Social services referral?

[Kat140]

Hi so I had a midwife’s appointment today and she said that she has to refer me to social services because of my age, I’m 16 years old and will be 17 having the baby. I’m just wondering if this is true as it’s never happened to anyone I have spoken to that has had children younger than me?!
May I also add that I have no involvement of social service and never have nether has my baby’s farther and when the baby is here she has no threat to harm agains her and will be well looked after.

The age a person has a child is not an indicator of how good a parent they are, and no one should be shammed for the choices they make in life.

The reason for a social services referral will be due to your age yes, and probably everyone under the age of 18 will be referred in some way - no expert here!

Social services need to make sure you have adequate housing, emotional and financial support. Your welfare is important too.

Please try not to see this as a judgement on you as a potential parent, it’s looking at the fact you are technically in the eyes of the law and society still a child yourself (can’t rent a property, claim benefits as such etc) so they need to make sure all is ok.

congratulations on your pregnancy and I wish you well.

Tbf I didn't realise the law had changed in England and Wales!

I agree with you OP. It's such prejudice that SS do this & assume that you won't be able to care for your baby. There's absolutely loads of people who are in their 20's, 30's, 40's or 50's even that are terrible parents & no more ready than anyone else. I get sick of professionals saying that younger people have nothing or less to offer than anyone else.

If they've referred you simply due to your age ask them why this is. Ask what the purpose of the referral is & I'd definitely try to work with them overall but that's not to say that you can't ask questions about what they're trying to achieve.

Also use it as an opportunity to say whatever you are worried about, make sure you go to the classes the midwife offers & any advice you might need it. Good luck with it I hope everything will be ok.

floatyjosum

Absolutely! If I had your case come through MASH, my job is to make a decision on whether to recommend if it goes to the area team (which means a social worker will come visit you and do a pre-birth assessment which is quite involved) or close the case, or refer you to family help (Which is something you have to want and agree to, and is essential support from a family practitioner who help you with housing, parenting, etc - whatever you may need. They are amazing!).

I dont need your consent - as a social worker - to recommend an assessment (called a Section 17) if I see fit. But given what you have stated here, there is not a hope in hell that I would, and if I did, my manager (who has to sign it off) would laugh at me!

I can only speak for my LA (South), but I think most places are pretty similar.
I hope this reassures you that this is very very unlikely to get very far.

Don’t panic, they’re not out to get you, try to catch you out with questions etc… You could be a homeless 16 year old, no family support, even have an abusive partner who is forcing you to have a baby. You could be a trafficked teenager forced into sex work. All situations that would need support. They arrive with open minds to listen to you and offer support if you need it.
One of my friends was a health visitor, long time ago now, and she said the best mums on her books, who played with their babies and were keen to learn about their development were her teenage mums. Honestly, all the professionals really want to see healthy mums with loved and cared for babies.

I have worked with teenage mums made ward of the court. Any age between 14 and 18. Two 18yo with already 3 children. My job was to help them learning about becoming good parents.

There was absolutely no link between age and maturity. As a matter of fact, the one 14 years old that stayed there was the most amazing mum and needed the least support.

These poor girls received so much judgement, a lot of it totally unwarranted. Since this job (some years ago), I have met many mums on their 20s, 30s and 40s struggling much more with the concept of parenthood than these girls.

OP, don't worry. SS involvement is a rick box exercise. They have to, and rightly so, ensure that you, the dad, and baby will be safe. If all goes well, they'll disappear quickly.

No it's not. As you correctly state the age of consent is 16. That means it's legal to have sex with anyone else over the age of 16.

How does he make enough to support you and baby? Does he work full time? If he's in college too, then he won't be earning enough to buy a cot, pram, nappies, formula milk and bottles (if you're not breast feeding) etc. He also won't be earning as much as someone in their 20s.

Teens have been having babies for centuries, but in recent decades, the teen mum's parents usually provide a lot of childcare.

Congratulations OP

As others have said, it’s standard for SS to get involved with teenage pregnancies. They just want to make sure you have enough support around you to parent your child.

They can genuinely be really helpful so take the opportunity and make the most of it!

Honestly, the SS involvement is nothing to be worried or ashamed about. I’ve known plenty of teen mums and some really struggled and needed the extra support whilst others absolutely flourished and SS left them in peace.

I don’t think you should worry about the referral. I would hope social services would be notified when 16 year olds have a baby because however grown-up you feel, you are still a child and it is really hard work having a baby. They need to make sure you have the support you need, for the welfare of the baby and you. I don’t see what is wrong with that.

It’s great you have a supportive family and you can pursue college. Get the best education you can, to get the best job possible for better life chances for you and the baby.

@Kat140 please don't view social services as something to be fearful of. They also help and support.

You may have a good family around you, but you are still very young. And the truth is you are not mentally equipped to be a mum yet. You are young, foolish, impulsive, selfish...and that isn't a criticism. It is what you are supposed to be at 16.

Social services will help you with all sorts, some examples being parenting courses, life skills you are going to need to be the best mum you can be. They will make sure that you are supported with safe housing, making sure your benefits are sorted, that you and your child get the right medical care and have an advocate who isn't relayed and doesn't have a vested interest.

Statistically teenage parents don't go the distance. If the worst happens and you and your boyfriend split up, they will make sure that you both support and can both look after your child to the best of your abilities.

It's not always a bad thing.

If you want to be the best mum you can be then take the help.

Very best of luck to you, OP

My mum had me at 17 (dad was 19). Selfishly, I love having parents who are still relatively young!

Yes very routine,. Nothing to worry about, not a bad thing, just gets you extra support:)

"he won't be earning enough to buy a cot, pram, nappies, formula milk and bottles"

The cot and pram can be bought second hand (the advice was to buy a new cot mattress). Lots of people use secondhand washable nappies, I had a stash alongside some disposable ones as well, so I could choose how we did things, depending on how tired we were and how much time we had.

Second hand and reusable stuff is very "green" as well as economical.

I never used formula milk or bottles as I breastfed.

Those parts of it didn't cost as much as you might think, therefore. Which might make it all a bit more doable financially.

Bollocks does it cost 2-3k to bring a baby home. I've got four kids and didn't spend that on all four of them put together as newborns and young babies. A baby doesn't need nursery furniture until they're at least six months old , change units are unnecessary, boob's if she wants to bf are free, clothes can be bought cheaply.

Op, you sound sensible and I'm sure a sw will pick up on that and leave you be, unless you want or need the support. Work with them and see what help you can get.

Hope pregnancy goes well for you!

I assumed that poster was American and talking about hospital bills until I read the last paragraph haha who is spending 3k on baby stuff?

Babies can cost next to nothing. I have 4 and spent a fortune on all the crap with the first. Had a big gap then babies 3 and 4 had cheap babygros, those washable nappies, breastfed, co-slept so no moses, basket or cot, and baby wore so no pram either. Neither of them ever went in a pram or cot! I was right into attachment parenting by then. So then when they got to eating, I did baby lead weaning so that barely cost anything because they just ate a bit of what we were having.

So the only absolute essentials you need are cheap babygros, and nappies. In my personal view, less is more anyway, and the thing they need the most is you!

You got this.

@Kat140 just to echo the last poster- you got this! Not everyone on here is a judgey monster. I'd feel terrible if we scared you off. Good luck with everything.

But it's not about the legal age; it's about ensuring that very young parents have access to any required support. All the parents I know (including me) found first time parenting especially hard and most had a degree of financial and family security. The midwives have a professional duty of care to inform social services.
Wishing you and your partner ( and baby) the very best OP

Cost of £3k could include loss of earnings as lack of maternity pay

Try not to worry. It will be precautionary and to ensure you have all the support you will
need.
You will also get additional support from the nursing/midwifery team because of your age. Social workers are there to support families and provide them with support 🙂

yes he works full time and is on above minimum wage. Not that that it should concern you :) and it will be 50/50 inbertween us both as we have both worked from very young ages and have a lot of money saved up!

Guilty until proven innocent. How ageist

This public health information explains it well (just skip past the contents page & introduction)

www.gov.uk/government/publications/teenage-mothers-and-young-fathers-support-framework

It's not to say that this applies to ALL young parents, but unfortunately young parents and their babies have the odds stacked against them, for a whole range of reasons.

The SS referral is standard procedure for teen pregnancies. Just try to think of the referral as a way of checking that you have everything you need, a strong support network and capable of making decisions in the best interest of your baby and yourself, and have the finances you may be entitled to.

The midwife should've explained it better. Congratulations.

Ok, so you have a support system, job. Great! Then you have nothing to fear from social services.

But you need to understand that for most 16 year old that end up pregnant it can be a different story. Dad that wants nothing to do with the baby and plans to swan off to uni. Parents that kick the mum out when they find out she's pregnant. A 16 year old that might not even have her GCSEs and can't continue education because no support and ends up in a bad situation. Or mum abandons baby with grandparents to party.

It's rare these days that a pregnant 16 yo ends well. So they'll do an assessment and make sure you have all you need. If you do, you have nothing to fear. If you don't, they're there to help you.