH are cheating bastards and what seemed like a perfect set up, becomes less perfect. Of course it won’t be easy, but a few minutes scrolling on here will teach you it rarely is.
If you have a good support network, and it’s what you want, go for it. You’ll make it work.
If you don’t want to go through with it, that’s ok too. You also don’t need to explain yourself to people either way. It’s your life, and your decision, and you’re an adult.
Good luck, whatever you decide.

Emonade · 30/01/2025 20:27

Ignore everyone saying anything negative, you will manage, Vinted and charity shops are amazing and it sounds like you have good support, congratulations!!!!

Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:29

MammaTo · 30/01/2025 20:22

I know this sounds really blunt and I do apologise, but you are still so young. I can fully appreciate that your partner seems to have a steady income and you have somewhere to live, but in all honesty you’ve got so much of life to experience yet and a baby would impact.

You don’t have to be clubbing and drinking but you can go travelling, holidays, festivals, concerts, spontaneous meals out. Not have to be accountable to anyone or responsible for a tiny humans life. The choice to terminate is there for a reason and it is nothing to feel guilty about. Even if you stay with the same partner and get married, you can have kids at a later date.

Thank you!
I do understand that, I am however lucky enough to have been on many lovely holidays / travels and have never been one much interested in festivals! However I do understand, thanks again

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 30/01/2025 20:30

Honestly? As a Mum of two who's nearly 40 -I WISH I could have had my first baby when I was 18 and had all that energy! My 20s were just a complete waste of time just partying. Once you have a baby your focus sharpens and you want the best for them! It isn't throwing away your career or education in the slightest if you have a little gap then come back to it once baby is in nursery or school. If you have a supportive family and partner and it's what you want then go for it x

Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:33

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 30/01/2025 20:26

Sorry, meant to quote your reply re parental support.

that’s great but I mean more for emotional support. Having a baby rocks even the strongest of relationships and being a young mum will sadly mean a lot of negativity. You will need such a strong support network around you.
You sound so lovely, I can’t imagine how I would have felt in your shoes.

Edited

I understand, yeah I do have strong emotional support too 100% and I feel lucky about that. I do however understand what you are saying. Thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:33

JustMyView13 · 30/01/2025 20:27

Sometimes in life, you just have to play the cards you’re dealt and make the best of it.
There are plenty of people in unhappy marriages, having children with men who are absolute arseholes - but on paper are ‘doing it right’.
Plenty of happily married women on here discover their DH are cheating bastards and what seemed like a perfect set up, becomes less perfect. Of course it won’t be easy, but a few minutes scrolling on here will teach you it rarely is.
If you have a good support network, and it’s what you want, go for it. You’ll make it work.
If you don’t want to go through with it, that’s ok too. You also don’t need to explain yourself to people either way. It’s your life, and your decision, and you’re an adult.
Good luck, whatever you decide.

Absolutely! Thank you so much, I appreciate it

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:33

Emonade · 30/01/2025 20:27

Ignore everyone saying anything negative, you will manage, Vinted and charity shops are amazing and it sounds like you have good support, congratulations!!!!

That's really kind, thank you so much

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 30/01/2025 20:34

It can work out, of course it can. But it would be silly not to plan for the alternative scenario.

You really need a budget OP. How much does your boyfriend get paid. How much will the rent be. On top of that, all the other bills, council tax, water, gas, electric, broadband, phones, food, clothing, transport etc. - how much will all that cost you on a weekly or monthly basis? This doesn't take into account any fun stuff or additional things for the baby.

Even if his parents pay the first year's rent, where is the rest of the money coming from for the following years? Will you even be able to rent in your own name without a guarantor?

All of these need to be addressed first. It is not wise to bring new life into the world unless you are sure you can provide for it.

Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:34

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 30/01/2025 20:30

Honestly? As a Mum of two who's nearly 40 -I WISH I could have had my first baby when I was 18 and had all that energy! My 20s were just a complete waste of time just partying. Once you have a baby your focus sharpens and you want the best for them! It isn't throwing away your career or education in the slightest if you have a little gap then come back to it once baby is in nursery or school. If you have a supportive family and partner and it's what you want then go for it x

Thank you xx

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 30/01/2025 20:36

It makes me sad as well that I wont have longer with my beautiful children now than if I'd had them younger. Obviously that's the hand I was dealt was to be an older Mum but becoming a Mum was the best thing that ever happened to me and wish I'd started sooner. It makes me sad that by the time I get out of the fog of the early years il be hitting the exhaustion of menopause!