I'm 18 and pregnant !

[ThisDearJoker]

Hi guys ,
I have just written a longer post but I'm going to do a shorter one with less context to gain more advice !
Basically I'm 18 and pregnant - currently 6 weeks , in almost 4 year relationship with boyfriend who is 19, his parents want to help us move and pay 1 years rent. Boyfriend works full time ,

What's your opinions on how much we may struggle ? Any advice / personal experience/ things to know ?

Yes I totally agree. I was very similar to you and not your ‘typical’ teen mum so didn’t fit into either camp! I’ve felt out of place the whole of my parenting life tbh

You could still do university. If that was one of your potential plans? Lots of universities have nurseries. Your child will be a teenager when you’re still very young so you can very easily lean in to further education and explore/dig into what else you could do because you could have a lot of life to live beyond being a mother.

😂very stereotypical there.
I plan to work now until as late as possible in pregnancy. I would then hope to be on maternity leave. If I cannot find a job within that time I would hope to be back in work within a year / when I'll be entitled to help with childcare !
I would not 'just have more and more kids' and I certainly would not have more until I am more stable.
Perhaps don't comment if you have nothing helpful to say? 😂

Well yes, being in my situation one of my concerns was money and being that I haven't currently got a job, this is what many people need to find out?
It's only sensible that I work out what help I can get?....

I am trying my best to get a job now.
& Thank you !

I wouldn't get your parents to pay too much up front unless it's needed to secure a flat as universal credit might pay a lot of the rent for you then your parents can buy you other things like a buggy.
If you're interested in studying or training you can do that when your daughter is at school. Or you might want to train as a childminder so you can be paid to look after another child or children too.
Look up local children's centres and see if they have any groups for young mums who are pregnant and have little ones as it would be nice for you to have mum friends your own age. Can your parents help fund you to do NCT classes they were very helpful.

Firstly congratulations!

I was pregnant at 17 with my eldest now nearly 14 and had her two weeks after my 18th birthday. As I'd done the whole drinking clubbing thing at a younger age than I should of I'd got that side of things out my system by the time I was pregnant, my pregnancy was far from planned but I knew that going on with my pregnancy and becoming a mum was the only option for me. Was it hard yes of course it was but being a parent full stop is hard work but also rewarding too! On the flip side I had my youngest in 2023 with an 11 year gap between him and my other daughter. I can safely say I found the sleeplese nights and everything else alot easier at 18 and im only nearly 32 now 🤣. It took me abit longer to get my career going and a few other things but as others have said it can be done. If you've any questions or you just need a chat feel free to PM me, good luck hun 😊 x

This is a bit dramatic. Of course she can still have a social life and go out with her friends as soon as baby is old enough, the baby has a dad to stay home with it. Baby can travel with them if they like or she can travel when she's 36 and baby is an adult - that's a great age for a gap year!
The main thing op is to find other mum friends x

My DM had two children in her teens in tge 60s. Went on to get a BEd and a Masters, became a deputy head and a nationally recognised expert in her field.
My friend had a baby at 18, went to uni, is now a very senior manager in NHS, never married and still lives with her parents.
Teen parenthood isn’t a one-way ticket to the gutter.

You seem very self aware op and as you have asked for the truth I will give you my view.

As soon as you have a baby you become a different person with a whole new life. Your previous life no longer exists. Pregnancy and childbirth is extremely hard, and childbirth is like no pain you have ever imagined. I would recommend you look into your pain relief options, and do not rule anything out.

A newborn baby will wake you up every 2 hours at least, sometimes for a few minutes and sometimes for 2 hours, every night for many, many months. Consider now how you will cope with sleep deprivation. Do you think your boyfriend will do his fair share even if he is working?

Supportive families are great but sometimes older relatives forget how difficult babies actually are and all those offers of help suddenly dwindle when baby arrives. How would you cope with this?

Forget about having your dream career. Once you have a baby your life becomes about putting them first, and that includes considering your working life. I have a decent job, but over the last 10 years, I've turned down jobs and negotiated with many managers regarding working hours, because of my children. I've left important meetings early because my children need collecting. I've dropped work like a stone when my youngest cut his head open and had to go to hospital. Your life will not be your own. Childcare is generally offered from 8am to 6pm, weekdays only. As you can imagine, this makes it difficult to do certain careers. Are you happy with this?

Think about your close friendships now, and be prepared to lose about 50% of them when your baby is born.

Questions to consider about your relationship. Does your boyfriend work hard or is he a bit workshy/lazy? Does he have a good relationship with his parents? Does he pull his weight at home with chores etc without complaining? How well does he cope with stress, lack of sleep, and general adversity? Does he have a temper or ever fly off the handle?

Despite this post probably sounding very negative, there are some benefits to having children young. If you really want this baby, the sacrifices make it all worth it, they really do.

If there is any doubt in your mind though, it really is okay to not go through with this pregnancy. It's not giving up, or admitting defeat. Don't worry about replying to this post directly, as I can see you've done so with many others, just consider the questions asked here and your options.

So your going to have your rent paid for 12 months live with your partner not declare it and scank the benefit system.
10/10

You get bad and good mothers of all ages....if you're someone stable and sensible who has your head screwed on (which it sounds like you are) are willing to make sacrafices to ensure your little one always comes first, and have alot of love to give I am sure you will do great.Also having a good support network is a major plus.
My best friends' mum had her at 17 and whilst she had some curveballs along the way relationship wise which weren't great, she has always been a wonderful mum and her and my friend have such a close relationship.

I was a young mum, same age as you. It's fabulous! My child is now an adult. We are best friends! Regarding finances, living arrangements, career etc. - things often work themselves out. Although it wasn't what I had planned at 18, it was the best thing ever.

Is the £500 maternity grant still a thing? If so look into whether you qualify, it’s a one-off payment before baby arrives to help you get equipped. If you look for second-hand things (other than car seat and mattresses) then it should be more than enough to get all the bits and pieces you need.

I had my first child at age 19. While it wasn't easy it was certainly manageable. I gained a professional career a little later than others and money was tight at times but I had loads of energy for her and her 3 siblings that followed. I have a lovely detached house and so does she with my 2 DGS. She has a highly professional career and private practice. She did the 'sensible' thing and had children in her 30s. My middle daughter is 31 and having trouble conceiving. My youngest is 27 and awaiting an ultrasound scan to check for ovarian cysts. You will be just fine. I worry for today's women they have such a short window of opportunity in which to conceive after graduating and starting a career.

No. But on average it's a ticket to a less good life.

I know you say you will get a job as soon as possible OP- how come you haven't got one already? I'm just wondering what you've been doing since your A levels (presumably you finished college last summer?)

If you haven't got a job already, it's not going to get any easier now that you're pregnant and potentially dealing with morning sickness, tiredness etc. Hopefully you'll find something soon. 🙏

more and more kids

What makes you think that?

Finances, housing and career most definitely do not 'work themselves out'.

My husbands mum was a teen mum. He's doing great, she's doing great. There were hard years but I'm in my 30s and it's hard raising kids. Sounds like you have some solid support.

If it's what you both want and can see making a future of, then good luck to you.

(P.s. having a baby is one of the hardest things I've ever done, even in my 30s, so if you do go ahead and it is hard, that doesn't mean it's because of your age necessarily!)

I was in the same position as you. Been with dp 4 years, found out I was pregnant at 18, we were a solid couple, Moved out into our own place both still went to uni that year a few months after dc was born (that was hard) split up when dc was 2 years old. We then went 50:50 until he was old enough to decide where he was spending his days!

Please do plan for things not working out. I never imagined that we wouldn't. But being a parent can change things.

I wouldn't have changed things for the world because he'd the best thing to happen to me. But if it was him or my younger dc that came to me and said they were going to be parents I would be really upset for them. I never reached my full potential as I always had one eye elesewhere. I'm not saying it won't work out for you, I hope it does, just consider that it may not go to plan, how will you manage then?

Good luck with it all OP

my mum had me at 18. She went on to do a degree and a masters. when I was a teen. My younger sister had her first at 18 too. She said what she found hard was when her daughter started school. She felt a bit of an outcast amongst the school mums as she was the youngest by far and they ostracised her a bit.

other than that though, it was hard for her, especially as a single mum but her daughter is 13 now and she has no regrets at all.

Congratulations ✨️ 😊. It sounds like you have lots of support already and this is wonderful. You will manage it can be hard at times but it's all worth it . I had my first at your age and now he is your age. I did raise him on my own though so that's were it differs a little but if it's what you want and your bf and you have support I say be happy 😊. And don't listen to anyone who says you have ruined your life etc it only does of you let it you can still have your kid and get a carreer etc nothing worth having in life doesn't come easy 😊 . I wish you all the best 💜

Congratulations OP. There's never an ideal time to have kids and it's not like your 14/15 is it. Hope all goes well.

Absolutely not .. freakish comment