Social services referral?

[Kat140]

Hi so I had a midwife’s appointment today and she said that she has to refer me to social services because of my age, I’m 16 years old and will be 17 having the baby. I’m just wondering if this is true as it’s never happened to anyone I have spoken to that has had children younger than me?!
May I also add that I have no involvement of social service and never have nether has my baby’s farther and when the baby is here she has no threat to harm agains her and will be well looked after.

This. Andabout handling sleepless night easier. Me and my sons dad split up around my 16th birthday(didn’t know i was 2months pregnant at the time) we had been going out since 2nd year(14yr old). I would go out with friends when he had our son, sometimes doing all nighters. Then still needing to get up during the night when he came home. I am an older mum now 2 and I can’t handle been out past 10 and being up from anywhere from 6 onwards. And thats without even a touch of alcohol 🤣

Actually I’m in wales so no I do not have to be in full time education :)

Very unusual for a 16 year old to earn over £11.44 an hour and work full time. Most are either full time in college or work part time on £6.40 an hour. Childcare can't be 50/50 if he's working full time and you're returning to college. When will you return to college and who will be looking after your child?

In Wales they can leave at 16 and work full time though most that do enter the work place do go into low min waged jobs - but we know a few who've gone into family business and earn more fairly quickly.

Also colleges here do p/t and evening courses - and we do have full range of childcare options - nursery and child minder and family help. I image childcare something to work out later.

Honesty nether me or Dsis want our DD pg at 16 - but if the worst had happened I image we'd have supported them to get independent - just like we are currently supporting our kids through college and uni.

None of this is what the OP asked about.

I don't know usual practise in Wales round teen pg - but there may be different legislation and practises to England - but I imagine for SS it's still an opportunity to offer you support and to check you have family support.

NOT True. The OP lives Wales. She doesn't have to be in full time education. That is also true currently in Scotland and Northern Ireland

I do wish people would remember that the rules in England are not necessarily the same in the other parts of the UK for everything, before making confident statements.

I was 19 when I was pregnant and SS wasn't mentioned but I was turning 20 by the time baby was born. I wouldn't worry OP, they just want to check you can afford to have the baby, will make sure you have all the support you need and make sure the baby has a clean safe home to live in. They will leave you alone once they realise you have everything under control. You can do this. I have a friend who was pregnant younger than me and went on to be a midwife whilst her child was a toddler she was studying and juggling it all but it paid off. Ignore the judgmental comments and congratulations x

@Kat140 Please ignore those who are being judgmental or having a go at you for being a young mother. Some of them don't seem to realise, either, that the rules for those aged 16-18 are different to those in England if you live in the other 3 parts of the UK.

Please don't worry about the midwife making a referral to SS. You are living with your parents and your Babies Dad. You've said you have a great support system and from what you said, the most SS will do is come and check you are being supported and you and the baby will be safe.

It's annoying for you, and I would be too - but don't be hostile to any SS people who contact you or visit with you. Best way to reassure them all is well, is to be open and honest and engage fully with them, as being hostile could be counter-productive.

Wishing you all the best with the birth of your daughter when she arrives

I didn't realise Wales could leave at 16. Yes I imagine it's standard practice for SS to offer support to parents who are only children themselves. Hopefully OP gets the support she needs. Usually grandma has to give up work and look after her teen child's child, but maybe OP's boyfriend will pay for nursery etc once OP is back at college.

@Kat140 well you should be. Clearly that’s half the problem

I didn't realise Wales could leave at 16

Yes - education and health are devolved matters - so the national parliaments hold sway not Westminster laws - so there are more and more differences even between Wales and England - historically most closely linked with England- developing.

The percentages that do stop education at 16 are low in Wales and there are still some job restrictions - according to this link - but you can work 40 hours a week from 16.

Children's legal center Wales:I want to leave school to work

Her childcare options are beyond the scope of what she was asking - she may find things are not as easy as she would like returning to college but then who on this thread really knows and RL support it probably best placed to advise her there.

Actually all other 3 country’s in uk, 16 is the age you can leave education.

Do you have statistics to back your claim “usually grandma has to give up work and look after her teen child’s child”, or are you just stereotyping to suit your narrative?
How often on MN do we see threads from parent complaining their often elderly retired DPs aren’t giving the level of childcare the OPs feel they are entitled to? Should younger parents not expect any help with childcare.

Having DC young myself all the DGP were still working full time, therefore I worked evenings while my DH worked days. I would not have expected my DP to give up work and don’t know of anyone in a similar situation who did. I do however know many who had DC’s in later life and expected their retires DP’s to provide full time childcare.

No it's not. As long as both parties are over 16 then the partner being over 18 is not illegal. The only laws that would apply is if the partner was in a position of authority or raped op.

Who's life is being destroyed? You don't even know the op not every 16 year old is immature I became a mum at 16 too and my son is 13 now and one of the smartest children in his class. I know loads of other ex teen mum's who are doing well too. I'm sure you'd be the first to moan about ageism and your feelings being hurt if someone mentioned the down syndrome risk stats for older mothers but it's ok to shit on younger mothers?

A lot of colleges have nurseries on site for students children

Christ what’s with the interrogation of the OP? Yes she’s 16 but it’s not even like she got pregnant on purpose, she said she’s on the pill, which isn’t infallible, no form of contraception is. Teenagers have been having sex for as long as there have been teenagers, accidents happen. She’s stated she has a plan, has support and the baby will be well cared for. She does not have to justify herself to random people on the internet who think they’re better than her without even knowing her.

I’ve known several teenagers who got pregnant, some have been fantastic parents and gone on to have successful careers and some haven’t and some have had to have family step in to help. But I also could say the same of women I know in their 20s and 30s. Yes the stats may show that in general babies of teen mothers have poorer long term outcomes but not in every case, and making snotty comments about grandmothers having to give up work and making the OP feel bad about herself are just unnecessary when she’s looking for advice.

@Kat140 , I’d post in parenting from now on, you’ll probably get more helpful responses. I hope everything goes well for you.

I think it's quite common for under 18s teen parents to have their parents look after their children whilst they're at school/college. I'm only in my 20s and I work full time, as do my parents. So none of the stuff you mentioned about older mums applies to me.

Your point?

“You think it’s quite common”, therefore it is just an assumption or an opinion of yours. As I said I know far more older parents who use their retired DP’s as full time childcare. I am in no way judging this, my point being and from personal experience, DGP’s of younger parents are often still of the age of full time employment. Would your DP’s be able to afford to give up work early, when they are most likely still paying mortgages or building their pension pots? Why the assumption that DP’s of teen parents can ?

My posts are not intended to say having children at an age where society perceives it appropriate/advantageous is wrong but that there is no perfect time for a family. Most parents do the best they can for their DC regardless of age.

Op can continue her studies at home if she wishes. Plenty of courses that will prepare her for work. Colleges in England are woeful today. Forcing young people to stay on until they are 18 doing courses that are of no interest to them is not going to help them My daughter goes to college and she does online courses that will help her achieve her goals a lot quicker. My daughter's friend has been doing the same course for 3 years because they don't want to work.

Fair enough when I was a teen mum after a gap year when he was really young i went to college three days a week and ds went to the nursery at the college. I think it's easier to concentrate at the college then at home especially with the childcare plus meeting new people helps with the post partum loneliness. That's just my opinion though everyones different

@Kat140tru not to worry about the referral.

you say that you’ve got lots of support and both you and your DP are living with your parents.

social services will check in your make sure you’ve got support in place and if they are satisfied they will leave you to it.

they might also be able to offer you some extra support like how to access finances, parent groups , connect you with other young parents etc.

it’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing.

good luck to you, your DP and your little one when he or she arrives.

Those are not "younger women" are "children". You are showing your immaturity by not accepting that SS involvement is normal for your age.

You still have to study at home. My daughter puts in a lot of study when she's at home. Op doesn't want to go to college for social there obviously needs to be a reason and goal that she wants to achieve. If op has achieved her GCSEs or other qualification in Wales and she would like to go to university then she could do an at home access course. She doesn't need to do any exams and it will help her progress into a course and career she wants to do. She has help from her partner and family.

This seems totally reasonable to me.

You are very young and not yet considered an adult by law so they will be there for extra support and assistance.

Yes, there are people younger than you who have children and they should be getting support too - that doesn't negate your own needs.

I can't see anything negative in being referred in your circumstances

I can only assume that you must be quite an unhappy person, dissatisfied with your lot in life, if you get your kicks by putting down a young person just asking for a bit of very specific advice.

Maybe look closer to home…