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Original poster

I'm 18 and pregnant !

141 replies

ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 18:35

Hi guys ,
I have just written a longer post but I'm going to do a shorter one with less context to gain more advice !
Basically I'm 18 and pregnant - currently 6 weeks , in almost 4 year relationship with boyfriend who is 19, his parents want to help us move and pay 1 years rent. Boyfriend works full time ,

What's your opinions on how much we may struggle ? Any advice / personal experience/ things to know ?

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Lovelybitofsquirrel3 · 30/01/2025 20:36

whoops

FortyFacedFuckers · 30/01/2025 20:37

I was a teenage mum & I have worked with teenage mums for years so I have seen 2 very different sides of it, to be honest I loved being a mum and luckily had a really good experience but I agree with the poster above about the loneliness that was for sure the hardest part for me (but is good to see you have a lot of help/support that I didn't have) & even now I am nearly 40, my son is grown up but most of my friends are having babies/have young kids.

Another thing that has been mentioned above I fully agree about applying to uni/college/some kind of apprenticeship that will secure you and your child a nice future, it will be hard but not impossible and you will not regret doing it.

Good luck OP

Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:37

WallaceinAnderland · 30/01/2025 20:34

It can work out, of course it can. But it would be silly not to plan for the alternative scenario.

You really need a budget OP. How much does your boyfriend get paid. How much will the rent be. On top of that, all the other bills, council tax, water, gas, electric, broadband, phones, food, clothing, transport etc. - how much will all that cost you on a weekly or monthly basis? This doesn't take into account any fun stuff or additional things for the baby.

Even if his parents pay the first year's rent, where is the rest of the money coming from for the following years? Will you even be able to rent in your own name without a guarantor?

All of these need to be addressed first. It is not wise to bring new life into the world unless you are sure you can provide for it.

Absolutely agree with you. We have thought about and discussed all of these things and there are more conversations to be had. My boyfriend makes a good wage for his age and is due a pay rise once he turns 21- which will also be in time for the second year

Thank you

OP posts:
Ophy83 · 30/01/2025 20:37

In some respects it can be good timing- start uni in a year or two if you can afford it, for a lot of courses term times are only about half the year so it's relatively easy to juggle child care. Then you'll be ready to start working full time when baby is school age.

Plus you will both have a lot more energy than couples 20 years older!

Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:40

FortyFacedFuckers · 30/01/2025 20:37

I was a teenage mum & I have worked with teenage mums for years so I have seen 2 very different sides of it, to be honest I loved being a mum and luckily had a really good experience but I agree with the poster above about the loneliness that was for sure the hardest part for me (but is good to see you have a lot of help/support that I didn't have) & even now I am nearly 40, my son is grown up but most of my friends are having babies/have young kids.

Another thing that has been mentioned above I fully agree about applying to uni/college/some kind of apprenticeship that will secure you and your child a nice future, it will be hard but not impossible and you will not regret doing it.

Good luck OP

Thank you!
Absolutely I'm going to be looking into uni/ careers asap!

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:40

Ophy83 · 30/01/2025 20:37

In some respects it can be good timing- start uni in a year or two if you can afford it, for a lot of courses term times are only about half the year so it's relatively easy to juggle child care. Then you'll be ready to start working full time when baby is school age.

Plus you will both have a lot more energy than couples 20 years older!

Thank you!

OP posts:
Greyish2025 · 30/01/2025 20:40

ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 19:44

Thank you! Absolutely I agree with you, I am trying every thing I can to get a job at minute in order to help me save

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If I were you I would try studying a short 6 month course in something you are interested in before the baby comes as after that it will be extremely hard, are you interested in IT perhaps, there are loads of courses around and this will be more valuable to you in the future than saving money

WallaceinAnderland · 30/01/2025 20:42

You will be expecting 100% of his wages coming into your household OP. So when you have the discussions, also do the math if you should break up. Presumably he could move back in with his parents but what percent of his wages do you think would be coming into your household then.

I know you say you don't expect to break up but neither does any couple. Otherwise no one would ever get married.

If you already had a home and a job I would not see any problem. It's not your ages, it's the lack of any kind financial stability that I caution against.

Honestly? I would pursue further education, let him get ahead in his career, secure a job for myself and somewhere to live and then start thinking about having a baby.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 30/01/2025 20:43

Greyish2025 · 30/01/2025 20:40

If I were you I would try studying a short 6 month course in something you are interested in before the baby comes as after that it will be extremely hard, are you interested in IT perhaps, there are loads of courses around and this will be more valuable to you in the future than saving money

Show quote history

Excellent advice. Due to your age local college courses should be free. Do as many as you can whilst pregnant if poss and it's there on your CV then ready for when you need help getting into work x

pinkyredrose · 30/01/2025 20:44

Can you and your bloke get a place together soon? Just so you can live together and have that time for just the two of you before the baby arrives.

You could do a degree part time.

I can confidently say we do know each other inside and out ! Sorry but your age does show with this comment, 'old souls' or not.

Think to the future, where do you want to be in 20yrs? Will you be happy if your baby has a baby at 18 and makes you a 36yr old grandmother?

Vettrianofan · 30/01/2025 20:47

workshy46 · 30/01/2025 19:38

You will miss out on the young, free and carefree stage in life. Your whole life from this point will be about someone else. It’s a huge sacrifice to make so young and in the modern world very unusual so may be lonely. People do make it work. Travelling .. living possibly in different countries. Taking off for the weekend or travelling Australia for a year .. every minute of your life will have to be per planned. People who have had freedom in youth find it hard to give it up .. you will never have experienced that as you are only just an adult. Never being able to be frivolous with money .. I would be devastated if my daughter choose this road and not because I would judge her but because I would want her to experience more of life before becoming a mother and all that that entails

Not every young person is interested in going travelling.

Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:47

pinkyredrose · 30/01/2025 20:44

Can you and your bloke get a place together soon? Just so you can live together and have that time for just the two of you before the baby arrives.

You could do a degree part time.

I can confidently say we do know each other inside and out ! Sorry but your age does show with this comment, 'old souls' or not.

Think to the future, where do you want to be in 20yrs? Will you be happy if your baby has a baby at 18 and makes you a 36yr old grandmother?

We are looking to move in together as soon as we can yes.
As I said before Me saying we know each other inside out just means that we know each other as well as two people in our situation can! Of course I am absolutely aware people change and unexpected things happen. And yes my age will inevitably show since I am that age. I do not claim to be older than I am.

Of course I would not like my child to be in the same position as I am, I'm well aware it's not ideal. However, just because I am doesn't mean they will be.

OP posts:
Treeinthesky · 30/01/2025 20:50

Remember your child may have autism or adhd or a global delay etc. How would you handle this. If you or partner have asd or adhd then your child probably will as well. Seems to be alot more children with these conditions. Both of mine have adhd. It's been bloody hard.! Can you cope. In all honesty your bf won't be forever he's your child relationship. Can you cope being a single mum ? I think you will struggle and your financial situation isn't going to improve as you have no plans. I would focus on an apprenticeship in admin or something or IT. And yes I had my 1st dd when I was 20. I was skint, stupid, allowed my ex husband to bully me into not using gas and electricity etc. You lose all your friends

pinkyredrose · 30/01/2025 20:51

Well you sound quite self aware Op and your bloke sound like a good 'un. I wish you all the best.

Cornflakes123 · 30/01/2025 20:52

I have no experience but one of my friends had her first at 17. She is an amazing mum and studied as well as working full time when her child was a bit bigger. She is now more highly educated than any of the rest of our friendship group and has a great career. It was tough for her as her family didn’t really support her at the time but she worked really hard, I admire her so much.

Treeinthesky · 30/01/2025 20:55

I stayed at uni when I got pregnant at 19. I was in my 1st year of nurse training. Had 9 months mat leave and finished uni with my baby living independent with bf (ex husband) he was 25 though and very supportive family. But I hated being skint i hated being fat and your tit's go saggy!

Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:55

Treeinthesky · 30/01/2025 20:50

Remember your child may have autism or adhd or a global delay etc. How would you handle this. If you or partner have asd or adhd then your child probably will as well. Seems to be alot more children with these conditions. Both of mine have adhd. It's been bloody hard.! Can you cope. In all honesty your bf won't be forever he's your child relationship. Can you cope being a single mum ? I think you will struggle and your financial situation isn't going to improve as you have no plans. I would focus on an apprenticeship in admin or something or IT. And yes I had my 1st dd when I was 20. I was skint, stupid, allowed my ex husband to bully me into not using gas and electricity etc. You lose all your friends

The reason more children have these conditions today is purely because it's more widely understood.
I'm aware this is possible and will do my absolute best to support my child no matter what.
I may not have set plans yet but that does not mean I will do nothing ! My financial situation will Improve because as I said I will not just do nothing once it is possible for me to work / go back into education

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisDearJoker · 30/01/2025 20:57

Cornflakes123 · 30/01/2025 20:52

I have no experience but one of my friends had her first at 17. She is an amazing mum and studied as well as working full time when her child was a bit bigger. She is now more highly educated than any of the rest of our friendship group and has a great career. It was tough for her as her family didn’t really support her at the time but she worked really hard, I admire her so much.

That's lovely.

OP posts:
Dontknowwhyidoit · 30/01/2025 21:00

Being young and having no career to fall back in will make you vulnerable, however if you can trust your partner to step up and support you then it's doable. I was 18 when I had my first and it was hard, watching other people my age doing what they wanted, when they wanted but I loved being a mum so it made it easier. I went back into education when I was 22 and got a degree as a single parent, which opened up doors to higher wages which made work worth it. No one can really tell you what's it's like as everyone's experience is different. The most important thing is you really want to have it and are prepared to give up your freedom before you have really had a chance to enjoy it.

cherrybl0ssom5 · 30/01/2025 21:03

congrats on your pregnancy!

you mentioned you’re unsure of what path you’d like to take career wise, which is absolutely fine, but I’d definitely try and get a job!! it’ll benefit you and baby; you’ll have more financial independence and depending on how far along you are when you start working you might be entitled to SMP - even if not you’ll still have money in your pocket from working!

I know you say you know your boyfriend and his family inside out and should anything happen they’ll support you, but it’s very naive to not plan independently (where circumstances allow) for rainy days when having a baby. people don’t expect to breakup, get made redundant, fall sick, etc. it’s great to be optimistic and this seems like a great setup but please have something of your own to fall back on

best of luck!

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 30/01/2025 21:04

Hi OP,
I remember at 18 thinking my boyfriend was the love of my life. He definitely wasn't. People grow and change as they go through their late teens and early twenties and the reality is that most teenage couples don't stay together. You will be bound to him for the rest of your life if you have a baby together now.

Treeinthesky · 30/01/2025 21:12

But when can you go back to work? Most likely you will have more and more kids

SleepQuest33 · 30/01/2025 21:12

In one of your first posts you mention you’ve researched what you will be entitled to from the government. That’s not a great start to be honest!

personally I think 18 is far too young. You will both change and mature in the next decade.

if you were my daughter, I would tell you that I support you 100% on whatever you decide, but that you really must get an education to support you later on. You do NOT want to depend on others for ever and always, it makes you far too vulnerable.

caringcarer · 30/01/2025 21:39

In the past most women had their DC early in their lives then in their 40's their DC were almost grown up. I'd have a little chat with your partner though and warn him you might get hormonal and tired and he'll have to step up no matter how tired he is after working. If you're only 6 weeks along I'd try to get a job now. Most women work until a couple of weeks before the expected birth especially if it's an office job so no heavy lifting. That way you'd probably be able to go back to work after the baby is born, after your mat leave. Babies do just fine at a nursery or childminder. Obviously babies are expensive but budget carefully and buy pre used clothes and baby equipment. Honestly babies are in and out of clothes in about 4-5 weeks then they need bigger clothes so it's really not worth buying new. Let grandparents buy baby a nice outfit but most clothes, definitely get pre used. You can get pre used maternity clothes too. I bought pre used and I could afford new but didn't see the point apart from one next outfit. Once you live with your partner if you want to claim UC you'll have to claim as a couple. If you go back to work you'll be able to claim a big chunk of the childcare back. I wish you and your partner and future baby all the luck in the world.

Ruffpuff · 30/01/2025 22:07

I was a bit older than you, pregnant at 20, gave birth at 21. Unplanned, in my final year of uni.

Now 27, I have a respectable career, decent house, and I’m expecting my second.

In all honesty, financially things were/are hard. Luckily, I’m not too bothered about having money. As long as I can meet basic needs then I’m ok.

Other than that, I can’t really describe too many negatives about being a young mum (though there are negatives). I adapted really quickly to the baby lifestyle and to making sacrifices. I almost feel like I was way more unbothered by certain aspects of motherhood than my friends (who I met in baby groups) who were all 30+. I think the younger you are the less stuck in your ways you are and you just get on with it.

People talk about how difficult parenthood is, and it definitely can be, but it’s sort of all I’ve known. For example, I don’t know what it’s like to not have to juggle working full time with a child, etc. Nothing has been a shock to the system because I just had to build everything from scratch around being a mum.

In work I hear people with much more money than me worrying about the impact of maternity leave on their finances and having to cut back. While expecting my second child I just shrug at it, I don’t see the problem as I’ve always had to prioritise that my disposable income goes towards my child (and child to be) anyway and I’m happy to go without until I’m back in work.

I suppose my experience as I’ve described it could be interpreted in a positive or negative light depending on your own personality and life experiences. But personally, I’m content.